Gendered 
Embodiment 
and 
the 
Time 
of 
Infertility 
Nicola Illingworth 
Thesis 
submitted 
for 
the 
degree 
of 
Doctor 
of 
Philosophy 
University 
of 
Stirling 
2003 
Contents 
Abstract 
xi 
Acknowledgements 
xii 
Introduction 
1 
-13 
1 
Awakenings: 
Social 
theory 
and 
the 
body 
14 
- 
45 
Exposing the 
body 
14 
Naming 
the 
body 
16 
Body 
work 
and 
body 
moves 
19 
The 
enlightened 
sleeper 
- 
Modernity's 
Man 
21 
Falling 
from 
grace: 
dichotomies 
and 
dualisms 
23 
Modern 
foundations: the disembodied 
conceptual grid 
25 
The 
contemporary 
body: body 
dimensions 
27 
" 
The 
unfinished 
body 
30 
" 
The 
performing 
body 
31 
" 
The 
mannered 
body 
33 
" 
The 
machined 
body 
34 
" 
The 
actioned 
body 
36 
Bridging 
the 
divide: Reconceptualising 
the 
body 
38 
2 Awakenings: 
Other 
bodies 
46 
-79 
Contextualising 
the 
unfinished 
body 
46 
Gender 
and 
the 
body in feminist 
thought 
49 
Contested 
arenas 
51 
Troubling 
the 
body 
52 
All 
that's 
solid 
... 
the trouble 
with 
influence 
57 
... 
melts 
into 
air. - 
deconstructing 
oppositional 
boundaries 
58 
Butler's 
trouble: the 
expense 
of gender 
62 
Embodying 
gender: new 
starting points 
71 
Hanging 
on 
to the 
body: 
gendered 
embodiment 
75 
Time 
tools 
77 
3 Awakenings: 
The 
body becoming 
80 
-105 
Exteriority: 
the 
shadow of 
biology 
84 
Transgressing biological boundaries: fixity 
and 
foundation 
85 
The biological 
gendered 
dichotomy 
88 
Science, 
persuasion and 
the transformative body 
89 
Immunology 
and 
the 
promises of monsters 
90 
Genetics: 
from 
phenotype 
to 
genotype 
to 
mutual 
re-engagement 
92 
Women 
and 
time: 
revising 
temporal 
frameworks 
94 
The body: time, technology 
and 
leaky boundaries 
98 
The hologram: 
a 
layered 
framework 
of 
understanding 
99 
Being 
and 
becoming: 
a sense of 
time 
102 
4 Methodology: 
The 
time 
of our 
lives 
106 
-126 
Talking 
about 
the 
body 
108 
Revisiting time: 
turning 
points 
109 
Qualitative 
inquiry: 
frameworks 
of understanding 
111 
The 
atomised 
individual: 
ontological and epistemological assumptions 
112 
Interpretivist 
philosophies 
116 
Philosophical 
hermeneutics 117 
Social 
constructionism 
119 
Understanding the 
body: 
a 
hermeneutic 
and 
biographical 
approach 
120 
5 
Methods: Temporal 
Markers 
127 
-160 
Time 
tools: the 
life 
story and 
the 
diary 
129 
Approaching 
the 
life 
story: past, present and 
future 
130 
Solicited 
diaries: 
context, process 
and 
time 134 
The 
internet 
matters: 
the 
use 
of 
the internet 
as a research 
tool 
139 
Research 
design 
144 
The 
participant group 
145 
Data Collection 
146 
Access 
146 
Responses 
147 
Research 
Communication 
148 
9 
Participant 
diaries 
149 
" 
Participant 
life 
story 
interviews 
150 
Data 
analysis, 
strategy and 
interpretation: 
a 
grounded 
approach 
150 
A 
grounded 
silence 
154 
Analysing 
narrative: 
a 
relational 
ontology 
157 
6 Data Analysis I: The 
life 
story 
interviews 
161-210 
Organising 
principles: 
turning 
points 
162 
The life 
story: 
layers 
and processes of 
meaning-making 
165 
Time Lines 
169 
Nine Biographies: Dorothy, Janet, Karen, 
Diane, 
Margaret, 
Jayne, 
Kate, Pearl 
and 
Lisa 
170 
Stories 
of 
many voices: 
From 
content 
to 
context 
189 
" 
The 
expectant voice: 
innocent 
times 
191 
" 
The 
experiential 
voice: 
lifting 
a veil 
193 
" 
The 
meaning voice: 
afterwards 
195 
Exploring 
relationships 
200 
Thematic 
development: 
moving 
beyond 
the text 203 
Returning to 
three 
dimensions: time, 
experience and context 
203 
Control: In 
control, 
losing 
control and regaining 
control 
205 
The Emerging Body: 
Failure, belonging 
and 
becoming 206 
7 Data Analysis 
II: 
Treatment diaries 
211 
-264 
Organising 
principles: 
moments 
in 
time 213 
Diary 
Summaries: Suzanne, Joanne, 
Mary, Elaine, Judith 
and 
Louise 217 
The 
narrative as 
function: living through 
experience 
232 
Past, 
present 
and 
future 
time: 
setting 
the 
scene 
237 
Controlling 
time: 
coping strategies 
239 
`Started 
At Last And Doing 
Something 
Active'- 
public and private 
times 
241 
Body 
narratives: emergent encounters 
249 
Afterwards: 
meaning 
making and moving on 
253 
Approaching 
the 
future: 
confronting 
time 254 
The body: 
experience and context 
257 
Making 
Meaning: the body 263 
8 Together 
again: 
the 
History 
and 
the 
Moment 265-279 
Producing 
narratives: 
researcher 
and participant 
265 
Social theory 
and 
the 
body: 
a 
review 
273 
Locating 
the 
field 
274 
Thinking 
through 
the 
body: key 
themes 
277 
Control, 
time 
and 
the 
body: 
moving 
across narratives 
279 
Negotiating 
dimensions 
of 
control 
279 
Temporality: 
reflecting narrative 
lives 
282 
Body 
narratives: emergent encounters 
284 
" 
The 
passive 
body 
285 
" 
The 
experienced 
body 
287 
The 
history 
and 
the 
moment: 
the 
body 
within sociology 
288 
Functional 
narratives: meaning as participative 
292 
Exposing 
silences: 
bodily interiority 
and 
the 
process of 
becoming 
292 
Gendered 
Embodiment 
and 
the 
Time 
of 
Infertility 297 
9 Postscript 
300-302 
List 
of 
figures 
303 
List 
of 
tables 
304 
Appendices 
305 
Appendix I: Access 
Appendix ll: Time 
Line 
Appendix lll: Time 
Maps 
Appendix IV. 
- 
Life 
Story 
Interviews: 
Thematic 
Schema 
References 
317 
Abstract 
Despite 
recent attempts 
to 
retrieve 
the 
body 
within sociology 
and 
the 
assumption of a now 
`embodied' framework, 
how 
this 
should 
be 
done 
remains 
problematic, contentious and 
disputed. Current 
tensions 
more 
than 
partially 
revolve 
around 
the 
difficulty 
overcoming 
the 
limitations 
of 
foundationalist 
and 
anti-foundationalist 
approaches, restricting 
the 
development 
of 
a 
truly 
embodied 
and 
empirically 
driven 
conceptual 
framework. 
Remarkably 
little 
theory 
has 
entered 
the 
body 
and considered 
the 
body in 
terms 
of 
its 
own 
inner 
processes, 
the 
result 
of a persistent 
ontological queasiness 
concerning 
bodily 
interiority. 
The 
exclusion of 
the 
interior 
of 
the 
body 
problematises 
any 
integration 
between 
not 
just 
what 
bodies 
mean 
but 
also 
what 
they 
can 
do. As 
a 
field 
of 
location, 
I 
address 
the 
question of 
how 
both 
the 
female 
body 
and 
women's 
embodied 
experiences 
within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
can 
be both 
theorised 
and explored without succumbing 
to 
these 
limitations. 
Acknowledging 
the 
influence 
of 
both feminist 
and 
hermeneutic 
perspectives, 
and situating 
my approach within a 
temporal 
and 
biographical 
framework, 
I 
acknowledge 
both 
the 
interior 
and exterior 
of 
the 
female 
body. An 
empirical 
study 
of 
15 
women's 
experiences 
of 
infertility 
treatment 
was 
conducted 
using 
life 
story 
interviews 
and researcher-solicited 
diaries. Analysis 
focused 
upon 
the 
conditions 
of meaning-making 
and 
understanding, emphasising 
the 
biographical 
and 
temporally-situated 
of women's narratives 
in 
relation 
to the 
female 
body. By 
overcoming 
the 
difficulties 
admitting 
the 
female 
body 
into 
our 
analyses, 
this thesis 
illuminates 
the 
process of embodiment 
itself 
in 
the 
development 
of a 
truly 
embodied 
and empirically 
driven 
theoretical 
and 
conceptual 
framework in 
this 
field. 
Acknowledgments 
The list 
of acknowledgements 
I 
could 
make 
here 
is 
a story 
in itself. 
For 
these 
purposes, 
I highlight 
those 
select 
few 
who must 
rightly 
take 
their 
place. 
I 
thank 
the 
women 
who 
took 
part 
in 
this 
research and 
allowed 
me 
to 
share 
some 
of 
the 
most 
intimate 
and enduring 
details 
of 
their 
lives. 
Alongside 
my 
supervisors, 
Professor Alison Bowes 
and 
Dr 
Susan 
Eley, 
I 
thank 
all my 
academic 
friends 
and 
workmates 
for 
their 
advice and support. 
Among 
my 
family, 
thanks 
to 
Anne Lynn, 
my mother 
and 
Richard 
and 
Elspeth 
Illingworth 
for 
the 
enormous 
variety 
of support 
they 
have 
all 
given 
- 
this is it in 
writing! 
Finally, I 
give special 
thanks 
to 
both Duncan 
and 
Molly. 
Without 
you 
both, 
this 
thesis 
would 
not 
have 
started and 
because 
of you 
both, it 
now 
draws 
to 
a 
close. 
Introduction 
This 
thesis 
centres 
upon 
the 
place of 
the 
female 
body 
within 
a 
now 
`embodied' 
sociology. 
I locate 
my empirical 
exploration 
within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility, 
exploring women's experiences of 
infertility 
and 
assisted 
reproductive 
procedures. 
This 
focus 
has 
grown 
from 
my earlier 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 2001) 
exploring 
women's experiences 
of 
infertility 
in 
relation 
to the 
diverse 
feminist 
debates 
surrounding 
the 
development 
of 
assisted reproductive 
technologies. 
Throughout 
this thesis, 
I 
explore 
how 
women 
themselves 
both define 
and experience 
infertility 
and 
I 
raise 
a number 
of 
issues 
critical 
to the 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
female body 
within 
sociology. 
A 
number 
of questions are central 
to this 
project. 
Firstly, 
the 
question of 
how 
the 
process 
of reproduction and women's related experience of 
infertility 
could 
be both theorised 
and explored without succumbing 
to 
a negatively 
defined, 
ahistorical state of 
being in 
nature or abstracting 
to the 
point of 
both 
material 
insignificance 
and 
invisibility. 
Secondly, 
and 
relatedly, 
the 
question 
of 
how 
we might 
`know' 
the 
female body in 
a way 
that 
neither 
constrains nor 
abstracts. 
Thirdly, 
the 
question of 
how 
we may recuperate 
the 
female 
body 
within a gender analytic 
(Delphy, 1983) 
while 
finally 
resolving persistent 
tensions 
arising 
from 
the 
differing 
capacity 
and potentiality of 
the 
female 
body. 
As I 
will 
discuss, 
this 
dilemma 
can not 
be 
resolved 
by 
resting on 
the 
exterior 
of 
the 
body 
alone. 
Finally, in 
answering 
these 
questions, 
and 
fittingly 
using 
the 
previously marginalised 
and subordinated 
female body 
as central 
to 
my 
revised 
conceptual 
frameworks, 
I 
aim 
to 
develop 
a 
theoretical 
framework 
which 
is truly 
embodied. 
In 
so 
doing, 
this 
thesis 
will 
negotiated 
some of 
the 
1 
self-imposed 
dichotomies 
which 
have 
long 
continued 
to trouble 
sociological 
thought. 
While 
there 
has been 
increasing 
academic 
investment 
in 
the 
body 
within 
sociology 
over 
the 
last 
two 
decades, 
difficulties 
conceptualising 
the body 
within 
a 
theoretically 
defined 
and empirically 
driven 
framework 
remain. 
Despite 
recent attempts 
to 
retrieve 
the 
body 
within 
the 
discipline, 
how 
this 
may 
be 
done is 
problematic, 
contentious 
and 
disputed. Current 
tensions 
partially revolve 
around 
the 
ontological 
status 
of 
the 
body, 
reflecting 
analytical 
and 
epistemological 
frameworks 
which 
bifurcate 
around 
loosely 
foundationalist 
(the biological 
basis 
of 
the 
body 
as a 
universal given) 
and 
anti- 
foundationalist (the body 
as contingent 
on 
its 
social 
and 
discursive 
context) 
approaches. 
Recent 
attempts at 
analytic 
integration (for 
example, 
Turner, 
1984,1992,1996; 
Shilling, 
1993) 
and 
those 
viewing 
the 
body 
as 
simultaneously 
biology 
and culture 
(for 
example, 
Butler, 
1990,1993; 
Haraway, 1991) have been 
fruitful. 
However, 
while 
existing networks 
of 
conceptual 
oppositions are 
increasingly 
seen as problematic, 
difficulties 
remain. 
This 
underlines 
my supposition 
that 
a 
theoretical 
and 
empirical 
framework 
that 
satisfactorily 
addresses 
the 
ontological 
and epistemological 
implications 
surrounding 
the 
body 
remains elusive. 
Indeed, 
the 
inadequacy 
of 
existing conceptual 
tools 
combined 
with 
the 
assumption of a generic 
body 
can 
arguably 
be described 
as 
the 
consequence 
of 
dichotomised 
thinking 
and 
the 
continued 
influence 
of oppositions. 
2 
My 
early 
exploration 
in 
this 
field 
has 
underlined 
one certainty: 
the 
body 
is 
a 
site of 
tension. 
As 
I 
will outline, 
while 
I 
agree 
that there 
is 
a need 
to 
find 
a 
`new 
way 
for 
bodies 
to 
matter' 
(Butler, 
1993: 
30), 
the 
positions 
I 
explore 
reveal 
both 
oppositional poles 
and 
a persistent 
propensity 
towards 
abstraction. 
While 
body 
materiality 
remains 
strongly 
influenced 
by 
social 
or cultural 
processes, 
there 
is 
a sense 
of something 
missing, 
or 
lurking, 
within 
the 
complex 
space 
between 
sociality and corporeality, 
a 
point 
made 
by Scott 
and 
Morgan 
(1993) 
a 
decade 
ago. 
The 
more 
the 
body 
became 
a 
topic, 
the 
more 
the 
body 
became 
abstracted and 
the 
materiality 
of 
the 
body 
faded 
from 
view, 
an argument 
that I 
suggest remains still relevant 
today. More 
recently, 
Davis (1997) 
has 
restated 
the 
challenge, calling 
for 
a move 
towards 
a new project 
that 
attempts 
to 
integrate 
existing 
theories 
about 
the 
body 
within 
`analyses 
of 
the 
particularities 
of 
embodied experiences and 
practices' 
(Davis, 
1997: 
15). 
This 
move may 
be 
at 
least 
partially accomplished 
by 
returning 
the 
sociological 
gaze 
to the 
female 
body. However, 
the 
female 
body 
has long 
been 
`mistreated', both historically 
and currently, 
within 
the 
sociological 
tradition 
(Witz, 
2000) 
and 
it 
may 
seem an erroneous 
route 
to 
suggest 
a return 
to 
this 
arena. 
Difficulties 
conceptualising 
the 
female 
body 
have 
also 
long 
continued 
to trouble 
feminist 
theorising, 
an 
issue 
which 
bears 
no 
little 
relevance 
to 
current 
body-work. 
However, 
the 
lack 
of 
developed 
engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship and particularly 
the 
issue 
of gender 
in 
relation 
to the 
body 
has 
contributed 
to the 
assumption of a generic 
body 
that 
subsequently 
disengages 
with 
a central 
problematic. 
Feminist 
theorising 
can equally 
be 
seen 
as 
an 
attempt 
to 
devalorise 
the 
body 
while 
moving 
towards 
an 
3 
exploration 
of 
the 
wider 
operations 
of gender and 
power 
within 
society 
(Witz, 
2000). This 
reflects 
a 
dualism 
within 
feminist 
thought 
itself 
which 
has, 
thus far, 
been 
misread, 
resulting 
in 
a 
premature 
disengagement 
with 
the 
concept 
and 
process 
of embodiment 
itself 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
particularities 
of 
our 
experiences. 
A 
gender 
dimension, 
including 
the 
differing 
experience 
of 
the 
body 
dependent 
on position, 
must 
remain 
central 
to 
our 
understanding 
and 
exploration 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology. 
However, the 
difficulties 
of 
the 
assumption 
of 
a generic 
body 
will remain 
until 
the 
sociological 
gaze 
moves 
from 
the 
exteriority 
of 
the 
body 
to the 
differing 
capacity 
and 
potentiality of 
the 
interior 
body. In 
this 
respect, 
one 
of 
the 
aims of 
this 
study 
is 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
limitations 
of 
exteriority 
and 
return 
the 
female body 
to 
a gender 
analytics. 
Further, it is from 
one 
of 
the 
most 
contentious 
arenas of all 
- 
the 
reproductive arena 
(Connell, 
2002) 
- 
that, 
to 
adopt 
Jackson 
and 
Scott's 
(2001) 
imagery, 
this 
body's feet 
may 
finally 
be 
returned 
to the 
ground. 
Yet, 
exploring 
the 
female 
body 
through 
the 
doors 
of 
the 
reproductive arena could 
be 
considered problematic. 
A 
misdirected 
critique 
is 
to 
suggest 
that 
the 
location 
of my empirical exploration 
within 
this 
arena subsumes 
the 
complexity of women's 
experiences 
to the 
reproductive 
field 
alone, a position which could arguably 
result 
in 
the 
production of another 
form 
of essentialism. 
This is 
a point 
this thesis 
aims 
to 
counter. 
Failure 
to 
explore 
this 
field further has, I 
suggest, only succeeded 
in 
abandoning 
an 
arena 
that 
may enlighten 
both 
feminist 
and mainstream 
contemporary 
sociological 
theorising. 
While 
the 
question 
of sex, 
gender 
and 
difference 
and 
the 
status 
accorded 
the 
body 
has been 
pursued 
by 
a number 
of 
theorists, 
a 
4 
deficiency I 
outline 
within 
my 
early 
chapters 
is 
one 
which 
assumes 
the fully 
functioning 
reproductive 
body. 
Perhaps 
it has 
been 
easier 
to 
avoid 
the 
theorisation 
of 
bodily 
interiority 
for 
fear 
of 
falling 
foul 
of 
the 
perceived 
pitfalls 
of 
biological 
determinism 
and 
assumptions 
of commonality, 
the 
abstractions 
of 
extreme 
constructionism 
or 
the tensions 
of 
`difference' 
theorists. 
Participant 
reflection 
within my 
earlier 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 
2001) 
highlighted 
the 
notion of 
`continuation' 
(Illingworth, 
2000) 
which 
has 
remained 
foundational 
to this 
current 
project 
and 
my 
focus 
on 
the 
place of 
the 
female 
body 
within 
sociology. 
This 
notion 
directly 
related 
to 
participants' 
temporally 
situated perceptions of 
the 
perceived 
differing 
capacity 
and 
potentiality 
of 
the 
female 
body, 
pointing 
towards 
the 
significance 
of 
Heidegger's 
(1962[1927]) 
contention 
that 
`human beings 
are aware 
of 
their 
own 
endurance 
and 
this 
reflexivity gives 
human 
existence 
an 
intrinsically 
temporal 
character' 
(Flaherty, 
1999: 
2). This indicated 
a 
temporal 
dimension 
to 
women's experience 
in 
this 
field, 
suggesting 
an awareness of experience, 
understanding 
and 
bodily 
reality 
through 
space, 
time 
and 
beyond 
our own 
finitude. 
This 
points 
towards 
the 
potential 
to 
explore a 
dynamic 
relationship 
between 
our environment, 
our 
history, 
our 
bodies 
and our 
selves, 
a 
conceptualisation 
that 
remains 
central 
to 
my 
methodological approach. 
One 
of 
the 
continuing 
difficulties 
within 
the 
sociology of 
the 
body has been 
how 
the 
body 
can 
be 
explored. 
Further, 
one of 
the 
difficulties 
exploring 
a 
potential 
dynamic 
relationship 
between 
time, 
space, nature and 
the 
body is 
that 
it 
can 
be 
argued 
that 
while 
time 
and 
nature 
does 
not 
exist 
independently 
5 
of 
us, all 
that 
we can 
say, 
understand 
or 
think 
about 
it is 
cultural 
or 
language- 
based. 
While 
I do 
not 
suggest 
that 
experience 
or 
reality 
is 
unmediated 
by 
language 
or symbols, 
central 
to 
my approach 
is 
the 
contention 
that 
there 
may 
be 
some 
aspects 
of 
experience 
which 
are 
not 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first instance 
and 
which may 
emerge 
over 
time 
and 
warrant 
further 
exploration 
(Young, 1990: 13), 
tempering Wittgenstein's 
(1961) 
contention 
that 
what 
cannot 
be 
said must 
be 
consigned 
to 
silence. 
I 
suggest 
debates 
within 
this 
arena 
are also part of 
the 
wider 
debate 
concerning 
how 
we can 
know 
and 
how 
we 
can specify 
the 
links 
between 
ideas, 
experience 
and 
reality. 
Thus, 
how 
the 
body is 
conceptualised affects 
how 
the 
body 
may 
be 
explored 
and 
vice 
versa. 
Through 
this thesis, 
I develop 
my 
argument 
proposing 
a shift 
in 
perspective 
from 
one resting 
in 
the 
present 
towards 
one 
that 
exposes 
potential 
embodied 
and experiential continuities 
with 
both 
the 
past 
and 
the 
future (Chamberlayne 
et al, 
2000). As 
I 
will 
discuss, 
this 
framework 
challenges 
existing 
explanatory 
frameworks 
and exposes 
for 
exploration 
the 
continual 
negotiation 
of 
tensions 
between 
wider 
expectations, 
discourses 
of power 
and 
the 
subjective 
experience. 
However, 
I 
do 
not suggest an 
`add body 
and stir' 
recipe. 
Questions 
of 
knowledge 
and 
truth, themselves 
contested arenas 
within sociology, remain 
central 
to 
my methodological approach. 
If 
we 
move 
away 
from 
conceptual 
oppositions 
and 
instead 
view 
the 
body 
as 
an experience 
of 
being, becoming, 
transition 
and 
transformation, then this 
points 
to 
more specific 
understandings 
of 
how 
the 
body 
can 
be both `known' 
and 
explored. 
As 
I 
will outline, 
there 
are 
areas, encounters 
and 
`turning 
points' 
(Charmaz, 
1994) 
that 
remain 
critical 
to 
6 
my 
exploration 
in 
this 
field. 
The 
notion of 
`continuation' 
arising 
from 
my 
earlier 
research 
provides a 
window 
to these 
areas, 
underlining my 
argument 
that 
the 
need 
to 
continually problematise 
conceptual 
foundations 
and, 
in 
particular, 
to 
explore 
the 
potentiality 
of 
the 
female 
body 
has lost 
currency. 
I 
open 
my 
discussion in Chapter One 
by 
providing 
an overview 
of 
the 
recent 
growth 
of 
`body 
work' 
within 
sociology 
and 
the 
range 
of 
traditions 
from 
which 
contemporary 
debate has 
evolved. 
In 
this 
positioning 
chapter, 
I illustrate 
the 
dimensions 
of 
inquiry 
that 
have 
thus 
far 
informed 
development 
in 
this 
field. 
Current 
conceptual 
frameworks 
remain problematic 
to 
recent 
thinking 
surrounding 
the 
body, 
particularly 
the 
suggestion 
of a 
degree 
of 
`inevitability' 
regarding 
recent 
`body 
moves' 
illustrated by 
the 
often cursory 
nod 
towards 
feminist 
debate. 
However, 
this 
is 
a 
simplified position 
that 
precludes 
the 
exploration of 
differing 
pathways. 
In 
particular, 
the 
body, 
and 
whose 
body, 
invariably 
casts as 
shadow 
(Witz, 2000). 
Through 
Chapter Two, I 
outline my call 
for 
a re-engagement with 
feminist 
scholarship 
in 
this 
field. Acknowledging 
Davis' 
(1997), 
the 
influence 
of now 
four 
decades 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
and 
the 
problematisation of 
the 
relationship 
between biology, 
gender 
and 
sexuality must 
be 
seen 
as more 
than 
simply 
a 
`component' 
within 
a 
now embodied 
sociology. 
Further, 
inattention 
to the 
depth 
of 
feminist 
detail 
and 
debate 
exposes a 
premature 
celebration 
of 
the 
body 
`revival' 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2002). 
Yet, 
the 
need 
to 
put 
the 
body's 
feet 
on 
the 
ground 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001), 
move 
away 
from 
abstract 
theorisation 
and 
pay greater 
attention 
to the 
lived, 
fleshy 
experience 
7 
of 
embodiment 
is 
a call 
more 
easily 
made 
than 
answered 
(Davis, 
1997; 
Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
In 
relation 
to 
the 
return 
of 
the 
body 
to 
a 
gender 
analytics, 
overcoming 
the 
inattention 
to 
feminist 
detail 
may 
prove 
critical 
to 
the 
development 
of 
a 
theoretical framework 
that 
pulls 
the 
body 
into 
view 
in 
such 
a 
way 
as 
to 
resist 
the 
de-naturalisation 
of 
sex 
or 
the 
de-valorisation 
of 
gender 
(Witz, 2000). 
Through 
Chapter 
Three, 
I 
consider 
this 
position 
further 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
exclusion of 
the 
interior 
of 
the 
body, 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
the 
assumption of 
the 
fully functioning 
body. 
While 
the 
relationship 
between 
theory 
and experience 
has 
remained 
at 
the 
heart 
of 
feminist 
social 
theory, 
the 
voice 
of 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
has 
been 
notable 
by 
its 
absence. 
Initial 
and 
early 
feminist 
writings 
concerning 
the 
development 
of 
assisted 
reproductive 
technology 
displayed 
an 
inability 
to 
write 
their 
way 
free 
of existing 
dualisms, 
a 
point 
echoed 
by 
Menzies 
(2000) 
in 
a study 
exploring 
what 
happens 
to the 
body 
when 
time 
zones are 
forgotten. 
Yet, 
the 
potential 
for 
research 
on 
the 
subjective 
aspects of 
temporality 
is 
already 
evident 
in 
early symbolic 
interactionist 
literature 
on 
illness 
and 
dying. More 
recently, 
Frank (1991) 
and 
Charmaz (1991; 
1994; 
2002) 
have begun 
to 
illustrate 
the temporal 
aspects 
of 
experience 
in 
this 
field. I draw 
further 
on 
these 
studies 
through this 
chapter 
and 
illustrating 
that 
development 
in 
this 
field 
may not 
just be 
complemented 
by 
such 
a 
focus 
on 
time 
but 
may 
be dependent 
on 
it (Adam, 
1989). 
Through 
this 
chapter 
I 
also 
draw 
from 
more recent 
biological developments 
which 
I 
use 
to 
illuminate 
and complement 
my 
temporal 
perspective. 
Achieving 
8 
the 
move away 
from 
a 
position 
that 
views 
the 
body 
in isolation 
to 
one 
that 
pays 
greater attention 
to 
the 
lived, fleshy 
experience 
of 
embodiment 
necessitates 
a 
further 
theoretical 
shift. 
This 
must 
be 
one 
which 
develops 
the 
move 
beyond 
the 
tendency 
of social 
science 
to 
see 
the 
physical 
and 
biological 
realm 
in 
contradistinction 
to 
the 
human 
social 
world. 
The 
need 
to 
take 
issue 
with 
such 
embedded assumptions 
and 
draw 
on alternative 
tales 
is 
central 
to 
my 
aim 
to 
recuperate 
the 
female 
body 
within a gender 
analytics. 
The 
dominance 
of 
the 
assumption of 
fixed, 
biological foundation 
of 
the 
human 
body 
- 
and particularly 
the 
female 
body 
- 
remains 
troublesome 
and 
influential 
within 
both 
foundational 
and anti-foundational 
perspectives. 
For 
example, 
Young's 
(1990) 
text, 
influenced by 
a 
phenomenological 
perspective, 
emphasises 
the 
importance 
of studying 
the 
body 
as 
`lived', 
as socially 
and 
historically 
signifying 
and signified. 
However, 
while 
this 
can 
be 
seen as 
a 
positive challenge 
and offering 
the 
beginnings 
of an alternative 
`body 
politics' 
(Birke, 
2000), 
the 
emphasis on 
the 
body 
as everything 
other 
than 
biology 
again still 
fails 
to 
embrace 
the 
body's interior, 
suggesting 
a 
lived 
experience 
which 
begins 
and 
ends externally. 
Adapting 
work 
from 
both 
feminist 
and 
alternative 
biological 
perspectives, 
it is 
possible 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
surface 
of 
the 
body 
and 
develop 
conceptual 
tools to 
aid 
the 
understanding 
and 
exploration 
of 
becoming 
and 
being 
embodied gendered 
selves. 
Through 
this 
chapter, my aim 
is 
to 
link 
revised 
biological 
frameworks 
to 
my 
conceptualisations 
of 
time 
and 
temporality 
as 
tools 
for 
understanding 
women's embodied 
experience within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
and assisted 
conception. 
9 
Chapters 
Four 
and 
Five 
explicitly 
link 
my 
theoretical 
positioning 
to 
my 
methodological 
approach. 
Through 
chapter 
Four, 
I 
engage 
with 
a number 
of 
methodological 
difficulties 
and 
develop 
my position 
that 
a point 
of 
access 
in 
this 
field begins 
with 
thinking 
through 
the 
body 
and 
our experiences 
using 
reflexively 
constructed 
biographies 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2002). 
1 further 
ground 
my methodological 
position 
by 
exploring 
the 
predominant 
epistemological 
and ontological 
assumptions 
and 
traditions 
of 
understanding 
that 
inform 
qualitative 
inquiry. Supporting 
more 
recent 
narrative 
and 
biographical 
moves, exploration 
in 
this 
field 
requires 
a move 
away 
from 
notions 
of 
the 
`atomised' 
individual (Miller, 
2000) 
towards 
an approach 
that 
recognises 
the 
significance of 
understanding 
the 
individual 
in 
process, 
capturing changing 
and/or 
developing 
experiences 
as 
they 
occur. 
Chapter 
Five 
charts 
the 
influence 
of my positioning and 
particularly 
the 
notion 
that the 
`intertwining 
of experience and story 
lies 
at 
the 
heart 
of 
individual life 
... 
and 
understanding' 
(Widdershoven, 1993: 19). In 
relation 
to 
my conceptualisation 
of 
the 
biological 
body 
and 
gendered embodiment as a 
`process 
of 
becoming' 
(Birke, 
2000), 
1 discuss 
the 
influence 
of 
this 
position 
in 
my approach 
to the 
exploration of 
women's 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and assisted reproductive 
procedures 
and 
the 
use 
of 
life 
story 
interviews 
and solicited 
diaries in 
this 
research. 
Further, 
I 
also explain 
and 
justify 
my use of 
the 
virtual realm as 
a 
tool 
of access 
to 
participants. 
Chapters Six 
and 
Seven 
present 
my analysis. 
Firstly, 
chapter six 
illustrates 
my 
analysis 
of a 
series 
of 
topically-focused 
life 
story 
interviews 
with nine 
women relating 
their 
experiences of 
infertility 
and 
presented 
in 
the 
form 
of 
10 
biographical 
overviews. 
My 
aim 
is 
neither 
to 
test 
existing 
theory 
nor 
generate 
further 
theoretical 
frameworks 
in 
the 
form 
of 
explanatory 
model-building 
and 
display. 
Rather, 
my aim 
is 
to 
produce 
richly 
detailed 
narratives 
of 
personal 
experience. 
My 
approach 
underlines 
the 
potential 
of 
language 
and 
interpretive 
practice 
to 
disclose 
`meaning' 
(emerging 
from 
within 
the dialogic 
encounter 
itself) 
and 
thus 
enable 
the 
exploration 
of 
`being' 
in 
all 
its 
dimensions. 
Through 
Chapter Six, 
I 
raise a 
number 
of 
issues 
for 
consideration. 
My 
analysis of 
six 
participant 
diaries 
in 
Chapter 
Seven 
offers 
a 
further 
and 
magnified 
dimension for 
the 
exploration 
of experience 
as 
it 
unfolds. 
I 
again 
underline 
the 
importance 
of exploring 
embodied 
experience 
not 
simply 
as 
a 
linear 
and 
directional `process' 
with a start 
and 
a 
finish 
but 
within 
both 
a 
biographical, 
temporal 
and 
biological 
context. 
My 
argument 
outlining 
the 
potentially 
relational and emergent 
nature of experience 
and 
understanding 
is 
further 
developed in 
relation 
to 
my analytical 
strategies. 
I 
emphasise 
the 
value 
of 
multiple methods and concurrent 
opportunity 
to 
explore 
different facets 
of 
experience 
and 
data. 
Chapter 
Eight 
summarises and 
brings 
together 
life 
story and 
diary 
analysis, 
further 
contextualising 
these 
narratives within 
the 
research process 
itself 
and 
recognising 
the 
significance 
of research participation and my own role within 
this. 
I 
consider 
further 
my adaptation of 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's 
(1998) 
relational 
analytic 
strategy 
to 
effectively access 
these 
experiences, 
translating 
the 
notion 
of a relational 
ontology 
into 
a methodology and 
concrete 
method of 
data 
analysis. 
This involved 
tracing 
participants' 
individual 
voices 
through 
a 
11 
series 
of readings 
and 
at 
a number 
of 
levels. 
Firstly, 
a 
temporal 
dimension 
exploring 
both 
diary 
and 
life 
story 
narratives 
through 
a 
temporal 
lens. 
Secondly, 
an 
individual 
dimension 
emphasising 
the 
subjective 
interpretation 
of 
events, encounters 
and 
experiences. 
Finally, 
a 
contextual 
dimension 
emphasising participants' 
location 
within 
both 
personal 
and 
wider 
social 
networks 
and 
the 
related 
interpretation 
and 
negotiation 
of 
differing 
yet 
located 
temporal 
markers. 
It is 
through 
a reworked 
understanding 
and 
exploration 
of 
the 
body, 
critically 
using revised 
temporal 
and 
biological 
conceptualisations 
alongside 
notions 
of 
biological 
and 
social 
`becoming' 
(Birke, 
2000; 
Witz, 
2000). 
that 
we may 
begin 
to 
more 
effectively 
understand 
women's 
experiences of 
their 
bodies 
in 
this 
field. 
Indeed, 
to 
explore 
women's 
experience of 
infertility, 
my 
use of 
multiple 
analytical 
strategies 
and 
voices 
illustrates 
the 
relational 
movement 
between 
individual 
embodied 
experience, 
biography, 
structure and 
between 
past 
time, 
present 
time 
and 
future 
time. 
I 
also return my gaze 
to the 
wealth 
of 
`body 
work' over 
the 
past 
two 
decades 
and 
the 
misappropriations 
and misassumptions within. 
My 
adoption 
and 
adaptation 
of more contemporary 
thinking 
succeeds 
in 
transgressing both 
the 
biological 
and 
temporal 
boundaries 
which 
have 
restricted 
development 
in 
this 
field 
and 
the 
recuperation 
of 
women's 
bodies 
within a gender analytic. 
By 
reconceptualising 
women's 
biological 
capacity 
through the 
notion of 
potentiality, as one 
both 
socially and experientially 
located 
and 
transformative 
rather 
than 
as a 
fixed, independent 
and static 
entity, 
the 
unease 
and 
confusion 
which 
has 
long 
persisted 
as a constraint 
in 
this 
field 
may 
finally be 
laid 
to 
rest. 
In 
this 
respect, 
I describe 
my 
thesis 
as a process 
of 
exploration, 
12 
one 
moving 
through 
the 
interrelated 
layers 
and 
dimensions 
of 
both 
understanding 
and 
experience. 
It 
is 
women's 
narrated 
understanding 
within 
arguably 
one 
of 
the 
most contentious arenas of all 
that 
both 
grounds 
and 
gives 
clarity 
to 
my revised 
conceptual 
framework. 
13 
1 
Awakenings: Social 
Theory 
and 
the 
Body 
Exposing 
the 
body 
In 
recent 
years, 
increasing 
academic 
interest 
in 
the 
body 
within sociology 
has 
led 
to 
its 
reconstitution as a 
legitimate 
topic 
of sociological 
inquiry. 
As 
Frank 
(1990: 
131) has long 
since 
remarked, 
bodies 
are 
`in' 
-a 
position 
marked 
by 
the 
proliferation 
of 
books, 
articles, a 
dedicated journal 
and 
debates 
within 
the 
discipline 
itself. `Bodies' 
are now exposed 
to 
view where previously 
they 
were 
considered 
an 
`absent 
presence' 
(Shilling, 
1993) 
or rendered 
invisible. 
This 
recent 
'corporeal 
ising' 
of sociology 
has 
typically 
been 
explained 
as 
the 
discipline's 
response 
to 
a number of 
issues 
-a 
reflection 
of changing 
cultural 
trends, 
theoretical 
intervention 
and 
the 
impact 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
(Turner, 
1984,1992,1996; 
Frank, 
1991; 
Scott 
and 
Morgan, 1993; 
Shilling, 
1993; Watson 
and 
Cunningham-Burley, 
2001; 
Williams, 
2003). 
More 
recently 
still, 
much 
subsequent 
`body 
work' 
has 
illuminated 
the 
presence of 
the 
body 
in 
social, 
moral 
and 
political 
life 
(Hancock 
et al, 
2002) 
and, 
for 
example, 
has 
provided 
new 
dimensions 
for 
social 
policy 
and 
the 
analysis 
of welfare 
delivery 
(Lewis, 
Gewirtz 
and 
Clarke, 
2000). 
Ellis 
and 
Dean's (2000) 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
at 
the 
centre 
of welfare 
regimes 
provides rich 
seams 
of 
enquiry 
for both 
academics 
and students 
of social 
policy. 
This 
further 
underlines 
earlier 
commentary 
(Turner, 
1992; 
Scott 
and 
Morgan, 
1993) that, 
far 
from being 
another 
`specialism' 
within 
the 
constant 
search 
for 
something 
new, 
the 
body 
is 
a 
central 
strand 
in 
modern 
social 
14 
thought. 
In 1992, 
Turner 
coined 
the 
term 
`somatic 
society' 
(1992: 
162) 
to 
describe 
how 
the 
body 
has become 
`the 
principal 
field 
of political 
and 
cultural 
activity', 
suggesting 
the body 
should serve 
as an organising 
principle 
for 
sociology 
and 
underlining 
a 
call 
for 
a reformulation 
of 
the 
sociological 
project 
itself. 
The `body' 
has 
since 
been 
explored 
in 
a number 
of 
forms 
- 
as 
a site, 
location 
or standpoint, 
as an object 
of power 
or 
the 
product 
of 
discourse 
- 
and 
is 
a 
point without 
dispute. 
A 
range 
of methods 
have been 
used 
to 
explore 
the 
diversity 
of 
`body 
practices' 
(Turner, 
1984) 
and 
exposing 
the 
power 
of 
social 
processes 
to 
both 
fashion 
and shape 
bodies 
and 
their 
uses 
(Connell, 
2001: 
14). Many 
bodies 
now roam 
the 
sociological 
landscape (Williams, 
2003), 
confirming 
the 
undeniable revival of 
the 
body 
within sociology. 
This 
is 
a 
welcome 
move which reflects 
the 
perhaps common sense understanding 
that 
social 
interaction 
is facilitated by bodily 
negotiations 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001: 
9- 
10) 
and 
it is 
the 
surface 
of 
the 
body 
which 
we see 
in 
the 
world, 
both 
our own 
and 
those 
of others 
(Birke, 
2000). 
However, I do 
not attempt 
a comprehensive 
review 
here. Despite 
some 
welcome 
moves, 
the 
`body' 
within 
the 
sociological 
discipline 
remains 
as 
both 
a 
site and a reflection 
of a 
number of 
tensions. 
This is 
a point which 
is 
of 
particular 
relevance 
to 
the 
exploration 
and understanding 
of women's 
bodies. 
To 
begin 
the 
move 
beyond 
these 
tensions 
the traditions 
or 
conventions 
of 
understanding 
at 
our 
disposal 
must 
first 
be 
reviewed. 
My 
task 
here 
is 
to 
highlight 
the 
difficulties 
of 
both 
past 
and 
current 
epistemological 
frameworks 
15 
and 
related ontological 
positioning 
governing 
not 
just 
how 
we 
understand 
the 
body 
but 
also 
how 
it 
is 
explored. 
In 
undertaking 
this 
task, I 
first 
retrace 
some 
familiar 
ground 
(see 
Shilling, 
1993; 
Turner, 
1984; 
1992; 
1996). 
My 
purpose 
is 
to 
clear 
the 
way 
for 
an 
embodied 
sociology 
that includes 
a 
more 
developed 
engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship. 
Here, 
and 
alongside 
Davis 
(1997), 
1 
problematise 
the 
suggestion 
that 
feminist 
scholarship 
has 
`paid 
off' 
and 
that 
sociology 
has 
moved 
to 
a more 
`embodied' 
perspective, 
a position 
illustrated 
by 
Frank's 
(1991: 
41) 
misplaced claim 
that 
`feminism 
has 
taught 
us 
the 
story 
both 
begins 
and ends 
with 
bodies'. 
Naming 
the 
body 
While I liberally 
scatter 
the term 
`the body' 
throughout 
my early 
commentary 
here, I have 
paid 
little 
attention 
to the 
definition 
of 
the 
body itself, 
or 
how 
I 
may 
conceptualise 
it. Watson 
(2000: 
44) 
also 
highlights 
the 
difficulty 
of 
this 
clarification, 
using 
the 
Oxford 
English Dictionary 
definition 
as 
illustration: 
n. 
1. 
the 
structure of 
bones, flesh, 
etc., of a 
human being 
or animal, 
living 
or 
dead. 2. 
a corpse, a carcass. 
3. 
the trunk, the 
main part of 
a 
body 
apart 
from 
the 
head 
and 
limbs 
... 
5. 
a person 
... 
7. 
a 
distinct 
piece 
of matter; an 
object 
in 
space 
... 
As 
Watson (2000: 44) 
states, 
`to 
talk 
of 
the 
body is 
to 
refer 
to 
parts of 
a whole, 
or 
to 
an abstract whole. 
In 
part, 
this 
reflects 
the 
divided 
nature 
of 
the 
body in 
Western 
culture'. 
Similarly, Berthelot ([1986] 1991: 155-164) 
questions 
how, 
precisely, 
the 
body 
may 
be defined: 
as 
flesh, 
a 
taken 
for 
granted physical 
benchmark 
or 
simply 
as a collection 
of organs, 
feelings, 
needs, 
impulses, 
16 
biological 
possibilities 
or 
limitations? 
Or 
something 
more? 
The 
following 
quotation 
neatly 
captures 
this 
problematic 
for 
sociology 
as a 
discipline: 
... 
how 
can 
sociology 
conceptualise 
this 
entity 
which 
appears 
to 
be 
both 
present 
and 
absent, 
the 
necessary 
precondition 
for 
all 
possible practices 
yet 
devoid 
of 
theoretical 
existence? 
If 
the 
body's 
existence 
is 
undeniable 
... 
how 
is 
this 
existence 
accounted 
for 
by 
sociology? 
... 
what 
does 
the 
sociological 
interest 
in 
the 
body 
signify? 
What 
are 
the 
theoretical 
and 
epistemological 
stakes 
involved 
in 
stressing 
its importance? 
(Berthelot, 
[1986] 
1991: 
391) 
In 
attempting 
to 
resolve 
some 
of 
these 
issues, 
interest 
in 
the body 
within 
sociology 
has both 
required, 
and 
has 
subsequently 
seen, 
a strong 
research 
agenda 
and one 
turning 
around 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
embodied 
individual 
as 
a 
central 
axis. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
positioning 
chapter, 
one 
of 
the 
early 
and 
powerful achievements of much 
sociological 
`body-work' 
has 
been 
the 
challenge 
to 
biological 
essentialism 
(Connell, 
2001), 
particularly 
the 
direct 
criticism 
of 
Dawkins' 
(1976) 
`selfish-gene' 
theory. 
Thus, 
the 
appearance 
of 
the 
body 
has 
since 
taken 
many 
forms 
across 
the 
discipline. 
In 
general 
terms, this 
ranges 
from 
the 
body 
as a 
`life 
of 
its 
own' 
and 
the 
flesh 
and 
blood 
of 
the 
physical 
or corporeal 
form 
of 
the 
body; 
the 
body 
as a metaphor and 
reflection 
of 
control exerted 
through 
social processes; 
the 
more nuanced notion 
of 
`materiality', 
or 
the 
`state' 
or 
`quality' 
of 
`being' 
physical or material and 
notions 
of 
the 
body 
as a 
`changeling', 
a 
performative 
and permanently 
fluid 
substance. 
I identify 
and clarify a number 
of 
terms 
here 
- 
materiality, corporeality and 
physicality 
- 
which 
appear 
frequently 
throughout 
the 
literature. 
I 
also 
employ 
the 
term 
`embodiment' 
to 
denote 
`individuals 
interactions 
with 
their 
bodies 
and 
through 
their 
bodies 
with 
the 
world 
around 
them' 
(Davis, 
1997: 9), 
the 
`ways in 
which 
bodily 
or corporeal 
processes 
are 
intertwined 
with 
and 
moulded 
by 
social 
processes' 
(Woodward, 1997). 
17 
However, bodies 
have 
emerged 
within 
the 
sociological 
discipline 
as 
simultaneously 
`everywhere 
and 
nowhere' 
(Scott 
and 
Morgan, 
1993) 
and 
some 
more 
ethereal 
than 
others 
(Williams, 
2003). 
1 
will 
suggest 
difficulties 
encountered 
are 
partly 
the 
result 
of 
the 
inclination 
towards 
the 
social 
overdetermination of 
bodies 
(Connell, 
2001). 
Through 
this 
and 
the 
remaining 
chapters, 
I develop 
my 
revised 
conceptualisation 
of 
how 
we might 
`know' 
ourselves and our 
bodies; 
how 
we 
might 
make 
sense 
of 
our experiences, 
the 
conditions 
of 
this 
understanding 
and 
how 
these 
conditions 
may 
be 
bound 
within 
interdependent 
and 
interrelated 
space 
and 
time 
parameters. 
Thus, 
how 
the 
body 
can 
be 
explored 
will also 
remain 
central 
to this 
thesis. 
Central 
to 
this 
problematic 
is 
the 
difficulty 
of 
both 
identifying 
and negotiating 
the 
complex space 
between `embodied' 
as a now 
presumed 
conceptual 
framework, 
the 
notion of embodiment 
(Davis, 
1997) 
as a means 
of 
understanding and 
the 
extent 
to 
which 
this 
may 
be 
a gendered 
process. 
Through 
my 
developed 
conceptualisation of 
gendered embodiment 
as a 
process 
of 
becoming, I 
aim 
to 
contribute 
to 
both 
the 
recuperation of 
the 
female 
body both 
to 
a gender analytic and 
the 
wider 
field 
of 
the 
sociology 
of 
the 
body. This 
gap 
is, I 
suggest, surprising yet 
difficulty here 
reflects 
the 
(unnecessary) 
predominance of a number 
of 
issues. 
Firstly, 
resistance 
to 
a 
developed 
engagement with 
the 
wealth 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
in 
this 
field. However, 
I 
am not suggesting 
attention 
to 
feminist 
detail 
offers 
an 
immediate 
corrective. 
In 
agreement 
with 
Witz 
(2000), 
1 
suggest 
current 
tensions 
may 
be 
at 
least 
partially 
the 
result 
of 
the 
need 
for 
greater 
18 
reflexivity 
`regarding 
the 
different 
ways 
gendered 
bodies 
have 
always 
been 
more 
or 
less 
of an 
`absent 
presence' 
in 
sociology' 
(Witz, 
2000: 
8). 
Yet, 
within 
feminist 
scholarship, 
difficulties 
here 
are 
illustrated 
by 
much 
work 
continuing 
to 
`flip' 
conceptual 
difficulties 
back 
to the 
sociality 
of 
gender 
(Witz, 
2000: 
8). 
Secondly, 
and relatedly, 
the 
nature 
of 
the 
opposition 
and 
resistance 
to 
biological 
essentialism 
or reductionism 
has 
contributed 
towards 
the 
development 
of a conceptual 
framework 
which, 
while 
moving 
towards 
embracing 
`embodied' 
experience, 
moves 
the 
biological 
body 
itself 
further 
towards 
the 
periphery of much social 
and 
feminist 
theory. 
The 
emphasis 
on 
exteriority 
at 
the 
expense of 
interiority 
underlines 
the 
need 
for 
further 
exploration 
in 
this 
field. 
In 
relation 
to 
my proposed 
identification 
of a more 
complex 
space 
between 
notions of 
`embodied' 
and 
`embodiment', 
a 
more 
empirically 
driven 
exploration may 
expose 
the 
predominance 
of 
the 
ontological assumption 
that the 
body 
always 
`is', 
and 
is 
never 
`becoming'. This 
is 
a point 
that 
may 
bear 
no 
little 
significance 
to 
feminist 
scholarship and 
the 
understanding 
of 
the 
female body in 
this 
field. 
Body 
work 
and 
body 
moves 
The 
need 
to 
explore 
the 
growth 
of 
`body 
work' 
and 
the 
range of 
traditions 
from 
which 
contemporary 
debate 
has 
evolved 
remains 
paramount. 
My 
aim, 
however, is 
not 
to 
suggest 
a 
teleological 
view 
of sociological 
thought 
but, 
rather, 
to 
illustrate 
the 
dimensions 
of 
inquiry 
which 
have 
informed 
development 
in this 
field. 
Some 
commentators 
(for 
example, 
see 
Shilling, 
1993; 
2001) 
suggest 
a certain 
amount 
of 
inevitability 
regarding 
recent 
`body 
19 
moves'. 
Far from 
remaining 
hidden 
and 
overlooked, 
the body 
has 
maintained 
something 
of 
an 
`absent 
presence' 
within 
sociological 
thought (Shilling, 
1993). 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
my 
research, 
it 
is 
my 
contention 
that 
the 
influence 
of 
this 
type 
of conceptual 
framework 
remains 
problematic 
to 
current 
thinking 
surrounding 
the 
body, 
illustrated 
by 
persistent 
notions 
of 
the 
generic 
body 
and 
mirroring 
Connell's 
(2001) 
identification 
of 
the 
inclination 
towards 
the 
social 
overdetermination 
of 
bodies. 
Further, 
suggesting 
a 
degree 
of 
inevitability 
also 
suggests 
theorising 
within 
this 
field 
is 
progressing 
within 
a 
designated 
course 
and 
that 
it 
is 
simply a 
matter 
of 
time 
before 
the 
`body' 
emerges 
as a 
conceptual centrepiece. 
This is 
a simplified 
position 
that 
precludes 
the 
exploration of 
differing 
pathways, 
which 
I 
will 
draw 
upon 
in 
the 
following 
chapters. 
In 
particular, 
the 
body 
- 
and 
whose 
body (Witz, 
2000) 
- 
invariably 
casts a shadow. 
Within 
the 
following 
sections, 
I illustrate 
the theoretical 
traditions 
that 
represent 
strong 
tendencies 
informing 
more mainstream 
theorising 
and 
empirical 
`body 
work'. 
This is 
followed 
by 
an overview of 
more contemporary 
approaches. 
While 
a number of 
traditions 
do 
(either 
implicitly 
or explicitly) 
deal 
with 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
`embodied' 
social actor 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001: 11), 
past 
and current 
epistemological 
frameworks 
and 
related 
ontological 
positioning 
governing 
not 
just 
how 
we understand 
the 
body but 
also 
how it is 
explored, 
remain 
problematic. 
The 
theoretical 
and empirical 
challenge 
I 
outline 
here 
is 
the 
establishment 
of a 
perspective which 
refrains 
from 
the 
separation 
of 
the 
body 
from 
the 
totality 
of 
the 
self yet, simultaneously, 
remains 
focused 
on 
the 
body 
while 
retaining an engagement with 
wider 
context 
20 
(Turner, 
1992,1996; Shilling, 
1993; Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
Conceptual 
tools 
are 
required 
to 
account 
for 
the 
experience of 
the 
body-subject 
and, 
concurrently, 
the 
social 
location 
of 
the 
body-object (Howson 
and 
Inglis, 
2001: 
298). 
Somewhat 
ironically, 
I 
suggest 
it is 
our current understanding of 
the 
body 
itself, 
the 
theoretical 
predominance of 
the 
generic 
body 
and 
the 
concurrent 
failure 
to 
attend 
to 
the task 
of recuperating 
the 
body 
within a 
gender 
analytic 
(Delphy, 1983) 
and 
`embodying 
gender' 
(Witz, 2000: 2) 
which 
stands 
before 
any 
convincing move 
forward 
from 
this 
conundrum. 
The 
enlightened 
sleeper. 
Modernity's 
Man 
Until 
recently, 
sociology 
has 
tacitly 
worked 
with 
the 
image 
of a split world, 
revealing 
an 
ontological 
belief 
in 
the 
factually 
existing 
division 
of 
the 
world 
between the 
body 
and 
the 
mind 
(Turner, 
1992: 55-56). 
This 
now 
`classic' 
dichotomy 
reveals 
an 
anti-body 
bias 
highlighted 
by 
a 
number 
of authors 
(Featherstone, 
Hepworth 
and 
Turner, 
1991; 
Scott 
and 
Morgan, 
1993; 
Turner, 
1992,1996; 
Shilling, 
1993; 
Hughes 
and 
Witz, 
1997; 
Witz, 2000,2001). 
Of 
particular 
significance 
is the 
notion 
of 
the 
social 
actor 
and 
social 
action, 
a 
positioning 
which 
bears the 
effects 
of 
a 
Cartesian 
heritage 
and which 
relegates 
the 
body to the 
environmental 
conditions 
of social 
action 
by 
approaching 
the 
body 
as 
an 
objective, 
impersonal 
structure 
(Turner, 
1992). 
While 
sociology 
and 
the 
social 
sciences 
may 
be 
regarded 
as 
a science 
of 
action, 
the 
neglect 
of 
the 
lived, 
experiential 
body 
suggests 
that 
sociological 
responses 
to 
the 
problem 
of structure 
and agency 
failed 
to 
address 
the 
problem 
of 
not 
only 
the 
place 
of 
the 
body 
but 
also 
the 
place 
of 
feeling 
and 
emotion 
in 
the 
sociology 
of 
action 
(Turner, 
1992). 
Historically, 
sociology 
has 
21 
been 
characterised 
by 
a 
preference 
of 
the 
mind 
over 
the 
body 
- 
if 
society 
rules 
us, 
it 
does 
so 
through 
our 
minds 
rather 
than 
through 
our 
bodies 
(Davis, 
1997), 
a positioning 
that 
can 
be 
more 
effectively 
described 
as 
rationality 
on 
stilts. 
This 
rejection 
or 
`dismissal' 
of 
the 
body 
is 
illustrated 
by 
the distinction 
made 
by Descartes 
between 
the 
res 
cogitans 
(the 
powers 
of 
intelligence 
and 
site 
of 
selfhood) 
and 
the 
res 
extensa 
(the 
machine 
like 
corporeal 
substance) 
(Price 
and 
Shildrick, 
2000: 
2). 
However, 
Descartes' 
work 
is 
more 
complex 
and nuanced 
than 
the 
usual 
sociological 
tale 
would allow. 
Contextualising 
Descartes' 
writings, 
Crossley 
(2001 
a: 
11) 
argues, 
his `attempt 
to 
separate 
mind and 
body 
could 
be 
read 
as 
an attempt 
to 
save 
the 
self-image of 
humanity from 
the 
advancement 
of 
natural science'. 
In his later 
works, 
his 
ambition 
to 
ameliorate 
the 
human 
condition 
was 
dependent 
on 
an 
almost 
mysterious 
(and 
unsatisfying) 
fusion 
of 
incorporeal 
self and mechanical 
body 
(Cottingham, 
1986). Yet 
this 
attempt at 
fusion founders 
as 
Descartes' 
`body' 
here does 
not rest 
upon a notion of 
embodiment 
but 
on 
a conceptualisation of 
the 
`body' 
as a 
physical system or 
`meat' (Leder, 1998). Taking 
the 
most radical 
position, a sociologist 
buying 
into 
established 
dualisms 
also 
buys into 
the 
most extreme 
form 
of 
individualism 
-a 
conceptualisation 
extremely problematic 
from 
a sociological 
point 
of 
view 
and 
essentially 
painting a picture 
the 
human 
mind as 
dislocated 
and 
removed 
from 
the 
world 
(Crossley, 2001). 
In 
sociological 
terms, 
the 
so-called 
`mind-body' 
problem 
has 
continued 
to 
engage 
our 
attention. 
As 
Watson 
(2000: 
45) 
argues, 
by 
at 
least 
posing 
this 
22 
dichotomy, 
Descartes 
gave 
ethical 
legitimacy 
to 
subsequent 
developments, 
particularly 
deterministic 
and mechanistic 
conceptualisations 
of 
the 
body 
and 
its 
functions. This foundation 
supported 
a 
`mentalistic' 
portrayal 
of 
humanity, 
an 
incorporeal 
consciousness 
of 
human 
thought 
which conceived 
of 
`man' 
as 
standing 
"outside" 
the 
reality 
given 
him in 
consciousness. 
`Nature 
exists 
for 
Man, 
who 
by 
means of 
an objective 
knowledge 
of 
its 
workings, 
harnesses 
it 
in 
the 
service 
of 
human 
needs' 
(Soper, 
1986: 24). Rationality, 
not sociality, 
was 
humankind's 
distinguishing feature (Archer, 
2000: 51). The 
primacy 
of 
humanity 
- 
and more specifically of male 
reason 
- 
can 
be 
considered as 
a 
fair 
encapsulation 
of 
the 
Enlightenment 
model of 
the 
modern self 
(Archer, 
2000). 
Falling 
from 
grace: 
dichotomies 
and 
dualisms 
However, 
the 
strength 
of 
this 
influence, 
and related 
epistemological and 
ontological 
constraints, 
still problematises 
current attempts 
to 
re-admit 
the 
body 
within 
sociological 
thought. 
Thomas Laquer 
(1987; 1990) has 
explored 
the 
power 
of 
Enlightenment 
thinking, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to the 
human 
body. 
In 
his 
historical 
investigations 
into the 
`making 
of sex', 
Laquer has 
shown 
that 
scientific 
perceptions 
of 
bodily 
differences 
change over 
time. 
The 
`one 
sex/one 
flesh' 
model 
(the 
long-held 
assumption 
that 
women 
had 
the 
same genitals 
as 
men, 
except 
that 
theirs 
were 
inside 
the 
body 
and not 
outside 
it) had dominated 
thinking 
surrounding 
the 
body 
from 
classical 
antiquity 
to 
the 
end of 
the 
17th 
century 
(Shilling, 
1993). 
Women 
remained 
`inferior' 
yet 
the 
body, 
critically, 
was 
not 
the 
exclusive 
ontological 
support 
for 
this 
inferiority. 
However, 
this 
classical 
inheritance 
problematised 
the 
Enlightenment 
model 
of 
male reason 
and 
challenged 
how this 
model could 
be 
sustained 
using 
`an 
23 
original 
state 
of genderless 
bodies' 
(Shilling, 
1993: 
44). 
This 
dilemma 
was 
resolved, 
Laquer 
argued, 
through 
the 
articulation 
of 
radical 
physiological 
difference 
between 
the 
sexes. 
As 
a number 
of commentators 
suggest, 
this is 
a 
position which 
had 
more 
to 
do 
with political 
and 
ideological 
currents 
and 
the 
justification 
of 
inequality 
within 
18th 
and 
19th 
century 
gender 
relations 
than 
any 
`new' 
scientific 
discoveries 
(Gallagher 
and 
Laquer, 
1987; Shilling, 
1993; 
Marshall, 
2000; 
Connell, 
2002). 
Through 
this 
radical shift 
the 
body, 
particularly 
the 
female 
body, falls 
from 
grace, 
mirroring 
the tendency to `focus 
on 
the 
female, 
reproductive 
body 
in 
contrast 
to 
the 
masculine, 
rational mind 
... 
' (Sydie, 
1994: 118). According 
to 
Martin 
(1989: 
32) 
this 
reasserted 
the 
superiority 
of man, 
the 
distinction 
between 
nature 
and culture and 
the 
inevitability 
of 
female 
subordination. 
As 
Witz (2000: 9 
-11) 
suggests, 
... 
the 
female body 
served as a constant 
foil 
against 
which 
to 
articulate 
the 
concept of 
`male 
sociality' 
... 
the 
body 
(dis)appeared 
in 
the 
textual 
strategies of 
classical sociology as 
`female 
corporeality' 
and 
served as 
the 
foil 
against which 
`male 
sociality' 
was 
forged 
on 
the 
bedrock 
of 
the 
social. 
Women, 
argues 
Marshall 
(2000: 19) 
became `irretrievably 
embodied. 
They lay 
outside 
of 
the 
modern, 
connected 
to 
it 
through 
their 
relation 
to 
men'. 
However, 
as 
both 
Laquer 
(1987,1990) 
and 
Jordanova 
(1989) 
have 
demonstrated, 
this 
culture/nature 
distinction 
is 
a 
false dualism, 
historically 
dynamic 
and 
rendered 
far 
from 
straightforward. 
Yet, despite 
this, 
western 
thought 
has 
remained 
profoundly 
influenced by 
this 
dichotomy, 
positing 
(albeit 
in 
various 
forms) 
a 
contradiction 
or opposition 
between 
nature 
and 
culture 
24 
(Turner, 
1991; 
Leder, 
1998). 
This 
is 
particularly 
illustrated 
by 
the 
oppositional 
debate 
between 
social 
constructionist 
and naturalistic 
approaches 
to 
the 
body. 
As I have illustrated, 
these 
approaches 
have been first 
premised 
on 
false 
dualisms. While 
the 
Cartesian 
heritage 
is 
more 
nuanced 
than I 
have 
allowed 
for here, for 
the 
moment, 
this 
contradiction, 
alongside 
the 
rejection 
of 
the 
body 
as an obstacle 
to 
pure 
rational 
thought 
and an 
understanding 
of 
the 
body 
as a material and 
unchanging given, 
has had 
a 
direct 
and 
prolonged 
impact 
on 
the 
understanding 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology. 
Further, 
precisely 
because 
of 
these troubled 
foundations, 
the 
dangers 
of stepping 
backwards 
and 
attributing 
to 
the 
unconscious or 
the 
pre-sensual 
that 
that 
which proves 
difficult to 
conceptualise, 
for 
example, remains. 
This is 
a point 
of critique 
in 
relation 
to 
Shilling 
and 
Mellor's 
recent 
(1996) 
work, 
suggesting 
`unconscious 
embodied 
dispositions 
which 
lie beneath 
the 
reach of 
thought' 
(1996: 
7). 
Thus, how 
we 
conceptualise 
the 
body 
is fundamental, 
underlining 
the 
need 
for 
theoretical 
revision 
combined 
with 
the 
epistemological challenge of re- 
embodying 
knowledge. 
Far 
from being 
consigned 
to the 
margins as a 
`specialism', 
the 
body 
may 
prove 
to 
be 
one 
of 
the 
conceptual 
centrepieces 
which may 
contribute 
towards 
a move 
beyond 
some of 
the 
self-imposed 
dichotomies 
within 
sociological 
thought. 
Modern foundations: 
the 
disembodied 
conceptual 
grid 
The influence 
of 
false 
dualisms 
and early 
theoretical 
prudery 
with 
respect 
to 
human 
corporeality 
can 
also 
be 
seen 
as 
firmly 
established 
in 
the 
epistemological 
foundations 
of 
modern sociology 
and 
the 
predominance 
of a 
conceptual 
grid 
located 
within 
a notion of 
the 
disembodied 
rational 
agent. 
25 
Alongside 
this, 
as 
Marshall 
(2000: 
19) 
outlines, 
`For 
Marx 
and 
Engels, 
women 
appeared 
as 
"wives 
and 
daughters" 
of 
the 
proletariat, 
the 
real 
historical 
actors'. 
The heritage 
of 
Enlightenment 
thought 
can 
be 
exposed 
as 
labouring 
under 
a 
false 
illusion, 
particularly 
the 
masculine 
specificity 
of concepts 
of 
the 
social, 
a point 
further 
illustrated 
through 
a 
more 
bodily 
informed 
engagement 
with 
the 
works 
of 
Durkheim, 
Weber 
and 
Simmel 
by both 
Witz 
(2000) 
and 
Marshall 
(2000). 
As 
Marshall (2000: 
19) 
argues, 
the 
gendered 
nature 
of 
modernity 
did 
not 
just 
exclude 
or 
marginalise 
women, 
`gender 
differentiation 
was 
explicitly 
identified 
as 
integral 
to 
modernity' 
and, 
for 
Durkheim 
`gender 
differences 
and 
inequality 
are 
the 
by-products 
of modernity' 
(2000: 
19). 
Similarly for 
Weber, `the `gentler 
sphere' 
of emotion 
was 
for 
those 
who 
`couldn't bear 
the 
fate 
of 
the times 
like 
a 
man' 
(Marshall, 
2000: 19). 
Witz 
(2000) 
turns to the 
work 
of 
Georg Simmel, 
recognised 
as one of 
the 
few 
earlier 
sociologists 
to 
directly 
explore 
the 
nature of relations 
between 
men 
and 
women 
while resisting 
the temptation to 
over-invest 
women with 
corporeality 
and 
a sense of naturalisation 
(Witz, 
2000; 
Shilling, 
2001). In 
this 
respect, 
Simmel 
at 
least 
explicitly 
identifies 
modernity as 
masculine and 
... 
credits woman with 
a pre-dualistic, 
absolute nature, 
where 
`life' 
and 
`spirit' 
reside 
together 
in 
unity, while 
men are condemned 
to 
a 
dualistic, 
dissociated 
nature where 
`life' 
and 
`spirit' have become 
fractured, 
one alienated 
from 
the 
other 
(Witz, 2000: 16). 
Witz 
(2000) 
argues 
Simmel's 
work contains 
the 
beginnings 
of an 
`embodied 
concept 
of 
agency'. 
However, the 
difficulty 
with 
Simmel's 
work 
is 
in 
man's 
specific capacity 
to 
transcend 
circumstance, 
suggesting 
a 
less 
restrictive 
notion 
of 
any 
a 
priori 
capacity 
here, 
while 
woman 
is, 
and always 
will 
be 
woman 
and 
thereby, 
finally, 
restricted. 
This 
in 
itself 
suggests 
an 
a priori 
fixity 
26 
and 
absoluteness 
that I have 
illustrated 
earlier 
and 
which, 
nonetheless, 
reduces 
woman 
to the 
corporeal, 
as 
the 
following 
quotation 
from 
Simmel 
outlines: 
It is 
more 
essential 
to 
her 
that 
she 
is 
a woman 
than 
for 
the 
man 
that 
he is 
male. 
For 
the 
man, 
there is 
a sense 
in 
which 
sexuality 
is 
something 
he does. 
For 
the 
woman, 
it is 
a 
mode 
of 
being. 
And 
yet 
- 
or, 
rather, 
precisely 
for 
this 
reason 
- 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
sexual 
difference 
is 
only a 
secondary 
fact 
for 
the 
woman. 
She 
reposes 
in her femininity 
as 
if in 
an absolute 
substantial 
essence 
and 
- 
somewhat 
paradoxically 
expressed 
- 
indifferent 
to 
whether 
men exist or 
not 
... 
The 
woman 
lives 
in 
the 
most 
profound 
identity 
of 
being 
and 
being-a-woman, 
in 
the 
absoluteness 
of 
immanently 
defined 
sexuality, 
the 
characteristic 
essence 
of which 
does 
not 
require 
the 
relationship 
to the 
other sex 
(Simmel, 
1984). 
The body, 
undoubtedly, 
is 
capable 
of 
generating 
much ontological 
anxiety, 
a 
difficulty 
that 
has, 
thus 
far, 
precluded more effective 
conceptualisations. 
Much 
recent 
`body 
work' 
has 
also 
been informed by 
contemporary 
approaches 
to 
the 
nature 
of social action and agency. 
While 
these 
have informed 
the 
sociology of 
the 
body 
and much promising and 
even ground-breaking 
work 
has 
been 
achieved, 
through the 
following 
sections 
I 
will 
highlight how 
these 
approaches 
themselves 
remain 
influenced 
by 
the 
notion of 
the 
social actor as 
disembodied 
agent. 
The 
contemporary 
body: 
body 
dimensions 
In 
terms 
of 
how 
contemporary 
sociologists 
have 
conceptualised 
and 
analysed 
the 
body, the 
`naturalistic' 
(Shilling, 1993) 
or 
`foundationalist' 
(Turner, 
1992) 
position 
can 
be 
considered 
highly influential 
- 
in 
the 
negative 
sense. 
Sociologists 
(with 
the 
exception 
of 
some strands of 
feminism 
that 
I 
will 
discuss 
in 
Chapter 
Two) 
have 
generally reacted 
against 
the 
naturalistic 
27 
approach, 
driven, 
in 
part 
through 
contempt 
for 
socio-biology 
and 
social 
Darwinism. 
Yet, 
as 
Watson 
(2000: 
51) 
argues, 
this 
is 
also 
partly 
the 
result of 
the development 
of 
sociology. 
Durkheim 
claimed 
the 
`social' (or 
`cultural') 
for 
sociology, 
and 
his 
descendants 
still 
seem 
to 
be fighting 
for 
autonomy 
from 
biological 
imperialism 
... 
This 
is 
fascinating 
since 
it 
ignores 
the 
history 
of 
the 
body 
as a 
cultural, 
material and 
scientifically 
mediated 
form. 
Despite 
this, 
many 
contemporary 
theorists 
prefer 
the 
premise 
that 
the 
body 
is 
a 
`receptor' 
rather 
than 
a 
`generator' 
of social 
meanings 
(Shilling, 
1993). 
This 
is 
a position 
that 
can 
be 
usefully 
described 
as 
the 
conceptual 
centre 
ground 
`for launching 
criticisms against claims 
of 
universality, objectivity or 
political 
correctness' 
(Davis, 1995: 
46). Yet, in 
agreement 
with 
Shilling (1993), 
fully 
rejecting 
the 
naturalistic approach 
may at 
worst 
keep 
the 
corporeal 
nature of 
our existence 
hidden 
and 
thus 
hinder 
the 
exploration of 
how 
the 
body forms 
the 
basis 
for, 
is 
part 
of and contributes 
towards 
social 
life. At best, 
much 
renewed 
focus 
remains 
at 
the 
surface of 
the 
body, 
resulting 
in 
social or 
cultural essentialism 
and 
producing unsatisfactory 
conceptions of social 
relations 
(Watson, 
2001). 
As Birke 
(2000: 2) 
argues, 
If 
this 
newly 
theorised 
body 
has interiority, 
it is 
one 
that 
is 
explained 
predominately 
through 
psychoanalysis 
... 
What 
goes 
on 
inside the 
biological 
body 
remains 
a mystery, 
to 
be 
explained 
(if 
at 
all) only 
in 
the 
esoteric 
language 
of 
biomedicine. 
Yet, 
this 
renewed 
focus 
appears 
only 
skin 
deep. 
Remarkably 
little 
theory 
enters 
the 
body 
and 
considers 
`the 
body' 
in 
terms 
of 
its 
own 
inner 
processes 
(Birke, 
2000). 
Coining 
Braidotti's 
(1989: 
54) terminology, 
I describe this 
position 
as 
`exteriority 
without 
depth'. 
Central 
to 
this 
persistence 
rests 
the 
notion of 
the 
`constructed' 
(Shilling, 
1993) 
or 
`anti-foundational' 
(Turner, 1992) 
body. 
In brief, this 
positioning 
28 
conceptualises 
the 
body 
as 
historically 
dynamic 
and 
unstable, 
opposing 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
body 
as 
a 
biological 
phenomenon 
and 
viewing 
the body 
as 
a 
symbolic 
system, 
a 
metaphor 
of 
social 
arrangements 
and 
an 
effect 
of 
discursive 
power. 
Social 
constructionism 
has 
become 
one of 
the 
characteristic 
epistemological 
approaches 
to 
the 
study 
of 
the 
body 
and, 
mirroring 
Shilling 
(1993), 
1 
use 
the term 
as 
a 
broad 
umbrella 
term to 
`denote 
those 
views 
which 
suggest 
that the 
body 
is 
somehow 
shaped, 
constrained 
and even 
invented 
by 
society' 
(1993: 
70). This 
movement 
must 
be 
applauded, 
particularly 
the 
expose 
of 
how 
naturalistic 
and 
essentialist 
notions of 
the 
body 
can 
be 
used 
to 
legitimate 
social 
inequalities. 
Yet, 
this 
move also raises 
a number 
of 
problematic 
issues. While 
a 
broadly 
constructionist 
perspective moves 
away 
from 
essentially 
fixed 
or 
determinist 
positions, 
biology itself becomes 
yet 
another 
form 
of 
discourse 
(Williams, 
2002: 16). A 
focus 
on 
this 
more 
contemporary work, 
the 
(explicit 
or 
implicit) 
governance of 
dualistic 
thought 
and 
the 
difficulties 
of 
bridging 
this 
divide 
again 
reinforces my 
intention 
to 
clear 
the 
way 
for 
an 
embodied 
sociology 
that 
includes 
a more 
developed 
engagement with 
feminist 
scholarship. 
This is 
a position 
I 
will 
outline 
in 
the 
final 
sections 
of 
this 
chapter 
and 
develop through 
Chapter Two. 
To illustrate 
my 
points, 
I 
refer 
to the 
work 
of 
Berger 
and 
Luckmann 
(1966), 
Goffman 
(1963; 
1969; 
1977; 
1979; 
1983), Mead 
(1964), 
Elias 
(1978a; 1978b; 
1982; 
1991; 
1997), 
Foucault 
(1973; 
1979; 1985; 
1986) 
and 
Merleau-Ponty 
(1962). 
1 
also 
stress 
these 
sections 
provide an overview, 
rather 
than 
a 
comprehensive 
review, 
of 
the 
main 
traditions 
of understanding 
at 
our 
disposal 
29 
and 
dimensions 
from 
within 
which 
contemporary 
debate 
surrounding 
the 
body 
has 
evolved. 
Dimension 
1: The 
unfinished 
body 
One 
of 
the 
seminal 
influences 
in 
this 
field 
has 
been 
the 
Nietzschean 
concept 
of 
`man' 
as an 
`unfinished 
animal'. 
Berger 
and 
Luckmann 
(1966) 
argue 
that 
human 
societies 
are 
perpetually 
involved 
in 
the 
endless 
task 
of 
the 
social 
construction 
of social 
orders. 
While 
there is, 
so 
to 
speak, 
`biological 
freedom', 
there 
are 
correspondingly 
cultural 
and 
social 
constraints 
on 
humans. The 
concept of 
self 
- 
man 
is 
a 
body 
- 
distinguishes 
man 
from 
the 
animal order. 
Berger 
and 
Luckmann 
(1966) 
recognise 
the 
dialectical 
nature 
of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
self and 
begin 
to 
produce a 
theory 
of structuration 
that 
takes 
the 
body 
seriously. 
Human beings 
must 
socially construct 
their 
own 
reality 
and make sense of 
their 
own environment 
in 
order 
to 
institutionalise 
their 
existence and create protection 
from 
the threat 
of meaninglessness. 
However, 
in 
critique 
Turner 
(1992: 
83) 
argues 
the 
conflation 
of 
the 
need 
for 
meaning 
with 
the 
need 
for 
order 
precludes any possibility of 
the 
autonomy 
of 
the 
agent. 
While 
the 
sometime 
difference 
between `having' 
and 
`being' 
a 
body is 
recognised, 
their 
analysis 
fails 
to 
explore 
how 
the 
experience of 
`having', 
`being' 
and perhaps 
`doing' 
a 
body 
is 
experienced 
in 
everyday reality and 
how 
this 
may 
influence 
the 
formation 
of 
identity 
(Turner, 1992). To 
this 
criticism 
I 
would 
also add 
the 
failure 
to 
acknowledge 
the 
potential 
for 
a position which 
embraces 
the 
notion 
of 
`becoming', 
a position 
I 
will 
develop through the 
remaining chapters. 
For 
the 
moment, more recent 
and 
revised 
frameworks 
(for 
example, 
Rose, 
1997; 
Birke, 
2000) focusing 
on 
the 
unfinished 
matter of 
30 
biology 
alongside 
notions 
of 
negation 
and 
transcendence, 
conceptualise 
biology 
as 
a pulsing, 
moving 
lifeforce, 
not 
an 
innate, 
fixed 
or 
static 
entity. 
Reductionism, 
in 
this 
sense, 
rests 
on 
a series 
of 
distortions 
which 
effectively 
place 
in 
a straitjacket, 
both 
literally 
and metaphorically, 
our understanding 
of 
biology 
in 
these 
latter, 
more 
open, 
mobile 
and 
dynamic 
terms 
(Williams, 
2002: 
24). 
Dimension 
2: The 
performing 
body 
A 
second 
dimension 
of 
inquiry 
which 
takes 
the 
idea 
that the 
body 
is 
a 
physical 
component 
of 
human 
agency 
more 
seriously 
is 
illustrated 
by 
Goffman's 
(1963; 
1969; 
1977; 
1979; 
1983) dramaturgical 
approach. 
It 
could 
be 
considered 
problematic, 
if 
unfair, 
to 
criticise 
Goffman for 
missing out 
what 
he 
perhaps 
did 
not 
intend 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
However, 
while 
acknowledging 
the 
difficulties 
of 
`placing' Goffman's 
work 
in 
any 
one 
theoretical tradition, 
Goffman has been 
seen as a symbolic 
interactionist, 
interested 
in 
the 
body 
as a component 
of action 
(Shilling: 
1993: 
71) 
and 
his 
work still remains 
influential 
in informing 
views 
of 
the 
body 
as socially 
constructed. 
Goffman 
provides 
a multi-faceted 
series 
of commentaries on 
face-to-face 
interaction, 
creating 
a space 
for 
the 
`embodied' 
social 
actor. 
Far from 
simply 
illustrating 
the 
social 
structure 
in 
practice 
or 
suggesting 
interaction 
as a 
product 
of 
behavioural 
role 
performance, 
Goffman's 
dramaturgical 
approach 
provides 
a 
new 
line 
of 
analysis, 
adding 
to 
technical, 
political, 
structural 
and 
cultural 
perspectives 
on 
social 
interaction 
(Strong, 1988). Effectively, 
Goffman 
names 
the 
body 
as 
a 
theoretical 
space, promoting 
`the 
acceptance 
of 
the 
face-to-face domain 
as 
an 
analytically 
holistic 
one' 
(Goffman, 
1983: 
2). 
31 
In 
his discussions 
of 
gender, 
Goffman 
(1977; 
1979) 
was 
forthright. 
Sex 
differences 
are 
only 
significant 
because 
the 
culture 
makes 
them 
so. 
Nothing 
`biological' 
lies beneath 
the 
expressions 
of 
femininity 
or masculinity, 
although 
these 
same expressions 
`function 
socially 
... 
to 
support 
belief 
that 
there 
is 
an 
underlying 
reality 
to 
gender' 
(1977: 
226). 
While 
much of 
benefit 
can 
be 
gained 
from 
this 
style 
of 
approach 
there 
are 
also 
limitations. Influenced 
by 
Mead, 
Goffman's 
work 
does 
move 
towards 
providing 
a more 
explicit 
theory 
of 
the 
body 
in 
society. 
However, 
his 
conceptual 
focus 
can again 
be 
specifically 
located 
on 
the 
`outside' 
or 
the 
`surface' 
of 
the 
body, 
mirroring 
the difficulties 
of notions 
of 
`exteriority 
without 
depth' 
(Braidotti, 
1989: 
54) 1 
outlined 
above. 
As 
Mead himself 
suggested, 
We 
can 
distinguish 
very 
definitely between 
the 
self and 
the 
body. 
The body 
may 
be 
there 
and operate 
in 
a 
very 
intelligent fashion 
without 
there 
being 
a self 
involved in 
the 
experience. 
The 
self 
has 
the 
characteristic 
that 
is 
object 
to 
itself, 
and 
that 
characteristic 
distinguishes it from 
other objects and 
from 
the 
body (Mead, 
1962: 
136) 
While Goffman 
observed 
the 
corporeal rules which govern 
encounters, 
the 
body 
itself 
retains a 
`managed' 
presence. 
No 
sooner 
than 
moving 
onto 
the 
central 
stage, 
the 
body is 
treated 
as a resource, 
as a 
mediator of 
individual 
self 
and social 
identity. 
As 
Jackson 
and 
Scott 
(2001: 
11) 
argue, 
`while 
embodied 
actors 
are ever 
present 
in 
Goffman's 
social 
stage, 
he 
was always 
concerned 
more with 
bodily 
action 
and performance 
than the 
sensual, visceral 
body'. 
Crucially, 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
body is determined by 
sources 
located 
outside 
of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
mind. 
Again, 
the 
body becomes 
the 
site 
upon 
which 
meaning 
is 
inscribed 
-a 
position 
that 
pays 
little 
attention 
to 
what 
the 
32 
body 
is 
and 
how 
it 
may 
facilitate 
and 
be 
an 
integral 
component 
to, 
human 
agency. 
Dimension 
3: The 
mannered 
body 
In 
contrast 
to 
social 
constructionists 
who 
tend to 
see 
the 
question 
of 
material 
relations 
`vexing' 
and 
the 
body 
as 
`determined 
by 
external 
social 
classifications' 
(Shilling, 
1993: 150), for 
Elias (1978a, 
1978b; 1982; 
1991; 
1997), the 
body 
remains central 
to 
his 
work as a 
`vehicle' for 
the 
embodiment 
of 
morality. 
While 
refraining 
from 
an explicit 
focus 
on 
the 
body in his 
work, 
his 
approach 
suggests a conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
as a 
biological 
and 
social 
phenomenon. 
Elias introduced 
the 
concept of 
`figuration' 
to 
place 
`the 
problem 
of 
human 
interdependencies into 
the 
very 
heart 
of sociological 
theory' 
(1978b: 
134). 
More 
specifically, 
this 
can 
be described 
as a 
`civilising 
process 
(1978a), 
where 
social 
relations 
are 
drawn into 
the 
body 
through 
practices of 
hygiene 
and 
etiquette, 
underlining 
the 
association 
between 
the 
civilising process and 
bodily 
control. 
Elias' 
work 
appears 
to 
move 
beyond dichotomies, beginning 
to 
transcend 
a perceived 
and 
essentially 
mistaken 
opposition 
between 
`individual' 
and 
`society'. 
As 
the 
body 
is 
subjected 
to 
even 
greater 
restraints 
within 
the 
developing 
court 
societies 
of 
Renaissance 
Europe, the 
body 
becomes 
increasingly 
concealed 
behind, 
for 
example, 
elaborate 
and 
decorative 
clothing. 
This 
`closing' 
of 
the 
human 
body 
is 
not, 
however, 
its 
dismissal. Instead, the 
body is 
subject 
to 
greater 
erotic 
investment 
in 
the 
form 
of 
the 
wish-fulfilling 
`fantasy' 
body (Burkitt, 
1999: 
50-53). 
As 
the 
body becomes `closed' 
and 
`decorated', 
33 
visual 
perception 
takes 
primacy. 
Knowledge 
(of 
others) 
becomes 
directly 
linked 
to this 
visual 
perception, 
particularly 
how 
the 
body 
is 
both 
presented 
and 
performed. 
In brief, 
we 
observe 
others 
and 
ourselves 
more 
closely. 
Yet, 
concurrently, 
the 
body 
also 
begins 
to 
appear 
as 
an 
`object' 
of 
the 
mind 
in 
Elias' 
work, albeit 
experienced 
more 
intensely 
by 
the 
restraints 
imposed 
(Burkitt, 1999: 
52). Elias 
suggests 
a self 
imprisoned 
inside 
the 
body, 
looking 
out 
from 
behind 
the 
skin 
(1991: 
113) 
and 
illustrated 
by 
his 
metaphor 
of 
`thinking 
statues'. 
This 
type 
of 
thought 
suggests 
an 
experiential 
plane, 
a 
developing 
and private 
world of 
fantasy 
that 
lies deep 
within 
the 
body (Burkitt, 
1999). In 
critique, 
again 
the 
danger 
of attributing 
to the 
pre-social 
that 
which 
proves 
difficult 
to 
conceptualise 
again 
becomes 
apparent 
here. This 
position 
leaves 
the 
suggestion of a 
(albeit 
embodied) masked 
disposition 
which 
lies 
beneath 
surface restraint, 
a 
point which 
I have 
earlier 
already problematised 
in 
relation 
to 
Shilling 
and 
Mellor's 
(1996) 
work and which 
again 
bears 
the 
mark 
of a 
Cartesian heritage. 
Dimension 
4: The 
machined 
body 
Like 
Elias, Foucault 
also 
conceptualises 
the 
body 
as a political 
object of 
power. 
Knowledge 
about 
the 
body 
was 
inseparable from 
the 
relations 
of 
power. 
One 
of 
the 
primary 
effects of 
changes 
in 
the 
power structures 
and 
power 
relations 
of 
the 
17th 
century 
is 
described by 
Foucault 
as 
`bio-power' 
- 
the 
power 
involved 
in 
the 
management 
of 
the 
population, evolving 
in 
two 
forms 
and 
constituting 
two 
poles 
of 
development: 
34 
One 
of 
these 
poles 
... 
centred 
on 
the 
body 
as 
a 
machine: 
its 
disciplining, 
the 
optimization 
of 
its 
capabilities, 
the 
extortion 
of 
its 
forces, 
the 
parallel 
increase 
of 
its 
usefulness 
and 
its 
docility, 
its 
integration 
into 
systems 
of 
efficient 
and 
economic 
controls, 
all 
this 
was 
ensured 
by 
the 
procedures 
of power 
that 
characterised 
the 
disciplines: 
an 
anatomo-politics 
of 
the human 
body. 
The 
second, 
formed 
somewhat 
later, 
focused 
on 
the 
species 
body, 
the body 
imbued 
with 
the 
mechanics 
of 
life 
and 
serving 
as 
the 
basis 
of 
biological 
processes: 
propagation, 
births 
and 
mortality, 
the level 
of 
health, life 
expectancy 
and 
longevity, 
with all 
the 
conditions 
that 
can 
cause 
these 
to 
vary. 
Their 
supervision 
was 
effected 
through 
an entire series 
of 
interventions 
and 
regulatory 
controls: 
a 
bio- 
politics 
of 
the 
population. 
(Foucault, 
1979: 
139 
original 
emphasis) 
Here, 
the 
body 
appears 
as 
drawn 
into, 
and 
disciplined 
by, 
the 
machinery 
of 
politics. 
In his 
earlier 
works, 
this 
position 
reflects 
the 
influence 
of 
Weber's 
`iron 
cage' motif, reflected 
in Foucault's 
own 
motifs of 
body 
surveillance 
and 
panopticism. 
Developing 
scientific 
knowledge 
about 
the 
body had 
given 
rise 
to 
new ways of controlling 
bodies: 
The human body 
was entering 
a 
machinery 
of power 
that 
explores 
it, breaks it down 
and 
rearranges 
it... 
It 
defined 
how 
one 
may 
have 
a 
hold 
over 
other's 
bodies, 
not 
only so 
that they 
may 
do 
what one 
wishes, 
but 
so 
that they 
may 
operate as one 
wishes, with 
the 
techniques, the 
speed and 
efficiency 
that 
one 
determines. 
Thus 
discipline 
produces subjected and practiced 
bodies, "docile" 
bodies. 
(Foucault, 1977: 138) 
The 
body, in Foucault's 
work, 
maintains a position as 
the 
link between 
external 
regulation 
and 
self-regulation 
(Burkitt, 1999). For 
example, 
sexuality, 
according 
to 
Foucault 
(1979,1985,1986), 
assumed 
a 
discursive 
existence 
in 
a 
technology 
of surveillance, 
creating 
desires 
while also seeking 
to 
control 
them 
(Delanty, 
2003: 
126). 
Power, 
in 
this 
respect, 
is 
not 
just 
about overt 
external 
or 
social 
regulation 
but 
also about 
the 
movement 
towards this 
covert 
form 
of self-regulation. 
In 
his 
later 
writings, 
Foucault 
challenges 
the 
more 
liberal 
notion 
of 
the 
autonomous 
individual, 
underlining 
both 
the 
priority 
and 
predominance 
of 
overriding 
structures 
of 
thought 
and practice 
- 
the 
35 
`epistemes' 
or 
`discourses' 
referred 
to 
throughout 
his 
work 
(Jones 
and 
Porter, 
1994). 
The body, 
in 
this 
respect, 
appears 
as a 
(simultaneous) 
focus 
of 
examination, 
scrutiny, 
categorisation, 
regulation 
and control. 
A 
more obvious critique 
of 
Foucault 
would 
be 
to 
challenge 
the 
absence 
of 
women 
from 
almost 
every 
dimension 
of 
his 
work. 
However, 
this 
is 
not my 
aim 
at 
this 
point. 
Indeed, 
recent 
work 
(Diamond 
and 
Quinby, 
1988; Sawicki, 
1991; 
Ramazanoglu, 
1993) has 
already 
outlined points of convergence 
between 
the 
work 
of 
Foucault 
and 
feminist 
scholarship and 
I 
will 
discuss 
this 
further 
in 
the 
following 
chapter. 
My difficulty here, 
in 
relation 
to the 
more generalised 
position 
of 
the 
body 
within 
Foucault's 
work, 
is in his 
notion of 
`governmentality' 
as 
the 
vehicle 
for 
the 
expression of power. 
More 
specifically, 
his depiction 
of 
modern 
society 
as a 
disciplinary 
society, 
dominated by 
rationalist structures or 
discourses 
of 
power, 
offers 
little 
possibility of 
communication or resistance. 
Despite later 
commentary 
concerning 
sites 
of resistance, 
society appears 
overly characterised 
by 
a 
systemic 
coherence 
and order, 
illustrated 
by 
the 
movement 
between 
social/external 
and 
self-regulation. 
The 
body, in 
Foucault's 
work, 
moves 
from 
a 
separated 
position within 
Cartesian 
thought to 
a position 
that 
suggests 
the 
entrapment 
or confinement 
of 
the 
body 
within 
the 
epistemes. 
Dimension 5: 
The 
actioned 
body 
In 
his 
phenomenological 
studies, 
Merleau-Ponty 
(1962) 
also 
rejects 
the 
mind-body 
dualism. 
However, 
the 
body 
here 
is 
the 
core 
of 
the 
ontological 
problem, 
never 
simply 
a 
physical 
object 
but 
always 
an 
embodiment 
of 
36 
consciousness, 
an 
active 
and 
relational 
process. 
As 
Burkitt 
(1999: 
74) 
outlines, 
For Merleau-Ponty, 
thinking 
was not 
the 
product 
of 
some 
disembodied 
mind 
located 
somewhere 
outside 
the 
material 
world, 
beyond 
time 
and 
space; 
nor 
was 
it 
simply 
the 
result 
of 
the 
body 
reacting 
to 
its 
surroundings. 
Instead, 
through is 
part of 
the 
active 
relationship 
between 
humans 
and 
their 
world, so 
that 
prior 
to 
the 
Cartesian 
`I 
think', 
there 
is 
an 
`I 
can' 
-a 
practical 
cogito 
which 
structures not 
only our 
relationship 
to 
the 
world, 
but 
also 
the 
ways 
in 
which we 
think 
about 
it. 
This 
declaration 
of 
unity 
between 
the 
body, 
space, 
time 
and 
(located) 
consciousness 
alongside 
the 
emphasis 
on 
the 
body 
as 
the 
locus 
of 
intentionality, 
suggests a 
disembodied 
view of 
the 
world 
is both inconceivable 
and, 
finally, 
amounts 
to 
a view 
from 
nowhere. 
As 
Burkitt 
(1999: 
74) 
argues, 
6 
we 
never understand 
the 
world 
from 
some passive 
and 
disinterested 
spot, 
but 
always 
from 
within an 
active 
and related perspective'. 
The 
sense of self 
here 
is 
not 
based 
on 
disembodied 
thought 
and neither 
is it based 
Lacanian-style in 
the 
early 
visual 
representation 
of 
the 
self and view 
from 
the 
`outside'. The 
body, `the 
feel 
we 
have 
of 
our 
body 
and 
the 
way 
it 
connects us 
to the 
world' 
(Burkitt, 
1999: 76) 
is 
central. 
However, 
the 
individualistic 
nature 
of phenomenology also reveals 
tensions, 
as 
a number 
of recent 
commentators 
have 
discussed 
(Turner, 
1996; Burkitt, 
1999; Crossley, 2001; 
Howson 
and 
Inglis, 
2001; 
Shilling, 
2001). 
In 
particular, 
this 
reflects 
the 
extent 
to 
which 
phenomenology 
and particularly 
the 
work 
of 
Merleau-Ponty includes 
any 
(convincing) 
account of power relations, 
the 
place 
of 
power 
in 
the 
social 
formation 
and 
how it 
acts 
on 
bodies. To 
talk 
about 
the 
self-governance 
of 
bodies 
alone 
is 
to 
`miss 
the 
crucial sociological 
point, 
37 
namely 
the 
regulation 
of 
the 
body 
in 
the 
interests 
of public 
health, 
economy 
and 
political 
order' 
(Turner, 
1996: 
81). 
Despite 
some 
difficulties, 
the 
phenomenological 
position 
partly 
influences 
my 
approach. 
While 
the 
dimensions 
I have 
explored 
above continually 
flip 
to 
the 
issue 
of sociality at 
the 
expense of 
the 
corporeal 
(Witz, 
2000), 
the 
phenomenological 
approach arguably 
achieves 
the 
opposite. 
However, 
while 
the 
body 
is 
a medium 
through 
which agency 
is 
expressed, 
it is 
also subject 
to 
socially 
prescribed 
meaning and 
forces 
external 
to 
its 
phenomenological 
existence. 
While 
it 
may 
be 
true 
phenomenologically 
that 
we 
have 
rulership 
over 
our 
bodies, 
it is 
never 
true 
socially 
(Turner, 1996). 
Further, 
the 
difficulty 
of accounting 
for 
the 
effects 
of power relations 
and 
external 
forces 
and 
structures 
may 
be 
as 
much a 
problem of approach 
and 
is 
a point 
I 
will 
develop 
further 
over 
the 
coming 
chapters. 
Bridging 
the 
Divide: 
Reconceptualising 
the 
body 
The dimensions 
I 
have 
outlined 
above 
highlight 
some 
of 
the 
difficulties 
encountered 
using 
existing 
conventions 
of understanding 
in 
the 
rejection 
of 
the 
presuppositions 
of 
rationalism 
grounded 
in 
a 
Cartesian 
framework. 
More 
recent attempts 
to 
move 
beyond 
such 
oppositions 
have 
also 
been 
further 
problematised 
by 
perceived 
shifts 
from 
modernism 
to 
post-modernism, 
between 
the 
body 
as 
knowable 
and 
the 
body 
in 
flux 
(Frank, 1991). 
On 
the 
one 
hand, 
the 
body 
is 
used 
as 
the 
ideal 
site 
from 
which 
to 
criticise 
disembodied 
rationalism 
and 
universalist 
pretensions. 
On 
the 
other 
hand, 
post-modern 
scholars 
may 
use 
the 
body 
as 
a 
site 
for 
exploring 
the 
workings 
of 
power 
and 
38 
the 
construction 
of 
difference. 
Yet, 
the 
implied 
dissolution 
of 
the boundaries 
between the 
inside 
and 
the 
outside 
of 
the 
body 
can 
become 
`an 
extended 
surface 
upon 
which, 
on 
the 
one 
hand, 
the 
externality 
and 
objectivity 
of 
nature 
and, 
on 
the 
other 
hand, 
the 
unique 
inner 
quality of 
the 
soul, 
have 
jointly 
condensed' 
(Ferguson, 
1997: 
11). As 
Frank (1996: 
56), developing 
his 
1991 
text 
and 
reflecting 
on 
his 
experience 
of 
the 
`lived 
body' 
during 
illness, 
notes: 
`To 
consider 
the 
body 
as 
pure surface 
sacrifices 
too 
much 
reality 
for 
resulting 
theoretical 
convenience'. 
The difficulty 
of moving 
beyond 
the 
surface of 
the 
body, 
resisting 
the 
objectification 
of 
the 
body 
and 
also conceptualising 
the 
body 
as a 
simultaneous 
biological 
and social 
phenomenon 
is 
a 
difficulty 
central 
to 
more 
recent 
debate. While Turner's 
(1984) 
theory 
of 
bodily 
order 
and concern 
with 
the 
corporeal 
nature of 
human 
agency revealed 
how 
sociology's 
dualistic 
conventions 
had 
neglected 
the 
corporeal 
dimension, 
the 
body becomes 
central only 
in 
so 
far 
as 
it 
presents 
a problem 
to 
be 
managed 
by 
social 
systems. 
As 
Frank 
(1991) 
argues, 
beginning the 
equation 
with 
the 
body 
as a 
functional 
problem 
for 
society 
betrays 
Hobbesian 
and 
Parsonian 
influences 
and 
limits 
this 
earlier 
work 
as a 
general 
theory 
for 
a sociology 
of 
the 
body. 
While Turner's 
(1984) 
starting 
point 
is 
order, 
Frank's 
(1991) 
starting 
point 
is 
action, 
embracing 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
body 
as 
a corporeal 
phenomenon 
that 
affects 
how 
people 
experience 
their 
bodies: 
Theory 
needs 
to 
apprehend 
the 
body 
as 
both 
the 
medium 
and 
the 
outcome 
of 
social 
`body techniques' 
and society 
as 
both 
medium 
and 
outcome 
of 
the 
sum 
of 
these 
techniques. 
Bodily techniques 
are 
socially 
given 
... 
but these 
techniques 
are 
only 
instantiated 
in 
39 
their 
practical 
use 
by 
bodies, 
on 
bodies. 
Moreover, 
these 
techniques 
are 
as 
much 
resources 
for 
bodies 
as 
they 
are 
constraints 
on 
them 
(Frank, 
1991: 
48 
original 
emphasis). 
Frank 
(1991) 
argues 
that 
`the 
body' 
is 
constituted 
in 
the 
intersection 
of 
an 
equilateral 
triangle, 
`the 
points 
of 
which are 
institutions, 
discourses 
and 
corporeality' 
(1991: 
49). The 
body 
does 
not 
simply 
emerge 
out 
of 
discourses 
and 
institutions but 
is 
the 
outcome 
of 
social 
`body 
techniques' 
- 
combinations 
of 
discourses, 
institutions 
and 
the 
corporeality 
of 
bodies 
- 
which 
are 
simultaneously 
enabling 
and constraining. 
However, 
Frank's 
embracement 
of 
the 
corporeal nature of agency 
appears 
to 
be 
short 
lived 
and, at 
times, leans 
towards 
essentialism. 
The body 
appears 
significant 
only 
in 
its 
response 
to 
external 
problems when society 
is brought 
into 
the 
equation. 
There 
is little 
suggestion of 
the 
body 
as an 
integral, 
and 
not reactionary, component 
of 
human 
agency 
(Shilling, 
1993: 99). 
Corporeality, 
again, 
is 
constructed 
as an 
`object-state' 
(Wilton, 1999). 
Turner's 
subsequent 
(1992) 
text 
attempts 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
dualistic 
tradition 
by 
advocating 
a 
degree 
of epistemological 
pragmatism. 
His 
view of 
the 
body is 
as of 
one unit, 
but 
divided 
into 
an 
internal 
(concerning 
desires, 
needs, 
feelings 
and 
emotions) 
and 
an external 
(concerning 
the 
control 
and 
regulation of 
the 
body) 
space. 
In his 
discussion 
of 
the 
epistemology 
of 
the 
hand (1992: 
99-119), 
Turner 
combines 
a 
foundationalist 
view 
of 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
human 
hand 
in 
the 
evolution 
of 
culture 
and 
society, 
alongside 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
hand 
as a 
discursive 
construct, 
reflected 
in, 
for 
example, 
the 
superiority 
of 
the 
right 
hand. Borrowing 
from 
the 
Nietzschean 
concept of 
`man' 
as 
an 
unfinished 
animal, 
Turner 
argues 
there 
is 
no need 
to 
40 
pose 
an absolute 
dichotomy 
between 
acquired 
and 
innate 
behaviour 
or 
between 
culture 
and 
nature. 
More 
specifically, 
that the 
body 
is 
organically 
founded does 
not 
provide 
reason 
to 
doubt 
the 
proposition 
that 
the body 
is 
socially 
constructed 
(1992: 
16 
- 
18). 
In 
a 
direct 
critique of 
Turner's 
(1992) 
attempt 
to 
bridge 
these 
perspectives, 
Shilling 
(1993: 
102 
- 
104) 
argues, 
firstly, 
Turner fails 
to 
suggest 
how 
this 
task 
can 
be 
accomplished 
or substantiated 
empirically. 
Secondly, 
Shilling 
argues 
Turner's 
works contains 
the 
same 
dualism 
that 
it is 
a reaction 
against, 
resulting 
from 
the 
attempt 
to 
reintegrate 
two 
approaches 
without adjusting 
their 
basic 
parameters. 
What 
the 
body 
is 
cannot 
be discussed 
without 
reference 
to 
how 
the 
body 
is 
represented 
and classified and 
how 
these 
processes 
both 
shape, and are shaped 
by, 
the 
organic 
body. 
It is 
not a matter 
of 
simply reintegrating 
the two 
dominant 
perspectives 
but 
of recognising 
a 
new 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
and society as an 
integral 
and mutually 
constitutive 
process 
and 
Shilling 
(1993) 
makes 
three 
points. 
Firstly, 
the 
body 
represents 
a 
phenomenon 
that 
cannot 
be located 
exclusively 
in 
the 
social or 
natural 
world, 
thus 
is 
neither a 
pre-social, 
biological 
phenomenon nor 
a post- 
social, 
biological 
entity. 
Secondly, 
nature and 
culture are 
not separate 
but 
intertwine 
in 
the 
development 
of 
human bodies. 
Finally, 
the 
body is 
not only 
affected 
by 
social 
relations 
but 
forms 
the 
basis 
for 
and enters 
into 
the 
construction of 
social 
relations. 
Shilling's 
more 
recent 
work 
(2001) 
returns 
to the 
work of 
Durkheim 
and 
Simmel. While the 
classical 
sociological 
vision of 
the 
embodied 
subject 
may 
41 
be 
(accidentally, 
according 
to 
Shilling) 
blurred, 
Shilling 
argues 
`the 
discipline's 
concern 
with 
social 
context 
illuminates 
rather 
than 
obfuscates 
the 
varieties 
of 
human 
experience' 
(2001: 
328). 
In 
a 
direct 
critique 
of 
more 
contemporary 
voice 
and particularly 
the 
current 
utilisation 
of 
resources 
previously 
classified 
on 
the 
margins 
(for 
example, 
Foucauldian, 
feminist 
and 
phenomenological 
resources), 
Shilling 
criticises 
contemporary 
ambivalence 
towards 
classical 
sociology. 
For 
example, 
Shilling 
(2001: 
341) 
argues 
`if 
... 
studies 
of 
the body 
have 
failed 
to 
explore 
human 
experience 
adequately, 
it is 
because 
they 
have 
ignored, 
rather 
than 
followed 
slavishly, 
the 
directions 
and suggestions 
laid 
out 
in 
the 
writings of 
the 
"founding 
fathers". 
As I have 
discussed, 
while 
I 
agree 
with 
Shilling's 
argument 
that the 
separation 
of 
the 
sociology 
of 
the 
body from 
`a 
corporeal sociological concern 
with 
the 
body 
as 
a 
lived 
subject' 
(2001: 
341) 
institutes 
a 
false dualism, his 
recent argument 
remains 
troublesome 
on 
a 
number of 
levels. 
Firstly, 
the 
influence 
of over 
four 
decades 
of 
feminist 
scholarship and 
the 
problematisation of 
the 
relationship 
between biology, 
gender and sexuality 
has 
been 
acknowledged 
as a major 
component contributing 
to the 
recent 
`body 
revival' 
in 
sociology 
(Davis, 1997) 
and 
is 
attributed 
by 
all 
the 
recent 
commentators above. 
Yet, 
the 
subsequent marginalisation and 
limited 
appraisal 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
is 
an 
ironic 
point. 
Frank's 
(1991) 
claim 
that 
`feminism 
has taught 
us 
the 
story 
begins 
and ends 
with 
bodies' 
conflates 
feminist 
scholarship 
with 
the 
body, 
underlining 
Davis' (1997: 
4) 
argument 
that 
`many 
of 
the 
`new' 
male 
body theorists 
seem 
somewhat 
reluctant 
to 
draw 
upon 
feminist 
scholarship 
of 
the 
body'. 
However, 
I 
do 
not suggest 
attention 
to 
42 
feminist 
scholarship 
offers 
a corrective 
remedy. 
The 
difficulty 
both 
`naming' 
and 
exploring 
the female 
body 
and 
continuing 
debate 
regarding 
the 
relationship 
between 
biology, 
gender 
and 
sexuality 
illustrates 
conceptual 
grappling 
with 
the 
status 
of 
the 
body 
within 
feminist 
theorising 
itself. 
Yet, 
Turner's 
later (1996) 
work 
illustrates 
the 
prevalence 
of 
dominant 
thinking 
in 
this 
field. 
Turner 
(1996: 
34) 
makes 
deliberate 
use of 
the 
philosophical 
expression 
`we 
are 
... 
always 
and 
already 
embodied' 
to 
support 
his 
argument 
that 
the 
physicality 
of 
the 
body 
needs 
little 
sociological 
development 
`since 
the 
`natural 
body' 
is 
always 
and 
already 
injected 
with cultural 
understandings 
and 
social 
history'. While 
there 
are 
biological 
differences 
between 
men 
and 
women, 
Turner 
argues 
(1996: 
58), 
these 
are culturally 
mediated 
and 
historical 
characteristics 
that 
can 
be 
radically 
changed 
by 
social 
and 
political 
intervention. 
However, 
the 
lack 
of engagement with 
feminist 
scholarship 
and particularly 
the 
issue 
of gender 
in 
relation 
to the 
body 
contributes 
to 
the 
assumption 
of 
the 
generic 
body 
that 
subsequently 
disengages 
with a 
central problematic. 
Feminist 
theorising 
can 
equally 
be 
seen as an attempt 
to 
devalorise 
the 
body 
while 
moving 
towards 
an exploration 
of 
the 
wider operations of gender 
and 
power 
in 
society 
(Witz, 2000). 
This 
reflects 
a 
dualism 
within 
feminist 
thought 
itself 
which 
has, 
thus 
far, been 
misread, 
resulting 
in 
a premature 
disengagement 
with 
the 
concept 
and process 
of embodiment 
itself 
and 
leading 
to the 
sense 
of 
inevitable 
progression 
in 
this 
field 
which 
Shilling 
(1993; 
2001) 
promotes. 
43 
Alongside 
Witz (2000), 
my suggestion 
is 
that 
the 
movement 
towards 
an 
embodied 
perspective 
must 
encompass 
an exploration 
of 
not 
just 
how 
the 
body 
has 
been 
treated 
within 
the 
sociological 
tradition 
but 
also 
whose 
body 
has 
been 
brought 
back in 
and 
whose 
body 
has been 
mistreated, 
both 
historically 
and currently. 
As Rich (1986: 
215) has 
previously 
suggested, 
`When 
I 
write 
`the body', I 
see 
nothing 
in 
particular. 
To 
write 
`my body' 
plunges 
me 
into lived 
experience'. 
This 
suggests 
embodied 
theory 
requires 
a 
more 
developed 
interaction between 
theory 
and practice 
(Davis, 
1997; 
Nettleton 
and 
Watson, 1998), 
between 
theories 
about 
the 
body 
and analyses of 
the 
particularities 
of embodied experiences and 
practices. 
It 
needs 
to 
explicitly 
tackle the 
relationship 
between 
the 
symbolic and 
the 
material, 
between 
representations 
of 
the 
body 
and 
embodiment as 
experience 
or social practice 
in 
concrete 
social, cultural 
and 
historical 
context 
(Davis, 1997: 15). 
In 
opposition 
to 
Shilling (2001), 1 
suggest 
difficulties 
accomplishing 
this 
have 
little 
to 
do 
with 
the 
move 
away 
from 
the 
writings, 
directions 
and suggestions 
of 
the 
`founding 
fathers'. 
Central 
to 
my 
argument 
has 
been 
the 
presupposition of 
a 
false 
premise, 
a 
lingering 
Cartesianism 
which, 
when 
exposed, 
illustrates 
the 
epistemological 
challenge 
of re-embodying 
knowledge. 
Although 
the 
Cartesian 
split 
is, 
as 
I have 
discussed, 
more 
nuanced 
and 
complex 
than 
I 
have 
allowed 
for here, 
`there 
is little 
doubt that 
the 
notion 
of embodiment 
- 
that 
is 
the 
irreducible 
imbrication 
of 
being-in-a-body 
is 
foreign 
to 
it' 
(Shildrick 
and 
Price, 
1998: 
2). 
It 
appears 
to 
be 
an 
erroneous 
route 
to 
suggest 
a return 
to 
this 
arena. 
Further, 
my 
suggestion 
here 
is 
that 
the 
epistemological muddles 
which 
have 
arisen 
are 
the 
product 
of 
a 
lack 
of clarity as 
to 
what 
our 
most 
fundamental 
44 
assumptions 
are. 
Recognition 
that 
the 
uses of 
dualistic 
conceptions 
of 
the 
social 
world are 
no 
longer 
viable options 
for 
social 
theory is 
not 
sufficient 
alone. 
This 
mirrors 
Adam's (1989) 
earlier 
call 
for 
a 
theoretical 
shift 
and 
a 
move 
beyond 
the tendency 
to 
understand 
the 
physical 
and 
biological 
realm 
in 
contradistinction 
to the 
human 
social 
world. 
This 
theoretical 
shift 
must 
include 
a 
re-engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship, 
which 
I 
will outline 
in Chapter 
Two. 
Further, 
this 
must also 
include learning 
to 
see and 
think 
in 
a new 
way 
about 
women's 
bodies 
within a gender 
analytic. 
This 
move 
must resist 
the 
objectification 
and 
the 
recreation of 
dichotomies 
and 
take 
account 
of 
biology 
without 
reducing 
social and personal experiences 
to 
biology. That 
this 
cannot 
be 
achieved within 
existing 
frames 
of meaning underlines 
Adam's 
(1989) 
focus 
on 
time 
as 
both 
a 
theoretical 
and conceptual 
framework, 
which will 
be 
developed 
further 
through 
the 
remaining chapters. 
45 
2 
Awakenings: 
Other 
bodies 
The 
influence 
of 
now 
four 
decades 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
and 
the 
problematisation 
of 
the 
relationship 
between 
biology, 
gender 
and 
sexuality 
must 
be 
seen as 
more 
than 
simply 
a 
`component' 
contributing 
to 
the 
resurrection 
of 
the 
body 
within 
the 
discipline. 
The inattention 
to 
feminist 
detail 
exposes 
a 
`premature' 
celebration 
of 
the 
`body 
revival' 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
Further, 
this 
illustrates 
resistance 
to 
recognising 
the 
full 
significance 
of 
gender, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
feminist 
theory 
(Maynard, 
1990) 
and current 
`body-work'. 
As Price 
and 
Shildrick (1999: 9) 
argue, 
`to 
forefront 
the 
notion of 
the 
body 
as sexed 
is 
not 
just 
another consideration 
to 
be 
taken 
into 
account, 
but 
a 
factor 
that 
changes 
everything'. 
Contextualising the 
unfinished 
body 
As I have 
discussed 
in 
Chapter 
One, 
much 
recent commentary, 
with 
perhaps 
the 
notable 
exception 
of 
Burkitt 
(1999) 
resists a 
full 
engagement 
with 
the 
problematic 
status 
of 
the 
body 
within 
the 
feminist 
project 
itself 
and 
the 
potential significance 
of 
the 
lived, 
experiential 
and gendered 
body. 
If 
the 
depth 
of 
feminist 
work 
has 
been 
included 
at all, 
a 
developed 
interaction 
is 
restricted 
(Davis, 
1997; 
Witz, 
2000). 
For 
example, 
as 
Witz 
(2000) 
argues, 
despite 
some 
of 
merits 
of 
Shilling's 
(1993: 
43-99) 
work, 
his 
analysis 
of 
feminist 
contributions 
appears 
to 
abandon 
the 
(variable) 
feminist 
approach 
within 
a 
critique 
of 
`naturalistic' 
views 
of 
the 
body. 
Further, by 
restricting 
his 
focus 
in 
this 
46 
discussion 
to 
solely 
women's 
bodies, 
Shilling 
maintains 
a 
binaristic 
conceptualisation of 
the body, 
privileging 
the 
male 
body 
as 
healthy 
through 
the 
pathologisation 
of 
female 
bodies 
(Annandale, 
1998). 
Shilling 
argues 
that 
`the 
body 
is 
most 
profitably 
conceptualised 
as 
an 
unfinished 
biological 
and 
social phenomenon 
which 
is 
transformed, 
within 
certain 
limits, 
as 
a result 
of 
its 
entry 
into, 
and participation 
in, 
society' 
(1993: 
12). 
The 
suggestion 
that 
it 
is impossible 
to 
grasp 
what 
the 
body 
is 
without 
reference 
to 
how 
the 
body 
is 
represented 
and classified 
is 
a move 
forward. 
For 
Shilling, 
this 
is based 
on 
the 
premise 
that 
once 
we 
grant 
the 
body 
a 
physical/biological 
existence, 
it 
is 
possible 
to 
see 
how it is 
worked on, 
and 
by, 
society. 
Further, 
this 
underlines 
the 
notion of a reciprocal relationship 
between 
the 
body 
and 
society 
in 
an attempt 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
restrictive 
dualistic 
conceptualisations 
within 
a 
discipline long 
since organised around a number 
of perennial 
contrasts, 
as 
I have 
outlined 
in 
Chapter One. To 
underline, such 
dualisms 
generally 
occlude 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
relationship 
between bodily 
processes and social 
relations. 
However, 
moves 
forward 
cannot 
be 
made 
by 
assuming a generic 
body 
or a 
pathologised 
female 
body. 
Moving 
forward 
must also 
include 
a power 
dimension 
and 
lead to 
an 
inevitable 
and 
developed 
engagement 
with 
both 
feminist 
theorising 
and 
gender 
work. 
Much 
current 
body-work 
has drifted 
away 
from 
some 
of 
the 
core 
and 
still 
active 
debates 
within 
feminist 
theory, 
a 
mistaken 
assumption 
which 
also 
suggests 
feminism is 
an 
internally 
coherent 
body 
of 
thought. 
Undoubtedly, 
this 
is 
an effect partly 
due 
to 
a 
process 
of 
47 
dissipation 
(Annandale 
and 
Clark, 
1996: 
17), 
whereby 
previously 
marginalised 
theoretical 
positions 
begin 
to 
lose 
currency. 
My 
point 
that 
feminism 
has 
remained 
deeply 
concerned 
with 
the body 
is 
made 
in 
opposition 
to 
Frank's 
(1991: 
41) 
suggestion 
that 
`feminism 
has 
taught 
us 
the 
story 
both begins 
and 
ends 
with 
bodies'. 
To 
suggest 
feminist 
work 
is 
primarily 
about 
sexual 
differences 
and 
bodies 
serves 
to 
erase 
other 
equally 
important 
markers of 
difference, 
for 
example, 
race, 
class, 
disability 
and 
their 
intersection 
with gender, 
as 
more 
recent 
empirical 
work 
has 
shown'. 
The 
need 
to 
highlight 
the 
specific 
contextual 
materiality 
of 
the 
body 
must 
therefore 
remain and 
include 
the 
differing 
experiences 
of 
the 
body 
dependent 
on 
position 
(Price 
and 
Shildrick, 
2000: 
5). 
However, 
while 
I distance 
myself 
from 
the 
suggestion 
that 
feminist 
work 
is 
only 
about 
bodies, difficulties 
remain. 
The 
current 
emphasis 
on 
the 
`new' 
theoretical 
paradigms 
and 
the 
mobilisation of postconventional 
or 
postmodern 
modes 
of 
inquiry 
in 
this 
field (Shildrick 
and 
Price, 
1998) leads 
to 
the 
assumption 
of 
linearity, 
an 
`exam 
passing' 
story of contemporary 
feminism 
and 
a 
reluctance 
to 
question, go 
back 
and retrace steps. 
In 
agreement 
with 
Hughes 
and 
Witz 
(1997) 
this 
has led 
to 
a crucial 
oversight. 
From 
Wollstonecraft 
to 
de Beauvoir 
to 
Butler, 
the 
body has 
maintained 
its 
position 
as 
a 
theoretical 
passenger, 
at 
times 
abstracted, 
implicit 
and 
in differential 
forms 
yet 
a 
fundamental 
conceptual 
focal 
point. 
See, for 
example, 
Holland 
et 
al, 
1998 
48 
The 
co-option 
of 
feminist 
thought 
outlined 
within my 
overview 
of 
more 
contemporary 
body-work 
in Chapter 
One 
underestimates 
the 
precarious 
and 
contested 
positions 
that both 
gender 
and 
the 
body 
have 
occupied 
within 
modern 
feminist 
thought. Until 
recently, 
questions 
of embodied 
sexual 
difference 
have been 
almost 
universally 
ignored 
or elided. 
This 
is 
a position 
influenced 
by 
the 
predominance 
and persuasiveness 
of 
the 
modernist 
view 
of 
the 
body 
as 
`a 
natural 
and 
immanent 
given 
that 
finds 
a place 
in 
the 
western 
logos 
only 
as 
the 
devalued 
term 
of 
the 
mind/body 
binary' (Shildrick 
and 
Price, 
1998: 
2). 
Further, 
a number 
of gaps 
can 
be 
exposed 
which suggest 
a residual 
ontological anxiety and, at 
times, 
I 
would suggest 
an over-eagerness 
to 
embrace 
theoretical 
positioning 
which strides 
too 
quickly 
beyond 
such 
binaristic limitations. 
This leads 
to 
a reluctance 
to 
engage 
more 
fully 
with 
the 
capacity 
and 
potentiality 
of 
the 
female body itself 
or provide a more 
effective 
theorisation 
of 
it. As Delphy 
(1983: 24) has 
argued, 
gender 
has been 
useful 
within 
the 
variable 
feminist 
project yet 
the 
body 
must 
somehow 
be 
recuperated. 
At 
a 
wider 
level, 
this 
may 
be 
symptomatic of 
a much 
deeper 
problem 
within 
not 
only 
feminist 
thought 
but 
also within 
the 
discipline 
as a 
whole and suggests 
the 
need 
for 
consideration 
of new ways of embodied 
thinking 
and re-directional 
conceptual 
tools. 
Gender 
and 
the 
body 
in 
feminist thought 
My 
aim, 
in this 
chapter, 
is 
to 
provide an 
overview of 
the 
variety 
of 
approaches 
informing 
the 
variable 
understanding 
of 
the 
body 
within 
feminist 
49 
thought 
and, 
subsequently, 
contribute 
to the 
development 
of 
some 
new 
conceptual 
spaces 
through 
which 
the 
female 
body 
can 
be 
`thought' 
(Hughes 
and 
Witz, 1997; Witz, 
2000; 
2001; 
Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2002). 
Central 
to 
this 
is 
the 
need 
to 
move 
beyond 
binary 
oppositions 
yet 
also 
resist 
the 
relative and restless 
positioning 
of postmodernist 
thought 
within 
this 
field. 
I 
maintain 
scepticism about 
any 
pre-given 
materiality 
and agree 
that 
body 
materiality 
remains strongly 
influenced 
by 
social 
and cultural 
processes. 
However, 
as 
Scott 
and 
Morgan (1993) 
earlier suggested, 
there 
is 
a sense 
of 
something 
missing, 
or 
lurking, 
within 
the 
complex space 
between 
sociality 
and 
corporeality. 
That 
this 
point 
remains relevant 
today 
is, 
firstly, 
the 
product 
of 
the 
persistence, either 
implicitly 
or explicitly, 
of 
the 
perceived 
dangers 
of 
belief 
in 
the 
foundational 
facticity 
of existence. 
This is 
a 
persistence 
that 
reinforces 
the 
notion of a generic 
body 
and also 
incessantly 
encourages 
the 
premature 
move 
beyond 
such presumed 
limitation, 
restricting 
the 
development 
of new 
conceptualisations. 
Secondly, 
this 
reinforces 
my suggestion 
that 
we step 
back 
from 
the 
presumption 
of a 
now embodied 
discipline, 
retrace our steps and 
bring 
to 
the 
fore 
the 
gendered 
experience 
of 
`embodiment' 
itself. 
Prendergast's (1992) 
work 
on 
the 
experience 
of menarche and menstruation 
in 
schools serves 
as 
a useful 
precedent 
here, illuminating 
how biological 
processes may 
be 
mediated 
within 
specific social 
environments. 
In 
this 
respect, 
it 
is 
critical 
to 
move 
from 
the 
singular 
focus 
on 
the 
social components 
of 
the 
body 
in 
isolation 
to 
one 
that 
explores 
the 
female 
and gendered 
body, 
and 
its 
varying 
capacity 
and 
potentiality 
in interaction. 
That 
this 
exploration 
must 
also 
include 
a 
temporal 
perspective 
is 
a 
position 
that 
recognises, 
firstly, 
50 
that 
there 
are 
stages 
in 
the 
female 
lifecourse 
(for 
example 
menstruation, 
menopause, 
pregnancy 
and 
childbirth) 
where 
culture 
defines 
the biological 
(Martin, 
1989). Secondly, 
and 
relatedly, 
l do 
not 
posit 
cultural 
determinism 
as 
the 
opposition 
to 
biological 
determinism 
here. 
While 
the 
embodied 
lifecourse 
may 
be 
positioned 
and 
given 
meaning 
within 
structural 
circumstances, 
this 
should 
not 
preclude 
the 
exploration 
of 
how 
individuals 
create, 
make 
sense 
of 
and 
sustain 
their 
sense 
of self 
(Watson, 
2000: 
7). 
I 
aim 
to 
develop 
my 
understanding 
of 
this 
interaction 
within 
more 
theoretically 
fruitful 
ontological, 
epistemological 
and 
methodological 
frameworks. This is 
a position 
also 
informed 
by 
my earlier 
research 
(Illingworth, 2000; 
Illingworth, 
2001) 
in 
the 
reproductive 
field, 
the 
distance 
between 
feminist 
and scholarly perspectives and 
the 
complexities 
of women's 
everyday and 
lived 
experience. 
As Davis 
argues, a new project 
is 
required 
and one which 
attempts 
to 
reintegrate existing 
theories 
about 
the 
body 
with 
`analyses 
of 
the 
particularities 
of 
embodied experiences and practices' 
(1997: 
15). However, before 
developing 
my position, 
I first illustrate 
the 
variable 
dimensions 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
and 
the tensions 
within 
the 
field 
of 
gender 
and 
the 
body. 
Contested 
arenas 
The differing 
forms 
of 
incorporeal 
abstraction emanating 
from 
the 
substantial 
corpus 
of 
feminist theorising, 
remains 
a contested 
arena 
and 
illustrates 
the 
difficulties 
of 
juggling the 
social 
construction 
of gender 
with 
the 
body. Feminist 
theorising 
can 
equally 
be 
seen 
as 
an attempt 
to 
devalorise 
the 
51 
body, 
moving 
towards 
the 
wider operations 
of gender and 
power 
in 
society 
(Witz, 
2000). The 
more recent 
positions 
I 
will 
explore 
unveil more 
oppositional 
poles 
which, while 
pulling 
the 
body into 
view and retrieving 
the 
body 
from 
its 
`naturalised 
state', subsequently 
devalorise 
gender. 
While 
I 
concur 
with 
those 
who 
suggest 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
as unsustainable 
(see for 
example, 
Delphy, 
1984; Butler, 1990; 1993; Grosz, 
1994; 
Gatens, 
1996), 
abandoning 
gender 
in 
its 
entirety 
is 
problematic. 
While 
the 
more recent 
theorising 
of post- 
structuralist 
and 
deconstructivist 
perspectives neatly skips 
past 
the 
paralysis 
of 
the 
essentialist/constructivist 
divide, 
it is important 
to 
recognise 
that the 
possibility 
of 
differences between 
male and 
female bodies is being 
increasingly 
written 
out 
of 
feminist 
theory, 
echoed 
in 
the 
generic 
form 
of more 
mainstream 
body-work. 
Alongside 
Witz 
(2000), 
this 
is 
a situation which 
I 
regard 
as 
premature 
and 
a reflection 
of 
the 
dualism 
of 
feminist 
thought 
which 
Shilling 
(1993) 
misreads 
and which 
more 
recent 
perspectives 
(Burkitt, 
1999; 
Connell, 
2002; 
Davis, 
1997; 
Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001; 
2002; 
Watson, 2000; 
Witz, 2000; 
2001) 
attempt 
to 
move 
beyond. 
Troubling 
the 
body 
Until 
the 
late 
1980's, two 
archetypal 
approaches 
to the 
question 
of 
the 
body 
can 
be 
discerned. 
Firstly, 
naturalist, 
or 
determinist 
notions, 
work 
with 
the 
category of 
sex 
(as 
a 
matter 
of 
biology) 
and 
take 
for 
granted 
that 
sexual 
differences 
are 
the 
universal 
and 
inherent 
qualities 
of 
the 
corporeal 
in 
an 
attempt 
to 
establish 
a 
set 
of 
powerful 
gendered 
norms. 
Secondly, 
the 
notion 
of 
constructionism 
works 
with 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
-a 
set 
of 
culturally 
defined 
characteristics 
(Squires, 
1999). 
The 
central 
tenets 
of 
the 
sex/gender 
52 
distinction 
focus 
on 
the 
notion 
of 
`gendering' 
as a 
productive 
social 
process 
(Hughes 
and 
Witz, 
1997). 
In denying 
biologically 
determinist 
arguments 
credence 
as 
explanations 
of 
women's 
total 
situation, 
this 
positioning 
stressed 
the 
role of 
tradition 
and 
culture 
in 
conditioning 
women 
to 
adopt 
inferior 
roles 
under 
the 
gaze 
of 
the 
`male' 
normative 
view of 
the 
world. 
In 
replacing 
the 
language 
of sex 
roles 
with 
new 
concepts 
- 
socialisation, 
gender 
and 
patriarchy 
- 
investigations 
moved 
towards 
explorations 
of 
the 
processes 
by 
which 
we 
become 
gendered 
(Oakley, 
1972). 
The 
template 
of 
gender 
thus 
exposed 
aspects 
of culture 
and 
history 
that 
had 
previously 
served 
to 
conceal 
a repressed or 
hidden 
body 
- 
the 
`other' 
or 
`second' body 
and 
challenging 
philosophy's objectivist 
icon 
of a 
`view from 
nowhere'. 
De Beauvoir's 
(1972 
[1949]) inspirational 
analysis of 
how 
one 
is 
not 
born but 
becomes 
a 
woman 
armed 
feminism 
with 
a 
perceived new 
and powerful 
conceptual 
distinction 
(Oakley, 
1972) 
and can 
be 
regarded 
as one of 
the 
principal 
enabling 
moments of 
feminist 
sociology 
(Witz, 
2000). 
Subsequent 
debate 
stands 
on 
the 
shoulders 
of 
this 
work 
and 
the 
concept of gender 
was 
adopted 
in 
order 
to 
emphasise 
the 
social construction of 
masculinity and 
femininity 
and 
the 
social 
ordering of relations 
between 
men and women. 
The 
demarcation 
of gender 
as 
a conceptual variable 
reoriented established 
fields 
of 
sociological 
investigation, 
as 
illustrated by 
the 
wealth 
of 
work 
exploring 
differing 
aspects 
of 
social 
relations 
as central 
to the 
construction of gendered 
identities2. 
2 
For 
example, 
the 
family 
(Rubin, 
1975), 
production 
(Hartsock, 
1983), 
the 
mode 
of 
reproduction 
(Delphy, 
1984), 
the 
public 
and 
the 
private 
(West 
and 
Zimmerman, 
1987), 
caring 
(Gilligan, 1982) 
and 
sexuality 
(Mackinnon, 
1989). 
53 
De 
Beauvoir's 
analysis 
appears 
optimistic, 
embracing 
a 
picture 
of 
the 
constructed 
body 
that 
is 
mutable 
(Moi, 
1994; Gatens, 
1996). 
However, 
one 
of 
the 
effects 
of 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
was reluctance 
by 
feminists 
to 
either 
engage 
specifically 
with 
the 
female 
body 
or 
to 
provide a 
more 
positive 
theorisation 
of 
it 
(Price 
and 
Shildrick, 
1999: 1015). 
Underneath 
the 
optimistic 
picture 
presented 
by de 
Beauvoir, 
the 
body 
appears 
as one 
essentially 
and 
inevitably 
in 
trouble 
and 
again 
illustrates 
two 
oppositional 
discourses 
of 
the 
human 
body 
(Hughes 
and 
Witz, 
1997). According 
to 
Butler 
(1990: 
12), 
the 
body 
is 
separated 
from freedom 
in de Beauvoir's 
work and 
is 
seen 
as a 
trap. 
This 
is, Butler 
suggests, a position 
dangerously indicative 
of 
the 
essentialist 
and 
determinist 
discourse 
that 
de Beauvoir 
appeared 
keen 
to 
move 
beyond 
and 
counter 
and one 
that 
uncritically 
reproduces 
the 
ontological 
distinction 
between 
the 
mind and 
the 
body. If 
gender 
is 
the 
cultural 
interpretation 
of sex, 
this 
suggests 
that 
bodies 
are neutralised 
and passive recipients 
awaiting 
inscription. 
Culture, 
not 
biology, 
is 
our 
destiny. 
Oakley (1972) 
and 
Rubin 
(1975) 
elaborated 
the 
distinction 
further 
and much 
subsequent work 
(for 
example, 
Barrett, 
1980; 
Delphy, 1984; 
Walby, 1986, 
1990) 
utilised 
the 
notion 
that 
if 
gender 
is 
social rather 
than 
natural 
then 
change 
is 
always 
possible. 
If 
change 
is 
possible, 
persistent 
continuities 
- 
for 
example, 
the 
predominant 
hierarchical 
relationship 
between 
men and women 
require 
explanation. 
Romito 
(1997) 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
a gender 
analytic as 
an 
essential 
condition 
for 
creating 
epistemological 
breaks 
with 
`common-sense' 
knowledge. 
As 
illustration, 
she observes 
the 
shifting 
ground 
that 
has taken 
place 
over 
the 
last 
twenty-five 
years 
in 
reconceptualising 
54 
women's 
work as 
hard 
labour, 
in 
showing 
how 
cultural 
ambivalences 
about 
pregnancy 
have informed 
and 
distorted 
the 
medical 
treatment 
of 
childbearing 
women 
and making 
it 
plain 
that 
there 
is 
no natural 
bond 
that 
yokes 
women 
to 
motherhood. 
Other 
more explicit 
analyses 
of 
the 
body 
again 
take 
a constructionist 
starting 
point 
by 
exploring 
the 
control 
exerted 
over 
the 
body 
through 
social 
processes. 
For 
example, 
the 
power 
of cultural 
imagery (Orbach, 
1978), 
the 
power 
of 
the 
disciplinary 
messages 
of 
diet (Bordo, 1993) 
and related 
cultural 
proscriptions 
and prescriptions 
controlling and managing what 
the 
body 
consumes 
(Lupton, 1996; Falk, 1994). While I do 
not suggest 
belittling 
or 
understating 
the 
achievements of 
these 
analyses, 
for 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
thesis, the 
distinction 
between 
sex and gender 
remains problematic and 
predicated upon 
an uneasy 
relatedness, yet 
separateness, 
from biological 
processes 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2002). 
In 
particular, 
`social 
constructionism 
tends to 
perpetuate 
dualisms 
of nature/culture, 
body/mind in 
the 
very 
process 
of 
its disavowal 
of 
the 
material' 
(Birke, 2000: 34) 
and remains 
still suggestive 
of 
a residual 
biologism 
left 
under 
theorised 
and 
treated 
as given, 
a point 
raised 
by 
Stanley 
and 
Wise 
first in 
1983 
and 
developed 
further in 1984. 
As 
Hird (2003) 
argues, 
the 
culture-nature 
dichotomy 
is 
seen as 
a precondition 
to 
the 
functioning 
of 
social 
constructionist 
arguments. 
That 
these 
assumptions 
have 
been 
called 
into 
question 
is illustrated 
by 
further dichotomies 
within 
feminist thought. 
For 
example, 
Irigaray 
(1985a; 
1985b), 
Kristeva 
(1980; 
1986) 
and 
Cixous 
(1976) 
remain 
central 
to 
the 
55 
development 
of 
theories 
of 
sexual 
difference. 
Irigaray 
(1985a; 
1985b) 
asserted 
women's 
`difference' 
on 
the 
basis 
that the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
denies 
the 
specificity 
of 
women's 
bodily 
experiences. 
Sexual 
difference 
was 
the 
fundamental 
parameter 
of 
the 
sociocultural 
order. 
Alternatively 
Jackson 
(1995) 
and earlier 
Butler (1990; 
1993), for 
example, question 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
on 
the 
basis 
that 
it fails 
to 
challenge 
essentialism 
far 
enough. 
I 
avoid 
the 
temptation 
to 
group 
together 
or categorise 
the 
wealth of 
feminist 
thought 
here, 
a useful conceptual 
device but 
one 
that 
also runs 
the 
risk of 
concealing 
differences 
between individual 
writers. 
My 
central point 
is 
that the 
differing 
approaches 
outlined above 
both 
operate 
and remain 
located 
within 
the 
same 
paradigm 
that 
assumes 
the 
mind/body 
dualism. 
I 
suggest 
that 
proponents 
of 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
in 
starting with 
the 
specific 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
`gendered' 
body 
as 
the 
central 
mode of 
analysis 
have 
started 
their 
analysis 
of 
the 
equation 
too 
late. 
Further, 
this 
reinforces 
the 
persistence 
of 
the 
mind/body 
dualism, 
a 
positioning 
partially 
explained 
by 
the 
ontological 
reluctance 
to 
engage 
more 
directly 
with 
the 
fleshy body itself. 
In 
response 
to 
these 
oppositional 
poles, 
I 
underline 
the 
need 
to 
resist 
seeing 
the 
world 
in 
binary terms 
and 
move 
away 
from 
positioning 
torn 
between 
the 
oscillations 
and 
demands 
of 
equality 
versus 
difference 
debates. 
This 
has 
contributed 
towards 
the 
negative 
categorisation, 
misrepresentation 
and 
subsequent 
co-option 
of 
feminist 
work 
in 
terms 
of 
(mainly) 
an 
oppositional 
debate between 
nature 
and 
culture 
by 
the 
persuasive and 
predominant 
body- 
work 
I have 
outlined 
in 
Chapter 
One. To 
reiterate, 
this 
leads 
to 
an 
inattention 
56 
to 
the 
breadth 
and 
intricacy 
of 
feminist 
debates 
and 
related 
missed 
opportunity 
to 
move 
this 
debate forward. 
All that's 
solid 
... 
The 
trouble 
with 
influence 
Thus 
there 
are 
implications 
for 
sociology 
as a 
discipline 
of 
how 
it 
thinks 
about 
the 
body, is 
a point 
no 
less 
relevant 
for feminist 
thought. 
Differences 
within 
feminist 
thought 
may 
at 
least 
partially answer 
recent 
questioning 
(Davis, 
1997; 
Witz, 
2000) 
why, 
until only comparatively 
recently, 
feminist 
sociologists 
have 
not 
taken 
up 
the 
`theoretical body-building' 
with 
the 
same 
degree 
of enthusiasm as 
their 
more 
`mainstream' 
contemporaries. 
Critically, 
differences 
in 
the 
way 
in 
which 
feminist 
theories 
conceptualise 
the 
relationship 
between 
sex 
and gender 
have 
a number of 
implications 
for 
the 
way 
in 
which 
we 
may 
both 
understand 
and explore 
the 
female body 
and 
the 
way 
in 
which 
we conceptualise 
gendered 
embodied experiences. 
Possibly 
the 
largest 
and 
most recent 
mobilisation 
of 
feminist 
theorisations 
of 
the 
body 
and 
gender 
has 
been 
in 
response 
to the 
insights 
of poststructuralism 
and postmodernism 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001: 
18-20). This 
is 
a partially 
ironic 
position given 
its 
arguably 
masculinist 
form 
and 
one which 
initially 
occluded 
the 
potential 
for 
an 
exploration 
of 
the 
lived 
experience 
of gender, 
underlining 
a 
methodological 
dictum that 
forswears talk 
of 
male and 
female 
realities 
(Bordo, 
1990: 142). 
However, 
it 
is 
this 
positioning 
which 
has 
proved 
influential 
and 
appears most 
easily 
adaptable 
to 
attempts 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
binaristic 
stasis 
I have 
outlined. 
My 
aim 
here 
is 
not 
to 
attempt 
a 
concise 
overview. 
Indeed, 
suggesting 
a 
definitive 
perspective 
in 
this 
area 
risks 
`violating 
some 
of 
57 
it's 
central 
values 
- 
heterogeneity, 
multiplicity 
and 
difference' 
(Flax, 
1990: 
188). 
However, 
development 
in 
this 
field 
underlines an 
important 
juncture 
in 
feminist 
thought 
and 
I 
outline 
the 
crux, 
and 
deficiencies, 
of 
this 
positioning 
below. 
... 
melts 
into 
air., 
Deconstructing 
oppositional 
boundaries 
Central 
to the 
postmodern challenge 
is 
a reconsideration 
of 
the 
prior 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
individual 
`subject' 
as 
the 
prime agent of 
social 
transformation. 
In 
the 
rejection 
of 
the 
essential subject, 
the 
focus 
is inverted 
from 
the 
exploration of 
how 
the 
individual 
shapes 
the 
world 
to 
how 
subjectivity 
is 
shaped 
(Annandale 
and 
Clark, 
1996). 
Subsequent 
emphasis 
shifts 
from 
an 
exploration 
of 
cultural and 
linguistic 
structures 
towards 
more 
fluid 
notions of 
the 
discursive 
constitution 
of subjects 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
Thus 
there 
are only 
multiple 
bodies, 
marked not 
only 
by 
the 
difference 
of sex alone 
but by 
a vast array 
of 
differences, 
and variability 
of, 
for 
example, race, class, 
sexuality, age 
and 
disability. 
More 
specifically, 
any 
`truths' 
that 
do 
exist are 
discursive 
categories 
created 
through 
the 
use 
of 
binary 
logic. For 
example, 
equal 
versus 
difference, 
nature 
versus 
culture 
represents 
a 
false dichotomy 
(Scott, 
1997: 
758-768). 
Rather 
than 
being 
`simply' 
a 
language 
or 
a 
text, 
`discourse' is 
a 
`historically, 
socially 
and 
institutionally 
specific 
structure 
of 
statements, 
terms, 
categories 
and 
beliefs' 
(Scott, 
1997: 56). 
Discursive 
fields 
serve 
to 
overlap 
and 
establish 
`truth' 
or 
objective 
knowledge 
beyond 
dispute, 
acting 
in 
turn 
as 
a 
legitimating 
function. 
58 
Scott (1997: 
759-760) 
further 
argues 
that 
while 
Western 
philosophy 
is 
characterised 
by 
a 
concern 
with 
binary 
oppositions, 
crucially, 
one 
term 
is 
dominant, 
depending 
on 
and 
deriving 
its 
meaning 
from 
the 
second 
and 
therefore 
highlighting 
its 
constructed 
nature. 
Critically, 
the 
body 
of 
`Man' 
is 
taken 
as 
central 
and 
as 
the 
norm 
(Birke, 
1999: 
34). 
This 
suggests 
that 
these 
terms 
are not simply 
antithetical 
to 
each 
other 
but 
are 
both 
independent 
and 
misleading. 
Perhaps 
Scott 
(1997: 
766) best 
describes 
the 
problematic 
thus, 
Placing 
equality 
and 
difference 
in 
an antithetical 
relationship 
has 
a 
double 
effect. 
It 
denies 
the 
way 
difference 
has long 
figured 
in 
political notions 
of 
equality 
and 
it 
suggests 
that 
sameness 
is 
the 
only ground on 
which equality 
can 
be 
claimed. 
This 
puts 
feminists 
in 
an 
impossible 
position 
... 
as 
long 
as 
we can 
argue within 
a 
discourse 
- 
not 
invented 
by 
ourselves 
- 
and 
set up 
by 
this 
opposition 
- 
we grant 
the 
conservative 
premise 
that 
because 
women 
cannot 
be identical 
to 
men 
in 
all respects, 
we cannot 
expect 
to 
be 
equal 
to them. 
It is 
this 
dichotomous 
and 
binaristic 
thinking 
(constitutive 
of a 
language 
deeply 
signified within 
patriarchal 
discourse) 
which 
is 
problematic and 
which 
Scott 
(1997) 
exposes as open 
to 
slippage and 
uncertainty. 
Thus, 
the 
way 
the 
body 
is 
understood 
and classified 
can also 
be 
seen as a cultural 
process, clouded 
by 
language 
and 
its 
constructed 
meanings. 
This 
would 
further 
suggest 
that 
the 
way 
we 
experience 
our 
bodies 
is 
at 
least 
partly restrained 
and 
dependent 
upon 
the 
meanings 
given 
to them 
and 
how 
we understand 
them 
- 
suggesting 
we 
cannot 
distinguish 
our 
body 
from its 
social 
meanings, symbolism 
and 
social 
management 
(Bordo, 1993a: 
246-457). 
From 
this 
perspective, 
the 
body 
becomes 
signified 
by 
biological, 
physiological, 
medical and 
demographic 
discourses, becoming 
a 
corpus 
of 
both 
achievement 
and 
discipline. 
As 
Gatens 
(1996: 
132) 
argues, 
The 
sexed 
body 
can 
no 
longer 
be 
conceived 
as 
the 
unproblematic 
biological 
and 
factual 
base 
upon which 
gender 
is 
inscribed, 
but 
59 
itself 
must 
be 
practices 
that 
expression. 
recognised 
as constructed 
by 
discourse 
and 
take the 
body 
as 
their 
target 
and 
vehicle 
of 
Thus, 
one of 
the 
central 
thrusts 
of more 
contemporary 
work 
is, 
after 
Foucault 
(1979), that the 
body itself 
has 
a 
fluid 
and changeable 
history. 
By 
granting 
the 
body 
a 
history 
(Gatens, 
1996) 
the traditional 
associations 
between 
the 
female 
body 
and 
the 
domestic 
sphere 
and 
the 
male 
body 
and 
the 
public 
sphere 
can 
be 
acknowledged 
as 
historical 
realities, 
the 
product of 
historical 
processes. 
What 
is 
required 
is 
a 
means of 
articulation, of 
exposing 
these 
historical 
realities 
and 
the 
ways 
in 
which social 
lives 
are 
lived 
in 
material 
bodies. 
As 
Foucault 
argues, 
what 
is 
needed 
is, 
An 
analysis 
in 
which 
the 
biological 
and 
the 
historical 
are 
not 
consecutive 
to 
one another 
... 
but 
are 
bound in 
an 
increasingly 
complex 
fashion in 
accordance with 
the 
development 
of 
the 
modern 
technologies 
of power 
that take 
life 
as 
their 
objective. 
Hence, I do 
not envisage 
a 
`history 
of mentalities' 
that 
would 
take 
account 
of 
bodies 
only 
through the 
manner 
in 
which 
they 
have 
been 
perceived 
and given 
meaning and value; 
but 
a 
`history 
of 
bodies' 
and 
the 
manner 
in 
which what 
is 
most material and most 
vital 
in 
them 
has 
been invested 
(Foucault, 
1979: 130). 
Adopting 
this 
perspective, 
the 
body, 
and 
particularly 
the 
female body, 
becomes 
a site 
of political 
control 
and 
increasingly 
subject 
to 
surveillance. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
thesis, 
feminist 
engagement 
with 
Foucault 
might 
be 
considered 
a useful 
way 
of 
highlighting the 
relevance 
of gendered 
experience 
and, 
critically, 
allows 
for 
a 
discussion 
of 
how 
perceived 
`truths' 
about 
the 
body 
come 
into being. 
Foucault's 
methodological 
emphasis on 
historical 
analysis 
and 
understanding 
exposes 
the 
ways 
in 
which 
legal, 
medical 
and 
social 
scientific 
discourse 
have 
intertwined 
to 
make 
problematic 
the 
issue 
of 
the 
female 
body 
(Smart, 
1992), 
a point 
echoed within 
the 
more recent 
works 
of 
60 
Moscucci 
(1990) 
and 
Jordanova's 
(1989) 
and, 
in 
a 
related 
field, 
Illich's 
(1986) 
suggestion 
that 
bodies 
are 
`epoch 
specific'. 
For 
this 
project, 
a 
historical 
analysis 
usefully 
highlights 
both 
the 
changing 
role 
of 
women and 
the 
conflation 
of sex 
with gender, 
arguably 
resulting 
in, for 
example, 
the 
appropriation 
of 
the 
reproductive 
field from 
the 
hands 
of 
women 
into 
a 
male-dominated 
medical 
profession3. 
The 
more radical 
feminist 
critiques 
of 
assisted 
reproductive 
technology 
(Corea, 
1985; Corea 
and 
Duelli 
Klein, 
1985), 
for 
example, 
argue 
this 
can 
be 
traced to 
this 
discursive 
construction 
of 
an 
idealised 
notion of 
both `woman' 
and 
`motherhood'. 
As 
Bailey 
(1993: 123) 
argues, 
`Women's bodies 
are 
tailored, 
by 
women, 
to 
conform 
to 
social 
ideas 
which are 
historically 
specific. 
This is 
not an essential 
femininity but 
an expression 
of power relations'. 
In 
extending 
Foucault 
to 
embrace 
patriarchy, much productive work 
has 
been 
achieved 
in 
this 
field, linking 
the 
everyday 
lived 
experience 
of 
the 
body 
within 
disciplinary 
structures 
and 
regimes 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2002). 
Sawicki 
(1991) 
also 
moves 
beyond 
the 
limitations 
of 
Foucault's 
disciplinary 
conception 
of 
power 
by 
challenging 
the 
notion 
that 
reproductive 
procedures 
act 
as a 
repressive 
mechanism. 
According 
to 
Sawicki 
(1991) 
these 
processes 
are 
the 
result 
of 
a 
myriad 
of 
changing 
practices which 
have 
resulted 
in 
the 
transformation 
of 
the 
process 
of 
childbirth 
and motherhood 
over 
the 
years. 
Rather 
than 
seizing 
control 
over 
the 
body, 
they 
simultaneously 
make 
it 
more 
useful and 
powerful. 
See Keller, 
1985 
and 
Bleir, 
1984 
for 
a more 
developed 
discussion 
here 
61 
Butler's 
trouble: Bodies 
that 
matter 
and 
the 
expense 
of 
gender 
Butler 
(1990; 
1993) 
provides 
one 
of 
the 
most 
comprehensive 
analyses 
influenced 
by 
this 
approach 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2002: 
19). 
That 
Butler's 
work 
is 
influential is 
without 
doubt 
yet 
this 
position 
is 
emblematic 
of 
a 
number 
of 
difficulties, 
which 
I 
will outline 
further 
below. 
Butler's 
earlier 
(1990) 
work moves 
the 
body 
beyond 
the 
status 
of 
a 
limiting 
materiality 
out of 
which gender 
is 
culturally 
interpreted 
to 
a position 
where 
the 
body 
represents 
that 
which gender 
works 
through 
and constitutes. 
Gender 
is 
`the 
repeated stylisation 
of 
the 
body, 
a 
set of repeated 
acts 
within a 
highly 
regulatory 
frame 
that 
congeals 
over 
time 
to 
produce 
the 
appearance 
of 
substance, 
a natural sort of 
being 
and persistent 
impersonation 
that 
passes 
as real' 
(Butler, 1990: 33). Further, if `sex' is 
continually 
understood as more 
ontologically 
`fixed' 
than 
gender, and we 
thus 
fail 
to 
understand sex 
as 
generated 
by 
political structures, 
feminist discourse 
will ultimately 
remain 
trapped 
within 
the tired 
and unnecessary 
binary 
of 
free 
will 
and 
determinism 
(Butler, 
1990: 147). 
In 
deconstructing the 
`subject' 
of 
feminism, Butler 
appropriates 
Foucault's 
method 
of genealogy 
-a 
stance which 
contests 
the 
reification of gender 
implicit 
in binary 
conceptions 
of masculine 
and 
feminine 
and 
thus 
refuses 
to 
search 
for 
the 
origins 
of 
gender 
(1990: ix). Notions 
of 
`feminine 
identity' 
for 
feminist 
politics 
are 
mistaken 
and 
constraining, serving 
to 
obscure 
the 
field 
of 
power 
through 
which 
the 
subject 
is 
constituted 
(1990: 
6). 
Further, 
Butler 
argues 
that 
if 
there 
is 
something 
right 
in de Beauvoir's 
claim 
that 
one 
is 
not 
62 
born 
but 
becomes 
a 
woman, 
then it 
must 
follow 
that 
the term 
`woman' 
itself 
is 
a 
term 
in 
continual 
process, 
the 
product 
of ongoing 
discursive 
practice 
and 
neither 
originating 
nor 
ending 
(1990: 
33). 
The 
`task', 
therefore, 
`is 
to 
investigate 
the 
political 
origin 
and 
cause 
of 
identity 
categories 
that 
are 
the 
effects 
of 
institutions, 
practices, 
discourses 
... 
' (1990: 
136-9) 
and 
expose 
them 
as performative 
categories, 
as 
illusions 
of gendered 
selves. 
If 
gender, 
therefore, 
is 
an effect 
of performance, 
the 
feminist 
strategy 
is 
to 
disrupt 
the 
performance 
through 
parody 
- 
`sex' 
in 
Butler 
is 
as culturally 
constructed 
as 
gender. 
In her 1993 
work, 
Butler 
responds 
to 
the 
criticism 
raised 
by her 
notion 
of 
`gender 
performativity' 
(1990). 
Her 
initial 
reconceptualisation 
challenging 
the 
body 
as possessing an existence prior 
to the 
mark of gender 
dissolves 
under 
a preoccupation with 
gender as a 
fabricated 
bodily 
performance. 
In 
this 
earlier 
work, 
there 
appears 
little 
prospect of agency and 
little hope 
of 
breaking 
the 
cycle. 
Butler 
(1993) 
responds 
to this 
critique, arguing 
discourse 
does 
not 
cause 
sexual 
difference. 
The 
fact 
that 
discourse 
needs continual 
reiteration 
is 
testament 
to the 
fact 
that 
bodies 
never quite 
comply 
with 
the 
norms and, 
critically, 
that 
sex 
is 
never 
stable. 
If 
notions of sexual 
difference 
require 
continual 
reiteration 
and 
reinforcement, 
this 
suggests 
that the 
body 
is 
unstable 
and 
gender 
may 
be 
a performance. 
Referring 
to the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
Butler 
argues 
that 
the 
degradation 
of 
the 
natural as 
`that 
which 
is before 
intelligibility' (1993: 
5) 
contains 
the 
inherent 
suggestion 
that 
`sex' 
is 
merely 
a 
site 
of 
inscription. 
Further, 
this 
problematises 
the 
more 
conventional 
constructivist 
debate 
in the 
sense 
that this 
proposition 
produces 
a premise 
63 
that 
both 
refutes 
and 
confirms 
its 
own 
enterprise. 
If 
we cannot 
take 
account 
of 
sex 
as 
the 
site 
upon which 
constructivism 
acts, 
then this 
presumes 
sex 
itself 
as 
the 
`unconstructed' 
and 
a 
priori. 
Opposing 
this, 
if 
sex 
is fiction, 
gender 
then 
cannot 
presume 
a sex 
which 
it 
acts 
upon 
and 
`everything 
descends 
into 
being 
only 
and 
always 
language' (1993: 
6). 
Butler's 
re-association 
of 
the 
categories 
of 
gender and 
sex and 
repositioning 
of 
the 
body 
as central 
to 
an 
understanding 
of gender 
does 
present 
a 
new 
mode 
of radical 
`bodily 
thinking' 
(Hughes 
and 
Witz, 1997: 
55). The 
rethinking 
of 
constructionism 
from 
the 
standpoint of sex 
rather 
than 
gender, alongside 
the 
notion of 
the 
body 
not as a site 
but 
as a 
`process 
of 
materialisation 
that 
stabilises 
over 
time' 
(1993: 10), 
attempts 
to 
embrace agency 
in 
the 
form 
of 
potential resistance 
or 
`parody' 
available when we grasp 
the 
instability 
of sex 
and collectively 
disidentify 
with 
the 
normative 
dimension. 
Hughes 
and 
Witz 
(1997) identify 
points 
of criticism against 
Butler, 
which 
I 
draw 
on 
here. 
Butler 
ultimately 
falls back 
into 
the 
structure versus agency 
debate. While 
the 
body 
appears 
to 
have 
a 
material existence, 
this 
`existence' 
is 
only apparent 
through 
the 
lens 
of 
regulatory 
norms 
and 
is 
thus 
a 
position of 
infinite 
variability 
and 
instability, 
dependent 
upon 
the 
gendered 
matrix 
of 
conditions under 
which 
it 
emerges. 
Further, 
the 
`subject' 
is 
expected 
to 
resist 
and 
parody 
these 
norms, 
a 
difficult 
position when 
the 
subject 
has, 
according 
to 
Butler, 
already 
been 
produced 
by 
those 
very norms. 
Butler's 
radical 
rethinking 
of 
constructionism 
and 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
materialised 
body 
does 
move 
away 
from the 
limitations 
of 
the 
idea 
of essence 
as 
a 
totalising 
64 
model. 
This 
offers 
much 
by 
way of 
the 
potential 
to 
explore 
the 
reinforcement 
of 
particular 
`sexed' 
(and 
heterosexual) 
identities 
and 
the 
exclusion 
of 
the 
abjected 
body 
marked 
as 
`other'. 
Yet, 
as 
Hughes 
and 
Witz 
(1997: 
56 
- 
57) 
suggest, 
this 
leaves 
little 
room 
for 
the 
exploration 
of 
`gender-inflected' 
embodiment. 
... 
Butler 
exhorts 
us 
to 
remember 
that 
`the "body" 
comes 
in 
genders' 
(Butler, 
1993: 
ix). 
This fact, 
however, 
is 
something 
that 
she 
herself 
seems 
in 
the 
end 
never 
to 
fully 
address 
... 
Butler 
... 
seems 
keen 
to 
imply 
that 
in 
her 
most 
recent 
theoretical 
schema, 
gender, sex 
and 
the 
body 
remain 
`in 
touch' 
with each 
other. 
How, 
though, 
can 
this 
actually 
be 
the 
case 
within a 
framework 
which 
addresses 
the 
`matter 
of 
bodies' 
in 
such 
a way as 
to 
occlude 
the 
`matter 
of gender' 
behind 
the 
overarching 
regulatory 
citationality 
of 
the 
heterosexual 
law? 
The 
tendency towards 
voluntarism 
(the 
theory 
that the 
will 
rather 
than 
the 
intellect is 
the 
ultimate principle of 
reality) 
is 
a 
further 
central 
difficulty 
within 
Butler's 
work. 
In 
the 
preface 
to the 
second edition of 
`Gender 
Trouble' (1999) 
and recognising 
how her 
views 
have 
changed over 
time, 
Butler 
returns 
to the 
issue 
of 
gender performativity 
and 
begins 
to 
embrace 
(post-Lacanian) 
psychoanalytic explanations 
`to 
curb 
the 
occasional 
voluntarism of my 
view of 
performativity 
without 
thereby 
undermining 
a more general 
theory 
of agency' 
(1999: 
xxv). 
As 
Weedon 
(1999: 80) 
suggests, 
`the 
psychoanalytic 
presupposition 
that 
gendered 
subjectivity 
is 
acquired rather 
than 
inborn 
accounts 
for 
much 
of 
the 
attraction 
of psychoanalytic 
theory 
for feminists'. 
Moving 
beyond 
Butler 
and 
while 
again wary of grouping 
together the 
variety 
of 
feminist 
scholarship, 
I 
follow 
Felski 
(1997) 
and 
Hughes (2002) in 
identifying 
first (Irigaray, 
1985 
Kristeva, 
1980 
and 
Cixous, 
1976) 
and 
second 
(Braidotti, 
1989; 
1994a; 
1994b; 
Grosz, 
1990; 
Cornell, 
1997) 
generations 
of 
difference 
feminists 
paying 
attention 
to 
the 
purpose 
of 
language 
in 
the 
construction 
of 
65 
self-hood, emphasising 
a 
social, 
rather 
than 
a 
biological, 
construction 
of 
identity 
(Hughes, 
2002: 
72). 
Yet, 
this 
exposes 
potential 
tension 
or 
confusion 
between 
how 
we 
`know' 
(as 
a 
political and 
cultural/social 
process) 
and 
the 
possibility 
of 
some 
bodily 
reality 
which we may 
feel 
but 
have 
no 
language 
(as 
yet) 
for 
knowing. 
This 
is 
a 
debate 
which 
is 
continually 
being 
played 
out 
within 
the 
philosophy 
of 
social 
science and 
it is 
within 
this 
discourse 
that 
much 
recent 
feminist 
`body-work' 
has 
remained restrained. 
While 
the 
focus 
on 
duality 
can 
be 
exposed 
as more 
enslaving 
than 
liberating, 
promoting 
universalised 
discourse 
within 
sociological 
work 
and 
homogenising 
the 
female 
experience 
(Annandale 
and 
Clark, 
1996), 
the 
move 
beyond 
this 
is, 
as 
I have illustrated, 
problematic. 
With 
particular 
reference 
to 
post-structuralist 
work, 
moves 
forward 
should 
not 
be founded 
on notions 
of 
same 
or 
different. The benefits 
of 
a 
deconstructive 
perspective 
have 
shown 
that 
this 
choice 
is 
a 
pseudo-choice 
and one 
that 
has 
already 
been 
framed 
by 
a gendered 
narrative 
(Di Stefano, 
1990). Neither 
term 
can escape 
the 
other, 
underlining 
a 
frame 
of reference 
which 
demonstrates 
the 
persistence 
of 
philosophical 
dualisms. 
Butler's 
work 
has 
been influential 
and 
this 
is 
reflected 
in 
a shift 
in 
attention 
in 
this field 
away 
from 
more 
sociologically 
grounded 
theories towards 
more 
philosophical conceptualisations 
of 
the 
body (Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001). Post- 
structuralist analyses 
seek 
to 
explore 
the 
relations 
between 
discourses, 
66 
subjectivity 
and 
power. 
Language 
is 
central 
and, 
as 
language 
is 
multiple 
and 
varied 
with no 
guarantee 
of 
transference 
of 
intended 
meanings, 
subjectivity 
too 
is 
multiple. 
The 
post-structuralist 
view 
of 
the 
subject 
is 
thus 
very 
positive 
for 
feminist 
thought, 
giving 
rise 
to the 
possibility 
of creating 
new 
gender 
discourses 
and, 
by 
implication, 
new 
subjectivities 
and 
ways 
of 
being 
and 
doing 
(Hughes, 
2002: 
66). Yet, 
while postmodern 
and 
post-structuralist 
theories 
of 
the 
body 
and 
concurrent 
celebrations 
of multiplicity, 
fragmentation 
and 
flux 
may offer 
relief 
from 
the 
ever 
present 
threat 
of 
slipping 
into 
essentialism, 
the 
corporeality 
of 
the 
body 
remains 
a sensitive and 
disputed 
issue. 
The 
more recent moves 
towards 
increasingly 
abstract 
theorisation 
reflect 
the 
difficulty 
of 
developing 
a non-reductionist material 
ontology of 
the 
body 
and, at 
the 
same 
time, 
overcoming 
dualistic frameworks 
which 
trouble 
thinking 
in 
this 
field. The 
Foucauldian 
influence is 
productive 
in 
highlighting 
the 
relevance 
of gendered 
experience, 
yet 
analyses rest solely on 
an 
exploration of 
the 
meaning 
mapped 
onto 
the 
body 
(discipline, 
regulation, 
normalisation and 
production) 
rather 
than the 
materiality of 
the 
body itself 
(Ramazanoglu 
with 
Holland, 
2002). 
As Watson 
(2000: 
54) 
argues, 
`the 
physical 
body 
has 
... 
been 
appropriated 
as 
a 
theoretical 
context 
for 
either 
the 
explication of 
symbolic 
representations 
of 
the 
body 
or 
the 
fashioning 
and 
inscripting 
of 
the 
body 
through 
discourse'. 
My 
point 
here 
is 
the 
difficulty 
of 
again 
conceptualising 
a 
`hidden' 
body, 
awaiting 
inscription. 
Further, the 
postmodern 
proclamation 
of 
the 
`death 
of 
the 
universal 
subject' 
may seem 
attractive 
in the 
face 
of 
`radical feminism's 
appeal 
to the 
unchanging 
essence 
of 
woman, 
liberal 
feminism's 
aim of 
making 
women 
like 
67 
men 
and 
humanist 
Marxism's 
concept 
of 
a 
true 
human 
nature' 
(Weedon, 
1995: 
127). 
The hurried 
move 
away 
from 
a 
view 
from 
`somewhere' 
and 
it's 
perceived 
negative 
connotations, 
towards 
a 
view 
from 
`nowhere' 
and 
more 
fluid, 
permeable and 
changeable 
conceptualisations 
illustrates 
the 
attraction 
of 
the 
philosophical 
tradition. 
Yet 
sociological 
and philosophical 
dualisms 
(agency/structure, 
mind/body) 
may 
parallel 
each 
other 
but 
they 
cannot 
be 
unproblematically 
mapped 
onto 
each other 
(Crossley, 
2001). 
Inattention 
to 
structural 
features 
and, 
in 
particular, 
the 
source 
of regulatory 
norms 
underlines 
the 
difficulty 
of 
incorporating 
a philosophical position 
in 
our 
understandings 
of 
the 
body. 
Further, 
that 
feminist 
scholarship 
should continually check 
theories 
against 
experience 
is 
a 
point 
long 
since 
made 
(Duelli 
Klein, 
1983: 95) 
and prevents 
theory that 
is 
more 
concerned with 
abstractions 
than 
being 
grounded 
in living 
experience 
(Stanley 
and 
Wise, 1983: 
201). However, 
I 
suggest 
that this 
aim 
has 
been 
more 
recently 
dissipated 
by 
the 
influences I have 
outlined. 
Throughout 
my 
commentary 
so 
far, 
the 
body, 
in 
all 
its 
precariousness, 
is 
exposed 
by 
paying 
attention 
to 
the 
constitutive 
outside 
and 
is 
a 
position 
that 
loses 
sight 
of 
and 
moves 
away 
from 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
body 
as 
both 
a 
biological 
and 
lived 
entity. 
In 
this 
respect, 
and 
as 
Witz 
(2000) 
suggests, 
the 
body 
has been 
as 
much 
an 
absent presence 
within 
feminist 
sociology 
as 
it has been 
within 
the 
wider 
discipline 
as 
a 
whole. 
To 
make 
further 
sense 
of 
this, 
it is 
useful 
to 
understand 
this 
`absent 
present' 
as 
sitting 
uneasily 
alongside 
feminist 
politics 
and 
activist 
68 
campaigns 
for 
women's 
bodily 
self-determination 
4, 
feminism 
as 
a 
theoretical 
enterprise 
and 
the 
differing 
relationships 
to the 
body. 
Both 
historically, 
and 
during 
the 
early 
years of 
contemporary 
feminism, 
many 
feminists 
saw 
equality 
as 
predicated on 
the 
need 
to 
go 
beyond 
biology 
and/or 
saw 
the 
corporeal 
in 
a 
negative 
light (Price 
and 
Shildrick, 
1999). 
Yet, 
in 
contradistinction, 
more 
positive 
theorisations 
(see 
Boston 
Women's 
Health 
Book Collective, 
1976) 
urged 
women 
to 
reclaim 
their 
bodies 
in 
an 
early celebration 
of 
women's 
`bodyliness'. 
This 
stressed 
the 
impossibility 
of a separation 
of 
the 
body 
from 
the 
mind and 
the 
particular 
body 
that 
underpins a series 
of 
hierarchical 
oppressions 
(Price 
and 
Shildrick, 
1999). 
I 
suggest 
that the 
influence 
of 
this 
tension 
is 
still 
visible within current 
debate 
and 
is illustrated 
by 
the 
variety of approaches 
to 
gender 
and 
the 
body 
illustrated 
through 
this 
chapter. 
Firstly, 
the 
body 
as something 
to 
be 
reclaimed 
as 
the 
very 
essence 
of 
the 
female, incorporating 
the 
search 
to 
find 
new ways 
of exploring women's 
embodied 
specificity. 
This 
echoes 
Connell's 
(2002) 
metaphor of 
the 
`body 
as 
a machine' 
(2002: 30) 
- 
the 
idea 
that 
natural 
difference 
provides 
the 
basis 
for 
the 
social pattern of gender. 
Secondly, 
the 
body 
is 
something 
to 
be 
rejected, 
incorporating the 
refusal 
to 
contemplate any 
account 
which 
links 
women's 
social 
being 
to 
pre-given 
bodily 
attributes 
or 
experiences. 
Finally, the 
more recent 
postmodernist 
and poststructuralist 
influenced 
perspectives 
- 
the 
`body 
as a canvas' 
(Connell, 
2002: 
36) 
- 
develops 
the 
notion 
of 
the 
body 
as 
fluid, 
permeable 
and 
changeable, 
underlining 
a 
more 
radical 
form 
of 
construction 
ism. A 
number 
of recent 
For 
example, 
reproductive 
rights 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001) 
69 
commentators 
(notably 
Butler, 
1990; 
1993; 
Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001; 
2002; 
Lindemann, 
1997) 
position 
themselves 
within 
the 
latter 
camps. 
Davis 
(1997) 
makes 
a number 
of critical 
points 
here. 
Firstly, 
feminist 
theory 
on 
the 
body 
provides, 
up 
to 
a point, 
6 
an essential 
corrective 
to the 
masculinist 
character 
of 
much of 
the 
`new' 
body 
theory 
precisely 
because 
it 
takes 
difference, 
domination 
and subversion 
as 
starting points 
for 
understanding 
the 
conditions 
and experiences 
of 
embodiment 
in 
contemporary 
culture' 
(1997: 15). This 
challenges 
the 
notion of 
the 
body 
as a generic 
system 
and 
moves 
towards 
recognition 
of 
the 
differing 
experiences of 
the 
body, 
dependent 
on position. 
Secondly, 
Davis 
argues 
`conditions 
of 
embodiment 
are 
organised 
by 
systemic patterns of 
domination 
and subordination, 
making 
it 
impossible 
to 
grasp 
individual body 
practices, 
body 
regimes 
and 
discourses 
about 
the 
body 
without 
taking 
power 
into 
account' 
(1997: 
15). This 
underlines 
the 
need 
to 
explore 
embodied experience 
as socially 
located. 
However, 
echoing my earlier 
point, 
in 
the 
development 
of an embodied 
theoretical 
framework, feminist 
scholarship 
still grapples 
with a number 
of 
difficulties. 
Central 
to this 
is 
the 
influence 
of 
theoretical 
positioning which strides 
too 
quickly 
beyond 
presumed 
binaristic 
limitations. 
As Davis 
(1997) 
argues, 
attending 
to 
the 
`deconstruction' 
of 
the 
mind/body 
dualism 
has been 
at 
the 
expense of 
`attending 
to 
individuals 
actual 
material 
bodies 
or 
their 
everyday 
interactions 
with 
their 
bodies 
and 
through their 
bodies 
with 
the 
world 
around 
them' 
(1997: 
15, 
my 
emphasis). 
Moving beyond 
this 
difficulty 
is 
a problematic 
which must 
include 
the 
deconstruction 
of 
the 
body 
as 
the 
bedrock 
of 
difference 
while 
at 
the 
same 
time 
validating 
difference 
to 
do 
justice 
to 
70 
gendered embodied 
experiences. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
thesis 
and 
specifically 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
female 
body, 
this 
must 
also 
develop 
alongside 
a 
focus 
on power 
and 
systematic 
features 
of 
domination 
(Davis, 
1997). 
Attention 
to this 
move 
underlines 
the 
difficulties 
of 
remaining 
influenced 
by 
attempts 
to 
retrieve 
the 
body 
within 
feminist 
philosophy 
(Butler, 
1990; 
1993; 
1999; 
Braidotti, 
1989; 
1994a; 
Gatens, 
1996; Grosz, 
1994). 
As 
Witz 
(2000: 
6) 
argues, 
... 
if 
the 
new 
sociology 
of 
the body 
over-valorizes 
the 
body 
in 
feminism, 
and overlooks 
the 
ways 
in 
which 
feminist 
sociologists 
have 
de-valorized 
the 
body 
in 
explanations 
of 
the 
gendered 
social, 
then the 
new 
feminist 
philosophies 
of 
the 
body 
de-valorize 
gender 
... 
either as 
a surface 
given meaning 
through 
discourse 
(Butler, 
1990; 1993; Grosz, 
1994) 
or as 
a corporeal 
ground 
of 
subjectivity 
(Braidotti, 
1991) but devalorized 
gender. 
The 
task, 
according 
to 
Witz 
(2000) 
is 
to 
worry 
away 
at 
the 
influence 
of 
feminist 
philosophy and pull 
the 
body into 
view 
in 
such a way 
that 
resists 
the 
de- 
naturalisation of sex or 
de-valorisation 
of gender. 
However, I 
suggest 
apparent 
reluctance 
here is 
a 
positioning 
which 
still 
remains underpinned 
by 
the 
fear 
of suggesting 
a 
potentially 
dangerous 
and underlying volatility 
that 
marks 
the 
female 
body, 
a 
point 
I 
will 
develop 
in 
the 
following 
sections and 
continue 
through 
chapter 
three. 
Embodying 
gender: 
new starting 
points 
While Scott 
and 
Morgan 
(1993) 
earlier 
suggested 
that 
little 
work 
in 
this 
field 
has 
taken 
embodiment 
as 
a starting 
point, 
there 
is 
now a growing 
corpus 
of 
work 
which 
has 
begun 
to 
examine 
the 
lived 
experience of 
embodiment, 
starting 
from 
a 
sociological 
as 
opposed 
to 
a philosophical 
position 
(for 
71 
example, 
Backett-Milburn 
and 
McKie, 
2001; 
Connell, 
2002; 
Crossley, 
2001; 
Nettleton 
and 
Watson, 
1998; 
Watson, 
2000; 
Watson 
and 
Cunningham-Burley, 
2001). 
Ironically, 
women's 
experience 
within 
arguably 
one of 
the 
most 
contentious 
arenas 
of all 
- 
the 
reproductive 
arena 
- 
may 
effectively 
critically 
engage 
with 
the 
issues I have 
raised 
for 
discussion 
and 
exploration. 
The 
immense 
significance of 
the 
`maternal' 
body 
in both 
material 
and 
theoretical 
configurations 
is 
illustrated 
by 
the diversity 
of work 
and 
tension 
within 
this 
field 
(for 
example, 
Corea, 
1985; Corea 
et 
al, 
1985; 
Firestone, 
1971; Hanmer, 
1985; 
Irigaray, 
1985; Kristeva, 
1982; Rich, 
1979, Sawicki, 
1991). Yet, 
somewhere 
amidst 
the tensions 
between 
differing 
political 
and 
feminist 
agendas, 
combined 
with 
the 
more recent 
influences 
rooted 
in 
philosophical, 
cultural 
and 
psychoanalytic 
traditions, the 
need 
to 
continually 
problematise 
conceptual 
foundations 
and explore 
the 
potentiality and capacity of 
the 
female body 
has 
lost 
currency. 
The 
question 
of 
how 
the 
process and experience of 
reproduction can 
be both 
theorised 
and explored without succumbing 
to 
a 
negatively 
defined, 
ahistorical 
state of 
being 
in 
nature or abstracting 
to the 
point 
of 
both 
material 
insignificance 
and 
invisibility, 
exposes 
this 
difficulty 
within 
feminist 
thought. 
To 
return 
bodies to 
the 
sociological 
gaze and 
to 
their 
gender 
(Witz, 2001) 
and 
moving 
away 
from 
the 
free-floating 
imagery I have discussed, 
Jackson 
and 
Scott 
(2001) 
suggest 
the 
notion of an 
embodied 
social 
self, 
a 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
as 
interactive 
and 
socially 
located to 
material 
72 
relations. 
This 
conceptualisation 
encourages 
the 
move 
back 
to 
an 
engagement with practice 
and 
with embodied 
actualities 
in 
a 
sociologically 
grounded 
manner. 
Further, 
`gender' 
is 
re-admitted 
into 
this 
conceptualisation 
but 
not as 
a 
privileged 
category 
of 
analysis 
in its 
own right. 
Rather, 
gendered 
subjectivity 
is 
recognised 
in both 
a 
material 
(the 
state 
or quality 
of 
being 
physical) 
and 
ideological 
sense. 
In 
acknowledging 
Butler's (1993) 
suspicion 
of 
an 
autonomous, pre-social 
`I' (the 
`I' 
is 
only 
ever 
fleetingly 
mobilised 
and 
formed 
through 
gender) 
Jackson 
and 
Scott 
(2002: 
21) 
suggest, 
A 
sociological 
understanding 
must go 
beyond 
merely recognising 
differences 
and 
consider 
the 
social contexts 
in 
which 
identities 
are 
forged 
through 
interaction 
with 
others and 
through 
reflexively 
constructed 
biographies. 
However, in 
their 
earlier commentary 
Jackson 
and 
Scott (2001) 
suggest 
there 
must 
be 
a space 
for 
conscious, reflexive 
thought 
and action 
in 
the 
space 
between 
unconscious 
depths 
and surface appearances. 
Yet 
here 
the 
suggestion of unconscious 
depth 
echoes 
Shilling 
and 
Mellor's 
(1996) 
problematic of attributing 
to 
the 
unconscious 
`embodied dispositions' 
that 
prove 
difficult to 
conceptualise 
(1996: 
7). 
Despite 
this, 
I 
concur 
with 
Jackson 
and 
Scott's (2001) 
emphasis 
on 
the 
need 
to 
`put 
the 
bodies 
feet 
back 
on 
the 
ground', a position 
which 
is 
simultaneously 
contextual, 
interactive 
and socially 
located. 
Connell 
(2001; 
2002) 
also 
moves 
towards 
an embodied 
conception 
of 
agency. 
Bodies 
have 
agency 
in 
social practice yet 
are 
also 
the 
objects 
of 
practice: 
`... 
bodies 
toil, 
labour, 
age, 
become 
sick, give 
birth 
- 
bodies 
cannot 
be 
understood 
just 
as 
the 
objects of social 
process, 
whether 
symbolic 
or 
disciplinary 
- 
they 
are 
active 
participants 
in 
73 
social 
process 
... 
bodies 
must 
be 
seen as 
sharing 
in 
social 
agency, 
in 
generating 
and shaping 
courses of social 
conduct 
... 
` 
(Connell, 
2002: 40). 
Connell 
(2002) 
outlines 
his 
concept 
of 
`social 
embodiment' 
as a 
conceptual 
tool 
for 
understanding 
the 
relationship 
between 
the 
body 
and 
society 
in 
gender, 
restating 
the 
earlier 
work of 
Maccoby 
and 
Jacklin 
(1975) 
and 
arguing 
the 
huge body 
of 
sex 
difference 
research 
has 
failed 
to 
acknowledge 
sex 
similarity 
findings. Connell 
argues 
there 
are many other 
differences 
between 
bodies 
(small, large, 
old, young, 
broken, 
poor and enriched) 
each 
with 
its 
own 
trajectory 
through 
time. 
Material 
practices 
(the 
capacity 
to 
engender, 
to 
give 
birth, to 
give 
milk and 
to 
give and receive pleasure) 
are significant 
and, 
I 
suggest, 
this 
significance 
rests within 
the 
complex 
space 
between 
corporeality 
and 
sociality 
(Scott 
and 
Morgan, 
1993). 
However, 
Connell's 
implicit 
suggestion 
(in both his 
earlier, 
1987, 
and 
current, 
2002 
work) 
that 
biology 
may 
be 
both 
negated 
and 
transcended 
specifically 
focuses 
on 
the 
exterior 
of 
the 
body 
- 
age, 
size, 
health, 
for 
example. 
However, 
in 
opposition, 
I 
suggest 
that 
biology 
may 
be 
reconceptualised 
and 
in 
a way 
that 
removes 
the 
negation 
of 
biology 
and 
the 
resultant 
focus 
on only 
the 
exterior 
of 
the 
body. 
Connell 
(2002), 
for 
example, 
has little 
to 
say 
about 
the 
experiences 
(and 
challenge) 
of 
illness, 
disease 
and 
discomfort. I 
also 
add 
here the 
challenge 
of assumptions 
surrounding 
the 
specific nature 
of 
different 
bodies' 
capacities 
and potentiality. 
This 
again 
suggests 
the 
need 
to 
readmit 
gender, 
not as a privileged category 
in 
its 
own 
right 
but to 
recognise 
an 
embodied 
and gendered 
subjectivity 
in 
both 
a 
material, 
corporeal 
and 
social 
(ideological) 
sense. 
74 
Hanging 
on 
to the body: 
gendered 
embodiment 
While 
acknowledging 
feminist 
thought has directed 
much 
attention 
towards 
the 
gendered 
fabric 
of 
the 
social, 
Witz (2001) 
argues 
little 
has 
been 
said 
about 
the 
gendered 
fabric 
of social 
becoming. 
This is 
a critical 
point 
and 
relates 
back 
to 
my earlier 
suggestion 
concerning 
the 
need 
to 
problematise 
the 
conceptual 
space 
between 
understandings 
of 
`embodied' 
and 
the 
process 
of 
embodiment 
itself. 
Witz 
(2001) 
underlines 
the 
need 
to 
embed a more 
robust sense 
of gender 
as 
`gendered 
embodiment' 
through 
the 
notion of 
`embodied 
sociality'. 
This 
process 
of 
becoming 
and 
being 
gendered selves awaits more systematic 
exploration 
and 
is 
a point echoed 
in Connell's 
(2002) 
work: 
`Bodies 
as agents 
in 
social 
practice 
are 
involved in 
the 
very 
construction of 
the 
social world, 
the 
bringing-into-being 
of 
social reality' 
(2002: 
51). 
Witz 
(2001) draws 
on 
Crossley's 
(1996) 
notions 
of a 
`fabric 
of social 
becoming' 
and 
`intersubjectivity'. 
These 
notions 
capture 
the 
co-production 
of 
the 
materiality 
and 
sociality5 
of gender. 
By 
embedding 
the term 
gendered embodiment 
through the 
notion 
of embodied 
sociality, 
Witz 
pulls 
the 
inter-subjective 
and 
relational 
weight 
of 
gender 
into 
our understanding 
of 
the 
body, 
reflecting 
the 
more 
recent 
(Crossley, 
1995; 
1996; 
2001; 
Nettleton 
and 
Watson, 
1998) 
phenomenologically-inflected 
use 
of 
the 
term 
`embodiment' 
and 
the 
location 
of 
the 
body 
within 
networks 
of 
social, 
moral and cultural 
orders 
(Finkler, 
1994). 
As 
Finkler 
(1994) 
argues, 
contradictions 
within 
the 
social 
are 
lived 
in 
the 
body 
and 
are 
marked 
on 
bodies 
as 
`life-lesions'. 
This 
also potentially 
overcomes 
Witz (2001) 
defines 
these 
terms 
as: 
the 
work 
of 
gendering on 
lived 
bodies 
(materiality) 
and 
the 
constitution 
of 
gender 
subjectivity, 
intersubjectivity 
and 
intercorporeality 
(sociality) 
75 
some 
of 
the 
perceived 
structural 
deficiency 
of phenomenology 
by 
hanging 
onto 
the 
effects 
of 
the 
social. 
Crossley's 
more 
recent 
work 
(2001) 
is illuminating. 
His 
notion 
of 
the `social 
body' 
draws 
on 
the 
influence 
of 
Merleau-Ponty, 
Mead 
and 
Bourdieu 
to 
develop the 
basis for 
an embodied 
approach 
to 
sociology 
which 
is 
sensitive 
to 
such 
issues 
as 
`agency', 
`structure', 
`identity', 
`difference' 
and 
`reflexivity'. 
In 
relation 
to the 
body, 
particularly 
the 
embodiment of 
difference, Crossley 
argues 
the 
characteristics 
of 
the 
embodied 
agent are always 
relational 
and 
comparative: 
`one 
does 
not 
feel 
one's 
body 
to 
be intrinsically 
male or 
female 
since 
each 
term 
only 
has 
meaning relative 
to the 
other' 
(2001: 
150). Drawing 
on 
Mead's 
(1967) 
great emphasis upon 
the 
human 
capacity 
for 
choice and 
reflection 
(Crossley, 2001: 145), 
this 
capacity 
is 
acquired 
through 
experience 
in 
the 
form 
of 
habit 
-a 
familiar 
theme, 
argues 
Crossley, but 
one 
which 
Mead 
embodies. 
The 
split 
between the 
`I' 
and 
9 
me' 
is 
not 
between 
the 
unsocialised 
and socialised 
aspects 
of 
the 
self, 
as 
has been 
suggested 
(see 
Giddens, 
1991) 
but 
between 
a sensuous 
and 
socialised 
bodily 
agent and 
the 
image 
which 
the 
agent 
is 
able 
to 
form 
of 
itself. 
Underlining the 
important 
of reflective 
and 
reflexive 
habit, 
Crossley 
(2001: 148 
- 
150) 
argues 
the 
individual 
`comes 
to 
see 
their 
own 
perspectives 
on 
the 
world 
as 
one amongst 
others. 
Moreover, 
they 
can 
begin to 
reflect 
upon 
their 
self; upon 
their 
past, 
their 
futures 
and 
their 
habits 
... 
' 
Drawing 
on 
Merleau-Ponty 
(1962) Crossley 
(2001: 
142) 
argues 
consciousness 
is 
not, 
in the 
first 
instance, 
unconsciousness. 
Conceptualising 
this 
consciousness 
in 
the 
form 
of 
a relational and comparative 
ontology 
(a 
stance echoed 
by 
Witz, 
2001), 
is 
a positioning which 
begs 
further 
exploration 
76 
in 
this 
field 
and 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
and 
which 
I 
will 
draw 
upon 
in 
subsequent 
chapters. 
Time tools 
The 
need 
to 
`put 
the 
bodies 
feet 
on 
the 
ground' 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001), 
move away 
from 
more 
abstract 
theorisations 
and 
pay 
greater 
attention 
to 
the 
lived, 
fleshy 
experience 
of 
embodiment 
has been 
a call 
more 
easily 
made 
than 
answered 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
However, 
the 
more 
recent 
moves 
I 
describe 
above 
may prove 
critical 
to the 
recuperation 
of 
the 
body 
within 
a 
gender analytic and 
the 
development 
of 
a 
theoretical 
framework 
which 
pulls 
the 
body 
into 
view 
in 
such 
a 
way 
that both 
resists 
the 
reactive 
`de- 
naturalisation of sex or 
the 
de-valorisation 
of gender' 
(Witz, 
2000). 
However, 
room 
for further 
development 
remains, particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
significance of a 
temporal 
framework 
and 
the 
difficulties 
of 
the 
exclusion 
of 
the 
interior 
of 
the 
body. 
Connell's (2002: 
47 
- 
48) 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
`reproductive 
arena of 
social 
life' is 
useful 
here. 
This 
notion may 
be 
incorporated 
to 
explore women's 
embodied 
experience at a 
number of 
levels: 
family 
relations, 
social relations, 
the 
public and 
the 
private alongside 
temporal 
and 
spatial understandings 
of 
the 
female 
body. 
The 
notion of 
the 
`reproductive 
arena' 
is 
not 
just 
about 
reproduction 
itself but is 
about 
the 
body 
as 
both 
part 
of, 
and 
because 
of, 
wider 
social 
processes. 
Acknowledging 
the 
suggestion 
that 
we 
need 
to 
embed 
a 
more robust 
sense 
of gender 
as 
`gendered 
embodiment 
through 
the 
notion 
of embodied 
sociality' 
(Witz, 
2001), 
this 
should 
also 
integrate 
an 
understanding 
of not 
just 
what 
bodies `mean' 
but 
also 
77 
what 
they 
can 
do (Budgeon, 
2003). 
In 
an 
earlier 
text, 
Martin 
(1989: 
197 
- 
198) 
raises 
the 
issue 
of 
time 
in 
relation 
to 
women's embodied 
experience. 
In 
a 
related 
field, 
James (2000) 
suggests 
the 
concept 
of 
temporality 
may 
offer 
a 
theoretical 
account of 
the 
process 
of embodiment 
itself. 
This is 
a 
position 
that 
directly 
relates 
to 
one 
of 
the 
central 
questions 
of 
this 
project: 
how 
we 
may 
`know' 
both 
ourselves 
and our 
bodies 
as 
women. 
Reproduction 
can 
be 
considered 
a source 
of 
insight 
into 
the 
difference 
gender 
makes 
(Ramazanoglu, 1995) 
and, 
within 
this, 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
offers 
a 
critical 
site 
for 
exploration. 
As Ramazanoglu 
(1995) 
has 
suggested, 
it 
is 
possible 
to take 
account of 
biological 
existence 
in 
this 
field 
without 
assuming 
biology 
or people's 
bodies do 
or must rule 
behaviour. I 
suggest 
incorporating 
notions 
of capacity, 
potentiality and 
temporality 
into 
this 
account may 
further 
resolve some 
of 
the tensions 
I 
have 
outlined and may 
begin 
to 
answer 
Davis' 
(1997: 
14 
- 
15) 
question as 
to 
whether 
feminist 
scholarship, which 
has 
introduced 
gender/power 
relations 
to the 
analysis 
of 
the 
body, 
may 
also 
create 
theoretical 
frameworks 
which 
are 
truly 
embodied. 
In 
the 
following 
chapter, 
I begin 
to 
further develop 
my 
theoretical 
framework 
alongside 
notions 
of capacity, 
potentiality 
and 
temporality. 
My 
aim 
is 
not 
to 
dismiss 
physiological 
reality 
but 
to 
rework 
it 
from 
within 
a 
temporal 
perspective. 
While 
it is 
not 
true 
to 
say 
that time 
has 
been 
neglected 
in 
empirical studies 
(Nowotny, 
1992) 
the 
centrality 
of 
time 
as a 
theoretical, 
methodological 
and 
analytical 
resource, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied 
experience, 
has 
yet 
to 
be 
fully 
explored. 
I 
explore 
in 
more 
depth 
a 
number 
of 
biological 
and 
temporal 
assumptions 
which, 
firstly, 
have 
contributed 
to the 
78 
reluctance 
or persistent 
fear 
of accounting 
for 
the 
interior 
of 
the body 
and, 
secondly, 
bear 
direct 
relation 
to 
my empirical 
exploration 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
the 
female 
body 
in 
this 
field. 
79 
3 
Awakenings: 
The body becoming 
My 
review 
thus 
far 
underlines 
my position 
that 
resistance 
to the 
recreation 
of 
dichotomies, 
abstractions 
and objectification 
in 
this 
field 
entails 
learning 
to 
see 
and 
think 
in 
a new way 
about 
the 
body 
and gender 
(Crossley, 2001; Connell, 
2002; 
Hughes 
and 
Witz, 
1997; Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001; Nettleton 
and 
Watson, 
1998; 
Witz, 2000; 2001). 
That 
this 
move cannot 
be 
achieved within 
existing 
frames 
of understanding 
and meaning 
(Adam, 1989) 
is 
a point 
I 
will 
develop 
further through 
this 
and 
the 
following 
methods 
chapter. 
My 
concern, 
thus 
far, 
has been 
with 
the 
development 
of 
a 
theoretical 
and 
empirical 
framework 
which 
may 
recuperate 
the 
body 
within 
a gender 
analytic 
and one 
which 
will 
enable 
the 
exploration 
of women's 
experiences 
within 
the 
field 
of 
reproduction 
and 
infertility 
while 
stepping 
away 
from 
the 
perceived 
dangers 
of 
a 
foundational 
facticity. 
Witz 
(2001) 
and 
Crossley 
(2001) 
provide 
the 
beginnings 
of a 
conceptual 
framework 
that 
begins to 
effectively 
capture 
the 
co-production 
of 
both the 
materiality 
and 
sociality 
of gender. 
This 
provides 
a mode 
of 
bodily 
thinking 
which 
begins 
to 
resist 
the 
tendency 
to 
over- 
corporealise 
female 
embodiment 
while 
over-socialising 
male-embodiment 
or 
de-valorising 
gender. 
However, 
while 
I 
acknowledge 
the 
need 
to 
explore 
the 
gendered 
fabric 
of 
social 
becoming, 
as 
Witz 
(2001) 
suggests, 
this 
need 
not 
rest on 
the 
exterior 
body 
at 
the 
expense 
of 
the 
interior. 
Indeed, 
it 
is 
the 
reluctance 
to 
account 
for 
or 
acknowledge 
the 
interior 
of 
the 
body 
- 
and 
80 
particularly 
of 
the 
female 
body 
- 
which 
may 
partly 
explain 
some 
of 
the 
difficulties 
encountered 
by feminist 
scholarship 
in 
this 
field. 
My 
previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 
2001) 
raised 
a number 
of 
issues 
and 
particularly 
women's 
perception 
of 
their 
interior 
physiological 
and 
bodily 
processes 
while 
undergoing 
treatment. My 
reluctance, 
until 
the beginning 
of 
this 
project, 
to 
fully 
acknowledge 
and 
explore 
these 
issues 
has 
also 
been 
the 
result 
of 
the 
misconceived 
fear 
of 
foundational 
facticity 
I have 
outlined. 
Central 
to 
this 
chapter 
is 
the 
suggestion 
that 
a number 
of 
gaps 
and 
difficulties 
can 
be 
exposed which 
illustrate 
persistent 
biological 
and 
temporal 
assumptions. 
The 
shifting 
body imagery 
I have 
illustrated 
alongside 
subsequent 
attempts 
to 
develop 
revised 
theoretical 
and conceptual 
frameworks 
still 
sits 
uneasily 
against 
`the backdrop 
of an 
internally 
controlled 
inner 
body, 
the 
body 
of 
physiology' 
(Birke, 
2000: 135). 
My focus 
on reproduction 
and particularly 
infertility 
as a 
field 
of exploration 
also 
partially echoes 
Annandale 
and 
Clark's (1996: 
18) 
argument 
that 
`reproduction 
could 
be 
viewed 
as a paradigmatic case 
since 
it 
may embody 
the 
contrasts 
between 
modernist and postmodernist perspectives 
in 
accentuated 
form'. Further, if 
there 
is 
one process 
in 
particular 
which 
has 
compelled people 
to 
distinguish 
bodies 
across culture 
and 
through time, 
it is 
reproduction 
(Keller, 
1985). 
While 
the 
reproductive 
body has been 
at 
times 
the 
overriding 
concern 
of 
some 
eminent 
writers6 
in 
this 
field (Annandale 
and 
Clark, 
1996), the 
assumption 
of 
the 
fully 
functioning 
body, 
the 
potential 
significance 
of 
the 
challenged 
reproductive 
body, 
alongside 
the 
understanding 
6 
See 
Bleier 
(1984); 
Chodorow 
(1978); 
Martin 
(1989) 
and 
Oakley 
(1980; 
1984) 
81 
of 
bodily 
capacity 
as 
a 
temporal 
potentiality, 
remains 
as 
a site 
for 
further 
exploration 
and 
one 
that 
moves 
away 
from 
the 
limited 
dualistic 
notions 
of 
the 
body 
as 
fixed 
and 
knowable 
or 
the 
body 
in flux. 
Initial 
early 
feminist 
writings 
have 
displayed 
the 
inability 
to 
both 
write 
and 
think 
their 
way out of 
existing 
dualisms, 
subsequently 
illustrating 
firstly 
the 
consequences 
of making 
reality 
dependent 
on 
the 
logic 
of 
theory 
and 
secondly 
apprehension 
of 
the 
physiological 
interior. 
Yet 
as 
Birke (1999: 
154) 
suggests, 
`theorising 
embodied 
experience 
while 
leaving 
the 
biological 
body 
to 
get on with 
its 
own 
work merely 
perpetuates 
old 
dualisms'. Grounding 
the 
assumption 
that 
physiology 
belongs 
solely 
to the 
realm 
of 
biology 
further 
precludes 
more 
direct 
and sociological 
exploration 
and 
understanding. 
By 
beginning 
with 
the 
field 
of reproduction 
as a point of access and 
exploration 
and 
by 
offering revised 
biological 
and 
temporal 
frameworks 
for 
both 
understanding and exploring 
women's embodied experience 
in 
this 
field, 
I 
aim 
to 
move currently 
developing 
theoretical 
and conceptual 
frameworks further 
out 
of 
the 
(popularised) biological 
shadow. 
The 
voice 
of 
experience 
also remains 
absent 
from 
these 
accounts and my 
review 
so 
far, 
a point 
made 
by Menzies 
(2000) in 
a study exploring what 
happens 
to the 
body 
when 
its 
time 
zones 
are 
forgotten. 
My 
previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000) 
also 
illustrated the 
potential significance of 
the 
perceived 
`challenged body' 
as 
a 
`residual 
category' 
(Parsons, 
1937: 17) 
in 
this 
field. 
Narrated 
experience 
pointed 
towards 
a related 
and 
developing 
bodily 
awareness 
linked 
to 
time, 
available 
technology, 
expectation 
and 
finitude, 
82 
suggesting 
the 
need 
to 
explore 
other powerful 
motivational 
factors 
in 
this field. 
To 
my 
revised 
biological 
and 
temporal framework, 
I 
also 
include 
a 
revised 
technological 
dimension 
for 
the 
development 
of 
new metaphors 
for 
our 
understanding 
in 
this 
field, 
which 
I 
will 
discuss 
towards 
the 
end 
of 
this 
chapter. 
The 
potential 
for 
research 
on 
the 
subjective 
aspects 
of 
temporality is 
already 
evident 
in 
early 
symbolic 
interactionist 
literature 
on 
illness 
and 
dying 
(for 
example, 
Glaser 
and 
Strauss, 
1968). 
More 
recently, 
Frank (1991) 
and 
Charmaz 
(1991; 1994; 2002) have 
begun 
to 
illustrate 
the temporal 
aspects 
of 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
`Being ill', 
suggests 
Charmaz `gives 
rise 
to 
ways 
- 
and 
often 
new ways 
- 
of experiencing 
time' 
(1991: 4). Further, 
and 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field, 
this 
points 
to the 
potential 
to 
explore 
a 
dynamic 
relationship 
between 
our environment, 
our 
history, 
our 
bodies 
and 
ourselves. 
As 
Flaherty, drawing 
on 
the 
work 
of 
Heidegger ([1927] 
1962) 
argues, 
human 
beings 
are unique 
in 
that 
they 
make 
time 
by 
sifting 
the 
fragmentary 
dynamics 
of experience 
through 
the 
reflexive 
"unity 
of consciousness". 
On its 
most 
basic 
level 
... 
temporality 
is 
an 
aspect 
of subjectivity 
... 
human 
beings 
are aware 
of 
their 
own 
endurance, 
and 
this 
reflexivity 
gives 
human 
existence 
an 
intrinsically temporal 
character 
(Flaherty, 
1999: 
2). 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
development 
in 
this 
field 
may 
not 
just be 
complemented 
by 
such 
a 
focus 
on 
time 
but 
may 
be 
dependent 
on 
it 
(Adam, 
1989). First, 
however, 
I 
outline 
more 
recent 
biological 
developments 
which 
may 
illuminate 
and 
complement 
this 
temporal 
perspective. 
83 
Exteriority: the 
shadow 
of 
biology 
Achieving 
the 
move 
away 
from 
a position 
that 
views 
the 
body 
in isolation 
to 
one 
that 
pays 
greater 
attention 
to the 
lived, fleshy 
experience 
of embodiment 
necessitates 
a 
further 
theoretical 
shift. 
This 
must 
be 
one 
which must 
develop 
the 
move 
beyond 
the tendency 
of social 
science 
to 
see 
the 
physical 
and 
biological 
realm 
in 
contradistinction 
to the 
human 
social 
world. 
The 
reaction 
to 
both the 
more popularised 
biological 
accounts 
(for 
example, 
Dawkins, 
1976) 
alongside 
the 
persuasion 
and 
limitation 
of organicist philosophies 
developed 
in 
the 
1 9th 
century 
(Fuller, 
2000) 
has 
ensured 
development 
in 
this 
field 
rests 
firmly 
on 
the 
bodily 
exterior. 
The 
effects 
of 
this 
can also 
be 
seen 
through 
resistance 
to the 
notion of a 
`reflexive 
self' as a 
sociological 
alternative 
to the 
exploration 
of subjectivity previously grounded 
in 
the 
psychoanalytic 
tradition 
(Jackson, 
2000). This 
notion 
is 
often resisted 
on 
the 
grounds 
it `presupposes 
a pre-social 
or 
pre-discursive 
`I' 
which 
does 
the 
work 
of reflexivity' 
(Jackson, 
2000: 99) 
suggesting 
misplaced 
ontological 
anxiety. 
The 
need 
to take 
issue 
with such 
embedded 
assumptions 
and constraints 
and explore 
how 
we 
may 
draw 
on alternative 
tales 
is 
central 
to 
my aim 
to 
move 
more recent 
development 
in 
this 
field 
further 
forward. As 
I have 
outlined, 
my earlier 
research raised 
more 
questions 
than 
I 
could 
answer 
and 
aroused my 
curiosity 
further, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
temporal 
awareness 
through 
treatment 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 
2001), 
suggesting 
the 
need 
to 
explore 
embodied 
experience 
in 
terms 
of 
day to 
day 
change 
alongside 
historical lived 
experience 
(Birke, 
2000). 
84 
With 
reference 
to 
cultural 
versus 
biological 
dichotomies, 
more 
recent 
feminist theorising 
has begun 
to 
move 
away 
from 
earlier 
limitations 
in 
an 
effort 
to 
transcend 
dualisms. 
For 
example, 
Young's (1990) 
text, 
influenced 
by 
a 
phenomenological 
perspective, 
emphasises 
the 
importance 
of 
studying 
the 
body 
as 
`lived', 
as socially 
and 
historically 
signifying 
and signified. 
However, 
while 
this 
can 
be 
seen 
as a positive 
challenge and 
offering 
the 
beginnings 
of 
an 
alternative 
`body 
politics' 
(Birke, 
2000), 
the 
emphasis on 
the 
body 
as 
everything 
other 
than 
biology 
again 
still 
fails 
to 
embrace 
the 
body's 
interior. 
While I do 
not 
fully 
dismiss 
a phenomenological 
approach, which 
I 
will 
discuss 
further in 
the 
following 
chapter, 
this 
suggests a 
lived 
experience which 
begins 
and 
ends externally. 
Transgressing 
biological boundaries: 
fixity 
and 
foundation 
Despite 
a 
number 
of attempts 
to 
overcome 
limitations, the 
assumption of a 
fixed, 
biological 
foundation 
of 
the 
human body 
- 
and 
particularly 
the 
female 
body 
- 
remains 
strong 
and 
troublesome. 
A 
useful 
example of 
this 
is Turner's 
(1992: 
81) 
deceptively 
illuminating 
suggestion 
of 
understanding 
the 
body 
as a 
`potentiality' 
yet 
at 
the 
same 
time 
suggesting 
the 
need 
to 
bridge 
voluntaristic 
theories 
of 
human 
action 
and notions 
of 
biological 
foundation 
and constraint. 
The 
notion 
of potentiality 
is, in 
Turner's text, 
haunted by 
the 
shadow 
of a 
fixed 
and constrained 
internal 
body. 
Omitting 
areas 
of 
biology 
from 
such analyses 
is, 
as 
Birke (1999) 
suggests, 
surprising. 
The 
work 
of 
a 
number 
of authors 
has 
explored 
the 
related 
history 
of 
science, 
its 
shaping 
by 
social 
forces 
and 
the 
notion of 
science 
as a 
tool 
85 
used 
to 
explain 
cultural 
differences 
between 
men and 
women 
(Lacquer, 
1987; 
1990; 
Jordanova, 
1989; 
Russett, 
1989; 
Moscucci, 
1990; 
Oudshoorn, 
1994; 
Haraway, 
1995; 
Roberts, 
2002). 
In 
work 
on 
sex 
hormones, 
for 
example, 
Oudshoorn 
(1994) 
demonstrates 
the 
`production' 
of 
hormones 
within 
networks 
that 
also 
involve 
the 
incorporation 
of cultural 
ideas. 
Earlier 
still, 
the 
equation 
of 
the 
biological 
with reductionism 
was challenged 
by 
Benton in 
1991. 
As 
Benton 
(1991: 18) 
argues, 
the 
choices, 
no 
longer have 
to 
be 
seen 
... 
as 
limited 
to 
an 
intellectually 
imperialist, 
politically 
conservative 
biological 
reductionism 
on 
the 
one 
hand 
an 
idealist 
or 
dualist 
anthropocentricism, 
on 
the 
other. 
The 
state of 
biological 
science 
is 
fluid, 
there 
are numerous 
competing conceptualisations 
within 
biology, 
and 
there 
are 
several 
well-articulated 
alternatives 
to 
reductionist materialism 
available 
for 
use as philosophical 
means 
in 
an attempt 
to 
re-think 
the 
biology/society 
relationship. 
Yet 
continued assumptions 
of 
fixity 
and 
foundation illustrate 
the 
sustained 
persuasiveness 
of more 
traditional 
scientific and 
biological doctrines 
and 
the 
need 
to 
question 
`scientific 
embodiment' using a more robust and 
sociologically 
informed 
conceptualisation. 
Further 
and 
as 
Fuller 
(2000: 
176) 
argues, 
sociology's 
recent 
return 
to the 
body has 
yet 
to 
fully 
open 
the 
door 
to 
biology, 
a position 
based 
in 
part 
on 
the 
assumption of 
biology 
as an aspiring 
physics 
of 
life 
and 
the 
difficulties 
this 
suggests'. 
To 
move 
beyond these 
constraining 
assumptions, 
it is 
critical 
to 
open 
this 
door 
a 
little 
wider. 
While 
`science' 
has 
not 
been left 
out 
of 
feminist 
critique, 
the 
interior 
body 
remains 
invisible. 
In 
rebuking 
the 
phallocentrism of 
Lacan, 
Irigaray's 
work 
(1985a; 
1985b) 
does 
reconceive 
the 
spatiality of women's 
bodies 
in 
terms 
of 
internality 
rather 
than 
externality. 
As 
Battersby 
(1996: 
262) 
As 
illustration, 
an 
example 
of 
the 
misappropriation 
of 
this 
assumption 
can 
be 
found in 
the 
work 
of 
Murray (1990; 
1994). 
86 
notes, 
the 
`Speculum 
as 
a whole 
reverses 
the 
direction 
of 
the 
gaze, 
using 
woman's 
body 
as 
the 
apparatus 
through 
which 
to 
regard 
the 
philosopher's 
accounts 
of 
being'. 
However, 
my 
reference 
to the body's 
`interior' 
here 
underlines 
the 
need 
to 
consider 
the 
significance 
of 
bodily 
development 
and 
how 
we 
get 
to 
become 
the 
bodies 
we 
are 
through 
our 
lives (Birke, 
2000: 
34) 
and what 
significance 
this 
may 
have 
for 
understanding 
women's 
embodied 
experiences 
in 
this 
field. 
Attention 
here 
may complement 
Martin's 
earlier 
(1989) 
timely 
questioning, 
Witz's 
(2001) 
call 
for 
a more 
systematic 
exploration 
of 
the 
gendered 
fabric 
of 
social 
becoming, 
Crossley's 
(2001) 
relational, 
reflective and reflexive 
characteristics 
of 
the 
embodied 
agent 
and 
Connell's 
(2002) 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
reproductive 
arena. 
Recent 
work 
from feminist 
biological 
perspectives 
provides 
revision 
to 
prominent 
ideas 
concerning what 
is 
meant 
by `biology'. By 
re-examining 
the 
persuasiveness of 
the 
predominant reductionist 
language 
of 
biomedicine, 
it is 
possible 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
surface 
of 
the 
body 
and 
develop 
conceptual 
tools 
to 
aid 
the 
understanding 
and exploration of 
becoming 
and 
being 
embodied 
gendered 
selves. 
Birke 
(1999) 
provides 
a 
useful analysis 
here 
and 
I 
outline 
a number 
of central 
tenets 
below. In 
subsequent sections, my aim 
is 
to 
link 
these 
revised 
biological 
frameworks 
to 
revised conceptualisations of 
time 
and 
temporality 
as 
tools 
for 
an understanding of 
both 
the 
female body 
and 
women's embodied 
experiences 
in 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
and 
assisted 
conception. 
87 
The 
biological 
gendered 
dichotomy 
Central 
to Birke's 
(1999) 
argument 
is 
the 
persistence 
of 
a 
gendered 
dichotomy 
etched 
deep 
into 
biological 
narratives. 
This is 
a point 
I 
began 
to 
develop 
in Chapter 
Two (Lacquer, 
1987; 
1990; Jordanova, 
1989; 
Moscucci, 
1990) 
and 
it is 
useful 
to 
re-familiarise 
at 
this 
point. 
The 
substantiation 
of 
sex 
as 
an ontological category 
from 
the 17th 
century 
informed 
the 
relative 
explosion 
of scientific accounts 
of 
bodily 
differences 
during 
the 
18th 
and 
19th 
centuries, 
conceptualising 
the 
body 
as 
the 
foundation 
of 
gender and 
using 
metaphors 
of 
the 
body 
as a production 
process 
(Martin, 
1989). Further, 
this 
contributed 
towards 
a 
new 
focus 
on 
the 
development 
and application 
of 
scientific 
models of normality 
and 
health 
-a 
process subsequently 
termed 
`biopower' by 
Foucault 
(1986). 
During 
the 
early 
20th 
Century, 
the 
focus 
of 
this 
concern 
becomes 
molecular, 
including 
the 
tracing 
of 
inherited 
gene 
patterning and 
the 
naming of sex 
chromosomes 
to 
further 
distinguish between 
the 
sexes. 
Developing 
Oudshoorn's 
(1993; 1994) 
work outlining 
the 
categorisation of 
sex 
hormones 
as 
sexually 
specific 
and 
`the 
chemical messengers 
of masculinity and 
femininity' (Oudshoorn, 
1993: 
18), Birke 
(1999) 
argues 
this 
is illustrative 
of 
particular 
biological 
assays 
and 
is 
a position ultimately 
limited 
by 
the 
pre- 
assumption 
of 
two 
different 
bodies, 
serving 
different 
roles. 
The 
`naming 
of 
hormones 
as 
gendered 
makes 
assumptions about 
the 
relationship 
between 
hormones 
and 
bodies' 
which, 
in 
turn 
`underwrites 
how biologists 
have 
developed 
ideas 
about 
gender' 
(1999: 
38). This 
position 
is 
echoed 
in 
Haraway's 
(1995) 
earlier 
emphasis 
on 
the 
importance 
of understanding 
88 
science 
as 
`situated 
knowledge' 
- 
an 
approach 
which posits 
such 
knowledge 
as 
always embodied 
and 
coming 
from 
a 
specific and marked 
position. 
Far 
from being innocent, 
this 
practice 
is 
active 
and selective. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
this 
practice 
has 
also 
been 
pervasive, 
as 
I 
will 
discuss 
below. 
Science, 
persuasion 
and 
the transformative 
body 
If, 
as 
I have 
outlined, 
the 
assumption 
of sexual 
difference is first 
premised 
as 
the 
beginning 
of 
the 
equation, 
subsequent 
discovery 
will 
be 
mapped 
on 
to 
this 
difference, 
suggesting 
qualitative confirmations 
of sex 
differences 
which, 
according 
to 
Birke 
(1999: 
41) 
are not absolutes. 
Such 
assumptions 
reinforce 
notions 
of 
fixity 
and stasis 
within 
the 
biological body 
and preclude 
the 
exploration 
of alternative and 
transformative 
ways 
of 
thinking 
about 
the 
body 
itself. As Birke 
argues, 
... 
it 
matters 
that 
we 
think 
about 
the 
biological 
body 
as changing 
and 
changeable, 
as 
transformable 
rather 
than 
as a 
`tedious 
universal' 
machine 
... 
by 
insisting 
on 
thinking 
about 
`the biological' 
in 
terms 
of 
transformation 
and change, 
rather 
than 
fixity 
and 
stasis, 
we 
might 
be 
able 
to 
develop 
a conceptualisation of 
the 
biological that 
is 
not 
rooted 
in 
determinism' 
(1999: 
44). 
However, 
the 
difficulty 
of assuming 
fixity 
and 
constraint, 
synonymous 
with 
mechanistic 
notions 
of 
the 
body, 
has been 
its impact 
on 
thought 
out with 
the 
biological 
discipline, 
reflected 
in 
the 
general 
absence of 
an explanation 
of 
the 
interior body 
within 
much 
feminist theory. 
However, 
Birke 
(1999) highlights 
two 
areas where 
alternatives 
to 
reductionism 
are 
developing 
and which 
have 
received attention 
from the 
work 
of 
Haraway 
(1991) 
and 
Martin 
(1994). These 
alternative 
narratives 
may 
contribute 
towards 
new metaphors 
for 
8 
Connell's 
(2002) 
conceptualisation 
of 
social 
embodiment 
draws 
on 
the 
findings 
of 
(widely 
disbelieved) 
sex 
similarity 
research, 
highlighting 
the 
strength 
of 
dichotomous 
gender 
symbolism 
in 
Western 
culture. 
89 
understanding 
the body 
which 
both 
resist 
reductionism 
and 
more 
recent 
moves 
conceptualising 
the 
body 
as 
a more 
fluid 
and 
permeable 
assemblage. 
Further, 
the 
narratives 
of 
transformation 
and 
becoming 
which 
I 
discuss 
below 
also 
point 
toward 
the 
need 
to 
explore 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
through 
time 
and 
as 
a 
temporal 
and 
interactive 
space. 
Immunology 
and 
the 
promises 
of monsters 
Both Haraway 
(1991) 
and 
Martin 
(1994) 
outline 
the 
development 
of 
thought 
concerning 
the 
immune 
system 
as 
the 
site of a 
marked 
discursive 
shift 
and 
cultural 
imaging. Revised 
understandings 
outlining 
how 
immunity 
can 
now 
be 
acquired or 
even 
worked at, moves 
development 
within 
this 
field 
away 
from 
the 
passive 
language 
of 
immune defence 
to 
a 
focus 
on 
the 
more active 
and 
responsive 
system. 
From 
Haraway's (1991) 
position, 
the 
changeability 
of 
the 
immune 
system challenges reductionism and more 
holistic 
organistic 
views, 
implying fluidity 
and an 
information 
system 
`emphasising 
rates of 
flow 
across 
boundaries 
rather 
than 
bodily 
integrity' (Birke, 
2000: 146). Haraway (1991; 
1997) 
argues 
feminist 
notions 
of 
women's 
experience needs 
to 
be 
rethought 
in 
line 
with 
the 
`cyborg' 
metaphor 
(1991: 180). Haraway 
uses 
the 
image 
of 
the 
`cyborg' 
-a 
machine/human 
hybrid 
- 
and 
its 
transgressive 
nature as a 
way of 
moving 
beyond 
dualisms, 
problematising 
the 
sex/gender 
distinction 
as a 
principle 
organising 
agent 
for 
social relations and 
feminist 
thought. 
Rather 
than 
understanding 
experience 
as 
distinctly 
gendered, 
Haraway 
argues 
that 
`there 
is 
nothing 
about 
being 
`female' 
that 
naturally 
binds 
women' 
(1991: 155). 
Further, 
... 
bodies 
are 
maps 
of 
power 
and 
identity. 
Cyborgs 
are no 
exceptions. 
A 
cyborg 
body is 
not 
innocent; 
it 
was not 
born in 
a 
90 
garden; 
it 
does 
not 
seek 
unitary 
identity 
and 
so 
generate 
antagonistic 
dualisms 
without 
end 
(or 
until 
the 
world 
ends); 
... 
One 
is 
too 
few 
and 
two is 
only 
one 
possibility 
... 
The 
machine 
is 
us, our 
processes, 
an aspect 
of our 
embodiment. 
We 
can 
be 
responsible 
for 
machines; 
they do 
not 
dominate 
or 
threaten 
us. 
We 
are 
responsible 
for 
boundaries. 
We 
are 
they 
(Haraway, 
1991: 
180). 
Information 
`flows 
out' 
of 
the 
`permeable 
body', 
underlining 
an 
understanding 
of 
bodies 
as 
dissipative 
systems 
and of 
identity 
as emerging 
out 
of patterns 
of 
potentialities 
and 
flow (Battersby, 
1998: 
53). 
Using 
recent 
technological 
advance 
as 
illustration 
of 
how 
bodily boundaries 
have 
been 
blurred9, 
Haraway's 
work problematises 
not 
just 
the 
category 
of 
the 
female 
but 
also, 
somewhat radically, 
of 
the 
human form 
itself 
- 
suggesting 
the 
`promises 
of 
monsters' 
(Haraway, 
1992). As Hughes (2002: 
165) 
outlines, 
the 
cyborg 
has 
4 
no 
fear 
of merging 
the 
boundaries 
of 
the 
social, 
technological 
and natural'. 
The 
metaphor 
of 
the 
cyborg 
here 
underlines 
both 
a rhetorical and political 
method, a specific 
project 
of 
`queering 
what counts as nature' 
(Haraway, 
1992: 
300) 
in 
an 
attempt 
to transgress the 
perceived 
stability of 
the 
norm. 
Thus, 
`The 
cyborg 
is 
... 
both 
a politically 
motivated 
device 
and an alternative 
story 
about 
women's 
experiences' 
(Hughes, 2002: 164). 
However, 
in 
critique, 
Haraway's 
(1991) 
suggestion 
that the 
`permeable 
body' 
may 
somehow 
be 
escaped 
is 
arguably a 
romantic vision 
and one which 
again 
reproduces 
dichotomies 
between the 
cultural and 
the 
natural. 
Haraway 
falls 
into 
a 
`hollow 
body' 
(Menzies, 
2000: 
84) 
trap, 
where 
the 
body becomes 
an 
artefact, 
the 
result 
of which 
is 
closure 
in 
an 
entirely symbolic 
universe. 
The 
metaphor 
of 
the 
`cyborg' 
is 
ultimately 
a position 
that 
plays 
into 
the 
loss 
of 
the 
For 
example, 
transsexual 
surgery, 
cloning 
and genetic 
implantation 
91 
body 
in 
social 
theory, 
positing 
a revised 
`information 
system 
model' 
whereby 
the 
more 
holistic 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
organism 
has been 
broken 
down 
and 
replaced 
with 
flows 
of 
information. 
While 
this 
may challenge 
notions 
of 
the 
body 
as 
fixed 
and 
determined 
this 
does 
so 
in 
a way 
that 
denies 
the 
fleshly 
boundaries 
of 
the 
organism. 
In 
relation 
to 
my more 
specific 
focus, 
Haraway's 
vision 
also 
assumes 
a 
fully functioning 
body. 
In 
so 
doing, her 
observation 
fails 
to 
account 
for lived 
reality and, 
for 
example, 
the 
reality 
of physical 
suffering, 
illustrating 
the 
consequences 
of 
dichotomising 
human 
knowing from 
biological 
being. 
As 
Birke 
(1999) 
suggests, 
organisms 
are 
not so 
fluid. 
However, 
on 
a 
more positive 
note, 
Haraway's 
position 
does 
serve as a 
useful 
reminder 
of 
the 
`impossibility 
of 
separating 
our 
insides 
from 
what 
goes 
on 
outside 
... 
or 
of 
separating 
that 
internal 
body 
from 
our 
culturally 
mediated 
understanding 
of 
it' 
(Birke, 2000: 
146). 
My 
aim 
later 
in 
this 
chapter 
is 
to 
suggest 
a 
more 
useful 
metaphor 
for 
exploration 
in 
this 
field. 
Genetics: 
From 
phenotype 
to 
genotype 
to 
mutual 
re-engagement 
In 
the 
field 
of genetics, 
Birke 
(1999) 
illustrates 
the 
predominance 
of 
both 
genetic and 
molecular 
reductionism, 
outlining 
recent 
moves 
which 
further 
underlines 
the 
disappearance 
of 
any 
sense 
of 
the 
organism 
as a whole 
from 
the 
discourses 
of 
biology: 
`Where 
once 
the 
phenotype 
- 
the 
bodily 
and 
behavioural 
characteristics 
of 
the 
organism 
- 
was 
pre-eminent, 
now 
it is 
the 
genotype, 
the 
sum 
total 
of 
the 
genes' 
(Birke, 2000: 
147). 
Birke 
argues 
that 
it is 
a 
reductionist 
strategy 
which 
emphasises 
the 
primacy 
of 
the 
gene 
yet 
fails 
to 
tell 
much 
about 
the 
lived 
organism 
and 
the 
physiological 
self 
-a 
pertinent 
92 
point 
considering 
99% 
of 
human 
DNA is 
shared with 
the 
chimpanzee. 
More 
recent 
debate 
has 
also 
questioned 
the 
simple 
and passive 
replication 
of 
DNA, 
illustrated 
by Rose (1997) 
outlining 
how 
cells and 
DNA 
make 
and 
remake 
themselves 
in 
mutual 
re-engagement 
- 
an 
ongoing process 
of 
the 
engagement 
of 
the 
organism 
in 
its 
own 
life 
history, 
as 
Birke (1999: 
156) 
illustrates: 
Adults, 
of course, 
may appear 
to 
be 
already 
formed, 
those 
formative 
fields 
no 
longer influential. 
But 
to 
assume 
that 
is 
to 
fall 
back into 
fixity. On 
the 
contrary, our 
bodies 
are constantly 
being 
made 
and remade; 
bones, 
muscle, 
connective 
tissue 
- 
all 
are 
constantly 
in flux. Such 
a 
view 
insists 
on seeing organisms, and 
their 
`biology' 
as 
transformative 
and 
in 
which 
parts are generated 
by 
the 
wholes. 
Form 
thus 
emerges out of complex 
processes not 
coding 
in 
genes. 
In 
particular, 
this 
view 
refuses any simple 
collapse 
onto 
genetic 
determinism 
and relocates 
the 
organism 
(and hence 
the 
biological body) back 
from 
the 
margins. 
My 
point 
here 
is 
that 
an understanding 
of 
the 
organism and 
biology 
as 
transformative 
aids 
the 
move 
beyond 
foundational facticity by 
embracing 
both 
process 
and 
becoming. 
The issue 
is 
not 
that 
there 
are 
no constraints at all 
but 
to 
problematise 
the 
assumption 
embedded 
in 
notions of 
the 
dominant 
preconceived 
constraints 
which 
have 
contributed 
to 
sociology's 
flight from 
the 
body 
explored 
through 
my 
early 
chapters. 
Critically, 
the 
challenge 
to 
more 
conventional 
biological 
discourse 
I have 
outlined 
above suggests 
that there 
are 
alternative 
and 
more 
interactive 
details to 
draw 
upon, 
including the 
capacity 
to 
embrace, 
rather 
than 
ignore, 
the 
interior 
body. 
Using 
this 
conceptual 
framework, 
any 
sociological 
exploration 
and understanding 
of 
lived, 
embodied 
experience 
may 
also usefully 
address 
the 
body 
as 
an 
interactive 
site, 
exploring 
bodily-potentiality 
rather 
than 
limitation 
and 
concurrent 
with 
changing 
embodied 
experience 
throughout the 
life 
course. 
Further, 
this 
may 
also 
begin 
to 
successfully address 
the 
conceptual 
space 
I 
93 
have 
earlier 
identified 
between 
the 
assumptions 
of 
a 
now 
`embodied' 
sociological 
discipline, 
the 
process 
of embodiment 
itself 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
female 
body. 
Women 
and 
time: 
revising 
temporal 
frameworks 
The 
challenge 
to 
more 
conventional 
biological 
discourse 
which 
Birke 
(1999) 
has 
outlined 
partly 
mirrors 
Adam's 
(1989; 
1990; 
1995) 
timely 
exploration 
of 
the 
biological 
and 
physical 
sciences 
and 
call 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
tendency 
to 
understand 
the 
physical 
and 
biological 
realm 
in 
contradistinction 
to the human 
social world. 
While 
notions 
of 
`time' 
have 
remained 
central 
to the 
sociological 
discipline 
(Adam, 
1990; 
1995; 
Nowotny, 
1992), 
the 
level 
of 
theoretical 
conceptualisation 
is 
problematic. 
Few 
have drawn 
out 
the 
implications 
arising 
from 
the 
significance of 
time 
as 
a 
tool to 
understand embodied 
experience. 
This 
is 
partly 
based 
on mistaken assumptions 
underpinned 
by 
the 
notion 
of 
separation 
between 
physical and 
biological 
realms and 
the 
human 
social 
world. 
Further, 
conventional 
understandings of 
time 
are 
rooted 
in 
outdated 
and 
inappropriate 
conceptions of 
time 
in 
the 
natural sciences 
which, 
critically, 
insist 
on 
the 
distinction between 
natural and 
social 
time 
(Adam, 
1990; 
1995. 
Scientific 
discoveries 
have 
transformed 
understandings of 
time 
in 
nature 
in 
the 
20th 
Century, 
a point 
now self-evident within 
the 
scientific community1o 
However, 
out with 
the 
scientific 
community, 
the 
classic 
conceptualisation of 
10 
Einstein demonstrated 
that there 
is 
no 
fixed 
time 
which 
is independent 
of 
the 
system 
to 
which 
it 
refers; 
that time 
and 
space 
are 
fused 
and 
that 
this 
fused 
space 
is 
curved 
under 
the 
influence 
of mass. 
Chronobiologists 
have 
demonstrated 
that 
rhythmicity 
is 
the 
crucial 
principle 
of nature. 
Humans 
are not 
just 
affected 
by 
clocks 
but 
are 
composed 
of a myriad of 
internal 
clocks 
working 
in 
co-ordination 
with 
the 
circadian, 
lunar, 
cicannual 
and 
life-cycle 
rhythms 
(diurnal, 
seasonal, 
menstrual and metabolic 
cycles) 
of 
the 
external 
world 
(Adam, 
1990; 
1995). 
94 
the 
time 
of 
nature 
is 
that 
of 
the 
clock, a measurable 
time 
characterised 
by 
invariance 
and 
quantity, 
suggesting 
`time' 
must 
be 
understood 
objectively 
through 
the 
application 
of 
causal 
frameworks 
not applicable 
to 
the 
study 
of 
human 
society 
(Adam, 
1990: 
151). 
Critically, 
the 
conceptualisation 
of 
social 
time 
(our 
time 
in 
the 
social 
world) 
is 
understood 
directly 
in 
contrast 
to 
that 
of 
natural 
time, 
embracing 
complexity, 
mediating 
knowledge 
and quality 
over 
quantity. 
The laws 
of nature 
are 
considered 
true 
in 
an 
absolute 
and 
timeless 
way whereas 
the 
lays 
of society 
are, 
in 
contrast, 
historically 
developed (Adam, 
1990: 152). This 
temporal 
assumption 
acts 
as a 
further 
accompaniment 
to 
the 
active persuasions 
of 
the 
biological 
conventions 
reinforcing 
understandings 
of 
biological 
fixity 
and outlined 
above. 
As I have illustrated, 
these 
positions 
have 
been dominated by 
Cartesian 
dualisms 
- 
the 
separation 
of not 
just 
the 
mind 
from 
the 
(fixed 
and constrained) 
body but 
also 
the 
separation of 
the 
myriad 
of 
times that 
exist 
(Adam, 
1995), 
of cyclical 
from 
linear 
time 
and 
traditional 
from 
modern 
conceptualisations 
and structures of 
time 
(Adam, 
1990: 152). 
Further, 
attempts 
to 
embrace 
time 
which 
fail 
to 
acknowledge 
development 
beyond 
more restrictive 
and routinised 
conceptions 
of 
the 
natural and social 
world 
as separate, 
or 
that 
(explicitly 
or 
implicitly) 
reinforce 
dualistic 
oppositions 
(for 
example, 
opposing 
male 
time 
with 
female 
time), 
critically miss 
the 
opportunity 
to 
utilise 
time 
as 
an effective 
theoretical 
framework 
and 
methodological resource 
to 
move 
beyond 
such 
dualistic frameworks. 
Adam 
uses 
Giddens' 
(1984; 
1990) 
work 
as 
illustration 
here, 
particularly 
his 
imagery 
of 
`reversible 
time'. 
Giddens 
(1984) 
suggests 
that 
daily 
life has 
a 
flow 
95 
or 
duration 
- 
the 
tasks, 
chores 
and 
endlessly 
recurring 
phenomena 
of 
everyday 
life. Yet 
this `flow' 
does 
not 
lead 
anywhere, 
suggesting 
that 
what 
has 
been 
will come 
again 
and 
what 
is 
past 
will also 
be 
the 
future. 
As 
Adam 
(1990: 
27) 
argues, we can 
never 
step 
in 
the 
same 
river 
twice'. 
Between 
yesterday 
and 
today, 
or 
between 
this 
year 
and 
last 
year, 
we 
have 
grown 
older 
and 
both 
the 
world and 
the 
context 
have 
changed. 
Acknowledging 
Mead's 
earlier 
commentary12, 
Adam 
argues 
Giddens' 
conceptualisation 
of 
reversible 
time is 
an 
inappropriate 
representation 
of 
the 
social 
world. 
If 
physicists 
have 
disregarded 
the 
notion 
of repetition 
within 
the 
cycles of 
the 
earth, 
biologists 
have 
challenged 
notions 
of 
fixity 
and constraint, 
as 
I have 
outlined 
above, 
then 
it 
must 
be 
safe 
for 
social 
theorists 
to 
regard 
the 
concept 
of reversible 
time 
as an 
inappropriate 
representation 
of 
the 
social world 
(Adam, 
1990: 
169). 
Further, 
while 
Giddens (1984: 
228 
- 
243) has 
explored 
the 
biological 
dimension 
of 
human 
time, this 
is largely 
associated 
with 
the 
ageing process 
of 
the 
body. The 
potential 
for 
exploring 
the 
gendered experience 
of 
this 
process 
is 
notable 
by its 
absence. 
By 
suggesting 
the 
body 
may 
be `reflexively 
mobilised', 
Giddens 
again perpetuates a generic and 
dualistic 
perception 
firstly 
by 
suggesting 
the 
self seeks 
to 
`construct 
and control 
the 
body' (1991: 
7) 
and secondly 
by 
viewing 
people 
as 
`minds' 
who 
`happen' 
to 
occupy 
bodies 
(Shilling 
and 
Mellor, 
1996: 7). 
My 
discussion 
above 
has 
underlined 
a number of omissions within current 
thought 
and suggested 
alternative 
transformative 
narratives 
of 
becoming 
in 
11 
For interest, 
a 
similar 
point 
is 
made 
by 
Heraclitus 
c. 
500BC `People 
step 
into 
the 
same 
rivers, and 
different 
waters 
flow 
on 
to 
them' 
(Honderich, 
1995: 352) 
12 
`emergent 
life 
changes 
the 
character 
of 
the 
world 
just 
as emergent 
velocities change 
the 
character of 
the 
masses' 
(Mead, 
1959: 
65) 
96 
our understanding 
of 
the 
biological 
realm. 
I 
suggest 
Adam's 
(1989; 
1990; 
1995) 
work 
can 
be 
used 
to 
build 
on 
these 
narratives 
and 
further 
ground 
my 
argument 
that 
a 
more 
effective 
understanding 
of 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
is 
one 
which 
explores 
this 
experience 
as a 
dynamic 
relationship 
between 
our environment, 
our 
history 
(temporality), 
our 
bodies 
and 
ourselves. 
Adam 
(1989) 
earlier 
suggested 
an explicit 
bond 
between 
women 
and 
time, 
a 
point 
echoed 
by Martin (1989), 
Menzies 
(2000) 
and 
suggested 
in 
my 
previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000). 
Further, 
`time' 
is 
not new 
within 
feminist 
scholarship, 
for 
example, 
Nicolson's (1996) 
research 
focusing 
on 
the 
differing 
temporal 
linearity 
of male 
and 
female 
career models; 
the time 
implications 
of 
caring 
and motherhood 
(Ribbens, 
1994) 
or 
the 
differing 
perceptions 
of 
the 
`right 
time' to 
have 
a child 
(McMahon, 
1995). 
Yet, drawing 
on 
Adam's 
(1995) 
commentary, 
Hughes (2002: 133) 
argues 
the 
majority of 
feminist 
research 
adopting 
a 
temporal 
framework 
has 
stayed 
within 
the 
dualistic 
tradition 
opposing male 
time 
(linear, 
commodified, clock 
time) 
with 
female 
time 
(cyclical, 
reproductive 
time). 
Exceptions 
are relatively 
few13 
yet, 
as 
Adam 
(1989) 
has 
suggested, 
recognition 
of 
the 
complexity of 
time 
may 
facilitate 
a 
move 
away 
from dualistic 
thinking. 
While 
I 
agree 
with 
Adam 
in 
suggesting 
that 
a 
temporal 
understanding 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
understanding 
of 
embodied experience would not 
necessarily 
provide 
a 
better theorisation 
of 
the 
social 
construction of gender 
(Adam, 
1989), 
it 
may 
open 
up 
the 
possibility 
that there 
may 
be 
a 
`gendered 
13 
Towards 
the 
end 
of 
her 
(1989) 
text, 
Martin 
does begin 
to 
point 
towards 
the 
significance 
of a 
temporal 
standpoint: 
`The 
concrete 
incidents 
of 
women's 
everyday 
lives 
can 
evoke glimpses 
of other ways of 
living, 
other 
ways 
of 
using 
time 
... 
' 
(1989: 201). 
97 
corporeality worthy 
of exploration' 
(Hughes 
and 
Witz, 
1997: 
58). 
A 
temporal 
perspective, 
concurrent 
with my 
revised 
transformative 
and 
dynamic 
biological 
framework, 
may 
also 
further 
develop 
the theoretical 
structure 
that 
can 
encompass 
`being' 
and 
`becoming' 
without 
losing 
sight 
of 
the 
effects 
of 
externally 
imposed 
structures 
(Adam, 
1995: 
33), 
exploring 
experiences 
of 
being 
in 
the 
body 
concurrently 
with 
living 
the 
body. 
This is 
a 
point 
critical 
for 
my part 
phenomenologically 
informed 
approach. 
The 
body: 
time, 
technology 
and 
leaky boundaries 
Once 
we 
start 
from 
the 
premise 
that 
first 
questions 
and 
begins 
to transcend 
dualistic thinking 
and embrace revised conceptualisations 
in 
the 
biological 
and 
physical 
sciences, 
the 
invisibility 
of 
time 
and 
temporal 
assumptions may 
be 
uncovered. 
Yet, 
paradoxically, 
Ingold 
(1986) 
suggests we can only recognise 
the 
significance 
of 
time 
once 
we 
transcend 
dualistic 
thinking. 
One 
of 
Adam's 
central 
tenets 
is 
that 
we 
have 
lost 
our 
awareness of 
time 
in 
a 
world 
of clock- 
time 
bound by 
years, 
hours, 
seconds, 
time 
budgeting 
and 
time 
pressure 
(1995: 
27). These, 
in 
turn, 
have 
become 
reified 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
human 
authorship 
lost. 
Menzies 
(2000) 
also expands 
on 
this through 
the 
notion 
that 
`we know 
the 
world 
(thus 
far) 
only 
in 
ways 
that 
alienate us 
from 
the 
natural 
world 
as 
something 
alive 
and 
in 
which 
we 
are 
deeply 
implicated' 
(2000: 83). 
Likewise, 
the 
impact 
of 
technological 
advance 
is 
central 
to 
Adam's 
conception 
of 
the 
indivisibility 
of 
time 
and 
explanation 
that technological 
advance 
affects 
the 
way 
we 
relate 
to 
social 
time 
as 
both 
human 
beings 
and 
social 
analysts 
(1992a: 
161). 
Menzies 
(2000) 
moves 
on 
to 
argue 
her 
slip 
from health 
to 
disease 
and 
diagnosis 
of 
infertility 
exposed 
the 
separation 
of 
the 
biological 
98 
body 
and 
the 
rhythms 
of 
the 
natural 
world 
from 
the 
social 
world. 
Somewhat 
paradoxically, 
her 
experience 
coming 
to terms 
with 
`diagnosis' 
and 
of 
treatment 
procedures, 
also 
operated 
as a 
means 
of 
`re-experiencing 
her 
forgotten body' 
(Menzies, 
2000: 
77). 
Here, 
I 
add 
a 
further 
technological 
dimension 
to 
my 
developing 
framework. 
Ironically 
and 
for 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
project, 
it 
may 
be 
through 
encounters 
with 
technological 
advance 
within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
and 
assisted 
reproductive 
technology 
that the importance 
of 
revised 
biological, 
temporal 
and 
technological 
14 
frameworks 
for 
the 
understanding 
of 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
may 
be 
illuminated. 
The hologram: 
a 
layered framework 
of 
understanding 
My 
aim, 
in 
this 
section, 
is 
to 
draw further 
from Adam's 
work and 
develop 
the 
potential 
of new 
metaphors 
in 
relation 
to 
understanding and, 
critically, 
my 
exploration of embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
Adam (1990; 
1995) 
expresses 
what 
has 
thus 
far been 
separated 
in 
academic 
disciplines 
- 
the 
times 
of 
different 
realms of 
being 
(1990: 
161). 
This 
is 
the 
suggestion 
that, 
There is 
no single 
time, 
only a multitude of 
times 
which 
interpenetrate 
and permeate 
our 
daily lives. Most 
of 
these 
times 
are 
implicit, 
taken 
for 
granted 
and seldom 
brought into 
relation 
with 
each 
other, 
the times 
of consciousness, memory and 
anticipation 
are 
rarely 
discussed 
with 
reference 
to 
situations 
dominated 
by 
schedules 
and 
deadlines. The 
times 
expressed 
through 
everyday 
language 
tend 
to 
remain 
isolated from 
the 
various 
parameters 
and 
boundaries 
through 
which we 
live in 
time. 
Matters 
of 
timing, 
sequencing 
and prioritizing stay 
disconnected 
from 
collective 
time 
structures, 
and 
these 
in 
turn 
from 
the 
rhythms, 
the 
transience 
and 
the 
recursiveness 
of 
daily 
existence 
(Adam, 
1995: 
12) 
14 
The 
point 
that 
the 
technical 
is inextricably 
mixed 
up with 
the 
social 
is 
not a new 
or original 
discovery. 
See 
Law 
(2001) 
for 
a 
discussion 
of 
the 
earlier 
work 
of 
Karl 
Marx 
and 
Thomas 
P Hughes in 
this 
field. For 
the 
variable 
feminist 
positions, 
see 
Wacjman (1991); 
Sjoo 
and 
Mor 
(1987); 
Lykke 
(1996); 
Haraway 
(1991; 
1992). 
99 
In 
developing 
her 
argument, 
Adam 
first 
utilises 
Mead's 
(1959) 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
social 
world 
in 
terms 
of 
`levels'. 
More 
specifically, 
applying 
(fluid) 
`levels' 
as 
a 
mode 
of 
description 
(as 
opposed 
to 
dualism 
or 
duality), 
allows 
for 
`everything 
to 
be 
implicated 
without 
a 
claim 
for 
pre- 
eminence 
of 
any 
one' 
(1990: 
162). 
This 
suggests 
any 
implied 
hierarchy 
or 
division 
(for 
example, 
sex/gender, 
mind/body, 
cultural/biological) 
is 
nothing 
more 
than 
a product 
of 
the 
framework 
of 
observation, 
points 
which 
I have 
demonstrated 
throughout 
these 
early 
chapters. 
As 
an 
alternative 
to 
the 
dualistic 
frameworks 
outlined, 
Adam (1990; 
1995) 
argues 
Mead's 
position 
rests upon 
his 
principle 
of 
`sociality' 
- 
the 
`capacity 
of 
being 
several 
things 
at 
once' 
(1959: 
49) 
- 
and 
`temporality'. 
In brief, 
these 
concepts 
act 
as 
both 
the 
source, and 
the 
essence, 
of 
consciousness. 
Again 
in 
contrast 
to 
Giddens' 
(1984) 
conceptualisation 
of reversible 
time 
I 
outlined 
above, 
Adam 
argues 
Mead's 
conceptualisation 
is 
of 
time 
as 
irreversible. 
Thus 
the 
past 
becomes 
unknowable 
since any 
intervening 
day 
(and 
knowledge 
that 
comes with 
it) 
continually changes 
the 
meaning 
of 
the 
past 
and, 
it 
follows, 
the 
future. Critically, 
the 
ability 
to 
understand 
and 
reflect 
thus 
becomes 
a spatio-temporal 
activity, a point 
I 
will 
draw 
upon 
in 
the 
following 
chapter. 
While 
the 
notion 
of 
levels 
is 
promising, 
the 
principle 
difficulty 
with 
Mead's 
position 
is 
the 
emphasis 
on 
the 
continual 
deconstruction 
of 
the 
self 
in 
a social 
world 
where 
meaning 
is 
constantly 
in flux, 
a 
position 
which 
sits uneasily 
alongside 
Mead's 
delineation 
of 
hierarchical 
time 
levels. 
The 
suggestion 
here 
100 
is 
also 
that 
time 
does 
not 
exist 
independently 
of us 
but 
all 
that 
we 
can 
say 
understand 
or even 
think 
about 
time 
is 
cultural and 
language 
based, 
points 
that 
are 
constantly 
being 
played 
out 
within 
the 
philosophy of 
social 
science 
15 
My 
point 
here, 
which 
I 
will 
develop further 
below, is 
that 
if 
a new 
framework 
of 
observation 
is 
employed 
which resists 
these tensions, this 
may 
expose 
some 
aspects 
of experience which are not solely 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first 
instance, 
or 
in 
the 
present alone, 
but 
that 
may emerge over 
time 
and 
as part 
of 
the 
reflexive 
and reflective process 
which 
Crossley (2001) 
suggests. 
This 
further 
aids 
the 
move away 
from 
conceptualising 
the 
body 
as solely 
that 
which 
thought 
rests 
upon. 
Adam 
(1990; 1995) 
suggests 
an alternative 
metaphor 
for 
our understanding 
- 
moving 
from 
notions 
of 
hierarchical 
levels 
and 
networks16 
to 
the 
more 
holistic `hologram'. 
This 
holistic 
view 
is in 
contrast 
to 
the 
more 
functional 
holism 
of more 
traditional 
sociological 
perspectives, 
where 
parts are 
understood 
as 
being 
causally 
connected 
to 
the 
whole. 
This 
metaphor 
recognises 
the 
potential 
of 
mutual 
implication, that 
everything 
is 
connected 
without 
being totalising 
or presenting 
a 
new 
metanarrative: 
The 
hologram 
is 
... 
an 
excellent 
metaphor 
for 
the 
whole, 
encoded 
and 
implicated 
in 
the 
`parts', 
since 
the 
information 
it 
stores 
is 
not 
located 
in 
their 
individual 
parts 
but 
in 
their 
interference 
pattern' 
(Adam, 
1990: 
159). 
Further, `the 
concept 
of 
implication 
is dynamic 
and 
time-based. 
It 
is historical, 
non-determinist 
and 
can 
accommodate 
contradiction 
as well 
as 
non-linear, 
15 
See Wittgenstein 
(1961) 
16 
Fournier 
(2002) 
draws 
upon 
ANT 
(Actor 
Network 
Theory 
- 
see 
Callon, 1986; Latour, 
1987) 
to 
explore 
the 
notion 
of 
a 
relational 
materiality 
embedded 
in 
networks of 
relationships 
and 
connections. 
However, 
for 
a 
critique 
of 
this 
position, 
including 
notions of 
hegemony, 
collusion 
and 
functionality, I 
direct 
the 
reader 
to 
Law 
(2001) 
101 
networked 
relations. 
In 
this holism, 
reality 
is 
created 
in 
the 
present, 
affecting 
all 
pasts 
and 
futures' 
(Adam, 
1995: 
160). 
While 
I do 
not 
suggest 
that 
this 
perspective 
is 
entirely 
news7, 
employing 
the 
metaphor 
of 
the 
hologram 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
exploration 
and 
understanding 
of 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
is 
promising 
and 
one 
that 
requires 
further 
exploration. 
Being 
and 
becoming: 
a 
sense 
of 
time 
My 
aim 
is 
to 
develop 
the 
potential 
of 
Adam's 
(1989; 
1990; 
1995) 
temporal 
perspective and 
metaphor 
of 
the hologram 
in 
relation 
to the 
understanding 
of 
embodied experience 
in 
this 
field, 
concurrent 
with conceptualisations 
(Birke, 
2000; Witz, 2001) 
of 
the 
body 
as 
a 
transformative 
process 
and 
one 
of 
becoming. 
As I have discussed 
and 
in 
agreement 
with 
Adam (1989), 
feminist 
social 
theory 
may not 
just be 
complemented 
by 
such a 
focus 
on 
time 
but 
may 
be dependent 
on 
it. 
Feminists have 
rightly asked 
that 
`theoretical 
understanding 
be kept in 
touch 
with and checked 
against, 
our 
ongoing 
experience 
and consciousness 
in 
their 
social, 
historical, 
natural 
and 
artefactual 
context 
... 
all 
those 
aspects 
that 
make 
up 
the totality 
of our 
everyday 
living' (Adam, 1989: 461-462). 
Critically, 
applying 
Adam's 
metaphor 
to 
the 
understanding of embodied 
experience 
suggests 
as a 
first 
premise 
that the 
body 
can 
neither 
be 
viewed 
nor 
explored 
in 
isolation, 
moving 
away 
from 
a position 
whereby mutually 
exclusive 
choices 
have 
to 
be 
made. 
By 
changing 
the 
metaphor of 
understanding 
from 
that 
of 
the 
lens 
to 
that 
of 
the hologram, 
my 
theoretical 
See 
C Wright 
Mills 
(1959: 
158) 
and 
the 
emphasis on 
biography, 
history 
and 
their 
interactions 
with 
social 
structures 
as 
the 
coordinate 
points 
of 
the 
proper 
study 
of 
man. 
102 
framework in 
this 
field 
begins 
to 
strengthen. 
Likewise, 
my move 
away 
from 
biological 
distortions 
resting 
on 
notions 
of 
biology 
as 
a 
fixed 
entity 
towards 
revised 
biological 
and 
temporal 
understandings 
incorporating 
more 
dynamic 
and 
mobile notions 
of 
being 
and 
becoming 
supports my 
framework 
of 
observation. 
This 
is 
a position 
that 
encourages 
me 
to 
both 
expose 
and 
explore 
the 
multitude of 
relations, 
connections 
and continuum 
of 
phenomena 
and 
events 
that 
make 
up 
the 
complexity 
of our 
embodied, 
everyday 
experiences 
and choices. 
In 
relation 
to 
this 
project and 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility, treatment 
choice 
and associated procedures, 
this 
underlines 
a 
position 
and approach 
that 
is 
not static, 
linear 
and 
dichotomising 
and 
recognises 
that 
experience of 
time, 
of ourselves and our 
bodies, 
of 
being-in- 
the-world 
is 
multi-faceted. 
No 
part of our experience can 
be 
excluded 
if its 
complexity 
- 
and particularly 
its 
embodied 
and 
transformative 
complexity 
- 
is 
to 
be 
effectively 
explored. 
This 
suggests 
the 
exploration of 
embodied 
experience within 
the 
`time 
of 
infertility' 
as 
bound 
within an 
intersecting 
and 
interdependent 
relationship 
with 
the 
environment, 
context, structure and 
time. 
This further 
grounds 
the 
suggestion 
that 
we 
may 
think 
through the 
body 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 2001) 
and 
explore 
the 
experience 
of 
the 
body 
as 
both 
a 
temporal 
and 
interactive 
site. 
While I 
am 
not 
suggesting 
diluting 
or 
ignoring 
power 
dimensions 
or 
the 
significance of 
structural 
influences 
and constraints, 
this 
conceptualisation, 
through 
time, 
allows 
for 
the 
exploration 
of women's 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
as 
both 
an 
embodied 
and, 
more 
specifically, 
a multi-layered 
and 
temporal 
process. 
Hepworth 
(2000) 
also 
makes a related point applicable 
to 
my 
103 
exploration. 
Encounters 
with 
birth 
and 
death 
may 
take 
those involved 
beyond 
the 
realm 
of 
everyday 
time 
and 
problematic 
conceptualisations 
of 
it 
and 
bring 
to the 
fore 
consideration 
of 
times 
that 
are 
normally 
disattended. 
This 
points 
towards 
the 
need 
for 
a 
methodological 
approach 
which 
will 
embrace 
both 
being 
and 
becoming, 
how 
this 
is 
both 
experienced 
and 
perceived 
through 
time 
alongside 
the 
effects 
of 
structural 
influences. 
In 
this 
respect 
and 
in 
agreement 
with 
Battersby (1998), 
1 
am 
developing 
a 
framework 
for 
conceptualising 
ontology 
... 
that 
would allow 
us 
to 
retain 
a notion 
of sexual 
difference 
whilst 
also 
theorising difference 
amongst 
women 
... 
a 
radicalised 
ontology 
... 
The 
identities 
I describe 
emerge 
out 
of patterns 
of 
movement 
and relationality, 
including 
`resonance' 
and 
`echo' 
in 
which 
the 
past 
is 
taken 
up 
into 
the 
present 
in 
ways 
that 
do 
not 
simply 
`copy' 
a neutral 
`real' (1998: 
13-14). 
That 
this 
demands 
a specific 
line 
of 
inquiry 
is 
a point 
I 
will 
develop 
throughout 
the 
following 
chapter. 
I 
take the 
opportunity 
here 
to 
briefly 
summarise 
my 
position 
so 
far. 
It has 
been 
my 
contention 
that 
the 
wealth 
of 
body 
work over 
the 
past 
two 
decades 
has been largely 
theoretically 
driven. Further, 
the 
misappropriation 
of 
(variable) 
feminist 
scholarship 
and suggestive 
of a generic 
body, 
the 
reactive 
positioning 
within 
feminist 
scholarship, 
the 
emergence of 
a 
`situated' 
woman 
and 
the 
influence 
of 
the 
postmodern 
notion of multiple voices, 
has 
increasingly 
made 
attempts 
to 
explore 
women's embodied 
experience 
problematic. 
Yet, 
despite theoretical 
limitations 
explored 
in 
this 
and 
previous 
chapters, 
feminist 
work 
has 
been 
promising 
in 
this 
field 
and requires 
revised 
conceptual 
and 
methodological 
tools to 
move 
further 
forward 
and which 
I 
have 
developed 
throughout 
this 
chapter. 
My 
aim 
here 
goes 
beyond 
simply 
104 
redressing 
the 
`knowledge 
balance' 
and also 
underlines a shift 
of 
perspective 
from 
one resting 
in 
the 
present 
to 
one 
that 
also exposes 
our 
experiential 
continuities 
with 
both 
the 
past and 
the 
future 
(Chamberlayne, 
Bornat 
and 
Wengraf 
(2000: 
5). It is 
the 
individual 
negotiation 
of complex 
lives, 
the 
emphasis 
on 
life 
review and 
events 
within 
that 
will 
be 
the 
centre point 
of 
my 
approach. 
As I have discussed, bodily 
explanations 
have long 
privileged 
the 
individual 
or 
the 
social. 
What is 
required 
is 
an 
understanding 
of 
how 
the 
body 
is 
negotiated 
as an 
interactive 
site and 
how 
critical moments are 
experienced 
(Thomson 
et 
al, 
2002). As Watson 
(2000: 
59) 
argues, 
... 
although 
in 
the 
sociology of 
health 
and 
illness 
... 
the 
exploration 
of 
health 
through 
lay 
perspectives 
has been 
addressed, 
the 
sociology 
of 
the 
body has 
yet 
to 
come 
to 
terms 
with 
lay 
understandings 
of 
the 
body 
or embodied 
experience 
... 
In 
this 
respect, 
the 
abstract 
claims 
of sociology 
of 
the 
body 
may, 
or 
may 
not, 
become 
more 
corporeal 
if 
they 
are grounded 
in 
the 
lived 
experience 
of 
`real 
people' 
as opposed 
to 
those 
of absent 
theorists'. 
That 
this 
approach 
may 
also 
expose 
aspects 
of 
experience 
which 
are 
not 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first instance 
but 
which 
may emerge 
over 
time 
is 
also 
a methodological 
point 
which 
points 
towards 
a 
hermeneutic 
approach 
and understanding 
of 
narrative 
self-identity 
as a way 
of 
mapping 
this 
ebb 
and 
flow 
of 
experience 
(McNay, 
2000). 
These 
are points 
I 
will 
develop 
in 
the 
following 
chapter. 
105 
4 
Methodology: 
the 
time 
of 
our 
lives 
`Like 
a castle 
made 
of sand, 
every 
theoretical 
model 
is 
provisional; 
eventually 
it 
is 
washed 
away 
by 
the tide 
of 
continued 
research. 
Either 
new observations 
arise 
which 
do 
not 
fit 
within 
the 
theory's 
explanatory 
framework, 
or 
new conceptual 
developments 
emerge which enable 
us 
to 
construct 
a more parsimonious 
model. 
Put differently, 
new 
research continuously 
challenges 
the 
efficacy 
of 
extant 
theories' 
(Flaherty, 
1999: 177) 
I 
suggest 
that, thus 
far, 
claims 
to 
feminist 
knowledge 
in 
this 
field 
have failed 
to 
disentangle themselves 
from 
`tensions 
between knowledge 
of gender 
relations 
that 
take the 
existence of 
women 
for 
granted, and 
theories that 
take 
apart 
the 
grounds 
of 
feminist 
claims 
to 
knowledge, 
and 
treat 
`women' 
and 
`gender' 
as products 
of 
ideas 
rather 
than 
of embodiment, 
patriarchy and social 
construction' 
(Ramazanoglu 
and 
Holland, 2002: 57). 
This, 
combined 
with 
my 
quasi-historical 
exploration 
of 
the 
place of 
the 
body 
within 
sociological 
thought 
suggests 
the 
difficulties 
encountered 
are also 
part of wider 
debate 
concerning 
how 
we 
can 
know, 
and 
how 
we 
can 
specify 
the 
links between 
ideas, 
experience and 
reality. 
The 
problem 
here 
necessarily 
becomes 
one 
of 
method. 
How 
we 
conceptualise 
the 
body 
affects 
how 
we 
might 
explore 
it 
and vice 
versa. 
As 
the 
above 
quotation 
illustrates, 
my 
argument 
supporting 
a shift 
of perspective 
from 
one resting 
in 
the 
present 
towards 
one 
that 
exposes 
potential 
embodied 
and 
experiential 
continuities 
with 
both 
the 
past 
and 
the 
future 
(Chamberlayne, 
et 
al, 
2000), 
challenges 
existing 
explanatory 
frameworks 
in 
this 
field. 
However, I 
do 
not 
suggest 
an 
`add 
body 
and stir' recipe. 
Questions 
of 
106 
knowledge 
and 
truth, themselves 
contested 
areas 
within 
the 
discipline, 
remain 
central 
to 
my 
methodological 
approach. 
For 
example, 
within 
the 
qualitative 
paradigm, 
Lincoln 
and 
Denzin 
(2000: 
1048) 
note, 
Qualitative 
research 
embraces 
two 
tensions 
at 
the 
same 
time. On 
the 
one 
hand, 
it 
is 
drawn 
to 
a 
broad, 
interpretivist, 
postexperimental, 
post modern, 
feminist 
and critical 
sensibility. 
On 
the 
other 
hand, 
it is 
shaped 
to 
more 
narrowly 
defined 
positivist, 
postpositivist, 
humanistic 
and 
naturalistic 
conceptualisations 
of 
human 
experience 
and 
its 
analysis. 
Differing 
approaches reflect 
differing 
responses 
to 
how, 
and 
whether, 
the 
knowledge 
people produce 
about 
social 
life 
can 
be 
connected 
to 
any 
social 
reality 
(Ramazanoglu 
and 
Holland, 2002). 
A 
focus 
on 
the 
individual 
is, in 
itself, 
far from 
straightforward. 
Despite 
recent attempts 
to 
overcome 
the 
subordination 
of 
the 
individual 
within 
sociology 
(a 
position which 
is 
at 
least 
partially reflected 
in 
the 
`emergence' 
of embodied 
debate) 
and contemporary 
theories 
arguing 
modern 
society gives 
a 
new 
importance 
to 
individuals (Beck, 
1992; 
Giddens, 1991; 
1992), 
debate between 
structure and agency remains 
as a 
defining 
polarity 
(Rustin, 2000). 
As 
Rustin 
(2000: 45) 
suggests, 
it 
seems 
almost 
definitional 
for 
sociology 
that the 
social comes 
first. Given 
this 
position, 
it 
is 
perhaps 
not 
surprising 
that 
the 
position 
of 
the 
body 
within 
sociological 
thought 
has 
both 
caused 
and 
still 
troubles 
much 
debate. 
The 
purpose 
of 
this 
chapter 
is 
to 
link 
my reconceptualisation 
of gendered 
embodied 
experience 
as a 
process 
of 
becoming to 
my methodological 
stance, 
choices 
of 
method, 
approach 
and 
analysis 
procedures. 
The 
early 
form 
of 
this 
chapter 
will 
therefore 
move 
between 
critical explorations 
of 
the 
differing 
yet 
interconnected 
layers 
of 
the 
qualitative 
approach. 
One 
of 
my 
contentions 
has 
been 
that 
the 
`problem 
of 
the 
body' 
within sociology, 
and 
specifically 
the 
107 
female body, 
is 
as 
much 
one 
of method 
and 
methodological 
approach 
as 
theoretical 
positioning. 
Within 
more 
contemporary 
work, 
difficulties 
encountered may 
again 
be 
due, 
alongside 
the 
influence 
of 
postmodern 
and 
poststructuralist perspectives, 
to the 
failure 
to 
retrace 
steps 
and 
fully 
explore 
the 
differing frameworks 
of 
understanding 
that 
underpin 
qualitative 
research 
and 
their 
potential 
relevance 
to the 
exploration 
of 
embodied 
experience. 
Again, 
underlining 
Watson's 
(2000: 
59) 
approach, 
the 
more 
abstracted 
claims 
of 
the 
sociology of 
the body 
may 
become 
more 
corporeal 
if 
they 
are 
grounded 
in 
the 
lived 
experience 
of 
real people. 
Talking 
about 
the 
body 
My 
methodological 
framework 
is 
also 
framed by 
an 
ideological 
position. 
I 
firstly 
embrace 
feminist 
critique which points 
to the 
knowledge 
and 
truths 
excluded 
from 
more mainstream 
knowledge 
production 
(Harding 
and 
Hintikka, 
1983; 
Harding, 1987; 
Smith, 1988; Stewart, 1994). This is 
an exclusion 
which 
is 
reflected 
in 
the 
misappropriation 
of 
feminist 
scholarship 
within 
the 
sociology 
of 
the 
body 
and 
has 
contributed 
to the 
assumption 
of 
the 
generic 
body, 
as 
I 
have 
discussed. 
Secondly 
and consequently, 
I 
embrace a 
feminist 
position 
which 
underlines 
the 
need 
to 
`lift' 
the 
voices of 
women. 
Many 
of 
the 
questions 
feminists' 
pose 
relate 
to 
the 
(contested) 
centrality 
of gender 
in 
the 
shaping of 
consciousness. 
Thirdly, 
and relatedly, 
feminist 
critique 
that 
certain 
`knowledge' 
and 
`truths' 
have 
been 
excluded 
from knowledge 
production 
necessarily 
suggests 
a 
need 
to 
dismantle 
and reframe 
the 
questions 
surrounding 
knowledge 
production. 
This 
underlines 
the 
recent 
and 
growing 
emphasis on 
the 
question 
of 
knowledge 
itself (Olesen, 
2000) 
and 
movement 
108 
away 
from 
a 
`reactive 
stance' 
(Stanley 
and 
Wise, 
1990: 
37) 
towards 
the 
consideration 
of 
critical 
and 
complex 
issues. 
This 
is 
also 
a 
movement 
which 
requires 
further 
development 
in 
relation 
to 
our 
understanding 
of 
gendered 
embodied experiences. 
Revisiting 
time: 
turning 
points 
If feminist 
sociological 
thought is 
concerned 
with 
how 
we 
`know', 
that 
this is 
not 
separated 
from 
context, 
biography, 
belief 
and 
values, 
then 
a 
temporal 
focus 
in 
this 
field 
may 
complement 
both feminist 
social 
theory 
(Adam, 
1989) 
and 
further 
develop 
understandings 
of 
embodied 
experience 
within 
the 
discipline 
as a 
whole. 
As Adam 
suggests, 
what 
is 
required 
is 
a 
theoretical 
and 
methodological 
framework 
`that 
can genuinely 
connect 
experience, 
context, 
pattern, 
process 
and events; one 
that 
can simultaneously 
account 
for 
continuity 
and 
change, 
the 
influence 
of 
the 
past, 
the 
visions and 
intents 
of 
the 
future 
and 
the 
constitution of 
the 
present 
without 
losing 
sight 
of 
the 
social relations of power' 
(1989: 
463) 
I 
also 
return 
here 
to the 
notion of 
the 
`isolated' 
individual 
problematised 
in 
the 
preceding 
chapters. 
More 
specifically, 
I 
refer 
to the 
notion 
of 
the 
`solitary 
individual 
divided 
from 
other 
human beings by deep 
walls and 
barriers: 
a self- 
contained 
being 
whose social 
bonds 
are 
not 
primary 
to 
its 
existence 
but 
only 
of 
secondary 
importance' 
(Burkitt, 1991: 
1). In 
relation 
to 
women's experience, 
this 
view 
is 
at 
odds with 
subsequent 
relational 
theorists 
who 
argue 
that 
`women 
experience 
themselves 
fundamentally 
as 
caught 
up 
in 
a web 
of 
intimate 
social 
relations' 
(Mauthner, 
2002: 32). 
Further, 
if 
we 
take 
as 
the 
supposition 
that 
there is 
no 
fixed, 
definitive 
and 
foundationalist 
body 
and 
instead 
view 
the 
body 
as 
an 
experience 
of 
process, 
109 
context, 
becoming 
and 
transformation, 
then this 
points 
to 
more 
specific 
understandings 
of 
how 
we 
can 
`know' 
and 
explore 
the 
body. 
In 
relation 
to 
my 
empirical 
exploration, 
if 
this 
is 
taken 
as 
an 
initial 
premise, 
then 
there 
may 
be 
areas, 
encounters, 
or more 
specifically 
`turning 
points' 
(Charmaz, 
1994) 
which 
may 
be 
worthy of exploration. 
In 
relation 
to 
youth research, 
for 
example, 
Thomson 
et al 
(2002) 
identify 
`critical 
moments' 
as central 
to 
the 
understanding 
of 
key 
moments 
of 
biographical 
change 
in 
young 
people's 
lives. 
Opposing 
Giddens' (1991) 
conceptualisation 
of 
`fateful 
moments' 
and 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
abstracted 
individual, 
making consequential 
decisions 
and 
facing 
risks, 
Thomson 
et al 
(2002: 
339, 
my emphasis) argue 
`young 
people were 
sometimes 
living 
through 
experiences 
that they 
may 
subsequently 
come 
to 
understand 
as critical moments. 
The 
majority 
were able 
to 
identify 
critical 
moments, 
but 
their 
ability 
to 
do 
so 
was 
inevitably 
facilitated 
by hindsight. 
' In 
this 
respect, 
the 
significance of 
`critical 
moments' or 
`turning 
points' may 
emerge 
within 
the 
unfolding 
of a 
story 
itself. Relatedly, 
Plummer 
(1995) 
also underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
story and suggests 
a number 
of 
criteria 
for 
the 
successful 
telling 
of 
a story 
- 
including 
the 
importance 
and 
ability 
to 
articulate 
and 
the 
presence 
of an 
audience 
prepared 
to 
hear 
what 
is 
being 
said. 
My 
previous 
chapter 
has 
underlined 
my 
position 
that 
more 
effective 
exploration 
in 
this 
field 
is 
one 
which 
centres on 
the 
exploration 
of 
experience 
not 
necessarily 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first 
instance 
but 
which 
may 
emerge 
over 
time. 
I 
underlined 
this 
as a methodological 
tool 
pointing 
towards 
a 
hermeneutic 
approach 
and 
understanding 
of narrative self-identity 
as 
a way 
110 
of 
mapping 
this 
ebb 
and 
flow 
of experience 
(McNay, 
2000). 
This 
also 
points 
towards 
the 
use 
of 
a 
biographical 
approach 
as 
a 
tool 
to 
capture 
events 
over 
time 
(Denzin, 
1970) 
and 
is 
a position 
I 
will 
explore 
further 
below. 
Qualitative 
inquiry: 
frameworks 
of 
understanding 
Before I 
move 
on 
to 
discuss 
the 
benefits 
of a 
biographical 
and 
hermeneutic 
approach 
in 
more 
detail, 
it is 
necessary 
to 
first 
clarify my 
particular 
approach 
in 
relation 
to the 
wider qualitative 
tradition 
and relevance 
to the 
exploration 
of 
embodied 
experience 
within a 
temporal 
framework. 
Within 
the 
qualitative 
tradition 
itself, 
a number of approaches 
can 
be 
discerned, 
each underpinned 
by 
particular philosophical assumptions 
that 
speak 
to 
a 
developed 
understanding of 
how knowledge 
can 
be 
generated 
(Cresswell, 1998). 
Critically, 
my previous 
chapters 
have begun 
to 
problematise 
this 
positioning 
in 
relation 
to the 
understanding 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology. 
My 
conceptualisation 
of embodied experience as a process 
of 
becoming 
thus 
informs the 
choices 
I 
make 
in 
relation 
to 
methods chosen 
to 
explore 
this 
field 
and 
how I 
wish 
to 
live 
the 
life 
of a social 
inquirer 
or 
researcher 
(Schwandt, 
2000). 
Within 
this 
chapter, 
I 
explore 
the 
differing 
frameworks 
of understanding 
that 
hold 
qualitative 
research 
together 
in 
more 
detail. 
Difficulties 
encountered 
in 
making 
informed 
choices 
and 
designing 
more 
rigorous 
and 
sophisticated 
studies 
are a reflection 
of what 
Schwandt 
(2000: 
190) 
describes 
as 
`the turmoil 
over what constitutes 
the 
appropriate 
goals 
and 
means 
of 
human 
inquiry'. 
111 
A 
number 
of 
authors 
(Cresswell, 
1998; 
Flick, 
1998; 
Marshall 
and 
Rossman 
1998) 
provide 
a 
more 
basic 
formulation 
of 
the 
qualitative 
research 
project. 
At 
this 
fundamental 
level, 
the 
qualitative 
approach 
suggests 
human 
action 
cannot 
be 
understood 
without 
understanding 
the 
meaning 
that 
participants 
attribute 
to 
action 
- 
their 
thoughts, feelings, 
beliefs 
and 
assumptive 
worlds 
(Marshall 
and 
Rossman, 
1998: 
58). By 
emphasising 
the importance 
and 
value 
of 
context, setting 
and 
the 
participants' 
frames 
of reference, 
the 
qualitative 
researcher 
stresses 
the 
unique 
strengths 
of 
this 
approach 
for 
searching 
for 
a 
deeper 
understanding 
of 
the 
participants' 
lived 
experiences 
of 
a 
`phenomenon' 
- 
the 
`how' 
and 
`what' 
as opposed 
to the 
(generally) 
causal 
and 
explanatory 
focus 
of 
more quantitative 
approaches. 
However, 
a range 
of 
ontological and epistemological 
assumptions 
characterise 
the 
qualitative 
approach 
and underpin 
this 
more 
basic description (Cresswell, 
1998: 
73-91). 
The 
atomised 
individual: 
ontological and 
epistemological 
assumptions 
Ontological 
assumptions 
refer 
to 
existence 
in 
general 
and 
how 
the 
nature 
of 
being 
is 
understood. 
As 
Cresswell 
(1998) 
argues, 
reality 
is 
understood as 
constructed 
by 
the 
individuals involved 
in 
the 
research situations. 
Thus, 
multiple 
realities exist 
- 
those 
of 
the 
researcher, respondent and audience. 
Accordingly, 
one of 
the 
aims of 
the 
researcher 
is 
to 
design 
a study 
which 
effectively 
reports 
these 
realities, 
presents 
themes that 
reflect 
the 
words used 
by 
informants 
and 
advances 
evidence 
of 
different 
perspectives 
on 
each 
theme. 
The 
researcher's 
ontological 
perspective 
is 
thus 
necessarily 
related 
to 
epistemological 
positioning, 
requiring 
an account 
of 
how 
knowledge 
of 
a given 
subject 
can 
be 
obtained. 
112 
My 
ontological 
position partially embraces 
the 
notion 
that 
a 
sociological 
perspective 
in 
this 
field 
is 
one 
that, 
firstly, 
emphasises 
the 
placement 
of 
individuals 
within an ongoing and evolving 
social 
structure. 
Secondly, 
this 
position 
also 
stresses 
the 
processual, 
emergent and 
transformative 
nature 
of 
experience, 
the 
relational movement 
between 
individual 
experience, 
history 
and 
structure 
and a 
point 
long 
since raised 
by 
C 
Wright Mills: 
Social 
science 
deals 
with 
problems of 
biography, 
or 
history 
and of 
their 
interactions 
with 
social structures 
... 
these three 
- 
biography, 
history 
and society 
- 
are 
the 
coordinate points 
of 
the 
proper 
study 
of man 
(Mills, 1959: 158) 
In this 
respect, 
individual 
experience, 
the 
social 
setting 
and 
the 
situated 
activities 
that 
take 
place within 
cannot 
be 
understood 
separately 
(Layder, 
1998: 
156). 
However, 
it 
is 
also 
important to 
illuminate the 
connections 
between 
biography, 
history 
and 
structure 
(Reinharz, 
1992: 
131) 
and resist 
the 
temptation 
to 
merge 
these 
areas, 
or see 
them 
as 
fused. 
As 
Layder 
(1998: 
146) 
argues, 
`merging 
the 
two 
dissolves 
everything 
into 
a seamless, 
synthetic 
unity, 
inevitably 
providing 
a 
lopsided 
analysis 
unable 
to 
trace 
the 
interconnections 
between 
the 
subjective 
and 
objective 
features 
of social 
life'. 
To 
explicate 
my 
position 
further, 
my previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000) 
highlighted 
participant 
perceptions 
of 
the 
notion 
of 
`continuation', 
illuminating 
the 
significance 
of 
past 
experience 
and 
future 
expectations 
within 
the 
decision 
making 
experience 
of 
the 
present. 
This 
is 
a 
point 
also 
echoed 
in 
Sandelowski's 
(1988) 
study 
of 
48 
`infertile' 
women. 
Participants 
experienced 
the 
effects 
of 
an 
acute 
sense 
of 
time 
running 
out, 
living 
in 
a 
potentially 
imminent 
and 
feared 
confrontation 
with 
the 
end 
of 
time 
(1988: 
156). 
Thus, 
effectively 
understanding 
these 
experiences 
further 
reinforces 
the 
need 
to 
113 
employ methods 
which 
attempt 
to 
explicate, 
rather 
than 
amputate, 
the 
totality 
of 
personal 
and everyday 
experience, 
employing 
a creative 
approach 
to 
these 
problems 
to 
break 
new 
ground 
and extend 
research 
horizons. 
In 
relation 
to this 
project, 
this 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of exploring 
and 
understanding 
embodied experience 
within 
this 
field 
not 
in 
terms 
of 
the 
`atomised 
individual' (Miller, 
2000) 
or reliance 
on present perceptions 
and 
activity 
alone 
but 
by 
embracing an approach 
that 
also 
explores 
the 
significance 
of past 
experiences 
and 
future 
expectations. 
In 
this 
respect 
adopting 
a 
biographical 
approach moves 
the 
research enterprise away 
from 
a 
focus 
on 
the 
`atomised 
individual' 
or solely 
the 
present 
situation of 
an 
individual's 
life, 
to 
adopting a 
perspective 
that 
covers movement 
through the 
lifecourse 
or a 
significant 
proportion 
of relevant 
topical 
areas. 
However, 
as 
Miller 
(2000: 2) 
suggests, 
this 
approach 
necessarily 
leads 
to 
`profound 
methodological 
deliberations 
about 
the 
nature 
of social reality 
and 
the 
kind 
of 
knowing 
that 
is 
possible 
for 
a social 
researcher', 
a point 
that 
entails more 
detailed 
consideration 
of 
the 
dominant 
epistemological 
assumptions 
behind 
the 
qualitative 
paradigm. 
As I have 
outlined, 
my 
ontological 
position 
is 
one 
that 
embraces 
the 
premise 
that the 
advance 
of 
sociological 
knowledge 
in 
this 
field is 
contingent 
on 
utilising a 
methodology 
that 
takes 
subjectivity and 
lived 
lives 
as 
its 
cornerstone 
(Plummer, 
1983: 
11). 
Further, 
as 
Plummer (1983) 
argues, 
if 
this 
is 
taken 
as 
a 
first 
premise 
then 
documents 
of 
life have 
a central 
role 
to 
play. 
For 
example, 
when 
combined 
with 
a 
biographical 
perspective, written 
words 
in 
114 
the 
form 
of, 
example, 
solicited 
or 
unsolicited 
texts 
or 
documents, 
are 
meaningful 
constituents 
of 
the 
social 
world 
in 
themselves (Mason, 
1996: 
72). 
However, 
my 
intention 
is 
not 
to 
reify 
the 
biographical 
approach 
as 
in 
any 
way 
more 
meaningful 
per 
se. 
What 
I 
am 
suggesting 
is 
that 
a 
revised 
conceptualisation 
of 
embodied 
experience 
as 
both 
a 
temporal 
and 
emergent 
process suggests 
the 
use 
of 
alternative 
tools 
for 
the 
development 
of 
understanding 
in 
this 
field. 
These 
must 
incorporate 
both 
the 
`internal' 
and 
subjective point 
of view 
while 
simultaneously 
appreciating 
that 
such 
activity 
takes 
place 
in 
the 
context 
of 
wider 
social 
settings 
and contextual 
resources 
(Layder, 
1998: 3) 
where 
the 
issue 
of 
time 
comes 
to the 
fore. 
In 
relation 
to 
respondents' 
understanding of embodied 
experience, 
my aim 
is 
to 
access 
this 
understanding not 
through the 
exploration 
of 
solitary 
instances 
or 
momentary 
thought 
but 
to 
illuminate 
changing or 
developing 
experiences 
as 
they 
occur. 
To 
expand, what 
cannot 
be 
said 
in 
one 
moment may 
become 
clear, 
and 
emerge, 
over 
time. 
In 
relation 
to 
infertility 
and 
the 
experience 
of assisted 
reproductive 
procedures, 
the 
experience, 
impact 
and 
understanding of 
diagnosis 
and related procedures 
may 
be 
a gradual process, 
emerging over 
time 
(Menzies, 2000). 
A 
temporal 
biographical 
perspective may provide a 
more 
effective 
means of 
examining 
these 
interconnections. 
However, 
taking 
this 
position 
also underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
research 
encounter, 
the 
dialogic 
process 
and, 
more 
specifically, 
the 
matter of 
interpretation itself. 
Again, 
further debate 
within 
the 
qualitative 
framework 
reflects 
a number 
of 
differing 
stances concerning 
how 
knowledge 
of a given 
115 
phenomena, process 
or experience 
may 
be 
produced 
and 
interpreted. 
It 
is 
important 
here 
that 
I 
position 
my 
methodological 
stance 
in 
relation 
to 
these 
dominant 
approaches. 
Rather 
than 
attempting 
to 
resolve 
contemporary 
debate, the 
purpose 
of my 
appraisal 
here 
is 
to 
expose 
the 
dominant 
epistemological 
tenets 
of each 
in 
order 
to 
both 
illustrate 
and 
justify 
my 
approach. 
Within 
the 
qualitative arena, 
Schwandt 
(2000: 
189-214) highlights 
three 
dominant 
epistemological stances, each 
embracing specific philosophical 
assumptions 
concerning 
how `understanding' 
can 
be 
achieved and which 
vie 
for 
attention 
as potential 
justifications 
for 
embracing 
a qualitative approach: 
interpretivist 
philosophies, 
philosophical 
hermeneutics 
and 
social 
construction 
ism. 
Before I 
move 
on 
to 
develop 
my own position, 
these 
positions are 
outlined 
briefly 
below. 
Interpretivist 
philosophies 
Generally, 
the 
interpretivist 
turn 
can 
be 
seen 
as a response 
to 
positivism 
and 
the 
desire to 
`understand' 
human 
action 
as opposed 
to 
offering 
causal 
explanations. 
In 
explicating 
the 
idea 
of 
a mind-independent 
and 
permanently 
fixed 
reality, 
the 
notion 
of 
interpretive 
understanding 
highlights the 
move 
away 
from 
foundationalist 
epistemological 
assumptions18. 
According to 
Schwandt 
(2000), 
within 
this 
framework 
human 
action 
is 
understood 
as 
both 
meaningful 
and 
with 
intentional 
content. 
The 
purpose 
of 
the 
interpretive 
project 
is 
to 
understand 
this 
process, 
to 
interpret 
in 
particular 
ways 
what 
the 
actors 
are 
18 
For 
example, 
logical 
positivism, 
logical 
empiricism and 
the 
Cartesian 
`knower' 
116 
doing. Schwandt 
(2000) 
proceeds 
to 
outline 
several 
approaches 
whereby 
the 
notion of 
interpretive 
understanding 
is 
differentially 
defined. 
These 
include 
the 
approach of 
phenomenological 
sociology, 
the 
influences 
of 
Cicourel 
and 
Garfinkel 
and 
the 
`language 
games' 
of 
Winch 
and 
Wittgenstein. 
However, 
my 
purpose 
here is 
not 
to 
outline 
the 
intricacies 
of 
debate 
but 
to 
outline 
the 
common 
epistemological 
underpinning 
of 
each. 
As Schwandt 
(2000: 
193) 
argues, 
the 
broadly 
interpretivist 
position 
suggests 
... 
that 
it 
is 
possible 
to 
understand 
the 
subjective 
meaning 
of 
action 
(grasping 
the 
actors 
beliefs, 
desires 
and so 
on) 
yet 
do 
so 
in 
an objective 
manner. 
The 
role 
of 
the 
researcher 
or 
interpreter 
is 
to 
employ methods 
to 
allow 
them 
to 
step outside 
their 
various 
frames 
of reference 
(for 
example, 
the 
`bracketing 
of 
experience', 
assuming 
the 
role 
of 
the 
`uninvolved 
' 
or 
`disinterested' 
observer) 
and, 
in 
so 
doing, 
acquire 
an 
`inside 
understanding' 
of 
the 
actors' 
definition 
of 
the 
situation'. 
Philosophical hermeneutics 
In 
critique, 
a 
Cartesian 
epistemological 
frame 
can 
be discerned 
within 
the 
above 
approach, particularly 
the 
notion 
that 
it is 
possible and 
indeed 
desirable 
to 
step outside our 
individual 
frames 
of 
reference 
to 
acquire 
an 
`insider 
understanding'. 
Firstly, 
according 
to 
a 
hermeneutic 
position, 
`understanding' 
is 
precisely 
the 
very 
condition 
of 
being 
human. 
Understanding 
is interpretation 
and cannot 
be 
subjected 
to 
procedure 
or approached 
as a rule-governed 
undertaking. 
Secondly, 
it is 
impossible 
to 
`step 
outside of 
ourselves' 
in 
our 
efforts 
to 
understand. 
If 
we 
are 
able 
to 
step outside of our selves, as 
this 
approach 
suggests, 
then 
this 
also 
implies 
that 
once 
the 
shackles of 
tradition 
have 
been 
shaken 
off, 
the 
`truth' 
or 
`true 
meaning' 
simply 
waits 
to 
be 
revealed 
(Schwandt, 
117 
2000). The 
point 
here 
is 
that, 
within 
the 
hermeneutic 
approach, 
meaning, 
rather 
than 
existing 
`externally' 
or 
waiting 
to 
be 
discovered 
is 
instead 
something 
that is 
produced 
within 
the 
encounter 
itself, 
through 
dialogue 
and 
through 
conversation. 
Essentially, 
meaning 
is 
participative 
and 
thus 
cannot 
be 
reproduced 
by 
the interpreter. 
In 
this 
sense, 
a 
hermeneutic 
position 
refrains 
from 
presenting 
rules 
for, 
or a 
theory 
of, 
interpretation 
(Schwandt, 
2000: 
194). 
Schwandt (2000: 
196) 
outlines 
two 
points 
of criticism 
here. 
Firstly, 
if 
tradition 
governs 
interpretation 
then 
any 
interpretation 
is 
simply 
a 
re-enactment 
of 
tradition 
and 
knowledge 
gained 
therefore 
rests 
within a 
specific 
paradigm. 
Secondly, 
and 
taking 
this 
logic 
to 
relativistic 
extremes, 
a 
`dead 
end' 
to 
understanding 
is 
reached 
which suggests 
there 
may 
never 
be 
a 
finally 
correct 
interpretation 
as each and every 
interpretation 
is 
the 
product 
of a 
specific 
context and 
interpretation. 
In 
response 
to the 
first 
criticism and 
suggesting 
how 
understanding 
may 
be 
reached, 
the 
researcher 
or 
interpreter 
must engage 
with 
the 
effects of 
tradition, 
with 
the 
bias, 
pre-judgments, 
assumptions and standpoints 
in 
which 
they 
are 
situated. 
This is 
more 
than 
a simple confessional 
process and 
requires 
that the 
researcher 
both 
recognises and moves 
from 
the 
familiar 
to 
the 
strange and engage 
in 
a 
dialogical 
encounter with what 
is 
not 
(already) 
understood 
(Schwandt, 
2000: 
195; 207), 
a skill not easily acquired. 
In 
response 
to 
the 
second 
criticism, 
Schwandt 
(2000) 
argues 
that the 
suggestion 
that 
there 
must 
be 
a 
finally 
correct 
interpretation is 
to 
miss 
the 
118 
point. 
The 
point 
is 
not 
to 
reveal 
the `truth' 
(which 
surely 
cannot 
exist) 
but 
to 
clarify 
the 
conditions 
in 
which 
understanding 
may 
take 
place 
and 
emerge. 
Social 
constructionism 
Sharing 
an 
affinity 
with 
the 
philosophical 
hermeneutic 
approach, 
Schwandt 
(2000) 
argues 
a 
(loose) 
social 
constructionist 
position 
affirms 
that 
nothing 
exists 
independently 
of our 
construction 
of 
it. 
Yet, 
this does 
not 
suggest 
that 
`knowing' is 
a passive 
procedure 
whereby 
data 
and 
information 
is 
simply 
imprinted 
on 
the 
mind. 
Rather, 
as 
human 
beings, 
we 
do 
not 
find 
knowledge 
- 
we make 
it 
and 
make 
sense 
of 
it. Likewise, 
`we do 
not 
create 
meaning. 
We 
construct meaning. 
We 
have 
something 
to 
work with 
... 
As 
Heidegger 
and 
Merleau-Ponty 
repeatedly 
state, 
the 
world 
is `always 
already 
there' 
(Crotty, 
1998: 
44). 
Similar 
to 
the 
discussion 
of 
the 
effect 
of 
`tradition' 
mentioned 
above, 
the 
broadly 
constructionist approach argues 
that there 
can 
be 
no 
unmediated 
grasp 
of 
the 
social world which 
exists 
independently 
of 
the 
interpreter 
and 
that 
all 
claims 
to 
knowledge 
take 
place within 
a particular 
conceptual 
framework 
- 
a 
pertinent 
point 
I 
have 
already 
explored 
in 
relation 
to the 
understanding of 
the body 
within 
sociology. 
Schwandt (2000: 198) 
further 
suggests while 
both 
these 
positions 
agree 
that 
`language 
makes 
possible 
the 
disclosure 
of 
the 
human 
world' 
(Taylor, 
1995) 
and 
both 
share an affinity with 
the 
notion of a 
`coming 
into 
being 
of 
meaning', 
the 
similarity 
ends 
here. Philosophical 
hermeneutics 
trusts 
in 
the 
potential 
of 
language 
and 
interpretive 
practice 
to 
disclose 
meaning 
(emerging 
from 
the 
dialogic 
encounter) 
and 
thus 
enable 
the 
119 
exploration 
of 
`being'. 
In 
opposition, 
a constructionist 
account 
argues 
there 
is 
no 
single 
truth, 
or 
meaning, 
to 
the 
matter 
of 
interpretation. 
However, 
according 
to 
this 
position, 
knowledge 
can 
never 
be 
separated 
from 
experience 
and 
thus 
remains 
mute 
on 
matters 
of 
ontology 
(Schwandt, 
2000: 
199-200). 
While 
advocates 
of 
the 
constructionist 
approach 
may 
position 
themselves 
along 
a continuum 
of 
weak 
to 
strong 
construction 
ism, 
the 
problem 
of 
this 
approach and particularly 
the 
difficulty 
of 
distinguishing 
between 
better 
or 
worse 
interpretations, 
or 
the 
relativist 
view 
that 
any 
interpretation 
is 
as 
good 
as any other, remains. 
Understanding 
the 
body: 
a 
hermeneutic 
and 
biographical 
approach 
The 
contemporary 
debate 
I have 
highlighted 
above 
leads 
to two 
differing 
sets 
of consequences 
(Schwandt, 
2000: 200-202). 
Firstly, `strong 
holism'. 
The 
fact 
that there 
are multiple realities 
does 
not 
mean an 
inevitable 
exhaustion 
of 
understanding and 
thus 
knowledge. 
In 
brief, 
there 
are multiple 
realities, 
many 
different, 
acceptable views 
(which 
require no comparative 
evaluation) 
and 
it 
is 
these 
which must 
be 
explored and/or 
deconstructed. Secondly, 
9 
weak 
holism'. 
The 
point 
here 
is 
that 
relativistic 
conclusions advocated 
by `strong 
holists' 
are 
neither 
necessary nor 
desirable. The 
contexts 
of 
understanding, 
the traditions 
which 
constrain 
thought, 
are not powerful 
enough 
to 
place a 
limit 
on 
interpretations 
or 
the 
ability 
to 
decide 
normatively 
between 
interpretations. It is 
this 
normative 
dimension 
which 
influences 
my position and which 
is 
also 
reflected 
in 
a 
growing 
trend 
over 
the 
past 
decade 
away 
from 
the 
rejection of 
the 
human 
subject, 
combined 
with 
a concern 
to 
link 
macro and 
micro 
levels 
of 
analysis 
(Chamberlayne 
et 
al, 
2000). 
At 
this 
point, 
I 
would 
agree 
that 
we 
can 
120 
never 
decisively 
determine 
the 
correctness 
of 
an 
interpretation 
- 
and 
this 
surely 
should 
not 
be 
the 
aim. 
What 
counts 
as a 
better 
interpretation 
is 
one 
that 
justifies 
the 
move 
to 
another 
interpretation 
by 
exposing 
the 
weaknesses 
of a previous 
interpretation. 
My 
previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 
2001), 
combined with my 
exploration 
of 
both 
past 
and recent 
`body 
work', 
has 
exposed 
deficiencies 
of 
thought 
within 
this 
field 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
temporal 
understanding 
as 
a central 
axis. 
I 
suggest 
the 
chance 
to 
move 
forward 
rests within 
a position 
that 
moves 
beyond 
the 
ontological 
silence 
inherent in 
a 
broadly 
social 
constructionist 
approach. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
I 
adopt 
a 
hermeneutic 
and 
biographically 
influenced 
approach. 
A 
preoccupation with 
the 
individual 
account 
and 
the 
story 
is 
arguably 
a 
mainstay of 
the 
biographical 
approach. 
In 
the 
following 
sections, 
I 
explore 
these 
developments 
in 
more 
detail 
and outline 
their 
potential relevance 
to the 
understanding 
of embodied 
experience. 
According 
to 
Chamberlayne 
(et 
al, 
2000), 
this 
positioning reflects a wider 
shift 
in 
thinking 
currently 
shaping 
the 
research 
agenda. 
Loosely 
characterised 
as 
a subjective, 
narrative 
or cultural 
turn19, 
the 
recent 
burgeoning 
interest in 
biographical 
methods 
has 
been 
influenced 
by 
a number 
of areas of change 
contributing 
to 
a 
general 
shift 
in 
perspective: 
the 
rediscovery 
of 
`culture' 
and 
understanding 
that 
the 
social 
order 
is 
not 
just 
transmitted 
but 
experienced 
and 
explored; 
gerontological 
narrative 
work, 
the 
recognition 
of 
the 
social 
function 
19 
While 
I 
make use 
of 
common 
terminology 
here, 
it is 
important 
to 
acknowledge 
the 
more 
extreme 
version 
of 
the 
`cultural 
turn' 
and 
recognition 
of 
the 
cultural 
variability 
and relativity 
of understanding. 
For 
example 
the 
structuralist 
and 
post-structuralist 
approach 
to 
the 
analysis 
of 
language 
and 
other 
symbolic 
systems 
in 
fact 
contributed 
to 
the 
`death' 
of 
both 
the 
subject and 
the 
author 
(Rustin, 2000: 
40). 
121 
of 
the 
narrative 
act 
and 
that 
both 
story 
and 
narration 
play 
an 
important 
role 
in 
adjustment 
in later 
life; 
empowerment 
narratives 
and 
the 
emergence 
of 
practices utilising 
talk 
of 
past experiences 
in 
social 
care 
services; 
and 
new 
`philosophies 
of 
care', 
including 
a 
focus 
on 
the 
holistic 
conception 
of 
the 
`whole' 
individual, 
requiring 
knowledge 
of a person's 
past as 
well 
as 
their 
current 
needs and preferences 
(Chamberlayne 
et al, 
2000: 
8-10). 
At 
a 
broad 
theoretical 
level, 
interest 
reflects 
the 
recognition 
that 
`social 
science, 
in 
its 
longues 
durees 
of positivism, 
determinism 
and 
social 
construction 
ism, has become detached 
from lived 
realities' 
(Chamberlayne, 
et 
al, 
2000: 2), 
finally 
culminating 
in 
the 
`end 
of 
the 
human 
subject' 
(Plummer, 
2001: 4). 
While 
attempts 
have 
been 
made 
to 
bridge 
the 
gap 
between 
the 
individual 
and 
the 
social 
(see Giddens, 
1984; Mouzelis, 
1995), debate 
has 
remained abstract 
or, as 
Rustin 
(2000) 
suggests, 
embraces an agency 
which 
is 
more of a 
collective 
than 
one 
of 
the 
individual 
actor. 
Indeed, 
the 
history 
of 
the 
biographical 
approach 
is 
long 
within 
the 
humanities 
yet 
has 
been 
one of 
fits 
and starts within 
social 
science, 
a positioning which 
generally excludes a 
biographical 
approach 
from 
the 
methodological 
canon 
(Plummer, 
2001). 
suggest 
this 
disciplinary 
heritage 
has, 
at 
the 
very 
least, 
contributed 
to the 
subordination 
of 
the 
individual, the 
effect of which 
makes 
it `difficult, 
within 
this 
discipline, 
to 
do 
justice 
either 
to 
the 
particularity 
of 
human lives 
or 
to their 
actual 
and 
potential 
agency' 
(Rustin, 2000: 
44). As I have discussed 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology, 
this 
positioning 
is 
not one 
aided 
by the 
more 
recent 
post-modern conceptualisation of, 
on 
the 
122 
one 
hand, 
the 
free-floating 
individual 
and multiple 
identities 
and, 
on 
the 
other 
hand, the 
discursive 
constitution 
of 
the 
social. 
Thus, the 
essential problem 
for 
a 
biographical 
sociology 
is 
to 
`demonstrate 
that 
original 
knowledge 
of social structure and process can 
be derived 
from 
the 
study 
of 
individual life 
stories' and, 
further, 
that this 
can 
aid social 
theory 
`by 
demonstrating 
that 
a 
life 
trajectory, 
or 
individual 
mode of 
being 
which 
is 
socially 
representative' 
(Rustin, 
2000: 44-45). In 
this 
respect, 
and critically 
for 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
project, a 
biographical 
approach 
does 
not make 
the 
case 
for 
sociology 
without 
structure nor 
a pre-occupation 
with 
individualism. 
`What 
it 
does 
suggest 
is 
that the 
human 
cannot 
be divorced 
from 
the 
social, cultural 
and 
historical 
moment' 
(Plummer, 2001: 5). 
At 
this 
point, 
it 
seems 
ironic 
that 
despite 
attempts 
to 
overcome 
the 
structure-agency 
polarity within 
sociological 
theory 
and 
the 
current 
emphasis 
on 
individualisation 
and reflectivity 
that there 
has 
so 
far been 
only 
limited 
interest 
in 
studying 
forms 
of 
`being' 
as 
they 
are 
experienced 
by the 
individual 
(Rustin, 
2000; 
Plummer, 
2001). 
I have 
already 
outlined 
the 
partial 
influence 
of 
a 
hermeneutic 
approach 
within my 
methodological 
stance. 
This 
is 
a 
position 
which 
remains 
influential 
within a 
biographical 
approach 
and 
I 
spend 
time 
here 
further 
explicating 
my 
position. 
Firstly, I 
embrace 
this 
position 
not 
to 
solve 
the 
problems 
of 
understanding 
itself 
(as 
this 
would 
be 
contrary 
to the 
central 
tenets 
of 
this 
approach) 
but 
to 
clarify 
the 
conditions 
in 
which 
understanding 
takes 
place. 
Secondly, 
and 
123 
relatedly, 
meaning 
may 
be 
uncovered 
but 
this 
meaning 
is 
necessarily 
a 
product 
of 
the dialogic 
encounter 
and 
interpretive 
act 
itself. 
In 
relation 
to 
my 
research, rather 
than 
suggesting 
the 
need 
to 
uncover 
a 
`hidden 
truth', 
a 
hermeneutic 
approach 
may 
contribute 
to 
a 
developing 
awareness 
of 
how 
we 
might understand 
our 
embodied 
experiences. 
Further, 
this 
may 
also 
be 
used 
to 
explicate 
the 
conditions 
of 
this 
understanding, 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
this in 
relation 
to 
my 
notions 
of 
time, 
emergence, 
process 
and 
transformation. 
As 
Josselson 
argues, 
... 
we 
live 
life forwards 
but 
understand 
it 
backwards. 
In 
understanding 
ourselves, 
we choose 
those 
facets 
of 
our 
experience 
that 
lead 
to the 
present 
and render 
our 
life 
story 
coherent. 
Only from 
a 
hermeneutic 
position 
are 
we poised 
to 
study 
the 
genesis 
and revision 
of 
people making 
sense 
of 
themselves 
... 
Narrative 
models 
of 
knowing 
are 
models 
of 
process 
in 
process 
... 
personal 
narratives 
describe 
the 
road 
to the 
present and 
point 
the 
way 
to 
the 
future 
... 
(1995: 
35). 
Further, from 
a 
hermeneutic 
point of 
view, 
human life 
is 
a process 
of narrative 
interpretation, implying 
the 
meaning of 
life 
does 
not 
exist prior 
to 
interpretation 
or 
independent 
of 
the 
stories 
that 
are 
told 
about 
it 
(Widdershoven, 
1993). 
For 
the 
purposes of my research, 
this 
again underpins my suggestion 
that there 
is 
no 
foundational female body 
but, instead, 
an 
embodied specificity 
and 
embodied 
experience 
that 
may emerge 
over 
time. 
In brief, 
narrative 
interprets 
experience, 
making 
meaning 
explicit. 
This 
position also reveals 
the 
phenomenological 
influence 
within 
a 
biographical 
approach and 
particularly 
the 
work of 
Merleau-Ponty 
(1962 [1945]). As Widdershoven 
outlines, 
A 
story 
about 
life 
presents 
us 
life 
as 
it 
is lived, 
and as such 
life is 
the 
foundation 
of 
the 
story. 
In 
presenting 
life, however, 
the 
story 
gives 
life 
a specific 
sense, 
and makes clear 
what 
it is 
about. 
Thus 
a 
story 
is based 
on 
life 
but 
is 
not 
determined 
by it because 
it is 
an 
articulation 
of 
life that 
gives 
it 
a new and 
richer 
meaning 
(1993: 6). 
124 
Again, 
there 
are 
a 
number 
of 
differing 
positions 
within 
a 
hermeneutic 
approach. 
Widdershoven 
(1993) 
provides 
a 
useful summary 
which 
I 
draw 
on 
below. 
Firstly, 
Collingwood's 
(1946) 
theory 
of re-enactment 
borrows 
from 
a 
historian's 
perspective 
and attempts 
to 
understand 
the 
past 
by 
rethinking 
the 
thoughts 
of 
historical 
actors. 
By 
virtue of 
the 
historian's 
distance 
and 
position 
in 
the 
present, 
ideas 
can 
be 
rethought 
more 
easily and 
the 
meaning 
or 
intent 
behind 
past actions can 
be 
rearticulated. 
Secondly, 
and 
in 
contrast 
to 
Collingwood, 
Gadamer (1960) 
holds 
that 
there 
is 
no original 
meaning 
that 
can 
be 
uncovered. 
While 
Collingwood 
argues 
temporal 
distance 
makes 
it 
easier 
to 
distinguish 
the 
essential 
from 
the 
inessential, 
Gadamer 
argues 
that 
meaning 
is 
never 
fixed 
and changes 
through 
interpretation. 
Here, both 
narrator 
and 
interpreter 
roles are critical, 
culminating 
in 
a 
`fusion 
of 
horizons' 
whereby 
both 
participants 
try 
to 
come 
to 
grips 
with 
the 
truth 
via 
a process 
of 
mutual understanding. 
This `fusion' 
results 
in 
the 
horizons 
of 
both 
the 
narrator 
and 
the 
interpreter 
taking 
part 
in 
a process 
of 
`blending' 
(Hazzard, 
2000). 
In 
the 
respect, 
the 
story 
listener 
is 
not 
in 
the 
business 
of 
being 
an 
expert 
in 
someone 
else's 
life 
(Kenyon 
and 
Randall, 
1997). 
Rather, there 
is 
no 
`true' 
story 
apart 
from 
a particular 
context 
or 
biographical 
encounter 
-a 
process 
referred 
to 
as 
the 
`hermeneutic 
circle'. 
Finally, 
while 
Collingwood 
(1946) 
and 
Gadamer 
(1960) both 
stress 
the 
transference 
of 
text 
or 
narrative 
to 
the 
present, where 
it is 
either 
re-enacted 
125 
(Collingwood) 
or 
enriched 
(Gadamer), 
Derrida 
(1972) 
stresses 
the 
text 
or 
narrative 
is 
simply 
transferred 
to 
a 
new 
context. 
Here, 
new 
meanings 
are 
both 
created and produced. 
This 
moves 
away 
from 
Collingwood 
and 
Gadamer's 
suggestion of 
`made' 
meaning 
to 
one 
where 
no 
unity 
or meaning 
exists 
and 
where 
each 
text 
or narrative 
is 
open 
to 
an 
infinite 
number 
of 
interpretations. 
My discussion here 
is 
necessarily 
brief. 
My 
aim 
is 
not 
to 
attempt 
to 
reconcile 
these 
positions 
but 
to 
outline 
a commonality 
which may 
be 
used 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
exploration of embodied 
experience. 
As Widdershoven 
outlines, 
... 
all share 
the 
idea 
that 
life 
and 
the 
story 
are 
internally 
related 
... 
life is both 
more and 
less 
than 
a story 
... 
more 
in 
that 
it is 
the 
basis 
of a 
variety of stories 
and 
less in 
that 
it is 
unfinished and 
unclear 
as 
long 
as 
there 
are no stories 
told 
about 
it. The 
intertwining 
of experience 
and 
story 
lies 
at 
the 
heart 
of 
individual 
life 
... 
and understanding 
(1993: 
19). 
In 
the 
following 
chapter, 
I discuss 
the 
influence 
of 
this 
position 
in 
my approach 
to the 
exploration 
of women's 
experience of 
infertility 
and assisted 
reproductive 
procedures 
and particularly 
the 
use 
of 
life 
story 
interviews 
and 
solicited 
diaries 
as methods 
of access. 
Further, I 
also explain and 
justify 
my 
use of 
the 
virtual 
realm 
as a 
tool 
of access 
to 
participants 
in 
this 
field. 
126 
5 
Methods: 
Time 
Tools 
and 
Temporal 
Markers 
The 
preceding 
chapter 
has 
outlined 
the 
hermeneutic, 
narrative 
and 
biographical influence 
within my 
approach 
towards 
the 
exploration 
of 
women's 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
I 
argue 
understanding 
this 
experience 
must 
take 
place 
within 
the 
dialogical 
encounter 
over 
time, 
as part of 
the 
interpretive 
act 
itself 
and 
as part of 
the 
ongoing 
development 
of 
the 
participants 
viewpoints 
during 
the telling 
of 
their 
experiences. 
This is 
a critical 
longitudinal 
component 
to 
my 
approach 
which may capture 
temporal 
markers and episodes as 
the 
stories 
of 
women's 
experiences unfold, 
reflecting 
my earlier 
suggestion 
that 
`how 
we 
know' 
may 
be 
both 
an emergent 
process and one caught up 
in 
a 
`web 
of 
intimate 
social 
relations' 
(Mauthner, 2002: 32). `Time' here infiltrates 
my entire 
research 
design, 
as an 
early 
conceptual 
device 
and as a critical component of 
my methodological 
position. 
Further, 
the 
understanding 
of 
gendered 
embodiment 
as a process 
of 
becoming 
and of 
emergence 
must 
reside 
in 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
web 
of 
meanings 
created 
which 
allow 
the 
individual 
to 
negotiate 
their 
way 
through 
the 
ordinary 
events 
and 
encounters 
of 
their 
lives 
with 
others. 
`Meaning' 
in 
this 
sense, 
does 
not 
exist 
externally 
waiting 
to 
be 
grasped 
but 
is 
there 
to 
be 
understood 
and 
reached 
through 
time. 
This is 
a point of view 
that 
bears 
some 
relation 
to 
Schutz's 
(1970) 
notion 
that 
participants possess 
a 
stock 
of 
knowledge 
that 
is 
simultaneously 
substantive, 
reflexive 
and 
emergent. 
127 
Relatedly 
and 
in 
reference 
to 
the 
stories 
of 
the 
chronically 
ill, Charmaz 
(2002) 
illustrates the 
link 
between 
the 
story 
and 
the 
emerging 
experience: 
By 
understanding 
both 
stories 
and 
silences 
- 
what 
lies 
between 
them 
- 
as 
well as 
when, 
why and 
how 
they 
emerge, 
social 
scientists 
gain 
a nuanced, 
processural 
analysis 
of 
how 
their 
research participants 
and 
they, 
themselves, 
construct 
meanings 
about self and 
subjective 
existence 
(2002: 
306). 
Charmaz 
(2002: 
304-306) 
argues 
addressing 
both 
the 
stories 
and silences 
of 
the 
chronically 
ill brings 
bodily 
experiences 
into 
analytic 
purview 
and 
opens 
the 
window 
to 
views 
that 
are 
frequently 
suppressed. 
This 
partially 
reflects 
Goffman's 
(1963) 
earlier suggestion 
that 
stories and silences 
are strategies 
to 
`manage' 
experience. 
The 
task, therefore, 
is 
to 
portray participants' 
lives 
in 
all 
their 
complexity. 
I 
aim 
to 
illustrate how 
women 
both 
talk 
about 
their 
bodies 
and make 
sense of 
their 
experiences. 
This is 
a position 
reflected 
in 
my 
choice of method, 
incorporating 
life 
story 
interviews 
and 
researcher-solicited 
diaries. 
The life 
story 
provides a 
longitudinal 
tool, 
illuminating 
the 
encounter 
between the 
self, 
the 
life 
course 
and 
society 
(Bellaby, 
1991) 
and 
is, 
critically, 
a viewpoint 
both 
aware 
of and 
centred 
upon 
the 
passage 
of 
time 
(Miller, 
2000). 
Further, 
utilising 
this 
perspective also 
succeeds 
in 
moving 
beyond 
an 
atomistic 
perspective 
(based 
only 
on 
the 
present) 
or a 
solely 
historical 
perspective 
(moving 
from 
the 
past 
to 
the 
present). 
Significantly, 
this 
perspective 
acknowledges 
that 
individuals 
have 
both 
past 
experiences 
and 
future 
aspirations 
that 
are 
part 
of 
their 
decision-making 
processes 
of 
the 
present. 
As I have 
underlined, 
my narrative 
and 
hermeneutically 
influenced 
biographical 
position shifts 
the 
methodological 
process away 
from 
information 
gathering 
(and 
emphasis 
on 
asking 
the 
`right' 
128 
questions) 
to 
the interaction 
itself 
`where 
the 
focus 
is 
in 
the 
process, 
on 
the 
dynamic 
unfolding 
of 
the 
subject's 
viewpoint' 
(Anderson 
and 
Jack, 
1991: 
23). 
McRae 
(1994) 
underlines 
the 
way 
in 
which 
a 
story 
serves 
to 
uncover 
and 
construct a 
personal 
identity. 
Significantly, 
this 
personal 
identity 
is 
not 
made 
up of 
solely 
autobiographical 
description. 
The 
point 
McRae 
(1994) 
makes 
is 
that 
it is 
not 
just 
the 
stories 
people 
tell 
about 
themselves 
but 
also 
the 
stories 
that 
people 
tell 
about 
other 
people, 
other 
experiences 
and 
their 
moral 
and 
social universe, 
which 
may 
serve 
to 
reveal 
their 
own 
selves. 
In 
this 
respect, 
the 
life 
story may 
lead 
us 
beyond 
the 
meaning 
in 
the 
story 
itself 
to 
possible 
greater meaning 
for 
some 
stories 
- 
new 
ways of 
understanding 
how 
people 
see and experience 
their 
own 
lives 
and 
what 
is important 
in 
them 
(Atkinson, 
1998: 
73). In 
the 
following 
sections 
and subsequent 
chapters, 
I 
aim 
to 
develop 
this 
point 
in 
more 
detail in 
relation 
to 
the 
exploration of 
the 
female 
body, 
embodied 
experience 
and 
the 
conceptualisation 
of gendered embodiment 
as 
a process of 
becoming. In 
particular, 
I 
will 
illustrate 
the 
sense 
and process of 
meaning-making and embodied 
becoming 
through 
participants 
conceptualisation of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
as a 
`turning 
point'. 
Time 
tools: the 
life 
story and 
the 
diary 
Particular 
types 
of 
data 
pertinent 
to the 
life 
story 
approach are suggested 
by 
a 
number of authors 
(Denzin, 
1970; Plummer, 
1983,1995,2001; 
Geiger, 
1986; 
Dex, 
1991). 
These 
include: 
autobiographies/biographies, 
journals, 
diaries, 
letters, 
poetry, 
novels, 
oral 
histories 
and 
the 
life interview. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
I 
am 
concerned 
with 
the 
solicitation 
of 
data in 
two 
forms: 
life 
story 
interviews 
and 
researcher-solicited 
diaries. 
My 
adoption 
of 
the 
129 
life 
story 
as 
a method 
of approach 
acknowledges 
Miller's 
(2000: 
139-144) 
distinction 
between 
the 
life history 
as 
the 
recollection 
of 
the 
empirical 
facts 
of 
a 
lifetime 
and 
the 
life 
story 
-a 
depiction 
of 
the 
events 
of 
a 
lifetime, 
or 
active 
construction 
of 
the 
participant's 
view of 
their 
life. 
There is 
no single 
`best' 
or 
`correct' 
construction 
here. 
In 
the 
following 
sections, 
I 
explore 
the 
advantages 
and 
limitations 
of 
these 
techniques. 
Approaching the 
life 
story: 
past, present 
and 
future 
As Bellaby 
(1991) 
suggests, 
the 
life history 
provides a 
longitudinal 
tool 
which 
illuminates 
the 
encounter 
between 
the 
self, 
the 
life 
course and 
society. 
For 
example, 
Dex 
(1991: 
1-15) 
found 
life, 
employment 
and 
work 
experiences 
are 
bound together 
- 
life 
could 
not 
be 
understood 
without 
the 
experience 
of 
work 
and vice-versa. 
This 
underlines 
the 
need 
to 
pay attention 
to 
wider 
contextual 
factors 
(Bowes, 
Dar 
and 
Sim, 1997), 
recognising 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
overlap 
between 
individual 
lives 
and wider 
social 
forces. As Dex 
(1991: 
1) 
argues, 
`the 
past, 
or 
the 
lapse 
of 
time, 
is 
a 
crucial 
factor in 
understanding 
the 
present'. 
This 
is 
perhaps 
an 
obvious, 
yet 
often 
overlooked 
observation 
and a 
point 
underlining 
my 
approach 
which 
aims 
to 
`weave 
between biological 
body 
needs, 
immediate 
social 
groups, 
personal 
definitions 
of 
a situation 
and 
historical 
change 
both 
in 
one's 
own 
life 
and 
in 
the 
outside 
world' 
(Plummer, 
1983: 
67). 
For the 
purposes 
of 
my research, 
a 
more 
effective 
exploration 
of 
gendered embodiment 
must 
be 
located 
within 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
web 
of 
meanings created 
which 
allows 
the 
individual 
to 
negotiate 
their 
way 
through 
the 
ordinary 
events 
of 
the 
life 
course 
and encounters 
with 
others. 
130 
One 
of 
the key 
strengths 
of 
this 
approach 
is 
the 
provision 
of 
a 
substantial 
picture of a 
person's 
life 
and, 
from 
my 
perspective, 
both 
the 
narrator, 
reader 
and 
researcher 
enters 
into 
those 
same 
experiences. 
My 
aim 
is 
to 
use 
this 
approach as 
a means 
of 
exploring 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
the impact 
of 
perceived 
bodily 
dysfunction 
both 
on 
and 
through 
participant's 
perceptions 
of 
their 
movement 
through both 
the life 
course 
and 
treatment 
choices. 
This 
also 
echoes 
Atkinson's 
(1998) 
sentiment 
that, 
We 
become fully 
aware, 
fully 
conscious 
of 
our own 
lives 
through 
the 
process 
of putting 
them 
together 
in 
story 
form. 
It 
is 
through 
our story 
that 
we gain 
context 
and 
recognise 
meaning 
... 
Telling 
our story enables 
us 
to 
be 
heard, 
recognised 
and 
acknowledged 
by 
others. 
Stories 
make 
the 
implicit 
explicit, 
the 
hidden 
seen, 
the 
unformed 
formed 
and 
the 
confusing 
clear 
(1998: 
7). 
The life 
story 
interviews 
will 
focus 
on a number 
of areas 
of 
interest 
developed 
chronologically and 
loosely 
related 
to 
specific 
conceptual 
areas 
of 
interest20. While I 
utilise 
Atkinson's 
(1998) 
thematic 
framework, 
the 
potential 
significance 
of 
these 
areas 
has 
also 
been 
suggested 
by 
my previous 
research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 2001). 
However, 
these 
areas 
are not considered as 
definitive, 
allowing 
for digression, 
new 
themes 
and 
underlining 
the 
strength of 
a 
grounded and 
emergent 
approach. 
Further, 
my 
early contact with 
participants 
will 
utilise 
a 
`time line' 
approach, 
requesting participants 
to 
outline 
what 
they 
consider 
as 
the 
most 
significant experiences 
and areas 
of 
their 
lives 
thus 
far21 
A 
naYve understanding 
of 
the 
biographical 
perspective 
is 
to 
suggest 
that the 
entire 
biographical 
experience 
should 
be 
reconstructed and 
analysed. 
A 
`biographical 
life' 
does 
not 
have to 
incorporate 
a 
review of 
every 
event 
in 
a 
See 
Appendix 
IV 
20 
21 
See 
Appendix 
II 
131 
person's 
life 
but, 
instead, 
should 
search 
for 
a 
`general 
pattern 
of 
orientation' 
(Rosenthal, 
1993: 
63) 
and 
the 
relation 
of 
a single 
event, 
actions 
and 
experience 
to 
other 
events, 
actions 
and 
experiences 
(Rosenthal, 
1993: 
64). 
This 
also echoes 
Josselson's 
(1995: 
27-45) 
argument 
that 
we 
must 
refrain 
from 
reducing people 
to 
their 
parts 
and recognise, 
in 
the 
interplay 
of 
parts, 
the 
essence 
of 
wholeness 
-a 
conceptual 
position 
which also 
underlines 
and 
relates 
to 
my 
earlier 
discussion 
of 
the 
significance 
of 
`turning 
points' 
(Charmaz, 1994). 
The 
areas 
focused 
upon22 can 
be 
considered 
as potential 
transition 
periods 
during 
the 
participant's 
life 
course 
which may 
highlight 
the 
`the interplay between 
actor and 
social 
structure 
- 
how 
the 
individual 
has 
negotiated a 
path 
through 
a changing 
social structure' 
(Miller, 
2000: 
75). 
Again, 
this 
underlines 
my primary 
argument 
that 
the 
significance of 
the 
female 
body 
and 
the 
gendered experience of embodiment as a process 
of 
becoming 
may 
be 
more effectively 
explored at a 
temporal 
level, 
through 
periods 
of 
influence, 
change 
or 
transition 
and 
through the 
connection of 
these 
parts. 
As I 
have 
suggested, 
the 
reproductive 
arena, 
and within 
this 
women's experiences 
of 
infertility 
as a site 
of exploration, 
may prove 
critical. 
In fashioning 
these 
areas 
of exploration 
chronologically, 
I 
aim 
firstly 
to 
explore 
how 
participants 
make sense 
of 
their 
lives, 
negotiate 
the transitions 
between differing 
stages 
of 
the 
life 
course and explore what 
is 
significant 
within 
these 
transitions 
or 
`turning 
points' 
(Charmaz, 1994). 
Secondly 
and 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
body, 
I 
aim 
to 
explore 
how 
participants select, 
from 
an unlimited 
array, moments 
or 
experiences 
that 
are 
deemed 
significant 
and 
link 
them 
22 
See 
Appendix 
IV 
132 
together, 
a 
process 
which 
moves 
beyond 
the 
simple 
chronological 
review 
and 
can 
be 
best 
described 
as 
potentially 
establishing 
some 
of 
the 
`main 
lines 
of 
the 
plot' 
(Ochberg, 
1994: 
119). 
In 
so 
doing, 
I 
underline 
the 
point 
that 
a 
biographical 
perspective 
does 
not 
necessarily 
imply 
that 
every 
single 
event 
that 
ever 
took 
place 
in 
an 
individual's 
life 
should 
be 
reviewed. 
As 
Wengraf23 
(2000: 
145) 
outlines, 
1. 
The 
`lived 
life' 
is 
composed 
of 
the 
uncontroversial 
hard 
biographical 
data 
that 
can 
be 
abstracted 
from 
the 
interview 
material 
and 
any 
other 
helpful 
source. 
This 
is 
seen 
as 
a 
long 
chronological 
sequence 
of 
`objective' 
historical 
facts 
about 
the 
person's 
life, 
the 
life-events 
as 
they 
happened, 
independently 
of 
whether or 
how 
they 
are 
referred 
to 
in 
the 
interview. 
2. The `told 
story' 
is 
the 
way 
that the 
person 
presents 
him 
or 
herself 
- 
both 
in 
their 
initial 
narrative 
and 
in 
their 
answers 
to 
specific questions 
- 
by 
selecting 
certain 
events 
in 
their 
life (and 
omitting others) and 
by handling 
them 
in 
a certain 
way 
(and 
not 
in 
another). 
Likewise, 
I do 
not suggest 
that 
interviews 
will 
be 
conducted 
or 
will 
finally 
emerge 
in 
a 
neat 
and chronological 
fashion 
and, 
indeed, 
are 
more 
likely 
to 
be 
a process 
of 
reflexive and reflective stepping 
backwards 
and 
forwards. 
What 
I 
aim 
for 
is 
the 
`gestalt 
sense of 
biography 
as a comprehensive, 
general 
pattern 
of 
orientation' 
(Rosenthal, 1993: 63) in 
which 
biographically 
relevant 
experiences 
are 
linked 
up 
in 
a 
temporally 
and 
thematically 
consistent 
pattern 
(Fischer, 
1982). 
It is 
the 
connection 
between 
events, 
actions and experiences 
which 
is 
of 
interest to 
my 
research 
and 
the 
exploration 
of 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
The 
life 
story 
is 
not about what 
has 
escaped 
forgetting, 
it 
is 
about 
what 
has 
survived 
the 
process, 
what 
has 
been 
chosen, 
highlighted 
and 
enshrined 
(Wiener 
and 
Rosenwald, 
1993). 
23 
The 
`biographic 
interpretive 
method', 
Wengraf, 
2000. 
133 
Solicited 
diaries: 
context, 
process 
and 
time 
The 
use of 
the 
diary 
suffers 
from 
relative 
invisibility 
within 
the 
research 
tradition, 
although 
there 
are 
some 
notable 
exceptions 
(Douglas, 
1967; 
Burgess, 
1983; Finch, 
1983; Coxon, 
1996; Corti, 
1997; Denzin, 
1970; 
Elliot, 
1997; 
Bell, 
1998; 
Miller, 
1998). However, 
the 
use of 
the 
diary 
in 
social 
research 
has 
a contribution 
to 
make 
which 
differs from life 
story 
accounts 
or 
in-depth 
interviews. 
As Plummer (1983: 
17) 
argues, 
the 
diary 
chronicles 
`the 
contemporaneous 
flow 
of public 
and private events 
that 
are significant 
to the 
diarists'. 
Coxon 
(1996) has 
undertaken 
substantial work 
employing 
the 
diary, 
using a 
range 
of 
methods 
in his 
exploration of 
gay men's sexual 
behaviour24 
and 
it is 
useful 
to 
explore 
some 
of 
his 
points 
in 
relation 
to 
my 
own research. 
One 
of 
the 
primary 
issues 
informing 
Coxon's 
choice of 
method was 
the 
perceived 
danger 
of sole reliance 
on 
interview 
data. 
Differences 
between 
inferences 
obtained 
from interviews 
and 
the 
picture 
revealed 
from 
the 
sexual 
diaries 
were 
more 
than trivial 
(Coxon, 
1996: 
vii). 
In 
relation 
to 
sexual 
behaviour, 
Coxon 
argues 
this 
highlights the 
shortcoming 
of 
sole 
reliance 
on 
the 
most usual 
context 
of 
data 
collection 
- 
the 
interview 
setting 
- 
and 
gave 
grounds 
for 
scepticism. 
Further, 
much 
of 
the 
information 
obtained 
about 
sexual 
activity 
in 
the 
interview 
context 
itself 
could 
be 
considered 
`atomistic', 
of 
the 
past 
as 
opposed 
to 
of 
the 
whole 
and 
thus 
out 
of 
context. 
Much 
was 
learnt 
about 
how 
often 
something 
was 
done 
but 
little 
was 
learnt 
about 
the 
context 
in 
which 
it 
took 
place 
and 
the 
sequence 
in 
which 
it 
occurred 
(Coxon, 
1996: 20). These 
were 
factors 
which, 
if 
24 
These include 
diaries, 
sexual 
playbooks 
and 
observing 
and 
participating 
in 
`cottaging' 
and 
`cruising' 
behaviour. 
134 
not 
known, 
seriously 
impinged 
on 
understanding 
the 
meaning 
of 
sexual 
behaviour. 
At 
a more 
general 
level, 
the 
more 
practical 
advantages 
of 
solicited 
diary 
techniques 
are, 
firstly, 
as 
an alternative 
to the 
conventional 
interview 
method, 
particularly 
when 
events 
are 
difficult 
to 
recall 
accurately, 
are 
easily 
forgotten 
or 
difficult 
to 
voice. 
The 
diary 
may 
be 
potentially 
adaptive 
to 
gathering 
reliable 
information 
on 
the 
temporal 
and contextual 
nature 
of experience 
so 
that 
change, reflection 
and 
reassessment 
may 
be 
more easily 
charted. 
Secondly, 
the 
use of 
the 
diary 
may 
act 
as an aid, 
or 
alternative 
technique, in 
overcoming 
some of 
the 
problems 
associated 
with collecting 
sensitive 
information 
by 
personal 
interview. 
For 
example, 
asking 
women 
to 
speak 
about 
their 
experiences 
is 
not necessarily 
a straightforward 
issue, 
a point 
particularly 
applicable 
to 
this 
field. 
Miller's 
(1998) 
research 
on 
the 
process 
of 
becoming 
a 
mother 
underlined 
the 
use 
of 
the 
diary 
as a means 
of 
illuminating 
the 
interweaving 
of 
the 
`public' 
(professional/medical 
knowledge), 
`private' 
(informal/lay 
knowledge) 
and 
`personal' 
within 
participant 
commentary. 
The 
importance 
of 
time 
and 
the transition 
between differing 
temporal 
markers 
in 
this 
process 
is 
one 
that 
bears direct 
relevance 
to this 
project. 
Finally, 
the 
diary 
provides 
a means 
of 
accessing 
phenomena 
which are not amenable 
to 
observation, 
for 
example, 
responses 
to 
illness 
or, 
for 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
response 
to 
diagnosis 
and subsequent 
treatment 
choices and 
experiences. 
The 
diary 
acts 
as a useful 
and 
flexible 
tool 
when 
there 
is 
a need 
to 
record and 
track 
events 
and 
experiences 
in detail, 
as 
closely 
as possible 
to 
when 
they 
occur 
and 
exploring 
the 
movement 
of narrative 
commentary 
135 
through 
the 
process. 
For 
example, 
During 
Elliot's 
(1997) 
research, 
the 
use 
of 
diary-keeping 
served 
to 
bring 
to 
the 
foreground 
issues 
about 
illness 
which 
were 
commonly 
at 
the 
back 
of people's 
minds. 
Bell 
(1998) 
identifies 
several 
themes 
underlying 
the 
use of 
diary 
methods 
in 
social 
research. 
Relevant 
to this 
research 
are notions of 
time, 
of 
the 
public 
and 
the 
private, 
the 
inter-relationships 
between 
these 
themes 
and 
connections 
between 
the 
researcher 
and 
the 
researched. 
The `diary-interview' 
technique25 
has 
earlier 
been described by Zimmerman 
and 
Weider (1977) 
somewhat 
strongly as a means 
of 
the 
`interrogation 
of 
the 
informant'. Moving 
away 
from 
this 
position, 
I 
suggest 
that the 
diary-interview technique 
also 
provides 
the 
opportunity 
for 
advanced 
diary 
analysis, 
giving 
participants 
the 
opportunity 
to 
reflect 
and expand 
on 
issues 
raised within 
the 
diary 
itself, 
a 
form 
of 
`participant 
validation' 
suggested 
by 
Morrison 
and 
Galloway (1996). 
Further, 
Bell 
(1998: 79) 
argues 
that 
`using 
diary 
materials 
as 
an 
unobtrusive 
observation 
by 
itself 
does 
little 
to 
unravel 
the 
private 
meanings 
applicable 
to 
each 
women' 
participating 
in 
her 
research. 
More 
specifically, 
meanings 
emerged 
during the 
course 
of 
her 
research 
and 
as a product 
of 
the 
combination 
of 
interviewing, 
use 
of 
diary 
methods 
and participant 
observation. 
In 
relation 
to 
my 
exploration 
of 
embodied 
experience 
within 
this 
field, 
my 
adaptation 
of 
the 
diary-interview 
technique26 
(Zimmerman 
and 
Weider, 
1977) 
may prove 
useful 
as 
an 
instrument 
of agency 
and 
one, critically, 
where 
both 
observation 
and 
interaction 
is 
possible. 
Further, 
the 
(researcher 
solicited) 
25 
The 
`diary-interview' 
technique 
combines 
participant 
diary-keeping 
with a post-diary 
interview. 
26 
My 
adaptation 
includes 
continued 
researcher-participant 
diary 
feedback 
sessions 
during 
the 
course 
of 
diary-keeping. 
136 
diary 
potentially 
gives 
access 
to 
experience 
which 
crosses 
the 
boundaries 
between 
the 
personal 
and 
the 
public 
and 
may 
act 
as 
a 
way 
of 
avoiding 
the 
epistemological 
difficulties 
involved 
in 
the 
researcher's 
observation 
and 
interpretation 
of 
participant 
viewpoints 
(Bell, 
1998: 
76-77; 
Morrison 
and 
Galloway, 
1996). 
A 
number 
of 
limitations 
have 
been 
raised 
by 
several 
authors 
concerning 
the 
use 
of 
the 
life 
story 
technique 
(Plummer, 
1983; 
Burgess, 
1991; 
Bowes 
et 
al, 
1997) 
and 
the 
use of 
diaries 
within 
the 
research 
process 
(Gibson, 
1995; 
Elliot, 
1997; 
Bell, 1998). 
My 
intention 
here 
is 
to 
illustrate 
how 
my ontological 
and 
epistemological positioning 
accommodates 
these 
perceived 
difficulties, 
a 
point 
which also 
bears 
relation 
to 
my method 
of access 
in 
this 
field, 
which 
I 
will 
discuss 
in 
the 
following 
section. 
In 
relation 
to the 
life 
story 
technique, 
I 
am concerned 
with 
issues 
of 
bias, 
distortion 
or 
deception. 
Plummer (1983: 
103) 
outlines 
three 
potential 
sources 
of 
bias 
which 
may 
be 
encountered. 
Firstly, 
participant 
bias, including 
the 
rehearsal 
of stories and preconceptions 
of 
what 
the 
`interviewer' 
wants. 
Secondly, 
`researcher-respondent' 
relations. 
Difficulties here include, for 
example, 
potential 
prejudices, 
the 
influence 
of social characteristics 
and 
the 
encouragement 
or 
distortion 
of more 
`sensational' 
episodes. 
Finally, Plummer 
(1983) 
underlines 
the 
effect 
of 
the 
interview itself 
as a 
form 
of 
interaction. 
In 
response 
and 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
problem 
of 
bias, 
to 
remove 
this 
completely 
would 
serve 
to 
anaesthetise 
the 
individual's 
subjective 
experience 
(Plummer, 
137 
1983). 
Such 
a 
concern 
with 
bias 
also 
points 
towards 
the 
possible 
attainment 
of an 
underlying 
`truth' 
(Bowes 
et al, 
1997: 
113), 
a point 
I have 
problematised 
above 
in 
relation 
to 
my 
hermeneutically-influenced 
approach. 
Further, 
the 
suggestion 
of 
bias is 
not 
solely confined 
to the 
respondent. 
One 
of 
the 
most 
obdurate 
problems 
suggested 
here is 
the 
replication of 
the 
researcher 
within 
the 
analysed views of 
the 
researched. 
This is 
a 
question of 
the 
degree 
to 
which 
the 
accounts reflect or 
depict 
what 
the 
researcher 
is 
looking 
at. 
In 
agreement 
with 
Bowes (et 
al, 
1997), 
the 
route 
to 
overcoming 
these 
problems 
is 
not via 
the 
decontamination 
of 
research 
but by 
contextualising 
data 
within 
a 
reflexive 
view 
of 
the 
research process. 
My 
point 
here is 
not 
the 
attainment of a 
`pure' 
story 
but 
an awareness 
and 
understanding 
that 
the 
factors 
and processes 
which 
influence 
accounts 
reflect 
world 
views 
which 
`draw both 
on 
a shared 
fund 
of 
ideas, 
or a culture, 
and on 
the 
individual 
teller's 
life 
experiences' 
(Bowes 
et al, 
1997: 
116). In 
relation 
to 
the 
research 
process, 
understanding 
the 
individual 
account requires 
engagement, 
a point 
again 
influenced 
by 
both 
feminist 
and 
hermeneutic 
approaches. 
More 
specifically 
in 
relation 
to 
solicited 
diaries, 
Gibson 
(1995) 
problematises 
the 
use 
of 
the 
solicited 
diary 
as a 
tool to 
reveal 
private 
accounts, 
questioning 
whether 
diaries 
commissioned 
for 
research 
purposes 
can 
be 
considered 
private 
documents. 
Diaries 
need 
to 
be 
acknowledged 
as 
constructed 
by 
both the 
writer 
and, 
through 
research 
and 
analysis, 
by 
the 
soliciting researcher 
(Bell, 
1998: 
82). 
Again, 
this 
is 
a point 
in 
keeping 
with 
my 
hermeneutic 
and 
narrative 
approach, 
embracing 
these 
perceived 
difficulties 
not 
as 
problems 
to 
be 
overcome 
but 
as 
part 
of authentic social 
interaction 
in 
138 
itself. To 
reach 
an 
understanding 
requires 
the 
engagement 
of, 
for 
example, 
bias 
and preconceptions. 
The 
point 
is 
not 
to 
free 
ourselves 
of 
preconception 
but to 
examine 
them 
within 
the 
dialogical 
encounter 
(Schwandt, 
2000), 
a 
reflective 
practice 
that 
impacts 
upon 
the 
power relations 
at 
times inherent 
in 
the 
research process 
and makes 
the 
researcher, 
as 
well as 
the 
researched, 
the 
focus 
of critical 
appraisal. 
To 
underline, 
the 
`self' 
is 
not 
necessarily 
a 
troublesome 
element 
to 
be 
eradicated 
but, 
rather, 
can 
be 
seen 
as a 
set 
of 
resources 
(Olesen, 
2000). 
As 
Charmaz 
(2002) 
argues, 
the 
narrator's 
trust 
in 
the 
interpreter 
or 
interviewer 
permits an 
exchange or 
flow 
of 
ideas 
to 
emerge. 
Further, `the 
person 
reaffirms self and 
moral status 
through 
forming 
the 
story 
and 
articulating 
the 
moral message 
within 
it. The 
presence of 
the 
responsive 
interviewer 
further 
affirms 
the 
view of 
the 
self 
in 
the 
story' 
(Charmaz, 
2002: 
317). As I 
explore 
below, 
the 
application of a relatively 
`new' 
medium 
in 
this 
field 
- 
the 
virtual 
realm 
and computer mediated 
communication 
(CMC) 
- 
may 
complement 
my support 
for 
this 
position. 
The internet 
matters: 
the 
internet 
as 
a research 
tool 
Mann 
and 
Stewart 
(2000) 
argue 
that 
in 
most conventional 
qualitative 
research, 
data 
in 
text 
form is 
`obtained 
via 
face 
to 
face 
interaction 
in 
a real 
world social 
context' 
(2000: 
181). 
As 
computer 
mediated 
communication 
(CMC) 
bypasses the 
face 
to 
face 
stage of 
this 
process, 
much recent 
debate 
centres on 
the 
effectiveness 
of 
CMC 
as a medium of 
information 
exchange. 
Central 
to 
this 
debate 
is the 
potential 
for CMC 
to 
offer a 
new 
dimension to 
longstanding 
debates 
about 
the 
quality of 
data 
that 
can 
be 
collected 
using 
face 
to 
face 
as 
opposed 
to 
solicited 
or unsolicited 
written 
materials 
- 
the 
`oral- 
139 
writing 
dichotomy' 
(Mann 
and 
Stewart, 
2000: 182). 
For 
example, 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
written 
text, 
Good 
(1996) 
argues, 
Spontaneity 
is lost; 
the 
communication 
is impoverished 
in 
terms 
of 
its 
social 
and 
emotional 
content; 
and 
the 
precision 
of 
the 
written 
page can 
exert 
its 
own 
form 
of 
pedantic 
tyranny 
as 
the 
prospects 
for 
negotiating 
meaning 
are reduced 
(1996: 
82). 
Alternatively, 
Temple 
(1994) 
argues, 
The 
written account 
is 
an 
interaction 
between 
author and 
reader 
just 
as 
the 
oral 
is 
an 
interaction 
between 
speaker 
and 
listener. Moreover, 
the 
written 
account 
can also 
serve 
to 
evoke 
emotion, 
tension, 
and 
irony 
by 
its interactive 
qualities 
(1994: 
38). 
However, Mann 
and 
Stewart 
(2000: 
182) 
argue 
that the 
importance 
of 
CMC 
is 
in its 
capacity 
to 
offer a new 
dimension 
to this 
debate 
and one 
which 
combines 
the 
characteristics of 
both 
oral and written communication. 
CMC 
offers 
the 
opportunity 
to 
overlap 
this 
dichotomy 
as 
`writing 
that 
very often 
reads as 
if it 
were 
being 
spoken 
- 
that 
is, 
as 
if 
the 
sender were writing 
talking' 
(Davis 
and 
Brewer, 
1997: 
2) 
and 
it is 
this 
feature 
which 
may 
usefully 
complement 
my 
methodological 
position. 
However, 
while 
the 
use 
of 
the 
internet 
as 
a research 
tool 
is becoming 
increasingly 
widespread 
(see Cornick, 
1995; 
Sproull, 1996; 
Coomber, 1997; 
Chen 
and 
Hinton, 
1999; 
Jones, 
1999; 
O'Connor 
and 
Madge, 
2001), 1 
argue 
the 
temptation 
to 
see 
this 
development 
as a new, 
fertile 
and potentially 
irresistible 
research 
terrain 
must 
be both 
resisted 
and countered 
(Jones, 
1999; 
Illingworth, 
2001). 
Of 
primary 
importance to the 
research 
community 
must 
be 
the 
issue 
of 
justification 
and 
the 
extent 
to 
which 
this 
type 
of 
investigation 
benefits 
and 
is 
applicable 
to 
the 
methodological 
stance 
140 
embraced. 
This 
is 
an 
issue 
I have 
highlighted 
above 
and 
which 
I 
will 
develop 
further below 
and 
through 
my analysis 
sections. 
The 
computer/user 
relationship 
has 
been 
described 
as 
the 
apotheosis 
of 
post-enlightenment separation 
of 
the 
body 
from 
the 
mind, 
`a 
supremely 
post- 
modernist 
position, 
which 
denies 
any 
`reality' 
to 
fleshy 
bodies 
that 
are 
not 
constructed 
through 
culture' 
(Lupton, 
1995: 100). This is 
a 
dualism 
already 
problematised 
in 
relation 
to 
our understanding 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology 
yet 
which 
still perpetuates within 
the 
discipline 
and 
is 
again reflected 
in 
the 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
internet 
as a 
form 
of 
disembodied interaction. I 
argue 
against 
this 
stance, underlining my position 
that 
online research may offer 
new 
possibilities. 
In 
the 
case of my 
earlier researcher 
(Illingworth, 2000; 
2001), 
the 
virtual 
realm opened 
the 
door 
to 
a 
previously 
hidden 
world of 
experience27. 
Nguyen 
and 
Alexander 
(1996) 
and 
Matheson 
(1992) 
also refer 
to 
a general 
awareness 
that 
people 
are 
more willing 
to 
interface 
with 
a 
computer screen 
than 
talk 
directly, 
feel less 
inhibited 
by 
the 
evaluation 
of 
others and 
appear 
more 
aware 
of 
their 
private 
selves online. 
As Mann 
and 
Stewart (2000: 
95) 
argue, 
The 
ability 
of 
the 
computer 
to 
reflect 
a person 
back 
to 
themselves 
opens 
up 
the 
possibility 
that 
for 
some 
individuals, 
computer 
mediated 
communication 
... 
may 
be 
an 
ideal 
method 
to 
generate 
rich 
data 
about 
the 
subjective 
self, 
a self 
accessed 
in 
what 
may 
be 
experienced 
as 
an 
almost 
transparent 
process 
of 
relating 
to 
one's 
own 
consciousness. 
While I 
refrain 
from 
suggesting 
that 
the 
internet 
or 
the 
virtual 
realm 
can 
be 
considered 
as 
a 
research 
setting 
par 
excellence, 
this 
counters 
the 
suggestion 
that 
the 
internet 
exposes 
multiple 
personas 
and 
varying presentations 
of 
the 
27 
See 
also 
Sveilich, 
1995 
141 
self 
(Turkle, 
1995; 
Bromberg, 
1996). 
Identity 
may 
be fluid 
and 
potentially 
multiple 
on 
the 
internet 
but 
people 
similarly 
engage 
in 
these 
practices 
in 
other 
arenas 
of everyday 
life 
and 
did 
so 
prior 
to 
the 
introduction 
of 
the 
online 
forum 
(Kendall, 
1999). 
As 
Bromberg 
(1996: 
148) 
suggests, 
while 
the 
character 
and 
anonymity of 
the internet 
does 
have 
the 
potential 
to 
act 
like 
a 
mask, 
it 
may 
also 
have 
the 
effect 
of 
`bringing 
out 
what 
you're 
really 
like 
deep 
down 
inside', 
a 
point of 
relevance 
to this 
project 
and 
which 
I 
will 
develop 
further 
in 
subsequent 
chapters. 
It has been 
well 
documented 
that disadvantaged 
and 
marginalised 
groups 
may use 
the 
internet 
as a means 
of 
social contact 
and support 
(Jones, 
1997). 
The 
potential of 
the 
internet 
as a 
research 
tool 
lies 
not 
just 
in `group' 
accessibility 
but in its 
potential 
to 
reach 
individuals 
who 
do 
not 
necessarily 
fully 
participate 
in 
an offline group 
or social 
setting. 
This 
becomes 
more 
applicable 
when 
the 
primary aim of 
the 
research 
project 
is 
not 
necessarily 
to 
research 
a particular 
and 
defined 
group 
of 
internet 
users per 
se 
but 
to 
use 
the 
internet 
as a 
doorway 
to, 
for 
example, 
difficult 
to 
access 
individuals. 
During 
my 
previous research 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 2001), difficulties 
encountered 
accessing 
individuals 
in 
the 
more conventional research 
field 
reinforced my 
reliance 
on and 
support 
for 
the 
virtual realm as a 
point 
of 
access. 
Firstly, 
online 
participation 
offered 
personal anonymity 
in 
a very 
emotive 
field. 
Secondly, 
a 
number 
of respondents 
emphasised 
their 
reluctance 
to 
participate 
had 
the 
research 
been 
conducted 
within a more 
conventional 
and 
face 
to 
face 
setting. 
Finally, 
respondents 
also 
highlighted 
the 
potentially 
detrimental 
effects 
of 
power 
relations 
in this 
field 
through 
unwillingness 
to 
participate 
in 
research 
142 
conducted 
in 
a clinical 
setting, 
particularly 
within a 
designated 
assisted 
conception 
unit. 
However, 
a cautionary 
point 
must 
be 
added 
here. 
The 
use of 
CMC 
does 
not 
automatically 
entail 
self-disclosure 
and 
its 
effectiveness 
is 
much 
dependent 
on 
the 
context, content 
and 
purpose 
of 
the 
research 
itself. 
The 
appropriateness 
of 
this 
method 
as a current 
point 
of access 
was underlined 
by 
the 
opinions of my earlier participants. 
Further, 
this 
is 
enhanced 
by 
my 
privileged 
position 
in 
terms 
of prior experience, 
further justifying 
my 
decision 
to 
continue 
to 
explore and 
research 
in 
this 
field. 
In 
this 
respect, 
the 
virtual 
realm 
presented 
a more neutral and 
hence 
egalitarian space 
for 
communication 
within a research 
setting. 
However, 
the 
notion 
that 
virtual communication 
and 
participation 
fosters 
a 
`democratisation 
of 
exchange', 
promoting 
non-coercive, anti-hierarchical 
dialogue 
and 
thus 
underlining 
its 
potential 
as an 
ideal 
medium 
for 
conducting 
unbiased 
research 
is 
one 
promoted 
by 
many 
`cues 
filtered 
out' 
theorists 
(see 
Spender, 1995). 
Yet, 
as 
both 
Kendall 
(1999) 
and 
Mann 
and 
Stewart 
(2000) 
highlight, 
the 
potential 
for diffused 
power 
relations 
emphasising 
the 
apparently 
egalitarian nature 
of 
computer-mediated 
communication 
cannot 
be 
presumed. 
While 
this 
medium 
may 
eliminate 
the 
visual 
social cues 
which 
arguably 
inform 
power 
relations 
in 
the 
conventional 
research 
setting 
(Mann 
and 
Stewart, 
2000: 
162), 
anonymity 
and 
the 
lack 
of visual 
cues online 
does 
not 
necessarily 
equal 
an 
`absence 
of 
identity' 
(Kendall, 
1999: 66). Nor 
should 
it 
presume 
an 
equalisation 
of 
power 
relations 
in 
the 
setting. 
The 
lack 
of 
visual 
cues 
may 
143 
contribute 
to 
the 
development 
of 
alternative 
power 
relations 
and 
increase 
aural and 
tactile 
awareness 
(Mann 
and 
Stewart, 
2000; 
Illingworth, 
2001), 
providing 
a 
potential 
set 
of 
`assumed 
identity 
facts' 
(Kendall, 
1999: 
66). 
As 
Kendall (1999: 
70) 
suggests, 
this 
necessitates 
spending 
time 
online 
learning 
to 
interpret 
participants 
and 
recognise 
nuance, 
a requirement 
which 
is built 
in 
to 
my research 
design. 
Research 
Design 
Any 
qualitative 
study 
is designed 
differently 
depending 
on 
the 
type 
of 
qualitative research and 
the 
tradition 
of 
inquiry 
that 
frames 
it. My 
emerging 
theory 
has been 
generated 
through 
earlier 
data 
collection 
and 
analysis 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 2001), 
exposing 
new 
areas 
that 
require exploration 
and 
forming 
an 
initial 
theoretical 
schema, 
broadly in keeping 
with 
the 
notion 
that 
the 
process of 
data 
collection should 
be 
an 
inductive 
one and guided 
by 
emerging 
theory 
(Glaser 
and 
Strauss, 
1967: 45; 
Strauss, 
1987). One 
of 
my 
central 
concerns 
has been 
developing 
a 
theoretical 
and 
empirically 
driven 
framework 
that 
can 
be 
used 
to 
effectively 
explore 
women's 
embodied 
experiences, 
focusing 
on 
the 
potentially 
temporal, 
emergent and 
contextual 
nature 
of 
embodied 
experience 
and 
the 
form 
this takes. 
However, 
this 
is 
not 
without 
difficulty, 
as 
the 
following 
sections 
illustrate. 
Sampling 
decisions 
have 
been 
conceptually 
driven, 
progressively, 
in 
a 
(loosely) 
grounded 
theory 
mode 
(Miles 
and 
Huberman, 
1994). At 
the 
centre 
of 
this framework 
are 
the 
experiences 
of women 
both 
reflecting 
upon 
and 
living 
through 
infertility. 
Research 
participants 
thus 
typify 
certain conceptually 
based 
144 
`types'. 
I 
utilised 
purposive 
and 
snowball 
sampling 
procedures 
to 
identify 
cases 
on 
the 
basis 
of 
their 
relevance 
to 
my 
research 
questions, 
theoretical 
position, analytical 
framework 
and 
the 
account 
I 
am 
developing 
(Patton, 
1990; 
Miles 
and 
Huberman, 
1994; 
Mason, 
1996; 
Flick, 
1998; 
Marshall 
and 
Rossman, 1998). 
Therefore, 
in 
this 
research, 
the 
relationship 
that 
exists 
between 
the 
participant 
group 
and 
the 
wider 
population 
is 
not one 
that 
can 
be 
defined 
as statistically 
representative 
and, 
instead, 
remains 
theoretically 
defined. 
My 
target 
group, 
by definition, 
remains 
representative 
of 
the 
phenomena of 
interest 
as opposed 
to 
the 
wider 
population. 
The 
participant group 
This 
position, 
alongside 
the 
emergent 
nature of my approach, suggested 
the 
final 
number 
of participants necessarily 
remained 
unspecified at 
the 
beginning 
of 
fieldwork, 
a process 
driven by 
conceptual questions and 
the 
conditions of 
understanding 
rather 
than 
a concern 
for 
representativeness 
(Miles 
and 
Huberman, 1994: 
27; 
Miller, 2000). 
My 
sampling 
- 
decisions, 
using 
purposive 
and snowballing 
strategies and 
based 
on choosing 
women 
who 
typified 
certain conceptually 
based 
types, 
reflect my movement 
around 
the 
empirical 
field 
and 
include: 
women 
recently 
diagnosed 
and 
experiencing 
treatment 
options and 
choices 
for 
the 
first 
time; 
women previously 
having 
had 
successful 
infertility 
treatment 
and 
who were 
undergoing 
further 
treatment; 
women 
who 
had 
experienced 
previously 
unsuccessful 
treatment 
and 
who 
were 
undergoing 
further 
treatment; 
women 
who 
had 
previously 
had 
successful 
treatment 
and 
who 
had 
no 
plans 
for 
145 
further 
treatment 
and 
women 
who 
had 
experienced 
earlier 
diagnosis 
and/or 
unsuccessful 
treatment 
and 
had 
made 
the 
decision 
to 
remain 
childfree. 
This 
process 
ceased 
when 
`theoretical 
saturation' 
(an 
indicator 
when 
fieldwork 
can 
cease) was 
reached, 
a process 
which 
can 
be likened 
to 
Lincoln 
and 
Guba's 
(1985: 
202) 
criterion 
of 
`redundancy' 
- 
fieldwork 
is 
terminated 
when 
no 
new 
information 
is forthcoming. 
Data 
Collection 
Four 
potential online support 
groups 
were 
identified. 
Two 
of 
these 
groups 
were 
known 
to 
me 
previously 
(Groups 
1 
and 
2) 
and a 
further 
two 
groups 
(Groups 3 
and 
4) 
were 
identified by 
members of 
Group 
1 
and 
Group 
2 
either 
passing 
my 
details 
on or advising me of 
an 
active 
group 
to 
contact. 
Access 
Group 
1 
was 
initially 
contacted 
August, 
2001.1 
forwarded details 
concerning 
the 
nature of 
my current 
research 
and previous 
experience/research 
in 
this 
field. 
Research 
access 
was 
confirmed 
via 
the 
site moderator. 
Following 
Rosenthal (1975), 
1 
posted 
a series 
of repeat 
calls 
for 
research 
participants 
via 
the 
site 
Bulletin 
Board. 
These 
messages were 
posted 
December 2001, 
January 2002 
and 
February 
2002. 
In 
February 
2002, 
Group 
2 
confirmed 
research 
access via 
the 
site 
moderator. 
Again, I 
posted 
a 
series 
of 
messages 
via 
the 
site 
Bulletin 
Board 
and 
topic- 
focused discussion 
groups. 
While 
I had 
accessed 
this 
site 
previously 
(Illingworth, 
2000), 
1 
attracted 
far less 
response 
than 
I had 
anticipated 
(5 
146 
responses). 
However, 
a 
search 
of related 
discussion 
sites 
revealed 
several 
negative 
comments 
towards 
later 
research 
conducted 
using 
the 
site, 
which 
I 
attributed 
as 
a 
contributing 
factor. 
Group 
3 
was 
accessed 
February 
2002.1 
had been 
advised 
of 
this 
group 
by 
several members 
of 
Group 
1. Access 
was 
approved 
by 
the 
group 
moderator, 
alongside 
a request 
to 
participate 
and a 
request 
to 
pass 
my 
research 
call 
on 
to 
another active 
discussion 
site 
- 
Group 
4.1 
posted 
repeat 
research 
calls 
to 
the 
discussion 
site over 
a period 
of 
2 
weeks. 
Group 
4 
was 
initially 
informed 
of 
my research 
via 
the 
moderator 
of 
Group 
3. 
This 
forum 
is 
related 
to 
Group 
3 in 
the 
form 
of a 
`progression' 
site 
(termed 
`graduation' by 
a number of 
forum 
members). 
Members 
of 
the 
forum 
comprise 
those 
having 
experienced 
`successful' infertility 
treatment. 
Again, 
I 
posted 
repeated research 
calls 
to the 
discussion 
site over a period 
of 
two 
weeks. 
Responses 
I 
received 
the 
largest 
response 
from Group 3. Although Group 4 
comprised a 
similar 
sized group 
and 
related 
discussion 
forum, 
the 
comparative 
lack 
of 
response 
from 
this 
group 
may 
highlight 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
notion of 
`graduation' described 
by 
a 
number 
of 
Group 
3 
and 
Group 4 
members. 
Initial 
explorations suggested 
`moving 
on' as 
both 
an experience and a process 
was 
central 
to this 
group. 
By 
comparison, 
topics 
for 
discussion 
suggested 
both 
infertility 
and 
related 
treatment 
experience 
remained 
in 
the 
background. 
This 
147 
discussion 
forum 
maintained 
a 
direct focus 
on 
the 
present 
- 
pregnancy, 
early 
parenthood 
and 
related 
concerns. 
By 
the 
end 
of 
February, 
2002 
1 
had 
received 
36 
responses 
to 
my 
research 
calls. 
Research 
Communications 
The importance 
of 
prolonged 
introductory 
contact 
should not 
be 
understated, 
particularly applicable 
within 
the 
virtual 
field 
and 
the 
absence 
of 
face 
to 
face 
communication. 
Providing 
a 
mass of early 
information 
may contribute 
to 
`information 
overload' 
and potentially, a 
lack 
of consideration of 
the 
full 
extent 
of participation.. 
A 
stage 
by 
stage and gradual 
introduction 
process allowed 
time 
for 
a more considered 
response, a point relevant given 
the 
nature 
and 
sensitivity of 
my research 
and methods employed. 
The 
stages and 
time 
frames 
of research 
contact 
are 
described in 
sequence 
below: 
9 
December 
2001 
- 
February 
2002: 
Discussion/Forum/Bulletin 
Board 
research 
calls 
posted, 
outlining 
research 
and 
advising contact 
points. 
" 
February 
- 
March 
2002: 
First Response 
Reply: 
Once 
contact was 
received, 
I 
issued 
replies 
introducing 
myself 
further, 
outlining 
my 
research 
area 
in 
more 
detail, 
types 
of participation 
(life 
story 
interviews 
or 
participant 
diaries), 
information 
regarding 
anonymity/confidentiality 
(and 
alternative 
secure 
server 
access) and 
approximate 
time 
commitments. 
At 
this 
point, 
I 
also 
requested confirmation 
of 
interest 
in 
participating 
in 
either 
the 
life 
story 
interview 
or 
diary 
keeping. 
148 
" 
March 
2002: 
Confirmation 
responses. 
Once 
I 
received 
participant 
responses 
and 
confirmation 
of 
interest in life 
story 
interviews 
or 
diary 
keeping, 
I forwarded 
more 
detailed information 
regarding 
either 
diary 
or 
life 
story 
interview 
participation 
(see Appendix 
1) 
and 
confirming 
mutually 
agreed 
start 
dates. 
Participant diaries 
Of 
the 
36 
responses 
to 
my 
research call, 
14 
respondents 
confirmed 
interest 
in 
keeping diaries 
through treatment. 
Of 
these 
initial 14,1 
respondent 
experienced 
a 
last 
minute 
cancellation 
of 
her 
treatment 
cycle; 
1 
respondent, 
after 
further 
consideration, 
advised she 
was 
both 
unable and 
`unwilling 
to 
open a cupboard 
full 
of 
skeletons, a 
further 
two 
respondents commenced 
diary-keeping 
for 
a period of 
two 
weeks 
but 
contact subsequently ceased. 
After 
receiving 
my 
initial 
communications, 
a 
further 4 
respondents 
did 
not 
contact me again. 
Of 
the 
remainder, 
6 
participants maintained 
diaries 
through 
treatment 
periods 
ranging 
from 
7- 
28 
weeks 
(March 
- 
September, 
2002). 
Diary keeping: time 
commitments 
and researcher 
contact 
For 
diarists 
(see 
Appendix 
1) 
and 
in 
response 
to 
participant 
queries, 
I 
advised 
there 
should 
be 
no 
limit 
on 
either 
the 
time 
spent 
completing 
diary 
entries or 
the 
length 
of 
entries. 
Further, 
I 
confirmed 
I 
would re-contact periodically 
to 
acknowledge 
safe 
receipt 
of 
diary 
entries, provide 
the 
opportunity 
for 
feedback 
and 
clarification 
of 
issues 
raised within 
the diary. 
149 
Participant 
Life Story 
Interviews 
Of 
the 
36 
responses 
to 
my 
research 
call, 
22 
respondents 
confirmed 
interest 
in 
participating 
in 
life 
story 
interviews. 
After first 
contact 
information 
was 
forwarded 
and 
further 
information 
requested, 
12 
participants 
maintained 
interest 
at 
this 
stage. 
After 
mutually 
agreed 
starting 
dates for 
each 
interview 
were 
confirmed, 
9 
participants 
continued participation. 
Interviews 
were 
conducted 
consecutively, with a minimum 
completion 
time 
of 
12 days 
and 
a 
maximum 
completion 
time 
of 
5 
weeks, 
between March 
- 
August, 2002. 
Initial 
stages 
of 
participant 
involvement included 
the 
development 
of a 
`time 
line' 
(see Appendix 
II for 
example 
time 
line) 
to 
accustom 
participants 
to the 
process 
of 
the 
life 
story 
interview 
itself 
(Atkinson, 1998). 
Using 
asynchronous 
email, 
interviews 
commenced with 
some general and 
exploratory 
questions 
(see Appendix 
IV). Email 
communication 
generally 
continued 
on 
a 
daily 
basis. 
After 
several communications, 
feedback 
sessions 
were 
arranged 
to 
reflect 
on 
the 
interview 
process, 
issues 
arising 
and, where 
necessary, 
raising 
further 
issues 
for 
clarification. 
After 
the 
interviews 
had 
finished, I 
forwarded 
collated 
transcripts 
of 
the 
interview to 
participants 
for 
further 
comment. 
Data 
analysis, 
strategy 
and 
interpretation: 
a 
grounded approach? 
In 
this 
section, 
I 
describe 
my 
analytic 
strategy. 
In 
relation 
to 
my 
conceptualisation 
of 
embodied 
experience, 
I 
was, 
as 
Atkinson 
suggests, 
`trying 
to 
understand 
how 
this 
sense 
of 
self 
has 
evolved over 
time, 
perhaps 
as 
a 
result 
of 
key 
transitional 
experiences, 
how 
change 
and 
continuity 
interact 
in 
150 
a person's 
life, 
or 
how 
the 
self 
is 
defined 
in 
relation 
to the 
collective 
... 
' (1998: 
63). 
Further, 
the 
nature 
of 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
is 
one 
that 
may 
be 
emergent, 
relational 
and 
one 
to 
be 
explored 
within 
the 
dialogic 
encounter 
and 
interpretive 
act. 
This 
is 
a stance 
which 
necessarily 
required 
a 
more 
specified 
approach 
to the 
process 
of 
analysis 
itself. 
During 
early analysis 
stages, 
I 
embraced, 
if loosely, 
grounded 
theory 
as 
an 
analytic 
strategy, 
developing 
coding 
techniques 
for 
both 
data 
reduction 
and 
data 
complication 
and 
potentially 
allowing 
me 
to 
expand, 
transform 
and 
reconceptualise 
the 
data (Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996). However, 
my 
initial 
attempts at 
data 
analysis 
foundered 
almost 
immediately, 
resulting 
in 
my 
concern 
that 
I 
was 
failing 
to 
explore 
effectively 
the 
issues 
at 
hand. This 
was 
also 
informed by 
concerns over my methodological 
approach, 
influenced 
by 
feminist 
and 
hermeneutic 
positions, alongside 
the 
difficulty 
of 
reconciling 
issues 
of power 
within 
data 
analysis 
itself. To illustrate 
this, 
I initially began 
to 
develop 
core 
analytic 
files, 
extracting and 
coding recurring 
themes 
emerging 
from 
the 
data, 
building 
on 
these themes 
and coding 
data 
segments 
into 
thematic 
files. Towards 
the 
end 
of 
this 
process, 
I 
was 
left 
with a series of 
files, 
effectively, 
as 
I 
thought, 
illustrating 
participants experience 
and 
dominant 
issues 
arising 
to 
guide 
my 
subsequent 
analytic progress. 
In 
particular 
I had 
developed 
a 
large 
file 
containing 
a 
series of 
data 
segments relating 
to the 
experiential 
body. 
However, 
my 
feelings 
of unease 
grew and 
I felt 
further 
removed 
from 
my 
project, 
and 
the 
potentially 
the 
processural and 
emergent 
nature 
of 
experience, 
as 
illustrated 
by 
Josselson (1995: 
35): 
151 
` 
... 
we 
live 
life 
forwards 
but 
understand 
it backwards. 
In 
understanding 
ourselves, 
we choose 
those 
facets 
of 
our 
experience 
that 
lead 
to 
the 
present and render our 
... 
story 
coherent. 
Only 
from 
a 
hermeneutic 
position are 
we 
poised 
to 
study 
the 
genesis 
and 
revision 
of people making 
sense 
of 
themselves 
... 
Narrative 
models of 
knowing 
are 
models 
of 
process 
in 
process 
... 
personal 
narratives 
describe 
the 
road 
to 
the 
present 
and point 
the 
way 
to the 
future 
... 
' 
My 
concerns also revolved around 
the 
difficulty 
of exploring not 
just 
what 
was 
said 
but 
also what remained 
absent 
from 
the 
narratives. 
I 
subsequently 
time- 
tracked 
the 
texts, 
using a manual 
time-tracking 
procedure where each 
line 
of 
text 
was 
identifiable 
in 
terms 
of 
both 
source 
(diarist) 
and 
time 
(position 
within 
the 
treatment 
process). 
This 
procedure revealed 
that, 
while 
still a 
dominant 
thematic 
issue, 
the 
voicing of 
`body 
concerns' emerged 
primarily at specific 
points 
during the treatment 
process. 
Thus, in 
the 
absence of a 
time 
centred 
method, 
an 
issue 
critical 
for 
understanding 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
may 
have 
remained 
at 
best, 
dormant 
and 
at worst, 
hidden. 
The 
point which 
I 
reiterate 
here is 
that 
an 
understanding 
of narrative 
content 
and subsequent 
thematic 
development, 
should 
not 
be 
developed 
out with 
an understanding 
of 
context 
(both 
context 
of 
treatment, 
movement 
through 
treatment, 
wider 
social/structural/cultural 
context, 
interaction 
with 
others 
and research 
participation), 
voice 
(the 
narrative 
as voice) 
and 
form 
(the 
narrative 
as 
function). 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
project, 
this 
can 
be 
seen 
as 
a continuous 
and 
intersecting 
movement 
between 
these 
different 
levels. 
However, 
my 
discomfort 
reflected 
a need 
to 
question 
the 
full 
applicability 
of 
a grounded 
approach 
to 
this 
project. 
The issue 
of 
reflexivity 
- 
the 
reflection 
upon 
and 
understanding 
of 
our 
own personal, political 
and 
intellectual 
152 
biographies 
and 
making 
explicit 
my 
location in 
relation 
to 
participants 
- 
also 
necessarily 
remained 
a 
central 
concern 
as 
I 
sought an 
approach 
which 
fore 
grounded 
the 
participants 
voice 
while 
acknowledging 
my 
voice 
as 
`researcher'. 
Grounded 
theory, 
introduced 
by Glaser 
and 
Strauss 
(1967) 
as 
a 
sociological 
method 
for 
empirical 
research, 
is 
appealing 
and particularly 
its 
embedded 
focus 
on 
human 
action and 
interaction. 
As Lomborg (2003) 
argues, 
`From 
a symbolic 
interactionist 
perspective, 
Glaser 
and 
Strauss 
provided 
a critique of 
the 
overspecialised 
deductive 
use 
of 
pre- 
established 
grand 
theories 
in 
sociology, and 
from 
this 
pragmatic 
position, 
combined with 
a rigorous, systematic approach, 
they 
developed their 
constant comparative method'. 
However, 
as 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet 
(1998) 
argue, 
issues 
of reflexivity, 
power, voice 
and 
authority, 
specifically within 
data 
analysis stages, 
remain of 
central concern. 
Further 
and as 
Morley (1997: 140 
cited 
in Letherby, 2002) 
argues, 
`no 
feminist 
study 
can 
be 
politically 
neutral, 
completely 
inductive 
or 
solely 
based 
on grounded 
theory, 
as all work 
is 
theoretically 
grounded'. 
Underlining 
my 
narrative 
and 
hermeneutic 
approach, 
special 
emphasis must 
be 
placed 
within 
my research 
design, 
analysis 
and subsequent 
thematic 
development 
on 
the 
interaction 
between 
researcher 
and participant 
through 
the 
entire 
research 
process. 
More 
specifically, my analytic 
strategy 
also 
required 
a 
process 
of 
self-examination, 
acknowledging 
how 
my 
own 
perspective 
may 
influence 
not 
only 
what 
is learned 
but 
also 
how 
it is learned 
(DePoy 
and 
Gitlin, 
1994). 
Data 
collection 
itself 
can 
be 
considered 
an 
invasive 
procedure 
and 
perhaps 
more 
so 
than the 
bumps 
and grinds 
of everyday 
life 
153 
(Miller, 
2000). 
However, 
in 
keeping 
with my methodological 
stance, 
my 
analytic 
and 
interpretive 
strategy 
required 
an approach which 
embraced 
these 
dimensions 
as 
not 
problems 
to 
be 
overcome 
but 
ones 
which 
offered 
further 
`grist' 
or 
`authentic 
social 
interaction' 
for 
the 
narrative 
mill 
(Miller, 
2000: 
129). 
A 
return 
to the 
literature 
was needed 
and 
I 
explored 
a 
number 
of 
current 
analysis 
texts 
(Miles 
and 
Huberman, 
1994; Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996; 
Denzin 
and 
Lincoln, 
2000). 
However, 
I found few 
examples 
(with 
the 
exception of 
Strauss 
and 
Corbin's 
1998 
text) 
of step 
by 
step analysis 
in 
practice 
and 
therefore 
little 
guidance 
on 
the translation 
of conceptual 
ideas 
to 
the 
research 
field. Further, 
within a qualitative approach, 
the 
influence 
of 
grounded 
theorising 
as an analytic strategy remains strong. 
As 
Charmaz 
(2000) 
notes, 
this 
stems 
from 
its 
position at 
the 
front 
of 
the 
qualitative 
revolution 
at a critical 
point 
in 
social 
science 
history. The 
following 
sections 
explore 
this 
and related 
analytic 
positioning 
in 
more 
depth. 
A 
grounded 
silence 
A 
number 
of commentators 
(see 
Stanley 
and 
Wise, 1990; Maynard, 
1994) 
rightly 
argue 
the 
response 
to the 
rejection 
of 
deductivism 
should not 
be 
located 
firmly 
within 
a purely 
inductive 
logic. 
As 
Stanley 
and 
Wise 
(1990: 
22) 
argue, 
`researchers 
cannot 
have 
"empty heads" in 
the 
way 
inductivism 
proposes'. 
However, 
my 
specific 
concern with a purely 
`grounded' 
analytic 
approach 
centred 
on 
an 
inherent 
ontological 
silence 
or muteness 
within 
this 
approach. 
In 
a 
more 
recent 
development 
of 
this 
perspective, 
Charmaz 
(2000: 
509-535) 
recognises 
the 
contested 
nature of 
grounded 
theory 
and some 
of 
154 
the 
critical 
challenges 
to its 
analytic 
techniques. 
These 
include, 
firstly, 
the 
limited 
entry 
into 
the 
subjective 
experience 
and 
the 
reduction 
in 
the 
understanding 
of 
that 
experience. 
Secondly, 
this 
position 
restricted 
the 
representation 
of 
both 
the 
social 
world 
and subjective 
experience. 
I 
use 
the 
following 
quotation 
from 
Strauss 
and 
Corbin 
to 
illustrate 
this 
position: 
The 
aim 
of 
theoretical 
sampling 
is 
to 
sample 
events, 
incidents, 
and 
so 
forth, 
that 
are 
indicative 
of categories, 
their 
properties 
and 
dimensions 
... 
we 
sample 
incidents 
and not 
persons 
per 
se! 
Our 
interest 
is in 
gathering 
data 
about 
what 
persons 
do 
or 
don't 
do 
in 
terms 
of action/interaction; 
the 
range 
of conditions 
that 
give 
rise 
to 
that 
action/interaction 
and 
its 
variations; 
how 
conditions 
change 
or 
stay 
the 
same 
over 
time 
and 
with 
what 
impact; 
also 
the 
consequences 
of either 
actual 
or 
failed 
action/interaction 
or 
of 
strategies 
never 
acted 
upon 
(1990: 
177). 
Finally, Charmaz 
argues 
this 
position 
relied 
upon 
the 
viewer's 
authority 
as 
expert 
observer, positing 
a set of 
objectivist 
procedures 
upon 
which analysis 
rests. 
Developing 
an alternative approach 
and advocating 
a 
`constructivist 
grounded 
theory', 
Charmaz (2000: 
522) 
attempts 
to 
overcome 
these 
initial 
limitations, 
arguing 
`researchers 
can use grounded 
theory 
to 
further 
their 
knowledge 
of subjective 
experience 
while 
neither 
remaining external 
from 
it 
not accepting objectivist 
assumptions and procedures'. 
Charmaz 
grounds 
this 
constructivist position 
in 
the 
assumption 
that 
social reality 
does 
not exist 
independently 
of 
human 
action, 
that 
`people 
create 
and maintain meaningful 
worlds 
through 
dialectical 
processes 
of conferring 
meaning on 
their 
realities 
and 
acting 
within 
them 
... 
thus 
social reality 
does 
not exist 
independently 
of 
human 
action' 
(2000: 
522). 
In 
opposition 
to 
Glaser's 
(1978) 
assumption 
that 
we can 
gather 
our 
data 
unfettered 
by 
bias 
and 
biography, Charmaz 
argues 
`A 
155 
constructivist 
approach 
recognises 
that the 
categories, 
concepts 
and 
theoretical 
level 
of analysis 
emerge 
from 
the 
researcher's 
interactions 
within 
the 
field 
and 
questions about 
the 
data' 
(2000: 
522). Thus 
Charmaz 
outlines 
a 
compositional 
story, reflecting 
the 
viewer 
as well as 
the 
viewed and moving 
away 
from 
the 
objectivist grounded 
position 
that 
data 
provides a window 
on 
reality. 
The `discovered' 
reality, 
argues 
Charmaz 
(2000: 
524), 
arises 
from 
the 
interactive 
process 
and 
its 
temporal, 
cultural 
and structural 
contexts. 
While 
my 
analytic 
approach 
has 
taken 
on 
board 
some 
of 
these 
points, 
by 
taking 
the 
position 
that 
there 
is 
no 
single 
or universal 
truth 
to 
the 
matter 
of 
interpretation, 
that 
knowledge 
can never 
be 
separated 
from 
experience, 
I 
argue 
the 
constructivist 
grounded 
position 
embraced 
by 
Charmaz 
(2000) 
still 
maintains 
a 
characteristic 
muteness 
on matters 
of 
ontology. 
Further 
and 
as 
I 
discussed 
in 
the 
preceding 
chapter, 
while 
I 
agree 
that 
we 
can 
never 
decisively 
determine 
the 
correctness 
of 
an 
interpretation 
- 
and 
this 
surely 
should 
not 
be 
the 
aim 
- 
the 
context 
of understanding, 
or 
traditions 
which 
constrain 
thought, 
are 
not 
powerful 
enough 
to 
place 
a 
limit 
on 
interpretation 
or 
the 
ability 
to 
decide 
normatively 
between 
differing 
interpretations. 
A 
biographical 
and 
hermeneutically-influenced 
approach 
trusts 
in 
the 
potential 
of 
the 
dialogic 
encounter 
and 
the 
interpretive 
act 
itself to 
disclose 
both 
`meaning' 
and 
`being', 
providing 
a 
more 
effective 
understanding 
in 
this 
field. 
To 
underline, 
my 
aim 
is 
not 
to 
reveal 
the 
truth 
- 
which 
surely 
cannot 
exist 
- 
but 
to 
clarify 
the 
conditions 
in 
which 
understanding 
may 
take 
place 
and emerge. 
156 
My 
analysis 
also 
differs 
from 
a 
purely 
grounded approach 
in 
the 
sense 
that 
I 
am concerned 
with 
understanding 
both 
the totality 
and 
the 
emergent 
nature 
of 
women's experience 
in 
this field. 
As 
I 
have 
discussed, 
grounded 
theorising 
involves 
early 
detailed 
analysis 
and coding 
procedures 
which 
simplify 
the 
research subject's 
reality, 
a 
process 
contrasting 
with 
my 
developing 
conceptual 
framework. 
Analysing 
narrative: a relational 
ontology 
What is 
clear 
from 
my 
discussion 
so 
far 
is 
that 
analysis 
implies 
and requires 
principled choice 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 1996). 
Further, 
my 
strategy 
must 
equate with 
my narrative, 
biographical 
and 
hermeneutic 
approach 
to 
data 
collection, 
embracing 
the 
temporal 
and contextual 
dimensions 
of emergence 
and 
becoming. 
My 
awareness of 
the 
significance 
of 
this 
position occurred 
early on 
during 
fieldwork, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
participant's re-working of 
initial 
commentary 
in 
relation 
to 
both 
further 
reflection and 
continuous 
feedback 
contact. 
This, 
I 
suggest, 
also underlines 
the 
sometime 
fiction 
of 
the 
non-biographical 
researcher's 
focus 
on 
the 
`eternal 
present' 
(Miller, 2000: 
157), 
a point 
of 
particular 
relevance 
to 
this 
project. 
My 
approach 
towards 
data 
analysis 
is 
influenced 
by Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's 
(1998) 
adaptation 
of 
the 
voice-centred 
relational 
method28, 
Rosenthal's 
(1993: 
53-91) 
method 
of 
objective-hermeneutic 
case 
reconstruction 
and 
Coffey 
and 
Atkinson's 
(1996: 
54-81) 
emphasis 
on 
the 
exploration of narrative 
not 
only 
for 
28 
This 
method 
is 
detailed 
in 
Brown 
and 
Gilligan, 
1992. 
157 
context 
but 
also 
on 
narrative 
as 
form, 
narrative 
as 
function 
and 
narrative 
as 
chronicle. 
At 
the 
core 
of 
the 
voice-centred 
relational 
method 
is 
the 
idea 
of 
a 
relational 
ontology 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998: 
125). 
This has 
its 
roots 
in 
clinical 
and 
literary 
approaches 
(Brown 
and 
Gilligan, 
1992), 
interpretive 
and 
hermeneutic 
traditions 
(Brown 
et 
al, 
1989; 
1991; 
Gilligan 
et al, 
1990) 
and relational 
theory. 
More 
specifically, 
the 
notion 
of a 
`relational 
ontology' 
contrasts 
with 
the 
predominant ontological 
images 
of 
the 
Western 
philosophical 
tradition. This, 
as 
I have discussed, is 
a 
stance 
characterised 
by `larger 
sets of 
ontological 
assumptions 
which 
have 
predominated 
in liberal 
political 
thought 
and 
the 
western philosophical 
tradition 
of a separate, 
self-sufficient, 
independent, 
rational 
`self' 
or 
`individual' 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 1998: 
130), 
emphasising 
the 
idea 
of a 
`relational being'. This 
posits 
the 
notion of 
the 
idea 
of 
human 
beings 
as embedded 
within complex webs of 
both intimate 
and 
larger 
social 
relations, a position 
which stresses neither 
dependency 
nor 
independency 
but, 
instead, interdependency. 
This 
moves away 
from 
earlier 
assumptions and 
involves 
more 
than 
simply 
returning 
the 
focus 
of 
investigation 
to the 
individual, 
or 
of reducing 
the 
social 
to 
the 
individual, 
a positioning 
which 
inevitably leads 
to 
charges of 
methodological 
individualism. 
Instead, 
this 
reconceptualisation 
must 
encourage 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
interconnections 
between 
the 
personal 
and 
the 
social 
(Smith, 
1999). 
In 
relation 
to this 
project, 
women's embodied 
experiences 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
female 
body, 
this 
shifts 
the 
exploration 
and 
understanding 
of 
the 
biological 
body 
away 
from 
notions of 
independence 
and 
fixity towards 
a 
relational, 
temporal 
ontology 
and 
notion of 
158 
interdependence. 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's (1998) 
methodological 
approach 
and 
more 
concrete 
method 
of 
data 
analysis explores 
the 
individual 
narrative 
account 
in 
terms 
of 
their 
relationships 
to 
people around 
them (including 
the 
researcher-researched 
relationship) 
and 
`their 
relationships 
to 
the broader 
social, structural 
and 
cultural 
contexts 
within 
which 
they 
live' (1998: 
126). 
In 
relation 
to the 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
biological 
body 
and 
gendered 
embodiment 
as a 
`process 
of 
becoming' 
(Birke, 
2000), 
the 
following 
chapters 
illustrate 
and 
contextualise 
the 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' through 
participants' 
narratives, 
the 
process of 
meaning-making 
within research 
participation 
itself 
and 
the 
interconnections 
between 
the 
body, 
the 
personal and 
the 
social 
in 
this 
field. This 
is 
also a position 
influenced by 
Connell's (1995: 60) 
argument 
that 
a 
`sociology 
of 
the 
body' 
needs 
to 
be developed 
where 
bodies 
are 
seen 
as 
sharing 
in 
social 
agency. 
Critically, `the body' here is 
never conceived of as 
`alone' 
but 
as mutually 
interdependent 
with 
a number of other 
issues, 
allowing 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
sense 
of 
balance 
and negotiation 
between 
the 
(embodied) individual 
and 
the 
wider 
structure 
in 
which 
they 
are situated. 
My 
use of multiple 
methods 
is 
central 
to 
this 
endeavour, reflecting 
my 
desire 
to 
be 
responsive 
to 
participants', 
the 
complexity 
of participants' 
lives 
and 
changes 
that 
may 
occur 
within 
them 
(Reinharz, 
1992). 
As Reinharz 
(1992: 197) 
argues, 
understanding 
may 
be 
enhanced 
by 
attention 
to the 
differing layers 
of 
understanding 
and 
by 
using 
one 
type 
of 
data 
to 
validate 
another. 
Further, 
by 
`triangulating 
distinct 
sources 
of 
information, the 
researcher 
both 
verifies 
an 
understanding 
and 
develops 
a 
more comprehensive picture 
of 
the 
phenomenon 
of 
interest' 
(DePoy 
and 
Gitlin, 
1994: 275). 
While I do 
not 
159 
suggest 
that 
the 
use 
of 
multiple 
analytic strategies 
perhaps 
a more 
`truthful' 
understanding, 
the 
adoption 
of 
differing 
strategies 
to 
respond 
to 
the 
same 
query may enhance 
the 
credibility 
of 
findings. 
Data 
analysis 
is 
presented 
in 3 
parts. 
Firstly, 
Chapter 6 
presents 
life 
story 
data 
and a 
more 
detailed 
account of analytic procedures. 
Likewise, Chapter 
7 
presents 
diary 
analysis and 
Chapter 
8 
offers 
a 
final 
positional section 
drawing 
the 
data 
together. 
160 
A 
Data 
analysis 
I: The 
life 
story 
interviews 
Diane: 
The 
feelings 
I 
have 
now 
are 
totally irrelevant 
to 
the 
time 
before 
all 
this because 
these 
are 
issues 
I'd 
never 
spent 
much 
time 
thinking 
about. 
Why 
should 
1, 
we were 
all 
brought 
up 
thinking 
that 
we were 
super 
fertile 
and 
getting 
near 
a guy 
without 
contraception 
would 
make 
us pregnant 
-I 
spent 
so many 
years 
trying 
not 
to 
get 
pregnant 
this is 
life's biggest 
joke 
at my 
expense. 
I've 
never 
had 
to 
consider 
these 
issues 
as 
I 
never 
imagined 
I 
would 
be in 
this 
situation 
... 
Now 
I'll 
talk to 
anyone. 
If 
they 
make a 
remark, 
they'll 
get 
the 
raw 
truth back 
- 
which 
embarrasses 
them 
way 
more 
than it 
does 
me 
- 
like 
the 
taxi-driver 
who asked 
why 
I 
don't have 
kids 
-I 
told 
him 
straight 
- 
I'm 
classed 
as 
a 
habitual 
aborter and 
can't 
get 
pregnant either! 
As 
I 
have 
outlined 
in 
the 
previous 
chapter, 
the 
broad framework 
of my 
analysis rests 
upon 
the 
use of 
time 
as 
a negotiated, 
experiential 
and 
analytic 
process. 
In 
this 
respect and 
as 
the 
above 
quotation 
illustrates, 
my 
approach 
to 
narrative 
analysis rests 
on 
the 
interdependency 
of 
three 
dimensions. Firstly, 
a 
temporal 
dimension, laying 
particular 
emphasis on 
the 
analysis of 
the 
life 
story narrative and 
issues 
arising 
within 
it 
through 
a 
temporal 
lens. 
Secondly, 
an 
individual dimension, laying 
emphasis 
on 
the 
subjective 
interpretation 
of events and 
experiences 
detailed. Finally, 
a 
contextual and relational 
dimension, 
laying 
emphasis on 
the transition 
between 
and 
subjective 
interpretation 
of 
differing 
temporal 
markers, 
movement 
through 
the 
(topically 
focused) 
life 
story and as situated within 
wider experiences. 
These 
include, 
for 
example, 
family, 
education, 
work, 
career and 
personal 
relations 
(Atkinson, 
1998). In 
relation 
to this, 
specific 
emphasis 
here 
is 
placed 
on 
issues 
arising 
within 
the 
negotiation of 
161 
identified 
`turning 
points' 
(Charmaz, 
1994) 
or 
temporal 
markers, 
as 
I 
discuss 
below. 
Organising 
principles: 
turning 
points 
My 
analytic 
approach 
here 
is 
also 
influenced 
by 
Denzin7s 
(1994) 
emphasis 
on 
the 
significance 
of 
life 
`epiphanies' 
as 
an 
analytic 
focus. 
My 
aim 
here 
is 
neither 
to 
test 
existing 
theory 
nor 
generate 
further 
theoretical frameworks 
in 
the 
forms 
of 
explanatory 
or 
causal 
model-building 
and 
subsequent 
display. 
Rather, 
my 
aim 
is 
to 
produce 
richly 
detailed 
narratives 
of 
personal 
experience. 
I 
mirror 
Denzin 
(1994: 
510) here: 
The 
focus 
of 
the 
research 
is 
on 
those 
life 
experiences 
(epiphanies) 
that 
radically 
alter and 
shape 
the 
meanings 
persons give 
to 
themselves 
and 
their 
life 
projects. 
In 
epiphanies, 
personal 
character 
is 
manifested and 
made 
apparent. 
By 
recording 
these 
experiences 
in 
detail 
and 
by 
listening 
to 
the 
stories 
people 
tell 
about 
them, the 
researcher 
is 
able 
to 
illuminate 
the 
moments 
of 
crisis 
that 
occur 
in 
a person's 
life. 
Further, 
as 
Clausen 
(1998: 
211) 
also argues, 
`as 
men and 
women 
review 
episodes 
in 
their 
lives 
... 
we 
find 
them 
discovering 
things 
about 
themselves 
that 
they 
had 
not 
known'. At 
times 
major 
turning 
points 
are 
frequently 
recognised 
only 
after one 
looks back long 
after 
the 
events 
or circumstances 
that 
produced 
the turning 
points. 
The 
narrative 
extracts 
below illustrate 
this 
point 
further: 
Dorothy: 
... 
everything 
in 
my 
life has 
changed 
because 
of 
infertility 
... 
it has 
impacted 
big time 
... 
/ 
was really 
quite a 
shy person 
before 
... 
really 
feel 
passionately 
that there 
is 
a 
lack 
of 
understanding about 
just 
how 
infertility 
affects 
people and 
/ just 
wanted 
to 
shout 
and say 
how 
much 
it 
does 
hurt 
and what 
impact 
it does 
have. 
/ feel 
an 
intense 
relief 
that 
/ 
am 
no 
longer 
where 
/ 
was. 
Karen: 
My 
goals 
in 
life 
... 
I have just 
looked 
at 
them 
more 
closely 
... 
instead 
of 
leaving 
them 
for 
the 
future. 
Just 
makes 
me 
think 
how 
short 
162 
life 
is 
as 
time is 
passing 
us 
by 
quick 
as 
we are 
struggling 
to become 
parents. 
Pearl: 
Infertility 
has been 
a 
pivotal 
experience 
in 
my 
life 
... 
it 
is 
hard 
to 
put 
into 
words 
to 
someone 
who 
hasn't 
gone 
through 
it 
that, 
although 
I 
successfully 
became 
pregnant 
and 
carried 
a pregnancy 
to 
joyous 
conclusion 
... 
I 
STILL 
FEEL 
INFERTILE 
(original 
emphasis). 
I 
was 
just 
one 
of 
the 
lucky 
ones 
... 
my mortality 
is 
much 
more 
real 
to 
me. 
Janet: 
I 
guess 
that 
my 
divorce 
... 
the 
decision (original 
emphasis) 
... 
was a major 
turning 
point 
for 
me 
... 
as 
if 1 
was moving on 
with my 
life 
and 
the 
future 
was a 
blank 
canvas 
... 
when 
I later 
met 
(partner) 
was 
another major 
turn 
for 
the 
better 
as my 
life 
seemed 
to 
be `back 
on 
track' 
again. 
Infertility 
was something 
I had 
never considered 
- 
didn't know 
anyone who 
had been 
through the 
experience 
and 
it 
was 
like 
a 
bolt from 
the blue 
that 
we 
found 
ourselves 
in 
that 
position. 
That 
had 
a 
big influence 
on my outlook 
towards 
life in 
general and 
put 
into 
perspective what 
was 
important 
to 
me 
personally and 
as a couple. 
The 
benefit 
of a non-directive 
interviewing 
style, eliciting 
intact 
a 
full 
narration 
by 
the 
participant 
(Rosenthal, 
1993) 
and 
also 
assisting 
without 
imposing 
my 
own relevancies 
(Miller, 
2000) 
proved critical 
during 
the 
interviews. In 
this 
respect, 
my approach 
used 
many open-ended questions 
and 
loose 
probes 
asking 
participants 
to 
expand, 
if 
necessary, while at 
the 
same 
time 
using 
participants 
own 
ordering 
and 
phrasing. 
I 
must also 
more 
fully 
acknowledge 
and recognise 
here 
that 
as a 
researcher 
I 
am 
also 
part 
of 
this 
process, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
my own 
prior experience 
and 
also within 
the 
process 
of analysis 
itself, 
a position 
which 
makes 
my 
approach 
a 
truly 
qualitative 
one. 
Life 
stories 
are 
interactional 
processes, 
evolving 
out of 
the 
genetic 
process 
of 
interaction 
(Miller, 2000) 
and 
attention 
to this 
is 
critical. 
Like Wills 
(1996), 
all 
the 
interviews 
shared 
two 
key 
elements 
- 
to 
give as 
much control 
as 
possible 
to 
participants 
and 
they 
were 
to 
be 
`shared 
encounters' 
(Wills, 
1996: 
49). 
163 
Acknowledging 
reflexivity 
as 
part 
of 
this 
process, 
I 
maintained 
a 
personal 
journal 
throughout 
the data 
collection 
process. 
During fieldwork, 
I forwarded 
brief 
ongoing 
summaries 
of 
the interview (and 
diary) 
narratives, 
providing 
the 
opportunity 
for 
corroboration 
or 
further 
reflection and 
feedback. 
Many 
of 
the 
participant's 
stories 
are characterised 
by 
the desire for 
secrecy, 
reluctance 
to talk to 
others and 
consequent 
isolation. During 
these 
periods 
of 
feedback, 
participants 
described 
the 
interview 
both 
as a positive 
and 
also 
therapeutic 
experience. 
Further, 
a number of participants 
had 
yet 
to 
fully 
`make 
sense' 
of 
their 
experiences. 
This 
was a process which 
at 
times 
began 
during 
the 
course 
of 
the 
interview itself, 
again underlining 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
hermeneutic 
influence 
within 
my research. 
This 
also 
justifies 
my 
detailed 
and 
lengthy 
focus 
on 
the 
individual life 
story and 
diary 
narratives 
throughout 
this 
and 
the 
following 
chapter. 
In 
agreement with 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet 
(1998: 
135), 
this 
`embodies 
respect 
for individual 
respondents 
within 
the 
research 
context. 
If 
we 
do 
not 
take 
the time 
and 
the trouble to 
listen 
to 
our 
respondents, 
data 
analysis 
risks 
simply confirming what we 
already 
know. 
If 
this 
is 
the 
case, 
in 
no way 
has 
the 
respondent 
changed 
our view 
or understanding, 
thus 
defeating 
the 
point 
of 
doing the 
study 
in 
the 
first 
place'. 
The lack 
of 
explanatory 
or 
causal 
frameworks 
within 
my analysis 
does 
not, 
however, 
suggest 
my 
analysis 
is 
therefore 
devoid 
of a 
general 
theoretical 
framework. 
The 
notion 
of 
`epiphanies' 
or 
`turning 
points' 
is 
such 
an organising 
principle 
or 
general 
theoretical 
framework 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996: 
145). 
Again 
underlining 
the 
hermeneutic 
influence 
within my approach, 
my 
focus 
is 
on 
the 
process 
of 
meaning-making 
within 
the 
ebb and 
flow 
of experience 
(McNay, 
2000) 
and 
within 
the 
research 
encounter 
itself. 
While 
every 
life 
may 
be 
filled 
164 
with 
`little 
turning 
points' 
(Clausen, 
1998) 
my primary 
interest 
is 
in 
the 
identification 
of 
major 
turning 
points 
or 
`moments 
of crisis', 
as 
referred 
to by 
Denzin (1994). 
As 
I 
will 
illustrate, 
it is 
within 
the 
narration, 
recollection 
of 
and 
reflection 
upon 
these `turning 
points' 
that 
some of 
the 
central 
themes 
in 
relation 
to 
participants' stories 
emerge 
within 
this 
project. 
This 
underlines 
my 
earlier 
point 
that there 
may 
be 
some 
aspects 
of experience, particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied 
experiences, 
which are not 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first 
instance 
but 
which 
may emerge 
over 
time. 
The 
life 
story: 
layers 
and processes of meaning-making 
The 
findings I 
present 
here illustrate 
the 
sense and process of meaning- 
making and 
embodied 
becoming 
through 
participant 
conceptualisation of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
as a 
`turning 
point', 
developing 
both 
through the 
narration 
of 
and 
reflection upon 
the 
life 
story 
and participation within 
the 
interview 
itself. 
Paying 
attention 
to 
the 
notion of 
life-story 
giving as an 
interactional 
process 
(Miller, 2000) 
also underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
participants' 
periods 
of reflection 
during the 
course of 
the 
interview. This 
is 
a 
process aided 
by the 
use 
of 
asynchronous 
computer-mediated 
discussion, 
allowing 
time 
for both 
distance 
and 
reflecting 
and eliciting 
rich and 
reflective 
data. 
However, 
I do 
not 
suggest 
that 
the 
use of 
CMC 
may 
be 
considered 
as 
a 
research 
tool 
par 
excellence29 
or 
that 
my narrative 
approach sees 
social 
reality 
29 
Indeed, 
the 
use 
of 
CMC 
can 
be 
considered, 
at 
times, 
as prohibitive. 
My initial 
aim 
to 
commence 
two 
interviews 
concurrently 
proved 
impractical. 
I 
was unable 
to 
maintain 
a clear and 
developed 
focus 
on 
each 
interview. 
As 
a 
result, 
I 
conducted 
interviews 
consecutively. 
The 
minimum 
completion 
time 
was 
12 
days 
and 
the 
maximum 
approaching 
5 
weeks. 
165 
as completely 
relative, 
fluid 
and 
malleable. 
As Miller 
(2000: 
130) 
argues, 
`a 
respondent's 
situation 
in 
social 
structures 
and 
networks 
will 
impose 
parameters 
upon 
their 
freedom 
of 
manoeuvre, 
even 
though the 
options may 
remain 
wide'. 
Further, 
my research 
is 
located 
within a sensitive 
field 
where 
the 
majority 
of 
participants 
had 
yet 
to 
fully 
make 
sense 
of 
their 
experiences. 
My 
aim 
here 
is 
to 
focus 
upon 
how 
participants 
begin 
to 
make 
sense of 
both 
their 
experience 
and 
position within 
the 
course 
of 
the 
interview, 
underlining 
my emphasis 
on not 
only 
data 
content 
but 
the 
subjective negotiation 
and 
interpretation 
occurring 
during 
the 
interview 
itself. In Figure 1,1 
adapt 
Wengraf's (2000: 148) diagrammatic 
display 
as 
illustration: 
Figure 
1: 
The 
components 
of 
the 
life 
story 
interview 
History 
- 
Lived Life 
Told 
story 
- 
text 
Subjectivity 
Context 
Analytically, this 
process 
can 
be best 
described 
as 
`layered' 
and one 
continually 
moving 
from 
the 
concrete 
and 
substantive 
details 
of 
the 
data, 
the 
minutia 
of 
the 
narrative, 
to 
some 
more general 
analytic 
themes 
on 
the 
other 
as 
I 
move 
through 
a 
series 
of 
data 
readings. 
More 
specifically, 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet 
(1998) 
recommend 
at 
least 
three 
or more 
first 
readings 
of 
the 
text. 
My 
166 
aim 
here, 
however, 
is 
not 
to 
suggest 
this 
series of readings 
provides 
a 
more 
authentic 
portrayal 
of 
participants 
narratives. 
Rather, I 
use 
this layered 
strategy 
to 
explore 
differing 
facets 
of 
the 
narratives. 
Table 
1 illustrates 
each 
stage of 
life 
story 
analysis 
and 
the 
readings 
undertaken. 
The 
substantive 
elements 
identified 
will 
be 
used 
to 
think 
with 
and 
begin 
to 
move 
away 
from 
anchorage 
in 
the 
narrative 
towards 
the 
end of 
this 
and 
through 
following 
chapters. 
The differing 
layers 
and 
in 
particular 
the 
collation 
of 
the 
life history 
with 
the 
life 
story 
lays 
the 
ground 
for 
this 
more 
developed 
thematic 
analysis 
(Rosenthal 
and 
Bar-On, 
1992). While 
it is important 
to 
underline 
here 
that 
thematic 
development is 
not 
a separate 
but 
an 
ongoing process 
through 
data 
collection 
and 
data 
analysis, 
this 
final 
move can 
be described 
as movement 
away 
from 
the 
substantive elements 
identified 
within 
the 
localised 
setting 
of 
the 
research 
itself, 
to 
an engagement with 
`formal ideas 
at 
a more 
general 
level' 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996: 141). 
Although 
time-consuming, 
the 
advantage of 
this 
layered 
approach 
is in 
becoming increasingly 
tuned to 
the 
individual 
case, 
listening 
for 
and noting 
issues, 
voices 
and accounts 
of negotiation 
and 
transition. 
Each 
subsequent 
interview 
and 
reading 
continued 
this 
focus 
on 
tracing, 
confirming 
or 
expanding 
issues 
and 
voices 
both 
across 
and within 
narrative 
transcripts 
until 
reaching 
`saturation 
point'. 
In 
this 
respect, 
each 
interview 
generated 
resources 
for 
understanding 
subsequent 
interviews 
and vice versa 
(Wengraf, 2000). An 
awareness 
of 
each 
participant's 
negotiation 
through 
context 
and 
time 
is 
slowly 
built 
through 
each 
reading 
and 
through the 
process 
of constant 
comparison 
167 
(Strauss, 
1987). 
In 
this 
respect, 
I 
initially 
make 
much 
use 
of 
narrative 
extract 
as 
illustration. 
Table 1: Layered 
readings: 
the 
process 
of analysis 
Stage 
1 
Reading 
1: 
The 
lived 
life: 
reading 
for 
the 
plot and reconstructive 
analysis 
Reading 
2: The 
told 
story: 
narrative 
organisation 
and 
development 
Reading 
3: Stories 
of many 
voices: 
reading 
for 
the 
voice of 
the `I' 
" 
The 
expectant 
voice 
" 
The 
experiential 
voice 
" 
The 
meaning 
voice 
Reading 4: 
Reading for 
relationships 
Stage 2 
Thematic 
dimensions: 
going 
beyond 
the 
narrative 
and 
the 
story 
In 
the 
following 
section, 
I 
present nine 
biographical 'overviews 
'30, 
prepared 
using 
initial 
participant 
`time 
lines' (described 
in 
the 
following 
section) and 
after completing 
Readings 
1 
and 
2. 
This 
reflects 
the 
complexity of 
participants' 
lives 
and experiences, 
underlining 
my 
intention 
to 
remain 
with 
the 
individual 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
life 
story 
for 
a 
developed 
period. 
My 
focus 
on 
the 
notion 
of embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
as a 
relational 
process of 
becoming 
first 
requires 
exploration 
of 
participant's 
frameworks 
of 
understanding, 
a process 
best described 
as 
exploring 
the 
dimensions 
of 
the 
room 
prior 
to 
the 
`furnishing' 
of 
the 
remaining 
readings 
(3 
and 
4) 
and 
finally 
Stage 
2. 
My 
focus 
on 
analytic 
content at 
this 
point 
identifies 
a 
number of 
common 
elements 
or 
issues 
within 
participants' 
life 
story narration 
which 
I 
illustrate through 
the 
biographical 
overviews 
further 
below. 
30 
Of 
the 
nine 
completed 
interview, 
five 
participants 
became 
parents, 
two 
participants 
are continuing 
treatment, 
one 
participant 
has 
been 
refused 
further 
treatment 
and 
one participant 
has 
chosen, 
at 
this 
moment, 
to 
continue 
living 
childfree. 
168 
Following 
the biographies 
presented, 
Readings 
3 
and 
4 
are 
used 
to 
explore 
how 
participants 
speak 
about 
themselves 
with particular 
emphasis 
on 
`how' 
the 
stories 
are 
told 
and 
how 
issues, 
decisions 
and 
experiences 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
are 
perceived 
and related 
through 
a 
temporal 
framework. 
I 
begin 
to 
trace 
and 
build 
up 
the 
issues 
outlined 
further 
through 
Stage 
2, 
as 
I 
will 
discuss 
further 
below. 
Time Lines 
Prior 
to 
commencing 
the 
interview, 
participants 
were 
asked 
to 
complete 
a 
`time line'. 
This had 
two 
purposes. 
Firstly, 
this 
assisted participant 
familiarity 
with 
the type 
and process of 
the 
interview. Secondly, 
participants 
were asked 
to 
highlight 
any significant events, experiences and 
encounters 
from 
earliest 
recollections 
to 
the 
present 
day. This 
is 
a 
more chronological reconstruction 
(Rosenthal, 
1993; 
Wengraf, 
2000) 
of 
the 
life 
course 
that 
may 
be 
used 
as part 
of 
the 
backdrop 
for 
the 
developing 
thematic 
analysis and 
comparison 
between 
the 
life 
history 
or 
`lived 
live' 
(chronological 
reconstruction) and 
life 
story or 
`told 
story' 
(its 
subjective 
interpretation). Initial 
notation 
here is 
developed into 
a 
diagrammatic 
`time 
map' 
for 
each participant31. 
These 
act 
as early 
visual 
aids 
when 
dealing 
with 
a 
large 
quantity 
of 
data 
and 
as points 
of comparison, 
illustrating 
common 
elements 
and 
dimensions 
within 
the 
stories. 
The 
time 
line 
prepared 
for 
each 
participant 
helps 
centre 
the 
voice 
in 
the 
story, 
acting 
as 
a 
way 
of 
organising 
participants 
recounting 
of past, 
present 
and 
future 
experience 
within 
a viewable 
format. If 
the 
narratives 
have 
common 
elements, 
then 
the 
time 
lines 
provide 
useful 
and 
early 
points 
of 
31 
See Appendix 
III 
169 
comparison, 
providing 
evidence 
for 
the 
researcher 
of 
both 
the 
usefulness 
and 
trustworthiness 
of 
the 
methodology. 
However, it 
is important 
to 
underline 
here 
that 
I 
do 
not 
suggest 
any 
single story 
of chronology provides 
a 
full 
understanding of 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
In 
contrast, 
each may 
provide 
`pieces 
for 
a 
`mosaic' 
or 
total 
picture of a concept 
(Marshall 
and 
Rossman, 
1995: 
88). 
170 
Nine 
biographies: 
Dorothy, 
Janet, 
Karen, 
Diane, Margaret, 
Jayne, 
Kate, 
Pearl 
and 
Lisa 
Biography 
1: Dorothy 
Dorothy 
(37) 
has 
been 
married 
for 
nearly 
20 
years 
to 
her 
partner, 
13 
years 
her 
senior. 
Dorothy 
describes 
her 
early 
school experiences 
as 
difficult, 
characterised 
by 
increasing 
withdrawal 
and 
isolation from 
her 
school 
cohort. 
This is described 
as 
the 
result 
of perceived 
inferiority, 
an early and 
negative 
bodily 
awareness 
and perceived 
failure 
to `fit in'. Dorothy 
met 
her future 
partner 
aged 
17, left 
school, 
gained employment 
and married 
aged 
20. The 
period 
between 21-25 is described 
as work and 
leisure focused, 
developing 
a 
business 
partnership. 
Recounting 
this 
period, 
Dorothy 
reflects 
on 
her 
`encounter' 
with 
bulimia 
and also 
the 
beginnings 
of 
(tentative) 
`life 
plans', 
including 
children. 
From the 
age of 
26, Dorothy 
spent 
4 
years 
trying to 
conceive 
before 
referral 
for 
infertility investigation. 
After 4 
years, 
Dorothy 
gave 
birth 
to 
twins. 
A third 
child was conceived naturally, 
2 
years 
later. 
Tracing 
Issues 
Family 
relations: 
Early 
years narrative 
is 
illustrated 
with 
the 
importance 
of 
parental 
bonds. 
`First born 
child 
for 
my parents 
... 
I have 
really 
fond 
memories 
of 
this time 
... 
Rebellious 
punk within 
the 
confines of 
still 
doing 
what my mum 
and 
dad 
wanted 
me 
to! " 
Subsequent 
narrative 
illustrates 
an 
increasing 
awareness 
of 
family 
expectation 
and 
finitude 
as 
Dorothy describes 
the 
loss 
of 
both 
grandparents 
and 
her 
mother 
is diagnosed 
with 
a 
terminal 
illness. 
Work 
and 
career: 
Dorothy 
left 
school 
early, 
met 
her 
future 
partner, 
subsequent 
years 
being 
spent 
developing 
their 
own 
business. 
This 
remains 
as a central 
focus 
until 
conception 
difficulties 
are 
experienced. 
The body: 
Dorothy 
describes 
an 
early and explicit awareness 
of 
body 
imagery 
and 
identity 
during 
her 
early years: 
`Really 
shy person 
at school. 
Wear 
glasses 
and 
hate 
it. 
Like 
school 
but 
not really 
the 
children! 
Glasses, 
171 
curly 
hair 
and 
overweight 
is 
not 
really 
a good 
combination' 
then 
`Liberation! 
Contact 
Lens 
and 
spent 
all 
my 
lunch 
money 
on cigarettes, 
so 
got 
thinner 
too! 
First boyfriend 
at 
14, 
went 
on 
the 
pill. 
' 
This 
awareness 
resurfaces 
during 
perceived 
periods 
of 
crisis, 
conflict 
and 
confrontation 
during 
later 
years 
narration 
and 
diagnosis 
of 
infertility. 
Infertility: 
The 
tests, 
diagnosis 
and 
treatment is initially 
described 
as 
`a 
process 
i had 
to 
go 
through 
... 
initially 
I 
wasn't 
bothered 
one 
way or another. 
Then, ` 
... 
my attitude 
did 
change. 
It 
was only when 
I 
went 
for 
a 
laparoscopy 
that 
it 
really 
hit home 
that 
pregnancy 
was not a guaranteed 
outcome, 
which 
is 
when 
it 
started 
to 
become 
difficult 
... 
when 
I 
realised 
it 
was not a 
foregone 
conclusion'. 
Dorothy describes 
the 
increasing 
difficulties 
of challenging and 
confronting previously 
held 
assumptions and expectations. 
Control 
and 
planning: 
The 
notion of control, 
of 
`the 
importance 
of 
being in 
control' within 
Dorothy's 
narrative 
is described 
as 
an emergent 
awareness, 
first 
remembered 
and experienced 
during 
periods 
of confrontation, particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
perceived 
bodily 
failure 
and, alongside, 
` 
the 
difficulty 
of not 
being 
able 
to 
see 
anything 
beyond 
each 
day' 
and 
plan 
the 
future. 
Time: Initially 
referred 
to 
in 
relation 
to the 
death 
of close relatives 
and 
her 
mother's 
terminal 
illness, 
Dorothy then 
describes 
a growing awareness 
of 
the 
perceived 
significance 
of 
time 
in 
relation 
to 
conception 
difficulties. 
This is 
a 
process 
of 
reflection, 
described 
by 
Dorothy 
as 
developing both 
prior 
to 
and 
during 
the 
interview 
itself. 
172 
Biography 
2: Janet 
Janet, 
38, 
met 
her 
current 
partner 
after 
her 
first 
marriage 
had 
ended 
and 
recounts 
a 
difficult 
first 
marriage 
where children 
`had 
not 
been 
an 
issue'. 
Describing 
her 
subsequent 
relief 
ending 
the 
marriage, 
`taking 
control' 
and 
meeting 
her 
current 
partner, 
Janet 
emphasises 
her immediate 
decision 
to 
try 
to 
conceive 
within 
the 
early 
months 
of 
her 
second marriage. 
This 
brings 
into 
relief 
Janet's 
long-term 
commitment 
to 
having 
children. 
Narrative 
remains 
focused 
on 
these 
issues. 
Infertility 
investigation 
and 
treatment 
commences 
aged 
30. At 
35, Janet 
gave 
birth 
to twins. 
Tracing Issues 
Family 
relations: 
`Early 
years' recollection 
is 
characterised 
by 
Janet's 
perceptions 
of 
this 
period as a 
`time 
of 
innocence, 
security and 
lack 
of 
complication'. 
Janet 
remains part of a strong and supportive 
family 
network, 
although not without 
some 
difficulties, 
throughout 
her 
experience of 
infertility 
and 
the 
subsequent 
treatment 
process. 
Work 
and 
career: 
Janet's 
narrative 
outlines 
an early commitment 
to 
having 
children which, 
in 
the 
form 
of 
her 
chosen 
career path, 
is 
translated 
to 
a 
decision 
to 
work 
within 
a 
child-centred 
health 
care environment. 
Personal 
relations: 
Janet's 
first 
marriage 
is described 
as 
`a 
disaster 
area 
- 
don't think 
anyone 
imagined 
there 
would 
be 
children 
from 
that 
relationship. 
' 
Describing 
her 
second 
marriage, 
Janet 
underlines 
an early 
commitment 
to 
having 
children: 
`In 
our 
case 
there 
was not 
a 
very 
long 
gap 
between the 
beginning 
of 
our 
partnership 
and 
trying 
for 
children 
- 
we were 
married 
within 
11 
months 
of 
meeting 
and 
were 
trying 
to 
conceive 
straight 
after 
our marriage 
' 
as we 
both 
knew 
that 
we 
wanted 
children 
- 
preferably 
lots 
of 
them. 
173 
Control 
and 
planning: 
The 
importance 
of 
and ability 
to 
plan 
remained 
central 
within 
Janet's 
narrative. 
This 
takes 
the 
form 
of 
both 
early 
career 
planning 
and 
direction 
and 
is 
reflected 
in 
her 
long-term 
desire 
to 
have 
children. 
The 
importance 
of 
`being 
in 
control' 
emerges 
through 
the 
narrative 
and 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
controlling 
life 
direction, 
divorcing, 
moving 
on 
- 
`taking 
the 
reins' 
- 
remarriage 
and 
children. 
A 
lack 
of control 
is both 
experienced 
and 
described 
in 
relation 
to the 
failure, 
and 
final 
success, 
of 
fertility 
treatment. 
Infertility: Infertility 
and 
investigation 
are again 
described 
as central 
`turning 
points 
- 
`It 
caused me 
to 
rethink' 
- 
reflected 
in 
perceptions 
of a 
lack 
of 
control, 
`incompleteness', 
social 
isolation 
and stigma. 
The body: 
The 
significance of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
impact 
of successive 
treatment 
failure in 
relation 
to 
self-perception 
is 
a 
theme 
which emerges 
towards the 
end 
of 
Janet's 
narrative and 
in 
relation 
to 
reflection 
on 
the 
success 
of 
treatment. 
Biography 
3: Karen 
Karen, 
36 
is 
married 
to 
her 
partner, 
14 
years 
her 
senior. 
Karen 
married aged 
30, 
the 
last 
of 
four 
siblings 
to 
marry. 
Prior 
to this, 
Karen 
remained 
focused 
on 
her 
career. 
Career 
decisions 
have been informed 
by her 
earlier childhood 
experiences, 
enjoying 
close 
sibling relationships and contact 
with younger 
children. 
Karen 
planned 
a 
`family 
of my own' 
from 
early childhood and 
began 
trying to 
conceive 
within 
a year 
of 
marriage. 
After infertility diagnosis 
and 
five 
years 
of 
treatment, 
Karen 
became 
pregnant and 
miscarried 
shortly 
before 
participation 
within 
the 
interview. 
Keen 
to 
continue, 
at 
the time 
of 
the 
interview 
Karen 
is 
undergoing 
further 
treatment. 
174 
Tracing 
issues 
Family 
relations: 
Karen 
remembers 
her 
childhood 
as 
being 
`safe 
and 
secure 
... 
free 
from 
complication'., 
within 
a strong 
family 
network. 
Karen's 
siblings 
are 
married 
and 
all 
with 
children. 
Karen 
describes 
her increasing 
sense 
of 
isolation 
within 
the 
family 
network, 
placing 
renewed 
emphasis on 
her decisions 
to 
move 
forward 
with 
her 
career. 
Both 
parents 
are now 
deceased, her father 
dying 
during 
the time 
Karen 
initially 
began 
trying to 
conceive. 
Work 
and career: 
Again, Karen 
relates an early awareness of 
life 
choices 
and 
life decisions, 
focusing 
within 
the 
interview 
on 
her 
aim 
to 
work with 
children, 
first during 
her 
school years 
and subsequent qualification within 
a child-health 
related 
profession. 
While 
still maintaining a 
strong commitment 
to 
her 
chosen 
career, 
Karen 
now 
experiences 
difficulties 
working 
both 
with 
children and 
their 
parents. 
As 
time 
moves 
forward, Karen 
narrates 
an 
increasing 
frustration 
as 
parents 
question 
why 
she 
has 
no children. 
Leave 
periods 
from 
work are 
increasing 
in both 
length 
and 
frequency. 
Infertility: 
Karen 
describes this 
as 
a 
time 
of question 
and complication. 
The 
time 
before 
discovering 
we 
had difficulty 
conceiving. 
This 
was 
an 
innocent 
time 
... 
/ 
would 
like to 
repeat 
my 
childhood 
safe 
and secure 
no worries. 
I 
was 
really 
happy 
then. 
Life 
is 
often 
too 
complicated 
now and 
not 
so 
happy. 
Control 
and 
planning: 
The 
notion 
of control 
here is 
related 
to 
a number 
of 
issues 
above 
and 
in 
particular 
to 
planning 
decisions 
made 
within 
the 
life 
course. 
For 
Karen, 
this 
began 
during 
early school 
years, 
career 
development 
and 
continued 
through 
marriage 
and 
attempts 
to 
realise 
early 
expectations. 
175 
The 
perceived 
inability 
to 
control 
bodily 
processes 
leads 
to 
a 
central 
narrative 
focus 
on 
the 
lack 
of 
control 
and 
planning 
within 
the 
wider experience 
of 
infertility: 
`Busy 
with 
work. 
Busy 
being 
in 
control. 
Most 
of 
the 
time 
at 
the 
moment 
I 
feel 
so 
out 
of control 
... 
life 
is 
not 
quite 
the 
same 
... 
So 
I 
guess 
you 
could say 
this 
situation 
is 
controlling 
me. 
' 
Time: During 
the 
years 
prior 
to 
diagnosis, 
a 
`family' 
in Karen's 
story, 
is 
something 
for 
the 
future. 
Karen 
describes 
a gradual awareness 
of 
time: 
Initially 
we 
thought 
we could 
just 
wait and see 
what 
happened 
... 
then 
became 
worried 
about 
the biological 
clock 
ticking 
by. I 
also suffered a 
fracture 
in 
my 
foot. Then 
there 
were 
thoughts 
of osteoporosis 
and menopause 
pending 
... 
fear 
and panic 
set 
in. ' Karen 
describes 
attempting 
to 
move 
forward, 
to 
`close 
the 
book' 
and 
to 
plan 
the 
future 
yet 
this 
process 
is hindered 
by 
the 
uncertainty 
of 
the 
present. 
Increasing 
awareness 
of an uncertain 
future, 
a position 
also 
affected 
by 
parental 
bereavement 
during 
the 
first 
stages 
of 
treatment, 
brings the 
difficulties 
of 
both 
past 
and 
future 
assumptions 
into 
heightened 
relief. 
The body: 
Body 
narrative 
emerges 
within 
Karen's 
story 
during 
the 
initial 
period 
trying 
to 
conceive, 
described 
as 
`an initial 
feeling 
of panic, 
of not 
being 
normal'. 
Increasing 
awareness 
of 
bodily 
cycles, 
a recent 
miscarriage 
and 
the 
cumulative 
effects 
of repeated 
treatment 
underpins 
Karen's 
description 
of 
her 
body 
as 
`increasingly 
inadequate', 
a perception 
enhanced 
by 
her 
description 
of 
her 
inability 
to 
`control 
my 
body'. 
As Karen's interview 
progresses 
and 
treatment 
fails 
once 
more, 
the 
body 
as capacity 
and potentiality 
becomes 
a 
central 
feature 
of 
the 
narrative. 
176 
Biography 
4: Diane 
Diane 
married 
her 
second 
partner 
aged 
26. As the 
eldest of 
three 
children, 
Dian 
describes 
a 
supportive, 
although 
unconventional 
upbringing. 
Both 
mother 
an 
grandmother 
are 
described 
as role-models. 
The death 
of 
both 
grandparents 
and 
an 
earlier 
elective 
abortion 
are 
described 
as periods of 
increasing 
reflection. 
Diane 
an 
her 
partner 
agreed 
to 
try to 
conceive 
early 
in their 
marriage, a 
decision 
described 
a 
`made 
lightly'. 
Diane 
continues 
in 
treatment, 
an experience 
which 
has lasted 
8 
years. 
On 
two 
occasions, 
Diane 
became 
pregnant 
only 
to 
subsequently miscarry. 
During 
the 
course 
of 
the interview, 
Diane describes 
a near-death experience, 
which, 
she 
suggests, 
informed 
her 
growing 
awareness of 
the 
embedded 
nature 
of 
he 
assumptions and reassessment 
of 
her 
current 
situation. 
Tracing 
Issues 
Family 
relations: 
Diane describes 
a 
privileged 
(and 
unconventional) 
upbringing, 
growing up 
in 
a small, close-knit 
and rural 
community, 
both 
parents 
working 
hard (mother 
homemaker 
and 
father 
self-employed) 
to 
provide 
a 
higher 
standard 
of 
living. Diane has 
fond 
memories 
of 
long 
summer 
holidays 
abroad 
as a 
child 
and maintaining 
a close 
yet competitive 
relationship 
with 
her 
brothers 
and 
sisters. 
The 
strength 
of 
family influence, 
the 
significance 
of 
being 
part of 
a 
large 
family 
grouping 
is described 
by Diane 
as 
increasing 
the 
burden 
of 
expectation 
as 
she moves 
through 
her 
story. 
Her 
experience 
of a 
close 
relationship 
with 
her 
grandmother, 
her 
subsequent 
death 
when 
she 
was 
8 
and 
a younger 
brother's 
childhood 
illness 
contributes 
towards 
an 
emphasised 
and 
early 
awareness 
of 
finitude 
within 
her 
narrative. 
Work 
and 
Career: 
Diane 
attends 
college 
to 
pursue an 
art career, 
developing 
an earlier 
interest 
in the 
arts 
and a 
commitment which 
subsequently 
finds 
Diane travelling 
and 
exhibiting. 
During 
her 
early 
treatment, 
Diane 
narrates 
a 
lack 
of 
commitment 
to 
her 
career, 
a 
position 
which changed 
after 
her 
recent 
near-death 
experience 
and 
described 
opportunity 
to 
reflect. 
177 
Personal 
relations: 
Diane 
describes 
her 
post-college years 
as 
`decadent', 
enjoying 
relationships 
and 
living 
in 
a number of 
different 
countries. 
An 
early 
elective abortion 
during 
these 
years acts 
as an 
effective 
turning 
point 
in 
her 
personal relations. 
The 
possibility 
of children 
is 
now 
`on 
the 
agenda 
- 
not 
written 
in 
stone 
and probably 
as some 
sort of 
backlash 
from 
the 
abortion 
but 
there 
came a point 
when 
I 
began 
to 
wonder what children would 
look 
like'. 
Diane 
subsequently 
meets 
her 
current partner and 
both have 
similar 
views 
concerning 
children. 
After 
four 
years 
of 
`haphazardly 
trying 
for 
children, 
they 
happen 
when 
they 
happen', both 
attend 
for infertility 
investigation. 
Diane 
takes 
a 
course 
of 
fertility drugs, 
conceives 
and experiences 
her 
first 
miscarriage. 
Social 
relations: 
Diane 
describes 
increasing 
withdrawal 
from her 
wider 
circle 
of 
friends to 
socialising 
within 
a small 
and 
close 
support 
group. 
The 
inability 
to 
conceive 
is 
perceived 
as 
having 
`a 
negative 
impact 
on 
my social 
standing 
... 
being 
seen 
as 
second 
rate 
or 
as 
somehow 
unable' 
Control 
and 
planning: 
The 
notion 
of 
control 
and 
related 
inability to 
plan 
is 
narrated 
in 
relation 
to 
previously 
held 
preconceived 
ideas 
and 
assumptions: 
7 
always 
imagined 
anything 
was 
possible 
... 
Admitting 
that 
you 
can 
fail has 
been 
something 
I've 
dealt 
with 
as 
part 
of 
the 
whole 
infertility 
issue. 
We had 
preconceived 
notions 
... 
and 
visions 
of certain 
times 
and 
events 
that 
would 
correspond. 
We're 
a 
bit 
more 
pragmatic 
about 
making 
firm 
plans 
now. 
We 
can't and 
have 
really 
become 
more 
irresponsible 
planning 
wise, 
we 
just 
do 
it 
- 
rather 
than 
make 
plans 
now. 
' 
178 
Time: 
Diane 
describes 
a 
strong 
and 
developing 
awareness 
of 
her 
plans 
for 
the 
future 
as 
time 
moves 
forward: 
`Leaving 
a genetic 
mark 
is 
extremely 
important 
for 
me 
now. 
The 
longer 
down 
the 
road 
we've 
travelled 
the 
more 
compelling 
it 
has 
become 
... 
A 
child 
is 
a symbol 
of our 
love 
and 
also 
a 
record 
of 
us 
... 
a 
genetic 
timebomb. 
Leaving 
a 
mark 
for 
me 
is important 
and 
is 
why 
am 
focusing 
on 
my 
work 
and 
that 
would 
be 
my 
legacy 
should 
I 
never 
have 
a 
child. 
No 
one 
remembers 
you 
because 
you 
kept 
a clean 
house! 
' 
The body: While increasingly 
viewing 
her body 
and 
inability 
to 
conceive 
through 
a 
lens 
of 
frustration 
-7 
feel 
more and 
more 
frustrated 
with my 
body 
for 
seemingly 
being 
normal 
but 
not 
being 
able 
to 
get pg 
(pregnant)' 
- 
Diane 
also 
describes 
a 
`greater 
understanding of my 
body, 
the 
subtle 
signs, 
how 
to 
interpret 
your 
body's 
response' 
as 
treatment 
progresses. 
Whole 
acknowledging 
this 
has been 
enhanced 
by increasing 
medical 
knowledge 
and 
participation 
in 
the treatment 
process, 
Diane 
also 
describes 
this 
as a growing 
acceptance 
of 
`my body, 
and 
its 
rights 
and 
wrongs, as part of 
who 
I 
am'. 
Biography 5: 
Margaret 
Margaret, 38, is 
married 
to her 
second partner. 
After 
a 
described `troubled' firs 
marriage and 
miscarriage 
aged 
24, Margaret 
met 
her 
current partner aged 
28, 
married at 
30 
and 
immediately 
began 
trying 
to 
conceive. 
Margaret is 
reluctant 
t 
narrate 
her 
childhood 
experiences, a period which 
is described 
as a 
`struggle for 
love'. 
After 
undergoing 
infertility 
investigation, 
an unrelated operation 
and 
further 
infertility treatment, 
Margaret 
had her first 
child when she was 
36. Margaret has 
been 
continuing 
treatment. 
Tracing Issues 
Family 
relations: 
The 
lack 
of 
focus 
on 
family 
stands 
out within 
Margaret's 
narrative. 
One 
of 
six 
siblings, 
Margaret is 
unwilling 
to 
dwell 
on 
her 
early 
179 
childhood, 
both 
within 
the 
`time 
line' 
and 
also 
when 
I 
probe 
further. 
This 
time 
is described 
as 
a 
difficult 
and 
troublesome 
period 
in 
her life 
and 
characterised 
by 
a 
lack 
of 
affection. 
However, 
despite 
this 
lack 
of 
focus, 
the 
continuing 
influence 
of 
past 
family 
experience 
remains 
part 
of 
her 
decision 
to 
have 
children. 
The body: 
Margaret 
describes 
an early 
and 
strong 
awareness 
of 
gender 
stereotypes: 
`At 
school 
they 
told 
me 
to 
take 
cookery and 
typing 
to 
be 
a 
typist 
before / 
got married. 
I 
took 
History 
and 
Chemistry 
... 
I 
still got married 
though 
and 
having kids 
was part 
of 
it. It's 
what everyone expects 
, 
subsequently 
describing her 
continual 
fights 
against 
both 
educational 
and 
family 
expectations 
(pressure 
to 
attend secretarial 
college) 
during her later 
schooling 
years. 
More 
explicitly 
in 
relation 
to 
her body, her 
experience of 
infertility 
is 
described 
as 
a central 
turning 
point. 
Margaret describes 
a number 
of years 
spent 
taking 
contraception 
and 
`moving 
against' 
what 
she perceived 
as 
the 
expectations 
placed 
on 
her because 
of 
her 
`femaleness'. 
Margaret 
narrates a 
developing 
awareness 
of 
the 
significance 
of 
her body 
as she 
finally 
relaxed 
what she 
described 
as 
`the 
control 
over my 
body', 
subsequently 
beginning 
infertility investigation 
and 
treatment. 
Margaret 
also attributes 
her 
weight 
increase 
over 
this 
period 
as a 
`deliberate 
decision 
to 
hide 
what was wrong 
with my 
body. 
Control 
and 
planning: 
After 
a 
described `difficult' 
childhood, 
Margaret 
describes 
a 
series 
of 
strong 
and 
directed life 
choices, 
including 
intentions 
for 
180 
the 
future. 
The 
lack 
of 
control 
and 
inability 
to 
regain 
control 
is 
described 
as 
the 
central 
difficulty 
of 
her 
current 
position. 
Social 
relations: 
Margaret 
describes 
increasing 
isolation, 
perceived 
stigma 
and a gradual 
withdrawal 
from 
wider 
networks 
and 
social 
groupings, 
towards 
infertility 
support 
networks, 
both 
in 
an 
online 
and 
offline 
setting. 
Time: 
Again, 
as 
treatment 
moves 
forward 
once 
more, awareness 
of 
time 
and 
temporality 
increases. 
Margaret 
remains 
concerned 
with 
a 
perceived 
`fast 
approaching' menopause 
(related 
to 
an early 
family 
history) 
and related 
sense 
of 
`time 
running away 
from 
me 
and running 
out'. 
Biography 
6: Jayne 
Jayne, 36 is 
married 
to her 
second partner, 
14 
years 
her 
senior. 
Jayne describes 
he 
first 
marriage 
as 
troubled. 
Narration 
of 
this 
period reveals an assumed 
life 
plan 
centring on 
leaving 
school, early 
marriage and plans 
for 
children 
around 
24. Earl 
relationship 
difficulties 
are 
described 
as 
influential in bringing this decision forward. 
Jayne 
and 
her 
first 
partner 
tried 
for 
children, 
failed, 
an experience 
described 
as 
'the 
ast nail 
in 
our coffin'. 
The 
relationship 
subsequently 
broke down. Jayne 
planned 
children 
immediately 
after 
her 
second marriage. 
From 
the 
age of 
27, Jayne 
and 
he 
second partner underwent 
infertility investigation 
and 
treatment. After 
four 
years, 
their 
first 
child was 
born. 
Jayne is 
attending 
for further 
treatment 
at 
the time 
of 
th 
Tracing Issues 
Family 
relations: 
Jayne 
describes 
a 
lack 
of 
support and 
attention 
during 
childhood. 
Memories 
here 
are 
unclear 
and 
Jayne 
requests 
to 
move 
on. 
Later 
in 
the 
interview, 
Jayne 
describes 
her 
parents 
`unrelenting' 
expectation 
and 
pressure 
`to 
make 
them 
grandparents'. 
181 
Control 
and 
planning: 
Jayne 
left 
school 
early, 
moving 
though 
a 
series 
of 
part-time 
and 
full-time 
positions 
before 
meeting 
her 
first 
partner 
at 
the 
age 
of 
19. The 
sense 
of 
`planning' 
referred 
to 
here 
is in 
relation 
to 
her 
early 
decision 
to 
`have 
children 
round 
about 
the 24'. 
Jayne 
describes 
this 
period 
as 
`having 
something 
to 
aim 
for'. 
Jayne's 
second 
relationship 
is initially 
characterised 
by 
the 
immediate 
decision 
to 
have 
children. 
Infertility: The 
period 
of 
investigation, 
diagnosis 
and 
treatment 
is 
described 
as a period of continued 
reflection 
and 
reassessment: 
I 
had 
to 
start 
looking 
at 
everything again 
Time: Jayne 
again 
describes her 
experience 
of continual 
failed 
treatment 
as 
encouraging 
a process of reflection and revisiting of earlier 
assumptions. 
The 
issue 
of 
time 
and 
the 
future 
comes 
to the 
fore: I 
began 
to 
think 
/ 
wouldn't 
have 
what 
/ 
wanted. 
Maybe I 
wasn't 
going 
to 
be 
a mum. 
/ 
couldn't 
get my 
head 
round 
that 
... 
If I had 
not 
become 
pregnant 
there 
could 
have 
been 
a 
good possibility 
our relationship 
would 
have to 
come 
to 
an end 
in 
the 
future 
as 
/ 
wanted 
a child 
that 
was 
of 
his 
and 
mine so 
badly. ' Prior 
to the 
birth 
of 
their 
child, 
Jayne 
narrates: 
`Somebody 
commented on 
his 
(partner's) 
age and 
whether 
he'd 
be 
up 
for it. I hadn't 
really 
thought 
and 
he doesn't look 
that 
old. 
Then / 
thought 
maybe 
it 
wasn't 
going 
to 
do it 
and what should 
I do 
then? 
couldn't 
think 
forward 
or 
beyond 
anything' 
182 
Biography 
7: 
Kate 
Kate, 28, 
married 
her 
current 
partner shortly after 
leaving 
school. 
Kate describes 
life 
plan' 
developed 
during 
her 
earlier years and 
centred 
on 
both 
marriage 
an 
having 
children. 
Education 
and career 
is described 
as of secondary 
importance 
t 
this. 
Kate, 
the 
eldest 
of 
two 
siblings, 
describes her 
early 
childhood 
as characterise 
by 
growing 
tensions 
between 
her 
and 
her 
parents. 
After 
failure 
to 
conceive, 
infertilii 
investigation 
and 
treatment 
commenced aged 
24. 
Kate 
has 
since 
been 
refuse 
further treatment 
on 
medical grounds. 
Tracing 
Issues 
Family 
relations: 
Kate 
describes 
a 
turbulent 
early 
childhood 
and 
relationship 
with 
her 
parents, 
which 
has 
continued 
throughout 
adulthood. 
Kate 
describes 
and 
continually 
re-emphasises 
feelings 
of 
increasing 
inadequacy 
and 
failure 
to 
please 
throughout 
her 
narrative. 
Social 
relations: 
The 
experience 
of withdrawal 
from 
wider 
social 
networks, 
perceived 
isolation, 
stigma 
and 
exclusion 
remain 
central 
to 
Kate's 
narrative, 
increasing 
as 
time 
moves 
forward. 
The 
body: 
Kate 
has 
experienced 
weight 
difficulties 
since 
early 
childhood 
and 
suffers 
from 
related 
medical 
complaints. 
Both 
family 
and 
partner 
criticise 
Kate's 
increasing 
weight, 
attributing 
this 
as 
influencing 
the 
inability to 
have 
children, 
despite 
diagnosis 
as 
partial 
male-factor: 
`When 
/ did 
eventually 
tell 
my 
family, 
they 
were 
not 
very 
understanding, 
they 
just 
kept telling 
me 
to 
lose 
weight 
as 
that 
would 
solve 
all 
my 
problems 
and 
(partner) 
just 
insisted 
on 
telling 
his 
family 
it 
was 
all 
my 
fault, 
and 
if 
I lost 
weight 
then 
we 
would 
have 
children. 
To 
this 
day, 
he 
denies 
that 
his 
low 
sperm 
count 
has 
anything 
to 
do 
with 
it, 
and 
I 
resent 
him 
for 
this, 
as 
I 
am 
trying 
to 
lose 
weight 
still 
but 
he 
still 
will 
not 
do 
anything 
to 
try 
and 
boost 
his 
sperm count'. 
Kate 
then 
describes 
her 
183 
body 
as 
`the 
enemy', 
yet 
also 
refers 
to 
her body 
as 
`a 
comfort 
and 
I 
suppose 
something 
to hide 
behind. 
Like 
I'm 
inside 
looking 
out and 
they 
can't 
see 
me. 
' 
Control 
and planning: 
Kate 
again 
describes 
a 
life 
plan 
formulated 
at an 
early 
age: 
I 
have 
always 
wanted 
children. 
I felt 
this 
was 
the 
reason 
I 
was put 
on 
earth 
... 
Ever 
since 
/ 
was small, 
/ 
used 
to 
pretend 
my cousin was my 
little 
girl, 
but I 
guess most people 
did 
that 
... 
my 
plan 
for 
life 
was 
to 
get married, 
have 
a 
nice 
house 
and 
to 
have 
children 
... 
'Kate 
also 
describes 
the 
difficulties facing 
potentially 
unfilled 
plans: 
`I 
have 
always 
wanted 
children, 
it is 
something 
that 
/ 
always 
remember 
wanting, which 
is 
why 
it 
is 
so painful 
knowing 
I 
may never 
have 
one 
... 
/ 
guess 
/ 
would 
say 
I 
was 
happier 
not 
knowing 
I 
would 
never 
have 
children. 
I had 
all my 
hopes 
and 
dreams 
and 
now 
they 
are 
shattered. 
Time: 
Kate is 
unable 
to 
receive 
further 
treatment 
and 
the 
notion of 
`time' is 
a 
recurrent 
theme 
within 
her 
narrative. 
In 
contrast 
to 
other 
participants, 
`time' is 
not moving 
fast 
enough 
for Kate, 
who 
describes 
her 
present 
life 
as 
in 
`permanent 
limbo', 
unable 
to 
change 
or move 
on: 
`At 
the 
moment, 
I 
can't wait 
until 
I 
am 
too 
old 
to 
have 
children, 
then 
at 
least / 
will 
have 
to 
come 
to terms 
with not 
being 
able 
to 
have 
any 
children, 
and 
then 
I 
will 
die 
so 
it 
will 
not matter 
anymore'. 
184 
Biography 
8: Pearl 
Pear 
(44) 
describes 
her 
early 
childhood 
years 
(elder 
of 
two 
siblings) 
as a 
period 
o 
constant 
movement, 
campus 
living 
and 
following her 
father's 
academic 
career. 
The 
importance 
of 
a close-knit 
family 
group and 
wider 
family 
connections 
is 
underline 
within 
Pearl's 
narrative 
as 
the 
only 
constant 
during her 
early 
years. 
Pearl 
describe 
her 
schooling 
and 
college 
years 
as a period of 
`running 
wild 
and 
actively 
avoiding 
long-term 
emotional 
commitment'. 
Pearl 
married 
her 
partner aged 
37. 
The 
subsequent 
years 
are 
described 
as 
`ttc' (trying 
to 
conceive) years. 
Aged 
39, bot 
Pearl 
and partner 
were 
referred 
for 
investigation. During the 
following 
three 
years, 
Pearl 
experienced 
three 1 VF 
cycles. 
The first 
two 
cycles were 
cancelled 
for 
medica 
reason and 
the 
final 
cycle was successful. 
Tracing 
Issues: 
Family 
relations: 
Pearl describes 
a 
high 
level 
of parental 
influence 
throughout 
her life 
course. 
More 
specifically, 
this 
is in 
the 
form 
of a 
described 
loving, 
parental 
marriage 
that 
Pearl has 
aspired 
to 
live 
up 
top 
and a 
strong 
awareness 
of responsibility 
to 
both 
self and 
others. 
Her 
childhood 
is 
spent 
following 
her 
father's 
academic 
position 
and 
Pearl 
describes the 
`difficulties 
fitting in' 
to 
new 
communities. 
Consequently, 
Pearl 
describes 
her 
recollection 
of 
this 
period 
as 
one 
that 
places 
great 
emphasis 
on 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
`family 
as 
the 
constant 
in 
my 
life'. 
Work 
and 
career: 
Pearl 
attends 
a succession 
of colleges, 
majoring 
in 
a 
different 
subject 
each 
time 
until 
her 
early 
thirties 
and 
is 
unable 
to 
adhere 
to 
one 
career 
path: 
`I just 
couldn't 
stick 
anything, 
nothing 
was 
for 
me'. 
Pearl 
describes this 
difficulty 
as 
relating 
to 
feelings 
of 
`always 
being the 
new 
kid 
trying 
to 
fit in. 
I 
don't 
think 
that 
feeling 
has 
ever 
left 
me. 
It has 
given 
me 
a 
bizarre 
combination 
of 
insecurity 
and 
brazenness. 
' 
Personal 
relations: 
From 
the 
age 
of 
30, Pearl describes 
a 
number 
of years 
spent 
in 
a 
series 
of 
relationships, 
actively 
`avoiding 
any 
type 
of 
emotional 
185 
commitment 
and 
drinking 
too 
much' 
An 
accident 
is 
described 
as 
a 
`turning 
point' 
during 
this 
period, 
resulting 
in 
a re-focus 
on 
health, 
relationships, 
re- 
establishing 
old 
friendships 
and 
meeting, 
dating 
and marrying 
her 
current 
partner. 
Control 
and 
planning: 
Pearl 
describes 
the turning 
point 
in her 
life 
at 
this 
point as 
the 
effects of 
her 
accident, 
subsequent 
reflection and 
reassessment 
of 
her life 
position. 
At 
this 
point, 
Pearl 
describes 
an 
`overwhelming 
desire 
to 
plan 
things 
out, 
look 
at where 
I 
was 
going 
and start 
the 
process 
... 
through 
of 
lifetime 
of never really 
thinking 
about 
kids, 
they 
were 
suddenly on 
the 
agenda 
big-time! 
... 
I liked 
this 
sense of 
direction'. Pearl describes 
the 
challenge 
of 
infertility 
as 
an experience which 
both 
challenged and changed 
these 
plans. 
The 
body: 
linked 
to the 
challenge 
to 
her 
assumptions and 
plans outlined 
above, 
Pearl 
describes 
a 
growing 
awareness of 
advancing age and 
`over 
attention' 
to 
bodily 
signs. 
This 
process 
became 
stronger 
as 
treatment 
moved 
forward 
and 
Pearl 
describes 
an 
awareness 
which remains 
in 
the 
present and 
reflected 
in 
her 
description 
of 
herself 
as 
`still infertile, 
now 
and 
forever. 
It 
never 
leaves 
me' 
In 
this 
respect, 
Pearl 
argues 
her 
journey 
through 
infertility has 
defined her 
as much 
as 
having 
children 
did. 
Time: 
During 
the 
period 
of 
investigation 
and 
treatment, 
Pearl 
describes 
an 
emerging 
temporal 
awareness 
in 
relation 
to 
her body: 
I've 
developed 
a 
fear 
of 
the 
menopause 
... 
of 
course, 
my 
mother 
started 
menopause 
in her 
late 30's 
and 
40's 
so 
I thought 
my 
time 
was 
up. 
My 
mortality 
is 
much 
more real 
to 
me 
... 
and 
closer'. 
186 
Biography 
9: Lisa 
isa 
describes 
her 
early 
childhood 
as 
a period 
lacking in 
affection. 
After 
leavin, 
chool 
with 
qualifications 
aged 
18, Lisa 
works 
in 
a 
variety of administrative 
post 
ntil she meets 
her 
partner 
aged 
21 
and 
marries at 
22. After 
waiting 
for 
two 
year 
efore 
trying 
to 
conceive, 
Lisa 
and 
her 
partner 
encountered 
difficulties 
and 
wer 
sferred 
for 
investigation 
and 
treatment. After 
undergoing nine 
completed 
/V 
ycles, 
Lisa 
and 
her 
partner 
have 
made 
the 
decision 
to 
cease 
treatment, `to liv 
hildfree', take 
sabbaticals 
from 
current employment 
and 
travel. 
Tracing 
issues: 
Family 
relations: 
Family issues 
remain 
a recurrent 
theme 
through 
Lisa's 
narrative. 
Lisa 
describes 
both 
a 
lack 
of 
parental 
affection 
and 
interest, 
an 
experience 
initially 
informing 
her desire 
to 
conceive: 
'I 
never 
had 
a very good 
relationship 
with 
my parents 
- 
we 
are 
not very 
close 
so 
I 
wanted 
a child so 
that 
I 
could 
show 
the 
child 
affection 
which 
/ 
felt had 
been 
lacking 
in 
my 
childhood'. 
Work 
and 
career: 
Lisa 
describes 
herself 
as 
`never 
having 
been 
career 
driven'. 
From 
an 
early 
age, 
I 
somehow 
envisaged 
having 
kids 
and 
then 
being 
a 
housewife 
and 
a 
mother'. 
Lisa 
explains 
her 
decision 
to 
leave 
work 
as 
related 
to 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
desire 
for 
children: 
`There 
doesn't 
seem 
to 
be 
much 
point 
working 
and 
piling 
money 
into the 
bank. 
I 
don't 
want 
to leave 
it 
all 
to 
our 
nephew's 
and 
nieces'. 
Control 
and 
planning: 
Again, 
Lisa 
describes 
her 
experience 
of 
infertility 
as a 
`turning 
point', 
resulting 
in 
a 
developing 
and 
continuing 
process 
of 
reflection. 
Dealing 
with 
the 
perceived 
lack 
of 
control 
over 
the 
direction 
of 
her 
life 
course 
187 
plays a 
central 
role 
here. 
Current 
decisions 
and 
future (travel) 
plans 
are 
described 
as 
the 
result 
of 
this 
process and attempt 
to 
regain control. 
The 
body: Again, 
early 
bodily 
assumptions are 
described 
as 
being 
brought 
into 
relief 
through 
the 
process of 
treatment. 
Lisa 
continues 
to 
experience what 
she 
describes 
as a 
`lack 
of 
female belonging' 
and 
emphasises 
the 
prolonged 
and 
ongoing 
process 
of 
`self-blame 
and coming 
to 
terms 
with 
my 
body' 
as 
a 
`form 
of 
bereavement'. 
This 
is 
a process 
which 
informs 
Lisa's 
description 
of a 
developing 
awareness 
of 
both 
age and 
finitude. 
Social 
relations: 
Lisa 
outlines 
feelings 
of 
isolation, 
`being 
left 
out' 
and 
of 
considering 
herself 
as 
increasingly 
apart 
from her 
social 
group. 
Time: 
Time, 
and 
particularly 
the 
significance 
of 
future 
time, 
emerges 
through 
Lisa's 
narrative 
as 
she 
reflects 
on 
the 
difficulties 
of 
reconciling 
past 
assumptions 
with 
future 
uncertainties. 
188 
As 
I 
have 
outlined, 
my 
initial 
and 
directed 
focus 
on 
analytic 
content 
alone 
identifies 
a 
number 
of 
common 
elements 
within 
participants' 
life 
story 
narration, 
illustrated 
in 
diagrammatic 
form 
below: 
Figure 
2: The 
time 
of 
infertility: 
components 
of 
the 
life 
story 
Time 
\I/ 
Control 
and 
Work/Career 
)( 
Planning 
The Life 
Story 
Interview 
Personal/Family 
)I( 
Social 
relations 
Body 
Stories 
of many 
voices: 
from 
content 
to 
context 
This 
section 
moves 
from Reading 1 
and 
2 
to 
Reading 3 (see Table 1), 
retracing 
participants 
stories and 
keeping 
the 
issues identified 
within 
the 
biographical 
overviews 
above 
alongside. 
As 
I have 
outlined, 
this 
underlines my 
resistance 
to 
a reliance 
on 
data 
content alone. 
Narrative 
content 
must also 
be 
understood 
by 
paying 
attention 
to 
narrative 
organisation and 
context. 
Remaining 
focused 
on 
this 
procedure 
aids my 
development 
of 
the 
issues 
identified. 
189 
As I 
retraced 
participants' 
stories, 
I became 
increasingly 
aware 
of 
a 
number 
of 
differing 
levels 
to 
participants' 
voices. 
As 
the 
layers 
of my 
analysis 
built 
up, 
a range of 
voices 
began 
to 
emerge, 
each 
narrating 
different, 
yet 
interrelated, 
layers 
of understanding 
and 
experience. 
Firstly, 
the 
`expectant 
voice', 
reflecting 
participants 
recounting 
their 
self-expectation 
during 
the 
period prior 
to 
infertility 
and reflecting a picture composed primarily of perceived 
cultural 
norms, 
values 
and 
the 
expectations of others. 
Secondly, 
the 
`experiential 
voice', 
reflecting 
participants 
narration 
and recollection 
of 
the treatment 
period 
itself, 
illustrating 
a process of 
active and 
sometime 
ongoing 
negotiation 
between 
previously 
held 
expectations 
and 
assumptions 
and 
the 
challenges 
of 
participant's 
experiences. 
Finally, 
the 
`meaning 
voice', 
illustrating the 
sense 
of 
meaning-making 
developing through 
the 
narration 
of 
the 
life 
story 
and 
within 
the 
interview 
itself. 
Further, these 
`voices' 
are 
informed 
by 
participants 
perceptions 
of 
expectation, 
the 
difficulty 
of 
reconciling 
their 
actual 
experience 
and 
the 
negotiation 
between 
these 
two 
areas. 
In 
this 
section, 
I illustrate 
each 
voice, 
using 
representative 
narrative 
extracts 
and 
diagrammatic 
display. 
I 
again 
use 
a 
temporal 
framework, 
exploring 
issues 
of content 
above 
alongside 
the 
differing 
levels 
of 
participants' 
voice 
moving 
through 
the 
identified 
components 
of 
the 
life 
story: 
recollections 
of 
the 
time 
pre-infertility 
and 
treatment, 
the 
period 
of 
treatment 
itself 
and 
recollections 
post-treatment 
success 
or 
failure. 
As 
I 
will 
illustrate, 
it is 
during these 
periods 
of 
negotiation 
and 
subsequent 
reflection 
that 
a 
number 
of 
critical 
issues 
emerge. 
190 
The 
Expectant 
Voice: 
innocent 
times 
By focusing 
my 
attention 
of 
the 
way 
participants 
spoke 
about 
themselves 
within 
a 
temporal 
framework 
and 
following 
the 
use 
of 
the 
active 
'I' (Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996) 
within 
the 
narration, 
I 
identified 
a 
change 
in 
voice 
as 
participants 
described 
their 
earlier 
expectations. 
This 
change 
is 
illustrated 
by 
a move 
from 
participant 
narration 
characterised 
by 
the 
use of 
`they', 
`them' 
and 
`it' during 
the 
narration 
of earlier 
events 
and expectations, 
which 
I 
outline 
below, 
to the 
later 
use of 
the 
more 
personal 
`I' 
outlined 
within 
the 
`experiential' 
and 
`meaningful' 
voice sections 
further 
below. 
The following 
narrative extracts 
illustrate 
participant's response 
to 
my 
question 
concerning what 
factors, 
if 
any, 
influenced decisions 
to try 
to 
conceive: 
Karen: 
lt 
was 
something 
I 
always 
thought 
would 
happen 
when 
the 
time 
was 
right. 
It 
was 
the 
next 
thing 
to 
do 
after settling 
down 
... 
My 
husband's 
parents 
were 
looking 
for 
another grandchild and 
I 
wanted 
to 
produce 
before the 
menopause set 
in. This 
was 
an 
innocent 
time. 
Looking 
forward 
to 
having 
a 
family 
just like 
any 
other couple 
choosing 
when you were 
ready 
and pregnancy 
would 
happen. 
Margaret: 
... 
having 
kids 
was 
part of 
it. It's 
what 
everyone expects. 
Pearl: 
It happened 
quickly. 
For 
some reason 
at 
23 
1 decided I 
was 
never 
going 
to 
have 
children. 
I think 
it 
was 
partly 
because I 
was 
soooooo 
young 
and 
partly 
because 
I had known that 
finding 
the 
right 
man 
was 
going 
to 
be 
a 
difficult 
journey for 
me. 
As time 
move 
on 
... 
I 
just 
reconciled 
myself 
to 
the 
fact 
my eggs would 
be 
pickled. 
Then 
I 
met 
(partner) 
and 
we 
married aged 
39. 
It happened 
suddenly. 
We 
got 
married 
and 
they 
all started asking 
`when' 
- 
it 
hadn't 
been 
a real 
big 
issue 
... 
My family 
began 
reminding 
me of 
plans 
I'd 
had 
when 
I 
was 
a 
kid 
... 
I 
started 
to 
feel 
envious 
of other 
women 
and 
then 
my 
mother 
told 
me she'd 
started 
the 
menopause 
during 
her 
late 
30's 
and 
early 
40's 
... 
The 
ability 
to 
have 
a 
child 
was 
one 
of 
the 
`givens' 
I'd 
grew up with. 
Like 
when 
I 
was 
the 
new 
kid, 
always 
trying 
to 
fit in, 
I 
wanted 
to 
fit 
in 
again. 
191 
Lisa: 
Most 
people 
married 
and 
then 
a 
couple 
of 
years 
later 
had 
kids. 
We 
got 
married 
and 
decided 
to try 
after 
a 
couple 
of 
years 
of 
marriage 
... 
I 
wasn't 
that 
keen 
at 
that 
point 
but 
it 
seemed 
like 
the 
natural 
thing 
to 
do. 
The 
first 
couple 
of 
years 
everyone 
wants 
their 
freedom 
then 
someone 
has 
one 
and 
you 
suddenly 
think 
- 
maybe 
ought 
to 
try 
now 
... 
my 
mother-in-law 
kept 
asking 
my 
husband 
when 
... 
more 
pressure 
came 
when 
all 
our 
friends/family/sister/cousin 
started 
having 
children 
and 
we'd 
been 
married 
long 
enough 
... 
Looking 
back 
it 
was 
the 
biggest 
chapter 
of 
my 
life 
but 
/ 
didn't 
see 
it 
then. 
Figure 
3 illustrates 
influences 
at 
this 
stage. 
Parental 
Pressure 
(Family 
relations) 
Fitting In 
The 
Future 
Planning 
(personal/social 
Expectant 
(Time) 
relations 
Voice 
Assumptions 
(control/planningl 
Figure 3: The Expectant 
Voice: Influences 
While 
acknowledging 
their 
own 
assumptions, participants 
recollect 
this 
time 
by 
placing 
emphasis 
on perceived 
cultural norms and values and 
the 
expectations 
of others 
initially 
influencing their 
decisions. However, 
when 
I 
asked 
participants' 
to 
recollect 
their 
experiences 
during 
the time 
of early 
investigation 
and 
treatment, 
narration 
moves 
away 
from 
initial 
descriptions 
of 
assumption and 
expectation. 
Through 
the 
process 
of 
revisiting 
and 
questioning 
long-held 
and 
past assumptions, 
participants 
voice 
a sometime 
gradual 
change 
and 
192 
developing 
awareness, 
illustrating 
the 
process of active 
negotiation 
between 
previously 
held 
expectations 
and 
assumptions and 
the 
challenge 
of 
personal 
experience. 
Further, 
this 
is 
underlined 
by 
the 
use 
of 
the 
more 
reflexive 
and 
personal 
`I' 
within 
participant 
narratives. 
Critically, 
a number 
of 
issues 
emerge 
to 
become 
the 
central 
axes 
of 
the 
narratives 
-a 
developing 
bodily 
and 
temporal 
awareness 
informed by 
challenge 
to the 
assumed notions of 
time, 
control and 
expectation. 
The 
Experiential 
Voice: lifting 
a veil 
Again 
using 
narrative 
extract and 
display, 
I illustrate 
below 
this 
change 
in 
participants' 
voice 
within 
the 
process 
of recollection 
itself. 
Janet: 
The 
feeling 
of 
having 
no control 
was 
quite 
a 
big 
thing 
forme 
as 
normally 
I 
am 
a person 
who 
likes to 
be in 
control. 
I 
found 
the 
lack 
of 
control 
difficult 
... 
our 
whole 
lives 
were 
dominated 
for 
so 
long 
by 
dates, 
drugs, 
cycles, 
time 
off work 
and 
- 
until 
our 
last 
attempt 
- 
failure 
which 
made 
all 
the 
other 
things 
that 
much 
harder. 
Diane: 
It's 
had 
a 
negative 
impact 
on 
my social 
standing 
... 
after 
initially 
being 
sympathetic 
I'm 
sure 
they 
see 
me as 
being 
second 
rate, 
or 
somehow 
unable 
for 
not 
being 
able 
to 
get pg 
(pregnant) 
... 
even 
at 
the 
clinic 
they 
treat 
us 
all 
as 
the 
great unwashed 
until 
something 
works 
the 
right 
way 
- 
an 
instant 
status 
lift 
when 
tests 
come 
back 
ok 
... 
I 
always 
imagined 
anything 
was 
possible. 
Admitting 
you 
can 
fail has 
been 
something 
I've 
dealt 
with 
as 
part 
of 
the 
whole 
infertility 
issue. 
We 
had 
preconceived 
notions 
and 
visions 
of 
certain 
times 
... 
and 
events 
that 
would 
correspond. 
When 
I 
think 
about 
it 
we're 
a 
bit 
more 
pragmatic 
about 
making 
firm 
plans 
now. 
We 
can't 
and 
have 
really 
become 
more 
irresponsible 
planning 
wise, 
we 
just 
do 
it 
- 
rather 
than 
make 
plans 
now. 
Dorothy: 
My 
attitude 
has 
changed, 
gradually 
... 
/ 
was 
always 
convinced 
something 
would 
become 
the 
fix 
that 
got me 
pregnant. 
It 
was 
only 
when 
I 
went 
for 
a 
laparoscopy that 
it 
really 
hit 
home 
that 
a 
pregnancy 
was 
not 
a guaranteed 
outcome 
... 
I had 
always 
assumed 
it 
would 
happen 
... 
but 
when 
I 
realised 
that 
it 
was 
not a 
foregone 
conclusion 
it 
became 
something 
I desperately 
wanted 
... 
Maybe 
it 
was 
not 
the 
biological 
NEED 
for 
a child 
but 
a realisation 
that 
happens 
when 
you're 
told 
you 
can't 
have 
something 
... 
193 
Infertility 
really 
is 
beyond 
our 
control 
and 
we are 
so 
used 
to 
controlling 
everything 
... 
Karen: 
Thinking 
back 
it's 
all 
about not 
being 
normal. 
Feeling 
inadequate, 
not 
fitting 
in 
and 
feeling 
left 
behind. 
Most 
other 
women 
decide 
to have 
a 
baby, 
time 
their 
cycle 
for 
a 
bit 
and 
bingo. 
This 
is 
a 
natural 
process 
that 
we 
should 
have 
no 
problem 
with 
... 
Thinking 
now 
it 
seems 
like 
life is 
standing 
still. 
Pearl: 
I felt 
very 
"unwomanly" 
during 
this time 
... 
things 
surfaced 
hadn't 
expected. 
I 
felt 
like 
a 
failure 
as a 
female 
in 
that I had 
spent 
20 
years 
actively 
avoiding 
becoming 
pregnant 
... 
and 
then 
my 
body fails 
me when 
it 
was 
time. 
When 
I 
asked 
Pearl 
to 
expand 
on 
this, 
she 
replied, 
`You 
mean 
why unwomanly 
and 
why 
then? 
Although 
I 
never 
examined 
it 
too 
closely, 
the 
ability 
to have 
a child 
is 
one of 
the 
"givens" I 
think 
most women grow 
up with. 
If 
not 
for 
that 
ability, 
why would 
we endure 
the 
monthly 
cycle? 
The 
power 
of 
that 
ability 
is 
something 
that is imagined 
without 
being 
addressed specifically 
... 
When I lost that 
power 
it 
was 
like 
a veil 
being lifted. 
It 
still 
is. ' 
Figure 4 
illustrates the 
challenge 
of experience 
during 
this 
period 
and 
issues 
raised 
by 
participants. 
Figure 
4: 
The 
experiential 
voice: 
negotiating experience 
194 
Participants' 
narrative 
reflects 
the 
negotiation 
between 
the 
assumptions 
of 
the 
`expectant 
voice' 
in 
the 
previous 
section 
and 
the 
experience 
of 
both 
diagnosis 
and 
early 
treatment. 
Participants 
began 
to 
revisit 
past 
assumptions 
and 
expectations 
and 
explore 
and 
make 
sense 
of 
their 
experiences, 
a 
process 
at 
times 
begun 
earlier 
but 
one 
also 
at 
work 
during 
the 
course 
of 
the 
interview 
itself, for 
example: 
Karen: 
Thinking 
now 
it 
seems 
like 
life 
is 
standing 
still. 
Pearl: 
... 
things 
surfaced 
1 hadn't 
expected 
... 
although 
I 
never 
examined 
it 
too 
closely. 
Janet: 
I 
never 
really examined 
these feelings 
at 
the time. 
The Meaning Voice: 
afterwards 
To 
summarise, 
I have identified 
participants' 
voices moving 
through 
the 
recollection of earlier expectations 
and assumptions, 
the 
experience 
of 
diagnosis 
and 
treatment 
and, on reflection, 
the 
challenge 
to these 
earlier 
assumptions. 
In 
this 
section, 
I further illustrate 
the 
sense 
of meaning-making, 
again 
developing 
through 
both 
the 
narration of 
the 
life 
story, within 
the 
interview itself 
and 
through 
reflection 
on 
the 
success, 
failure 
or 
decision 
to 
end 
treatment. 
I begin 
with 
those 
participants 
whose 
treatment 
has been 
successful, 
those 
whose 
treatment 
is 
continuing 
and 
those 
whose 
treatment 
has 
ended. 
I 
stress 
that 
this 
framework 
is 
used 
as an 
illustrative 
tool 
as opposed 
to 
making clear 
distinctions 
between 
participants' 
experiences. 
h 
195 
Treatment 
success: 
the 
end 
of 
the 
story? 
Participants' 
narrative 
again 
reveals 
a 
process 
of 
developing 
reflection 
and 
awareness 
on 
both 
the 
time 
prior 
to 
conception 
and 
childbirth 
and 
current 
feelings: 
Dorothy: 
I 
was 
not 
someone 
who 
always 
wanted 
children. 
/ 
was 
initially 
not 
the 
slightest 
bit bothered 
... 
something 
... 
would 
become 
the fix 
that 
got 
me 
pregnant. 
I 
also 
think 
we are 
brought 
up 
in 
an era 
where 
fertility 
is 
promoted 
as 
"controlled" 
That's 
the 
message 
you 
were 
brought 
up 
with... pregnancy 
was 
... 
something 
that 
happened 
unless 
you prevented 
it 
... 
when 
1 
realised 
it 
was not a 
foregone 
conclusion, 
it became 
something 
desperately 
wanted 
... 
I felt 
disillusioned 
with what 
life 
I had left 
outside of 
infertility. 
The deeper 
I 
got 
into "infertility" 
then the 
less 
satisfaction 
I had from 
everything else' 
Moving 
from 
the 
initial 
lack 
of 
importance 
attached 
to 
her initial decisions, 
Dorothy describes 
her 
experience of 
increasing 
disillusion 
and 
dissatisfaction. 
Emerging 
within 
this 
process 
is 
an 
awareness, and questioning, of 
wider 
societal 
messages 
and 
imagery 
concerning contraception 
and control. 
Recalling 
more 
directly 
the 
period 
after 
becoming 
a mother 
and 
in 
response 
to 
my question 
concerning 
the 
lasting 
effects of 
her 
experience, 
Dorothy 
outlines 
a number 
of 
issues 
mirrored 
by 
participants: 
Dorothy: 
I 
feel 
much 
more 
in 
control 
of my 
life. 
The 
children 
have 
made 
a 
huge 
difference 
... 
I 
feel 
much 
tougher 
... 
Gosh, lasting 
effects? 
Too 
many 
to 
name 
... 
my 
body, I 
can 
only call 
it 
acceptance. 
Do 
you 
know 
what 
I 
mean? 
Not 
that 
I didn't 
accept 
it 
before 
but 
if 
you 
don't 
ask 
the 
question you 
don't try to 
work 
out 
the 
answer. 
Everything 
in 
my 
life 
has 
changed 
because 
of 
it, 
because 
of 
infertility 
... 
I 
was unable 
to 
function 
and 
to take 
my 
place 
in 
society 
properly. 
It 
affected 
my personality 
... 
family 
and 
friends 
... 
I 
was 
off work 
sick 
... 
I 
now 
have 
my own 
family 
... 
my 
confidence 
back 
... 
I 
participate 
in 
society 
... 
there 
is 
an ending 
... 
we 
were 
successful 
and 
I 
also 
feel 
an 
intense 
relief 
that 
I 
am no 
longer 
who 
or 
where 
I 
was. 
The draw backs 
are all 
the 
things 
I 
think 
about 
now 
... 
you 
can't 
forever 
wipe out a number of years 
of 
your 
life 
and 
pretend 
they 
didn't happen. 
196 
Margaret 
also 
expands 
upon 
a growing 
body-awareness 
mirrored 
participants: 
Margaret: 
The 
effects? 
Loads 
of 
weight 
that I have 
never 
lost. 
Hospital 
sends 
me 
home 
and 
tells 
me 
to 
come 
back 
when 
I have 
lost 
this 
weight. 
I 
put 
on 
some 
more 
... 
The 
treatment 
made 
me 
mean 
and 
angry 
... 
bloated 
and 
fatter 
... 
now 
I have 
found 
that 
normal 
people 
cannot 
understand 
the 
anxieties 
I have 
and 
I 
cannot 
comprehend 
their lack 
of 
empathy 
to 
my 
situation 
... 
Even 
though 
we 
'won', 
/ have 
told 
(partner) 
on 
occasion 
to 
go 
and 
find 
a 
normal 
woman 
... 
It's 
made 
me 
very aware 
of my 
body. 
I hate 
the 
pock 
marks 
from 
all 
the 
needles. 
When 
the 
man 
found 
and 
took 
my appendix 
out 
(discovered 
during 
diagnostic 
investigations) 
he 
cut me 
from 
top to bottom 
and 
the 
scar 
is 
huge (about 
9 inches) 
it's 
still 
vivid after 
6 
years 
and a 
lasting 
reminder of 
my quest 
to 
reproduce 
... 
I 
don't 
like 
my 
body 
but I'm 
more aware 
of 
it 
... 
Everything 
tends 
to 
hurt 
more and 
there 
are always niggles 
... 
While having (child) 
has 
given 
my 
life 
meaning and 
unity, 
I feel 
I 
am only ever 
in 
control 
of 
70% 
of 
it. 
Continuing 
treatment: 
still waiting 
by 
The descriptions 
of moving 
in 
and out of control and 
developing body 
imagery 
and awareness 
illustrated 
above 
is 
continued 
within 
the 
narratives 
of 
those 
continuing 
treatment. 
Participants 
describe 
their 
experience 
of 
treatment 
failure 
and 
the 
return 
to 
`the 
long 
road 
of 
waiting' 
(Karen), 
below: 
Karen: 
I 
feel 
anger 
... 
where 
do 
we 
go 
from here feelings 
of 
despair 
and not 
knowing 
what 
to 
do. I 
gave 
it 
my 
best 
shot. 
The 
embryos 
were 
good 
quality 
how 
can 
I do better 
next 
time? Feeling 
weight 
on 
my shoulders 
that 
just 
never 
goes 
away 
... 
Sorry 
my 
replies 
not 
so 
frequent 
at 
the 
moment. 
Busy 
with work. 
Being 
in 
control. 
Most 
of 
the 
time 
at 
the 
moment 
I feel 
out of control 
... 
allowing 
this 
to 
control us. 
But 
these 
past 
few 
days I've been 
saying 
to 
my 
hubby. 
We have 
got 
to 
get on with our 
lives 
so we 
are 
booking 
leave 
and making 
plans 
... 
So from 
now on 
at 
least 
for 
a while 
I 
am 
in 
control 
... 
I 
need 
to 
stop 
thinking to 
do 
this 
so 
I'll 
break 
for 
a 
few 
days? 
Hope that's 
ok? 
The 
requested 
interview 
break 
and related attempt 
to 
regain control 
illustrates 
the 
process 
of 
meaning-making 
at working 
during 
both 
the 
interview 
and 
the 
recollection 
of 
the 
life 
story 
and 
experience 
of 
treatment. After 
a 
few 
days had 
197 
passed, 
I 
sent 
mail 
to Karen 
asking 
if 
she 
was still 
happy 
to 
continue. 
Karen's 
subsequent 
return 
to 
finish 
the interview 
describes 
a meeting 
with 
an 
old 
work 
colleague: 
Karen: 
Hello 
... 
and 
thanks 
for 
the 
mail. 
Looking 
to the future. 
/ 
met someone 
at 
work 
today 
whom 
/ have 
not seen 
for 
a 
long 
time. 
His daughters 
are 
grown 
up and 
he 
is 
a 
Grandad. 
Made 
me 
think 
that 
very 
little 
has 
happened 
with me 
since 
I 
saw 
him last. Seemed 
to 
me 
like 
life is 
standing 
still 
... 
I 
think 
... 
we will 
just have 
to 
try 
once 
more 
and 
the 
future 
comes 
after 
that 
... 
But 
also 
the time 
may come 
when 
it 
is 
time 
to 
get on 
with 
life 
... 
Karen's 
attempt 
to 
regain 
control 
appears 
short-lived and 
interrupted 
by 
her 
encounter. 
Again, 
this 
underlines 
my argument 
that 
participants embodied 
understanding 
must 
be 
understood as 
interdependent 
with, 
relational 
to 
and 
embedded within 
a complex 
web of 
both 
personal and 
wider 
social 
relations. 
Diane 
also 
describes 
a 
lasting 
and overwhelming 
sense of personal 
failure 
and also a 
more explicit 
emergent 
body 
awareness: 
Diane: 
The total 
sense 
of personal 
failure 
that 
overwhelms me 
sometimes 
is 
a recurring 
issue. Yet in 
an 
ironic 
sort of 
way 
I know 
more 
about 
my 
body than 
ever 
before 
and 
failure becomes 
a 
bigger 
issues 
- 
every 
twinge, 
every 
change 
in 
cervical mucus, 
even 
the 
way 
my 
dreams 
are 
- 
better 
memory and more prolific as 
progesterone 
rises, stuff 
like 
that, 
how 
your 
cervix rises and 
falls, 
being 
able 
to 
pinpoint 
ovulation 
to the 
hour. Also 
all 
the 
different 
gems 
of 
information 
you 
pick up 
- 
the 
effects of aspirin 
(told 
one of 
my sister's 
dr 
friends 
about 
that 
one! 
). 1 know 
a 
huge 
amount 
about 
immunotherapy 
and anti-phospholipids, 
the 
various 
pathogenic 
bacteria 
... 
so 
not only 
the 
physical side of 
knowing 
your 
own 
body 
but the 
mechanical 
medical 
side of stuff 
... 
the 
up 
side 
of 
this 
knowledge 
is 
knowing 
when 
something 
is 
wrong 
or not 
-I 
was 
late 
with 
my 
period 
but 
could 
tell 
... 
that I 
hadn't 
gone 
tri- 
phasic 
with 
temps 
- 
hence 
no pregnancy, 
just 
my 
body 
misbehaving. 
Try telling 
that to 
a 
Dr 
- 
they just 
send 
you 
for 
a 
blood test! 
198 
Ending 
treatment: 
waiting 
over? 
Again, 
the 
commentary 
above 
is 
mirrored 
by 
participants' 
narrative 
whose 
treatment 
has 
ended: 
Lisa: 
I'm 
still 
aware 
of 
my 
body 
even 
now. 
I 
still 
look 
for 
ovulation 
signs 
even 
though 
I know 
that 
there is 
only a 
very 
remote 
chance 
of me 
becoming 
pregnant 
and 
still 
worry 
because 
recently 
I found 
out 
that I 
had 
high 
FSH 
count 
(which 
means 
that I 
may 
be 
going 
into 
early 
menopause). 
Even 
after 
13 
years 
of 
trying 
a 
tiny bit 
holds 
out 
for 
that 
miracle. 
Despite 
having 
outlined 
her 
commitment 
to 
living 
`child-free', 
taking 
control 
and 
`moving 
on' 
(world 
travel), Lisa 
narrates: 
Lisa: I'm 
now 
a 
housewife 
not 
a mother 
though. I'd 
meant 
to 
be 
both. 
I 
do 
not 
know 
what 
direction 
to take 
in 
my 
life 
now 
as 
I'd like 
to 
do 
something 
worthwhile 
in 
my 
life 
now. 
But 
I do 
not 
know 
what 
... 
Of 
course 
time 
heals 
all 
wounds. 
The 
experience 
comes easier 
but I 
still get 
days 
when 
I 
think 
'Why 
me? 
"... Maybe 
when 
I'm 401 
might 
have 
a 
last ditch 
attempt 
at 
ICSI. 
That 
there 
are common elements or 
dimensions 
across participants' 
stories 
underlines 
my point 
that 
it is 
not 
the 
end result 
but 
the 
experience 
itself 
which 
acts 
as 
`meaning-maker'. 
Figure 
5 
(overleaf) 
illustrates 
the 
issues 
arising 
during 
the 
process 
of meaning-making 
I have 
explored above. 
199 
Figure 
5: 
The 
meaning 
voice: 
dimensions 
of experience 
Exploring 
relationships 
The 
issues 
and 
dimensions 
emerging 
above reinforced 
my earlier 
decision 
to 
employ 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's (1998) further 
(optional) 
reading32. 
This 
involved listening 
for 
`how 
respondents spoke about 
their 
interpersonal 
relationships 
- 
with 
partners, relatives 
... 
and 
the 
broader 
social networks 
within which 
they 
lived 
... 
and worked' 
(1998: 
131). In 
relation 
to the 
understanding 
of embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field, 
my analysis 
thus 
far 
has 
been 
characterised 
by 
a 
temporal 
and 
developing body imagery 
contextualised 
within 
participants' 
perceptions 
of moving 
in 
and out of control. 
However, 
these 
issues 
also 
appear 
bound 
within participants' perceptions of 
their 
situation 
and 
experience 
in 
relation 
to 
wider 
personal relationships 
and 
expectations, 
illustrated 
by, 
for 
example, 
Diane's 
description 
of 
`failure', 
Margaret's 
suggestion 
to 
her 
partner 
that he 
`finds 
another woman' 
and 
32 
See Table 
1, 
Reading 
4. 
200 
Dorothy's 
narrated 
`inability 
to 
function 
and 
take 
my place 
in 
society 
properly'. 
Retracing 
my 
steps 
through 
the 
transcripts 
and consciously 
and 
directly 
reading 
for 
these 
relationships 
proved 
invaluable in 
exploring 
the dimensions 
of 
these issues 
further. 
As Coffey 
and 
Atkinson (1996) 
argue, 
narratives 
do 
not necessarily 
occur 
naturally 
but 
they 
can 
be 
shaped, 
formed 
and 
told 
according 
to 
connections 
and cultural 
understandings. 
In 
particular, participant 
narration 
here is 
characterised 
by 
notions 
of 
`difference', 
of 
`being 
female' 
and, 
at a wider 
level, 
of general 
failure. 
Specifically, 
these 
notions relate 
to 
an understanding 
of 
failure 
related 
to the 
perceived 
inability 
to 
fulfil 
the 
`expected' 
potential of 
the 
female body: 
Dorothy: 
`The desire 
and 
the 
commitment 
to 
children was 
not 
the 
same 
for both 
my partner and 
myself 
... 
he 
was 
still 
happy 
as 
he 
was 
so 
therefore 
not 
to 
have them 
would 
not 
have 
been 
the 
end of 
the 
world 
... 
he 
would 
say 
things 
such 
as 
he 
could not 
understanding 
how I 
could 
get so upset 
over something 
that 
/ did 
not 
have! 
He 
seemed 
to 
come 
at 
it 
from 
the 
angle 
that 
you 
can't 
miss 
what 
you 
can 
never 
have, 
whereas 
I think 
most women 
would 
disagree 
with 
that 
one! 
When I 
asked 
Dorothy to 
expand, 
she 
replied: 
What 
I 
mean 
is I think, 
and 
still 
feel, 
unwomanly. 
By 
this 
I 
mean 
infertility 
stops 
you 
being 
a 
woman. 
Anyone 
can 
dress like 
a 
woman 
but 
being 
a woman 
comes 
from 
the 
inside. 
If 
that 
same 
inside 
is 
unable 
to 
do 
female things, 
such 
as make 
the 
reproduction 
system 
work, 
then 
I 
felt 
very 
'non-female'. 
I 
felt 
much 
less 
of 
a 
person. 
Dorothy's 
comments 
are 
echoed 
by 
remaining 
participants. 
For 
example, 
for 
Janet, 
`... 
he 
was 
happy 
that 
he 
was 
in 
a 
... 
loving 
relationship 
and 
... 
would 
have 
settled 
for that. 
To 
me, 
I 
needed 
it 
to 
complete 
things, 
its 
something 
that 
should 
be 
able 
to 
do 
easily. 
For 
(partner) it 
was 
different. 
' For 
Pearl, 
`His 
feelings 
are 
different 
... 
1 
don't 
think 
it 
would 
have 
bothered 
him if 
we 
had 
not 
201 
been 
able 
to 
conceive. 
My 
failure 
struck 
at my core. 
He had 
no 
such 
feelings. 
First because 
he 
is 
just 
the 
seed 
not 
the 
soil and second 
because 
he 
had 
plenty of 
seeds! 
' Finally, 
for 
Lisa, 
`5 lVF failures 
affected 
me quite 
a 
bit. 
Each 
time the 
treatment 
failed 
I 
would 
feel 
a sense of 
bereavement 
at 
my 
own 
embryo's not 
implanting 
... 
I felt 
that 
my 
body 
wasn't mine anymore 
... 
my 
husband 
... 
it 
was not 
the 
same 
for 
him. I 
suppose 
the 
woman 
has 
to 
carry 
the 
child 
and 
I 
wanted 
to 
know 
what 
it 
was 
like'. 
Notions 
of 
`difference', `being female' 
and 
`failure' 
must not 
be 
seen 
as stand 
alone 
issues but 
as 
issues 
which are related 
to 
a number of 
themes 
being 
highlighted 
and 
drawn 
out 
through 
my analysis 
thus 
far. Several 
participants' 
specifically used 
the term 
`unwomanly' 
on a number of 
occasions and 
I 
add a 
further 
narrative 
extract 
to 
illustrate 
this: 
Pearl: 
I 
felt `unwomanly' 
... 
that 
was why 
it 
was 
so 
important 
to 
me 
that 
the 
eggs 
fertilised 
and 
did 
fine. I 
was 
sad and envious 
of other 
women. 
A 
few 
women 
I 
worked with 
became 
pregnant 
at 
the 
same 
time 
and 
although 
I 
was 
NOT jealous 
(original 
emphasis) 
because 
they 
were 
all wonderful 
women 
and certainly 
deserved 
their 
happiness, 
I 
was 
very 
envious. 
One 
woman was 
my 
boss 
and 
was 
just 
a month 
or 
two 
younger 
than 
I. Luckily, 
I handled it 
well 
... 
and 
was 
genuinely 
happy 
for her 
... 
yet 
the 
inability to 
get pregnant 
easily 
made 
me 
feel like 
a 
failure in 
a very 
basic 
way. 
Most 
failures 
in life 
are 
caused 
by 
something 
one 
has 
done 
(or 
not 
done 
as 
the 
case 
may 
be). 
In 
those 
instances, 
one 
can 
learn 
from 
a mistake 
and 
move 
on. 
When 
one's 
body 
fails, how does 
one move on? 
How 
can 
one 
avoid 
allowing 
the 
failure 
to 
strike at one's 
core? 
Partner 
had 
no 
such 
feelings. 
One 
of 
the 
difficulties 
of 
research 
in 
this 
field 
and 
from 
my perspective 
is 
resisting 
the 
temptation 
to 
`hone 
in' 
on 
`body 
talk' 
and 
unpack 
the 
dimensions 
of 
this 
understanding 
too 
early, 
a route 
that 
also 
suggests a somehow 
elusive 
body 
awaiting 
capture. 
A 
return 
to 
my 
research 
journal 
at 
this 
point reminded 
me of 
my 
early 
and 
initial 
excitement 
when 
participants 
(at long last it 
202 
seemed) 
began 
to `talk' 
about 
their 
bodies. However, 
the 
series 
of 
readings 
undertaken 
resisted 
this 
temptation, 
remaining 
with 
and 
moving 
between 
participant 
narratives 
and 
focusing 
on content 
in 
terms 
of participant 
context, 
negotiation, 
interpretation 
and 
transition. This 
process 
effectively 
`tunes' 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998) 
the 
researcher 
to 
each participants' 
story, 
issues 
arising 
within and 
across 
stories 
and 
the 
significance 
of 
these 
in 
relation 
to the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
embodied 
understanding. 
Thematic 
Development: 
Moving beyond 
the text 
Through 
the 
previous sections, 
my aim 
has 
been 
to 
guide 
the 
reader 
through 
and 
between 
participants' stories. 
I have intentionally 
made use of much 
narrative 
extract 
as 
illustration in 
this 
respect. 
However, 
at 
this 
point 
I begin 
to 
break 
up 
the 
narrative 
accounts 
into 
a 
number of overlapping 
themes 
and 
sub-themes 
as 
a way 
of 
linking 
the 
details 
and stories of 
individual 
participants 
with 
the 
stories 
told 
by 
the 
interview 
data 
as a whole 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998: 
135). In 
so 
doing, 
I 
also 
remain 
focused 
on 
the 
contextual 
and 
temporal 
(meaning-making) 
aspects 
I have described 
above. 
Returning 
to 
three 
dimensions: 
time, 
experience 
and context 
My 
use 
of 
biographical 
techniques, 
including 
the 
development 
of 
`time 
maps', 
individual 
biographies 
and 
the 
adoption 
of a more 
specific and 
layered 
analytical 
approach 
has 
highlighted 
a number 
of 
areas 
for 
consideration. 
In 
particular, 
the 
differing 
voices 
of participants, 
the 
movement and 
negotiation 
between 
them 
and 
subsequent 
process 
of reflection 
is 
critical 
in describing 
one of 
the 
central 
issues 
within 
this 
project 
- 
the 
notion 
of gendered 
embodiment 
as 
a 
process 
of 
becoming 
and 
emergence, 
underlining 
the 
203 
benefits 
of 
a 
temporal 
perspective. 
Participant 
voices, 
on 
the 
one 
hand, 
reflect 
their 
understanding 
of 
perceived 
wider expectations within a social 
context. 
Participation 
within 
the interview 
alongside 
the 
process of reflection 
at 
times 
raised 
issues 
for 
consideration 
that 
participants 
had 
either not 
previously 
encountered or 
fully 
considered, 
underlining my suggestion 
that 
participation 
within 
the 
research 
encounter 
and 
the 
process of 
reflection 
itself 
may act 
as 
meaning-maker. 
I 
return 
to 
Rosenthal's (1993: 
61-63) 
suggestion 
that 
thematic 
development 
will 
focus 
upon, 
Discovering the 
mechanisms of selection guiding 
the 
biographer's 
[interviewee's] 
choice of 
... 
(stories) 
in 
relation 
to 
general 
thematic 
orientation' 
and 
`the 
temporal 
links between 
various 
experiences, 
and 
the 
past, present or anticipated 
future 
realities 
influence 
the 
personal 
interpretation 
of 
the 
meaning of 
life. 
As I have 
discussed, 
this 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of considering 
the 
elements 
(or 
content) 
of participants 
embodied 
experience 
- 
the 
stories, 
issues 
or 
influences 
participants 
chose 
to 
include in 
relation 
to their 
narration 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
treatment 
choices 
- 
within a 
temporal 
context. 
My 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
interdependency 
of 
temporal, 
individual 
and contextual 
dimensions 
also 
illuminates the 
significance 
of 
earlier 
assumptions, 
future 
expectation 
and 
how these 
may 
influence 
the 
interpretation 
of 
the 
meaning 
of 
their 
experiences. 
In 
particular, 
the 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
through 
participant 
narratives 
must 
be 
viewed 
within 
a 
wider 
context 
and 
as 
related 
to 
a number 
of other 
issues. 
The 
findings I 
present 
here 
illustrate 
the 
temporal 
process 
of 
meaning-making 
and 
the 
emergence 
of 
embodied 
becoming 
through 
participant conceptualisation 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
treatment 
choice 
as a 
`turning 
point'. 
The 
overarching 
and 
common 
issues 
I have 
identified 
within 
participants' 
204 
narratives 
revolve 
around 
three 
elements: 
`the body', 
`control' 
and 
`time. 
I 
illustrate 
below 
the 
elements 
of 
`the 
body' 
and 
`control'. 
Subsequently, 
I 
adopt 
a 
temporal 
perspective 
to 
further 
contextualise 
and 
bring 
these 
elements 
back 
together. 
My 
aim 
here 
is 
to 
achieve 
a 
sense 
of negotiation 
and 
balancing 
between 
the 
individual, 
their biography 
and 
the 
wider 
structure 
in 
which 
they 
are 
situated. 
Control: 
In 
control, 
losing 
control 
and 
regaining 
control 
The issue 
of control 
manifests 
itself 
through 
participants' 
encounters 
with, 
negotiation of and 
reflection 
upon 
initial 
encounters 
with 
infertility 
and 
subsequent 
treatment 
choices. 
The 
significance 
of either explicit or 
implicit 
early assumptions and 
/or 
developing life 
plans 
remains central 
here. 
In 
some 
participants' narratives, 
`life 
plans' 
have been formulated from 
an early 
age. 
In 
others, 
this 
process 
is 
more gradual and 
developing 
through 
participants' 
encounters with 
and movement 
through 
`role 
transitions' 
(Clausen, 
1998). For 
example, 
through 
partnership 
and marriage, 
divorce, 
new 
encounters or 
perceived 
`life 
changing' experiences. 
The 
sense of 
`losing 
control' 
is 
described in 
relation 
to 
diagnosis, 
the 
beginnings 
of subsequent 
treatment 
and challenge 
to 
early 
assumptions. 
This 
is 
perceived at 
two 
levels. Firstly, 
the 
narrated 
lack 
of personal 
control over 
the treatment 
regime and secondly, 
the 
resultant 
perceived 
lack 
of 
control over 
life direction 
and 
future 
planning. 
The importance 
of 
regaining 
control 
is 
common 
to 
all 
participants, 
irrespective 
of 
treatment 
success 
or continuing 
failure. 
For 
some of 
those 
successful, 
regaining 
control 
takes 
the 
form 
of 
a 
more active re-engagement 
within personal, 
family 
or 
wider 
social networks 
and relationships. 
However, 
205 
the 
continuing 
experience 
of 
infertility, 
treatment 
and 
long 
sought 
after 
success sits 
alongside 
as 
a 
hidden 
yet constant 
reminder. 
For 
those 
continuing 
treatment, 
accommodating 
the 
perceived uncertainty 
of 
both the 
present 
and 
the 
future 
and regaining control 
proves 
difficult. 
A 
number 
of participants 
attempt 
to 
regain or maintain control 
by `bracketing' 
or 
setting 
apart 
their 
experience 
from 
the 
flow 
of 
their 
everyday experiences, 
focusing 
on, 
for 
example, 
work 
issues in 
an attempt 
to 
refocus and 
diminish 
awareness 
of 
this 
uncertainty. 
Yet, 
again, 
unexpected 
episodes, encounters 
and 
experiences may reawaken 
this 
uncertainty and 
lead 
to 
further 
reappraisal 
and reflection. 
Other 
participants more explicitly 
describe 
the 
continuing 
experience 
of an 
overwhelming sense of personal 
failure 
alongside 
a growing 
bodily 
awareness, which 
I discuss 
further 
below. Participant 
description 
of 
life 
`stasis' 
or a 
life `in limbo' is 
also 
mirrored 
by 
those 
who 
have 
made 
the 
decision 
to 
cease 
treatment. 
The 
emerging 
body: 
failure, belonging 
and 
becoming 
The 
significance 
of 
participant conceptualisations of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
as a 
`turning 
point' 
is 
underlined 
by 
the 
emergent presence of 
`body 
talk' 
through 
the 
narratives. 
Reflection 
upon encountering 
or experiencing 
the 
body, 
in 
this 
respect, 
is 
not 
a continuous process 
but 
one 
which primarily 
occurs 
during 
periods 
of 
confrontation, 
subsequent 
reflection 
and reappraisal. 
Participants' 
narration 
of 
their 
early 
experiences 
suggests, at 
first, 
an 
`assumed' 
or 
at 
least 
an 
`unquestioned' 
body 
and 
one 
also 
framed 
within 
both 
personal 
and 
wider 
expectations 
and 
influences. 
As I have 
discussed, 
206 
narration 
of 
the 
period 
where 
participants 
discovered 
conception 
difficulties 
moves participant 
narratives 
from 
initial descriptions 
of 
assumption 
and 
expectation 
towards 
the 
recounting 
of a 
developing 
awareness, 
a revisiting 
of 
past 
expectation 
and 
subsequent 
questioning of 
long-held 
and 
past 
assumptions. 
It 
is here 
that the 
relationship 
between 
experience, 
interpretation, 
understanding 
and 
time 
bears 
a 
direct 
relationship 
to 
our 
understanding 
of 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. For 
participants, 
it is 
during 
this 
period of 
confrontation, 
conceptualised 
as a 
`turning 
point' 
that 
`body 
talk' 
more specifically 
begins 
to 
emerge. 
Specifically, 
this 
is in 
relation 
to 
perceptions 
of a 
`failed' body, 
the 
perceived 
lack 
of control over 
the 
reproductive 
process 
and 
increasing 
awareness of 
day 
to 
day 
bodily 
symptoms, 
experiences 
and changes 
through 
the 
treatment 
regime. 
Irrespective 
of 
treatment 
success, 
failure, 
continuing 
treatment 
or 
decisions 
to 
end 
treatment, 
this 
awareness 
is 
one which remains. 
In 
particular, 
initial 
perceptions 
of 
the 
female body 
emerged, as 
I have 
outlined, 
in 
relation 
to the 
perceived 
inability 
to 
fulfil 
the 
`expected' 
potential of 
the 
female body 
and 
subsequent 
perceptions of a 
loss 
of control. 
Participants' 
understandings 
of 
female 
difference 
and 
capability 
here 
are 
first 
narrated 
by 
recounting 
the 
influence 
of 
the 
expectations 
of others, 
for 
example, partners, 
family, 
friends 
or work 
colleagues. 
This 
illustrates 
the 
desire 
to 
both `belong' 
and 
`fit 
in' 
and 
the 
social 
location 
of participants 
gendered and embodied 
experiences 
and 
perceptions. 
Yet, 
beyond 
this, 
participants 
describe 
one of 
the lasting 
effects 
of 
their 
experience 
as an 
increasing 
awareness 
of 
their 
bodies. This 
may 
be 
conceptualised 
in both 
physical 
terms 
and 
the 
effects of 
207 
an at 
times 
long 
term 
and 
heightened 
focus 
on 
treatment 
protocol, 
the 
timing 
and 
negotiation 
of 
drug 
regimes 
and cycles, or 
in 
the 
more experiential 
sense 
of 
the 
challenged 
body 
as 
`meaning 
maker' 
and central 
to 
perceived 
`turning 
points' 
in 
participants 
lives. 
That 
the 
body is 
not 
`there' 
to 
be 
uncovered 
is 
precisely 
the 
point. 
At 
a 
wider 
level, 
the 
problem 
of 
identifying 
women 
with 
their 
bodies 
has 
long 
been 
debated, 
particularly 
the 
use 
of women's 
reproductive 
capacity 
as 
justification 
for 
a number of social 
divisions 
between 
men and 
women. 
Through 
chapters 
one, 
two 
and 
three 
I have 
outlined 
the 
misplaced 
assumptions 
of an 
`essential' 
or 
`foundational' body 
and 
resultant 
failure 
to 
effectively explore 
the 
body, 
a 
losing 
sight of 
the 
body 
itself, 
combined 
with 
the 
mistaken 
assumption 
that the 
body 
cannot 
be 
represented or calculated 
in 
any 
way. 
The 
notion 
of embodied 
experience and my embracement of 
the 
notion of gendered 
embodiment 
as 
an 
emergent process 
of 
becoming, 
moves 
debate 
forward 
from 
this 
self- 
imposed 
impasse. My 
focus located 
within 
the 
(contentious) 
reproductive 
arena 
is 
somewhat 
ironic. Indeed, because 
of 
this 
focus, 
I 
contribute 
towards 
a rethinking 
of 
biology-society 
relations while providing 
a viable 
alternative 
to 
reductionism. 
The body, 
and our 
`embodied 
understanding', 
is 
made 
up of 
parts 
and 
both 
experienced 
and 
interpreted 
within 
the 
narrative 
as part 
of 
the 
differing 
pieces 
of 
the 
mosaic 
that 
portrays 
the 
individual 
life 
story. 
Participant 
narratives 
suggest 
we 
are not 
our 
bodies 
by 
definition, in 
any a 
priori 
sense 
yet 
neither 
are 
we 
purely 
an 
`unfinished' 
body, 
waiting 
to 
be 
`made'. 
In 
contrast, 
participant 
narratives 
underline 
an 
initial 
expectation 
that 
208 
their 
bodies 
would 
accomplish 
what 
they 
were 
capable 
of. 
The 
sense 
of 
emergence 
and 
becoming 
I 
underline 
here 
is 
one 
first 
temporally located, 
within earlier 
expectation, 
illuminated 
through 
confrontation 
and 
subsequently 
reflected upon. 
Second, 
the 
sense 
of emergence 
and 
becoming 
I describe 
is 
also 
one spatially 
located 
and situated 
within participants' negotiation 
of 
both 
personal 
and 
wider social 
networks, 
encounters 
with 
others 
and 
through 
research 
interaction itself. 
Further, 
the 
`confrontation' 
or 
`challenge' 
I describe 
is 
one which gradually exposes 
those 
moving 
through 
this 
experience 
to 
a 
different 
type 
of encounter and 
reflexive period, a coming-in-to-being-of- 
meaning 
and a notion 
in 
opposition 
to the 
suggestion 
of an 
underlying and 
unchanging 
sense of 
being. Again, 
my conceptualisation moves away 
from 
the 
essentialist 
position and suggestion 
that 
we can 
be 
reduced 
to 
our 
bodies 
and 
also counters 
the 
naive and 
simplistic suggestion 
that 
a confrontational 
experience 
such as 
infertility 
will 
`suddenly' 
expose 
the 
real meaning 
of 
the 
body. This 
is 
a 
position 
bound by 
realist undertones 
and assumption 
that 
there 
is `something 
out 
there' 
waiting 
to 
be 
located 
and uncovered. 
Further, 
notions of 
emergence 
and 
becoming, 
combined with 
the 
location 
of 
the 
body 
in both 
time 
and 
space 
also overcomes 
the 
ontological silence 
inherent in 
a 
purely 
constructionist 
approach 
and 
difficulty dealing 
with 
the 
subjective 
experience of 
`being' 
embodied. 
While 
constructionist 
and 
hermeneutic 
positions may 
share 
some 
initial 
affinity, a 
(broadly) 
constructionist 
account 
argues 
there 
is 
no 
single 
truth, 
or meaning 
to the 
matter of 
interpretation. 
Knowledge 
can 
never 
be 
separated 
from 
experience 
and 
thus 
remains 
mute 
on 
matters 
of 
ontology, 
leading 
to the 
difficulty 
of 
distinguishing 
between 
better 
or 
worse 
interpretations 
(Schwandt, 2000). 
Participant 
narratives 
within 
209 
this 
project 
underline 
the 
potential 
of 
language 
and 
interpretive 
practice 
to 
disclose 
`meaning' 
(emerging 
from 
within 
the 
dialogic 
encounter 
itself) 
and 
thus 
enable 
to 
exploration 
of 
`being' 
in 
all 
its dimensions. 
While 
I have 
raised a 
number 
of 
issues for 
consideration 
here, 
the 
following 
analysis 
chapter and 
the 
use 
of 
solicited 
diaries 
offers a 
further 
and 
magnified 
dimension 
for 
exploration as 
the 
experience 
unfolds. 
Again, I 
underline 
the 
importance 
of exploring 
the 
experience of 
infertility 
not simply as a 
linear 
and 
directional 
`process' 
with 
a start 
and a 
finish but 
within 
a 
biographical 
and 
temporal 
context. 
I illustrate how 
participants 
began 
to 
make sense of 
their 
embodied 
experiences 
both 
through 
confrontation and 
over 
time. 
I 
have 
developed 
notions 
of 
time 
and 
control as 
the 
central 
axes 
to 
my 
revised 
conceptualisation 
of 
both 
the 
body 
and women's 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. My 
aim 
in 
the 
following 
chapter 
is 
to 
further 
explore and 
compare 
this 
conceptualisation 
within 
participant 
negotiation 
of 
the 
experience 
and 
the 
moment 
itself. 
210 
7 
Data 
analysis 
II: 
participant 
diaries 
A 
temporally-based 
methodological 
approach 
centred 
the 
preceding 
chapter 
and 
analysis of 
life 
story 
interviews. In 
relation 
to 
my 
understanding 
of 
women's 
embodied experiences 
in 
this 
field, 
the 
broad framework 
of 
my 
analysis 
thus 
far 
rests upon 
the 
use 
of 
time 
as a negotiated, experiential 
and 
analytic 
process. 
My discussion 
outlining 
the 
potentially relational and 
emergent 
nature of 
experience 
and understanding 
has 
required 
a 
developed 
analytic 
strategy 
to 
more 
effectively explore 
this 
experience 
and 
I develop 
this 
framework 
further in 
my approach 
to the 
use 
of participant 
diaries in 
this 
field. 
again emphasise 
the 
value 
of multiple 
methods 
and concurrent opportunity 
to 
explore 
differing 
facets 
of experience 
and 
data. Indeed, 
it is 
through these 
methodological 
and 
analytical 
strategies 
that 
the 
notion of 
a 
`relational 
ontology' 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998) 
- 
an understanding 
of 
the 
social world 
as a relational 
movement 
between the 
individual 
experience, 
history 
and 
structure 
- 
may 
be 
explored 
and 
developed 
more 
effectively 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
It 
has been 
my 
contention 
that 
periods 
of 
confrontation, 
conceptualised 
as 
`turning 
points' 
in the 
preceding 
chapter, 
challenge 
participants 
earlier 
assumptions, 
gradually 
exposing 
participants 
to 
a 
different type 
of 
encounter 
and reflexive 
period. 
In 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied experience 
in 
this 
field, 
participants' 
narration 
of 
their 
early 
experiences suggested, 
at 
first, 
a primarily 
socially 
located 
body, 
an 
`assumed' 
or at 
least 
an 
`unquestioned' 
body 
and 
211 
one 
framed 
within 
both 
personal 
and wider 
expectations 
and 
influences. 
As 
I 
have discussed, 
reflection 
upon and narration 
of 
the 
period where 
participants 
discovered 
conception 
difficulties 
moved 
the 
narrative 
from 
initial 
descriptions 
of 
assumption 
and 
expectation 
towards 
a revisiting 
of past 
expectation, 
questioning of 
long-held 
past 
assumptions 
and recounting of a 
developing 
awareness 
in 
relation 
to 
bodily 
understanding. 
Further, 
I 
have 
argued 
participant 
narratives 
do 
not 
assume 
the 
body in 
any a priori sense. 
My 
conceptualisation 
of embodied 
emergence and 
becoming is 
one 
illuminated 
and 
located 
within 
participants narrative negotiation 
through 
perceived periods 
of 
being in 
control, 
losing 
control and attempting 
to 
regain 
control. 
It 
is here 
that 
the 
relationship 
between 
experience, understanding 
and 
time 
bears 
a 
direct 
relationship 
to 
our understanding 
of 
the 
body in 
this 
field. 
It is directly to 
this 
period 
of 
`confrontation' 
that 
I 
return 
to 
in 
this 
chapter, 
mirroring 
Oakley's 
(2000) 
understanding 
that 
we 
live 
through 
an experience 
and 
not 
in 
it. 
Again, 
I 
underline 
the 
importance 
of exploring women's 
embodied 
experience 
located 
within 
the 
field 
of 
infertility 
not 
as a 
linear 
and 
directional 
`process' 
but 
from 
within 
a 
biographical 
and 
temporal 
context. 
In 
the 
preceding 
chapter, 
participants 
began to 
make 
sense 
of 
their 
embodied 
experiences 
both through 
confrontation 
and 
over 
time. 
My 
aim 
here 
is 
to 
explore and 
compare 
this 
conceptualisation 
and 
issues 
raised 
within 
participant 
negotiation 
of 
the 
experience 
and 
the 
moment 
itself. 
The 
use 
of 
participant 
diaries, 
in this 
respect, 
offers 
a 
further 
and magnified 
dimension 
for 
exploration 
as 
the 
experience 
unfolds. 
My 
approach 
to 
diary 
analysis 
recognises 
that 
`the 
present 
moment 
may 
be 
located 
within 
a 
time 
course 
212 
which 
both 
begins 
in 
the 
past 
and 
stretches 
to 
the 
future, 
illustrating 
the 
sometime 
fiction 
of 
the 
(non-biographical) 
researcher's 
focus 
on 
the 
eternal 
present' 
(Miller, 
2000: 
157). 
Organising 
principles: 
moments 
in 
time 
Throughout 
the 
findings 
I 
present 
here 
I 
again resist 
a 
content-only 
perspective. 
In 
relation 
to 
issues 
raised 
within 
diary 
narratives, 
I 
also 
explore 
when 
(keeping 
in 
view notions 
of emergence 
and 
becoming) 
and 
how (for 
example, 
directly/indirectly, 
explicitly/implicitly, 
through talk 
with others, 
reflection or 
through 
response 
to 
diary feedback) 
issues 
are raised 
and 
the 
potential 
significance of 
this 
in 
relation 
to 
understanding women's embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
As 
a 
brief 
example of 
the 
importance 
of 
this 
approach, 
at 
an earlier 
stage 
in 
my analytic 
process and 
using 
a 
(loosely) 
grounded 
approach, 
I began 
to 
develop 
core 
files, 
beginning 
the 
process of extracting 
and 
coding 
recurring 
themes 
emerging 
from 
the 
diary 
narratives, collating 
data 
segments 
and 
developing 
a 
series of 
thematic 
files, 
mirroring 
the 
issues 
raised 
in 
the 
preceding 
chapter 
in 
relation 
to time, 
control and 
the 
body. 
However, 
upon 
reflection, 
in developing these 
files 
at 
this 
point 
I 
had ignored 
one of my 
fundamental 
aims 
- 
the 
exploration 
of 
the 
potential 
emergent and 
relational 
nature 
of 
experience 
and 
understanding 
and a 
focus 
on not 
only 
what 
was 
said 
but 
also 
on 
what 
remained 
absent 
from 
the 
narratives. 
Exploring 
these 
areas 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
`thinking' 
with 
the 
data 
not 
just 
at 
the 
wider 
theoretical 
level 
but 
also 
at a more substantive and 
local 
level 
(Delamont, 
1992). 
More 
specifically, 
attention 
to 
both 
narrative content 
and 
movement 
may 
illustrate 
differing 
facets 
of 
the 
same 
phenomenon. 
213 
I 
subsequently 
tracked 
each 
line 
of 
text, 
using 
a manual 
time-tracking 
procedure 
where 
each 
line 
of 
text 
or 
text 
segment 
is identifiable 
in 
terms 
of 
source 
(diarist) 
and 
time (positioning 
in 
relation 
to the 
diary itself 
and 
stage 
of 
treatment). As I 
will 
illustrate, 
participant 
`body 
talk' 
emerges 
through 
periods 
of confrontation 
and 
reflection 
during 
participants' 
treatment 
experiences. 
In 
the 
absence 
of a 
temporal 
perspective, 
an 
issue 
critical 
for 
developing 
understanding 
in 
this 
field 
may 
have 
remained at 
best, dormant 
and, 
at 
worst, 
hidden from 
view. 
To 
underline, 
for 
the 
purposes of 
this 
research, 
an 
understanding 
of narrative content and 
subsequent 
thematic 
development 
should not 
be developed 
out 
with 
an 
understanding 
of narrative context, 
narrative 
voice 
and narrative 
form 
and 
function 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 1996; 
Lieblich 
et al, 
1998; Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 1998). 
The following 
section 
provides 
a 
more 
detailed 
discussion 
of 
diary 
preparation 
and analysis 
procedures. 
Prior 
to 
a 
series 
of 
final 
readings 
undertaken33 
the 
diaries 
were 
first 
prepared using 
the 
procedures 
outlined 
in Table 
2 below. 
My 
aim, at 
this 
point, was 
to 
make 
sense 
of what 
at 
times 
appeared 
to 
be 
an overload 
of 
data 
and also 
to 
remain 
with 
the 
individual 
and 
subjective 
negotiation 
of 
the 
experience 
for 
a 
developed 
period 
of 
time. 
To 
underline, 
my 
focus 
on 
the 
notion 
of 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field 
as 
a relational 
process 
of 
becoming 
first 
requires 
engagement 
with 
the 
complexity 
of participants' 
lives 
and experiences 
and 
an 
exploration 
of 
participants' 
frameworks 
of 
understanding. 
My 
approach 
again 
illustrates 
an 
analytical 
strategy 
that 
33 
See Table 
3 
214 
moves 
both 
within 
and 
between 
diary 
narratives 
as 
participants 
travel 
along 
the treatment journey. 
Table 2: Diary 
preparation 
1. The 
Genetic 
Outlining 
the 
`objective data 
and 
the 
selective 
principles 
Story 
which stand 
independently 
from 
the 
researcher's 
interpretation (Rosenthal, 
1993). 
Development 
of 
a case 
summary of each participants 
biography. 
2. 
The 
(i) Outlining 
the 
description 
of medical/drug 
treatment 
Treatment 
Story 
protocol and concurrent physical effects. 
(ii) Noting 
the 
narrated personal and 
social effects 
of 
treatment. 
3. Diary 
Styles 
(i) The 
style of 
diary-keeping 
and changes 
in 
style of 
diary- 
keeping in 
relation 
to: 
(ii) 
Participant 
feedback: 
the 
experience 
of 
diary keeping. 
4. 
Story 
and 
Exploring 
how 
the 
diary 
is 
recorded 
and 
experienced 
style: 
reading 
alongside 
the treatment 
story. 
together 
Tables 2 
and 
3 
together 
illustrate 
the 
move 
from 
the 
more 
`objective' details 
of 
diary 
narratives 
and 
treatment 
protocols, 
towards 
participant 
negotiation 
of 
the 
experience 
itself. 
I 
again 
resisted 
the 
temptation 
to 
make wider 
and more 
general 
statements 
too 
early, 
a 
positioning 
reflected 
throughout 
my 
data 
findings 
and 
display. 
Likewise, 
my conceptualisation 
of emergence 
and 
becoming 
all 
too 
easily 
suggested 
that 
each 
reading 
may uncover 
an 
emergent 
theme, 
built 
upon 
as 
readings 
continued 
and participants 
moved 
through 
treatment. 
This 
simply 
may 
not 
be 
the 
case. 
In 
this 
respect, 
it 
was 
just 
as pertinent 
to 
maintain 
awareness 
of 
themes 
remaining 
constant 
through 
the 
data. These 
first 
preparation 
readings 
formed 
the 
basis 
for 
the 
development 
of 
biographical 
case 
summaries 
outlined 
further below. 
215 
Early 
diary 
analysis 
highlighted 
some 
`umbrella' 
themes 
within 
the 
data 
and 
mirroring 
some 
issues 
emerging 
from 
life 
story 
interview 
analysis 
and 
particularly 
notions 
of 
control, 
time 
and 
the 
body. 
My 
subsequent 
utilisation 
of 
time-tracking 
procedures 
further 
underlined 
the 
need 
to 
remain 
focused 
upon 
the temporal features 
of 
the 
narrative, 
exploring 
not 
just 
what 
was 
said 
but 
also 
how, 
when 
and 
in 
what 
context. 
As I 
will 
illustrate, 
these issues 
are 
illuminated 
by 
changes 
in 
diary-keeping, 
style 
and 
format 
as 
participants 
moved 
through 
treatment. This 
is 
an 
example 
of moving 
from 
initial 
coding 
to 
the 
generation 
of 
patterns 
and 
themes 
to 
explain 
consistencies 
within 
the 
data 
(Marshall 
and 
Rossman, 
1998; 
Miles 
and 
Huberman, 
1994). 
With 
this 
in 
mind, 
I 
connected my 
analytic 
strategy 
to 
each 
treatment 
phase, 
again 
allowing 
the 
concurrent exploration 
of content 
and 
context 
and 
in 
a 
way clearly 
accessible 
for 
reading and exploring 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996: 
47). 
However, 
it 
is 
not 
my 
intention 
to 
give primacy 
to 
treatment 
over 
individual 
experience. 
My focus 
on 
treatment 
phases 
is both 
an analytic 
device 
and one 
also 
suggested 
by 
diarists' 
narratives. 
Table 3 
(below) 
outlines 
the 
second 
sequence 
of 
readings 
undertaken 
for 
each participant 
diary. 
Table 
3: Diary 
readings 
5. Reading for 
Treatment 
stage 
context 
6. Narrative 
as 
Focused 
analytic attention 
to the 
narrative 
voice and 
function: 
reading 
potential 
functional 
properties of 
the 
narrative 
(Coffey 
for 
voice and 
form 
and 
Atkinson, 
1996). 
7. Reading 
Exploring 
diarist 
narration 
of 
their 
interpersonal 
relationships 
networks 
and 
the 
broader 
social 
networks within which 
they 
live 
and work. 
8. 
Reading 
for 
Placing 
diarists' 
accounts 
and experiences 
within 
cultural 
and 
broader 
social, cultural 
and 
structural 
contexts. 
Attention 
structural 
context 
to 
narrative 
and extent 
to 
which 
they 
may 
be 
shaped, 
formed 
and 
told 
according 
to 
wider 
connections 
and 
cultural 
understandings. 
216 
I began 
the 
sequence 
of 
readings 
identified in Table 3, keeping 
my 
summary 
notes 
from 
the 
preparation 
readings 
(Table 2) 
alongside. 
Within 
each 
individual 
reading 
and 
key 
period 
identified, 
I began 
by 
making 
marginal 
notes 
and summarising 
notations. 
After 
each 
reading 
had been 
completed 
for 
all 
diarists, 
notes 
taken 
and 
coding 
schema 
developed, 
the 
individual 
readings 
were 
pasted 
concurrently 
into 
a 
new 
file. 
This 
technique 
allowed 
me 
to 
explore 
diarists' 
narratives 
together 
at 
the 
same 
stage or phase 
of 
treatment. 
At 
this 
point, 
I 
began 
to 
work 
between 
and within 
the 
readings 
looking for 
patterns 
and commonalities 
-a 
continual 
refining 
process 
(Miles 
and 
Huberman, 1994). In 
this 
respect, 
I followed 
fairly 
classic 
analytic moves 
- 
coding, noting 
and reflecting, 
sorting, sifting and gradually elaborating 
- 
the 
exception 
being 
a continual 
focus 
and awareness of context and emergence, 
both in 
relation 
to 
diarists' 
experiences and negotiation 
through treatment 
and 
participation within 
the 
research 
setting 
itself. 
Diary Summaries: 
Suzanne, 
Joanne, 
Mary, Elaine, Judith 
and 
Louise 
As I have 
outlined 
above, 
coding 
schema 
and 
thematic 
patterns 
have been 
generated within 
and 
between 
each 
treatment 
phase, a process which 
allowed me 
to 
both 
play 
with 
and 
explore 
themes 
and 
patterns as 
they 
emerged 
and 
moved 
within 
the 
data 
(Dey, 1993). As 
I 
moved 
through 
each 
identified 
phase, 
I 
constantly 
compared 
substantive 
themes 
and explored 
movement 
and 
change 
within 
these 
themes. 
When I had 
completed 
the 
series 
of readings, 
I 
stepped 
back 
once 
more, 
gradually elaborating generalisations 
that 
covered 
the 
consistencies 
determined 
within 
the 
data. 
Through 
the 
217 
following 
sections, 
my 
aim 
is 
to 
both 
illustrate 
and make sense 
of 
the later 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
within 
diarists' 
narratives. 
First, I 
present 
semi-biographic 
case 
summaries 
of each 
diarist, 
compiled 
after 
diarists' 
first 
contact 
communication 
34 
and preliminary 
diary 
readings 
(Table 2). This 
is followed 
by 
a more 
specific 
focus 
on 
participants' 
negotiation 
of 
the 
movement 
through 
treatment 
itself 
and 
issues 
arising. 
Suzanne 
Suzanne 
is 33, in full-time 
employment 
and married 
to her 
partner, 
aged 
42. 
Suzanne 
and 
her 
partner 
have 
been 
trying to 
conceive 
for 
twelve 
years. 
After the 
first 
six years, 
they 
were 
referred 
for infertility 
investigation 
and 
treatment, 
subsequently 
undergoing 
three IVF 
cycles. 
Initially, 
Suzanne 
received regional 
health 
authority 
funding for 
her 
treatment. 
However, her 
last 
treatment 
was self-financed. 
Suzanne 
has been 
informed 
further funding 
and 
treatment 
will 
be 
made available 
after 
twelve 
months 
and remains concerned regarding 
the length 
of wait. 
If Suzanne 
decides to 
self-finance 
treatment, treatment 
will 
be 
available 
in four 
weeks 
and 
the 
funded 
treatment 
cycle 
withdrawn. 
Suzanne 
maintained 
her 
treatment 
diary from day I 
of 
her last 
treatment 
cycle 
to 
the 
day 
after 
treatment 
failed. After 
several weeks 
had 
passed, 
Suzanne 
re-established 
contact 
to 
provide a 
further 
update. 
Tracing Issues: 
Family 
and 
personal 
relations: 
Suzanne describes 
a close and supportive 
family 
network. 
Despite this, 
Suzanne has 
yet 
to 
inform 
all 
family 
members of 
treatment. 
Suzanne 
describes 
her 
personal relationship as strong yet 
underlined with 
periods 
of 
depression. 
34 
See Appendix 
I 
218 
Social 
relations: 
Suzanne 
describes 
her 
social 
life 
as revolving 
around 
specific 
individuals. 
Experience 
and 
knowledge 
of 
infertility is described 
as 
central 
to the 
maintenance 
of successful 
relationships. 
Treatment 
is 
rarely 
discussed 
unless 
this 
criteria 
is 
satisfied: 
I 
even 
kept 
our 
12th Wedding 
anniversary 
secret, 
wanting 
to 
avoid 
the 
`when 
are you 
going 
to 
have 
children 
then 
? 
'questions. Y 
Time: The 
temporal 
focus 
within 
Suzanne's 
narrative 
is linked 
to 
age and 
remains 
a recurrent 
thread through the 
diary 
narrative. 
As Suzanne's diary 
progresses, 
Suzanne 
reveals a concern 
with 
her 
parents 
age 
in 
relation 
to 
both 
having 
children 
and 
the 
future. 
Directly 
linked 
to this 
is 
the 
importance 
of 
time 
as 
a central 
axis 
of 
both 
the 
diary 
and 
treatment: 
a 
`time 
of waiting and 
watching 
other 
people's 
lives 
move 
on' and 
I'm 
still 
waiting, 
although 
not so 
patiently 
now 
that 
my 
age and 
(partner's) 
age 
is 
advancing 
fast 
... 
/ 
want 
to 
make 
my 
mark 
... 
(partner) 
is 
concerned 
about 
being the 
last 
name on 
the 
headstone'. 
Control: 
Suzanne 
relates 
increasing 
difficulty 
dealing 
with 
a perceived 
lack 
of 
control 
through 
treatment. 
A 
degree 
of 
control 
is 
only regained 
when 
Suzanne 
takes 
a 
more 
proactive 
stance 
and 
makes choices 
regarding 
infertility, 
the 
treatment 
protocol 
and 
the 
future 
-a 
stance 
reflected 
in her 
final 
diary 
extracts 
and 
change 
of 
both 
format 
and presentation. 
The body: 
Linked 
to 
issues 
of 
time, 
age and perceptions of control: 
I've jad 
weight 
issues 
all 
my 
life 
... 
I joined 
weightwatchers 
again 
last 
year, 
lost 12 
219 
pounds 
and 
then 
put 
it 
all 
back 
on again 
- 
and some! 
Now, 
I'm 
more 
determined. 
It 
might 
help 
treatment. 
I 
can't control 
what's 
going 
on 
inside 
me. 
It's 
the 
one 
thing 
I 
can 
make 
it 
do 
... 
' 
More 
specific and 
direct 
`body 
talk' 
emerges 
through 
treatment 
failure 
and 
reflection: 
`I feel 
as 
if 
my 
body 
has 
let 
me 
down 
again 
and 
that 
my 
brain's 
not 
far 
behind 
... 
/ 
feel 
mocked 
by 
my 
own 
body, 
as when 
a cycle 
fails, 
1 
get a 
mega-heavy 
period 
from 
hell 
to 
make 
it 
worse. 
' 
Joanne 
Joanne, 
38, is 
married 
to 
her 
partner, aged 
35. Before 
marrying 
Joanne 
recalls 
little interest in having 
children. 
After 
marriage and particularly 
her 
partner's 
desire 
for 
children, 
Joanne 
relates a change 
in her 
attitude 
and 
has 
since 
been trying to 
conceive 
for 8 
years. 
During the 
past 
two 
years, 
Joanne 
has 
undergone 
91 
VF 
procedures. 
The first four 
attempts 
failed. 
The 
following three 
attempts are cancelled 
mid-cycle. 
The last 
two 
attempts 
using 
donor 
eggs also 
fail. As Joanne's 
diary 
continues, 
diary 
entries 
are 
increasingly 
characterised 
by the 
difficulties 
of 
juggling 
work 
commitments 
with 
children, 
perceived 
depression 
and a concern over 
the 
long-term 
physical 
effects 
of 
high dosage 
fertility 
drugs. 
Joanne describes 
an 
increasing 
sense 
of 
isolation 
within 
both 
personal and wider 
social 
relationships 
and networks 
as 
treatment 
progresses. 
This 
final 
treatment 
cycle 
is 
described 
as 
`the final 
attempt 
before 
somehow 
coming 
to terms 
and 
learning 
to 
live 
CF (childfree). 
Joanne's 
diaries 
commence 
from 
the 
beginning 
of 
treatment 
until 
two 
weeks 
after 
treatment 
has 
failed. At this 
point, 
Joanne 
and 
her 
partner 
finally 
agree 
to 
consider 
adoption. 
Several 
months 
later, Joanne 
re- 
establishes 
contact 
to 
advise 
she reconsidered, 
underwent 
one 
final 
IVF 
and 
is 
now 
pregnant 
with 
twins. 
Tracing issues: 
Family 
and 
personal 
relations: 
Joanne 
lives 
some 
distance 
away 
from her 
immediate 
family, 
who 
are 
described 
as 
`insensitive 
... 
not 
understanding. 
They 
criticise 
for 
my 
lack 
of 
visits 
yet 
I 
cannot 
because 
of 
treatment 
220 
schedules. 
' 
Joanne 
describes 
tension 
with 
her 
partner 
and 
the 
difficulties 
of 
continuing 
treatment 
protocols 
and 
failure 
to 
agree on adoption. 
Social 
relations: 
Through 
the 
diary 
narrative, 
Joanne describes 
an 
increasing 
unease 
with 
both 
friends 
and 
work colleagues. 
Her 
social 
network 
is 
described 
as restricted, 
the 
effect of 
ongoing 
treatment: 
`I have 
pretty 
much 
given 
up on 
all my 
`friends' 
at 
this 
point. 
i think 
when you 
start going 
through 
IF 
(infertility) 
treatment, 
people are 
supportive 
but 
now 
they 
don't know 
what 
to 
say 
and 
how 
to 
deal 
with 
it. ' Related 
to this, 
Joanne's 
narrative 
is 
interspersed 
at regular 
interviews 
with 
`updates' 
on several 
`characters' 
who 
punctuate 
her 
narrative: 
a work 
colleague, pregnant 
and currently 
on 
long- 
term 
bed-rest 
and 
her 
therapist, 
criticised 
by 
Joanne 
for 
a 
failure 
to 
understand 
and 
support. 
Control: 
Joanne 
describes 
increasing 
feelings 
of 
losing 
control 
and of 
being 
out 
of control 
of 
both 
the 
treatment 
process 
and 
life 
direction. 
Time: 
Linked to 
Joanne's 
perception 
of control 
is 
an 
acute 
awareness 
of each 
day 
passing 
as 
treatment 
moves 
forward. 
Joanne's 
narrative 
remains 
primarily 
in 
the 
present 
until 
movements 
of perceived 
crisis 
and, 
specifically, 
treatment 
failure. 
The body: 
Joanne's 
narrative 
relates 
an at 
times 
overwhelming 
concern 
with 
the 
physical 
and 
long-term 
effect 
of 
the treatment 
protocol 
and 
high 
dosage 
drugs. 
Joanne's 
final 
use 
of 
donor 
eggs 
heightens 
this 
awareness 
as 
the 
drug 
221 
protocol 
`prepares 
my 
body 
to be 
in 
tune 
with 
the 
donor'. As 
Joanne 
waits 
for 
the 
eggs, 
her 
narrative 
describes 
a 
`grieving 
process. 
/ don't feel 
like 
I 
am 
less 
of 
a 
woman 
but 
I feel 
as 
though 
it is 
very 
difficult for 
me 
to 
relate 
to 
any 
woman. 
As 
a 
woman 
I feel 
sad 
that 
I 
am missing 
out on 
a stage 
of 
life 
that 
practically 
everyone 
experiences 
... 
I 
am 
the 
one 
who went 
through 
all 
the 
treatment, 
who 
initially 
tracked 
my 
bbt (basal 
body 
temperature), 
had 
all 
the 
tests, 
received 
all 
the 
shots 
... 
if 
the 
problem 
was 
the 
man's 
... 
then 
I 
presume 
the 
man 
would 
feel 
as 
inadequate 
and 
alienated 
from 
the 
rest of 
the 
world 
as 
I 
do'. 
Mary 
Mary 
is 42, 
married 
to 
her 
partner, 
42. Both 
commenced 
active 
infertility 
investigation 
aged 
31. 
Aged 34, Mary 
underwent 
the 
first 
of 
three 
IVF 
cycles. 
The 
final 
cycle was successful. 
Mary 
began 
the 
process 
again 
aged 
41 
and 
has 
since undergone 
four 
IVF 
cycles of 
treatment. 
Mary 
maintains 
her diary 
for 
a period of six 
months and 
through 
two 
treatment 
cycles. 
Diary 
entries remain 
almost entirely 
treatment focused. 
Wider issues 
are 
discussed 
or raised 
through 
the 
context of 
treatment 
itself. Expressing 
increasing 
dissatisfaction 
with 
both 
treatment 
quality 
and 
protocol as 
treatment 
continues, 
Mary's 
reliance on 
homeopathic 
and 
alternative remedy and 
treatment 
support continues 
Tracing 
issues: 
Family 
and personal 
relations: 
Mary describes 
a close 
family 
network yet 
current 
treatment 
has 
not 
been 
revealed. 
During 
past 
treatment, 
Mary's 
mother 
voices 
concern 
over 
both 
the 
physical 
and emotional effects of 
treatment. 
Early 
diary 
narrative 
describes 
a reluctance 
to 
contact and 
communicate 
with 
both 
friends 
and relatives who 
are either 
pregnant or 
who 
have 
more 
than 
one 
child. 
222 
Social 
relations: 
Linked 
to 
the 
above 
and again 
characterised 
by increasing 
withdrawal: 
`At 
friends 
today 
... 
old 
friends. 
They have 
two 
children 
... 
there 
was 
a whole 
crowd 
of 
us 
who 
sort of 
interlinked 
... 
I have 
always 
thought 
should 
have 
a 
son 
his 
age 
... 
They (friends) 
say 
they 
want at 
least 
a 
five 
year 
gap 
between 
the 
children 
... 
they 
plan 
their lives 
so carefully. 
' Mary's 
narrative 
periodically 
returns 
to 
her 
perception 
of 
`being 
normal. 
Being 
ordinary, 
being 
like 
everybody 
else' 
After 
the birth 
of 
her first 
child, 
Mary felt 
she 
had 
achieved 
this. 
As 
years move on 
and 
family 
and 
friends 
have 
more 
children, 
Mary describes her 
now 
recurrent perception 
of 
failure. 
This failure 
is 
experienced 
at a number of 
levels: 
the 
failure 
to 
have 
a 
larger 
family; 
the 
failure 
to 
provide 
her 
son 
with 
a sibling; and 
the 
failure 
to 
`live 
a 
life 
as 
ordinary 
and 
free 
from 
the 
interruption 
of 
treatment'. 
Control: Also 
perceived 
at a number 
of 
levels. Firstly, 
a 
lack 
of control 
described 
as 
the 
result 
of 
inadequate 
medical advice 
and concerns over 
treatment. 
Secondly, 
Mary 
describes 
repeated 
treatment 
failure 
as resulting 
in 
enhanced 
feelings 
of 
being 
unable 
to 
control 
the 
direction 
of 
her 
everyday 
life, 
describing 
feelings 
of 
being 
`in limbo'. 
The 
difficulty 
of planning 
the 
future 
reflects on 
Mary's 
ability 
to 
both 
participate 
in 
and 
plan 
the 
present. 
Time: 
Linked 
to the 
notion 
of 
control 
and 
described 
as 
`playing 
the 
waiting 
game 
... 
waiting 
is 
continuous, 
never-ending, 
waiting 
for 
treatment 
to 
start, 
waiting 
for the 
effects 
of 
treatment, 
waiting 
for 
the 
results 
and waiting 
for 
the 
after-effects'. 
223 
The 
body: 
`Body 
talk' in 
terms 
of 
the 
physical 
impact 
of 
the 
treatment 
protocol 
is 
consistent 
through 
Mary's 
narrative. 
Towards 
the 
end of 
diary 
narratives, 
her description 
of 
the `expectation' 
of 
her body 
intensifies. Mary 
describes 
this 
period 
as 
unsettled, 
increases 
her 
search 
for 
alternative 
therapies 
and 
begins 
to 
study 
alternative 
food 
and 
weight 
regimes. 
Mary describes 
the difficulties 
of 
`living 
with a 
failed 
body'. 
7 felt 
a 
failure 
before 
that 1 
could 
not 
become 
pregnant, 
for 
2 
years 
I'd forgotten 
and 
repressed 
those feelings 
and 
now 
for 
me 
/ have 
an overwhelming 
sense 
of 
failure 
back 
again, 
failure 
as 
a 
woman, 
failure 
as 
a wife and now 
failure 
as a mother 
to 
give 
a sibling. 
/ have 
also 
lost 
interest in 
myself. 
' 
Elaine 
Elaine is 
42 
and married 
to 
her 
partner, 
47. 
After 
trying to 
conceive 
aged 
30, 
three 
subsequent years of 
investigation 
and 
diagnosis 
of 
`unexplained 
infertility, Elaine 
joined 
the 
NHS 
waiting 
list 
and commenced 
IVF four 
years 
later. 
After three 
cycles, 
Elaine had her first 
child. 
Two 
years 
later, 
Elaine 
and 
her 
partner 
made 
the decision to try 
for 
a second child 
using 
FET (Frozen 
Embryo 
Transfer). While 
waiting 
to 
be 
monitored 
for 
FET, 
Elaine 
conceived 
naturally 
but 
subsequently 
miscarried. 
Elaine 
is 
now 
42 
and 
has 
made 
the 
decision to 
invest 
privately 
in 
one 
final 
round of 
treatment. 
Financial 
concerns 
remain central. 
Elaine's diary 
is 
maintained 
through the 
final 
treatment, 
for 
a period of 
five 
months. 
Tracing issues: 
Family 
and 
personal 
relations: 
Elaine 
has 
refused 
to 
reveal 
her 
current 
treatment 
status 
to 
both 
family 
and 
personal relations, 
despite her 
partner's 
disagreement. 
Throughout 
Elaine's 
diary 
narrative, 
the 
desire 
for 
secrecy 
remains 
strong 
and 
only 
chosen 
family 
members 
have been 
informed. 
Elaine's 
father 
died 
prior 
to 
her 
first 
successful 
IVF 
and 
reference 
to this 
recurs 
throughout 
the 
narrative, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
making 
decisions 
and choices: 
`... 
he 
was 
the 
arch 
`bottler 
upper' 
of 
his 
own 
emotions 
but 
was 
224 
skilled 
at 
making 
me 
open 
up and making me 
feel better 
... 
mum 
was 
the 
realist 
who 
brought 
me 
down 
to 
earth and reminded you 
how 
much 
failure 
hurts 
.... 
Dad 
would 
have 
just 
told 
me 
to 
take 
it 
a 
bit 
at 
a 
time, 
deal 
with each 
day 
(hour 
if 
necessary) 
and gradually 
the 
weeks would pass without 
you 
realising 
it, 
and 
the 
crisis 
would 
be 
safely 
behind 
you'. 
Social 
relations: 
Elaine's description 
of 
wider 
social 
interaction is 
also 
framed 
directly 
by her 
experience 
of 
infertility. As 
each 
treatment 
cycle progresses, 
diary 
narrative gradually 
develops Elaine's 
perception, and 
desire, 
to 
be 
part 
of 
the 
normal 
team', 
linked 
directly 
to 
Elaine's 
perception 
of 
`the 
normal 
family 
... 
the 
second 
buggy 
team' 
and one without 
`the 
undercurrent 
of 
infertility 
beneath 
us 
all 
the time'. 
Elaine 
describes 
the 
reduction 
of 
her 
interaction in 
wider 
social 
networks 
as 
she attempts 
to 
maintain secrecy 
and 
avoid 
`the 
inevitable 
questions 
of when 
you're 
going 
to 
have 
another. 
Time: The 
notion 
of 
time 
is 
related 
to 
both 
physical 
age 
and 
to 
Elaine's 
perception 
of an 
unattainable 
future 
and 
description 
of 
`being 
forced 
to 
stay 
here, 
in 
the 
present, 
waiting' 
Control: 
The 
notion 
of 
control 
and 
lack 
of 
control 
is 
a central 
and 
recurrent 
theme 
through 
Elaine's 
diary 
narrative. 
Prior 
to treatment, 
Elaine 
describes 
a 
life 
of 
developed 
plans 
and 
commitment 
to the 
future. 
Through treatment, 
the 
times 
surrounding 
treatment 
and 
the 
times 
in between, 
Elaine 
describes 
a 
`life 
on 
hold'. 
More 
specifically, 
it is 
during 
these 
periods 
that 
Elaine 
describes 
her 
confrontation 
with 
a 
number 
of underlying 
issues. Elaine's 
description 
of 
225 
attempting 
to 
regain 
control 
is 
also 
linked 
to 
her 
described 
experiences 
of 
`periodic 
denial', 
reflecting 
an 
unwillingness 
to 
confront 
the 
previous 
experience 
of 
treatment 
or 
remembering 
the 
issues 
in detail. 
Elaine 
later 
reflects 
on 
the importance 
of 
diary-keeping 
as a 
way of reconciling 
a 
number 
of 
issues 
she 
had 
yet 
to 
deal 
with. 
The 
body: 
Linked 
to the 
issue 
of 
control, 
Elaine's 
early 
diary 
narrative 
describes her 
body 
as 
`a 
month 
of 
numbers' 
and 
`a 
regime', 
`an 
injection 
site' 
and as 
`a 
clock 
ticking': 
I 
pause 
to 
count 
up 
those horrid 
numbers at 
the 
front 
of 
the 
diary 
again. 
Today is 
day 31 
-I 
have 
had 
one period 
that 
long 
before 
but 
not 
for 
about 
10 
years 
- 
I'm 
trying hard 
not 
to 
get my 
hopes 
up 
-I 
`cured' 
myself 
of 
doing 
that 
every month about 
12 
years ago, recognising my 
sanity 
would 
slip 
if I didn't' 
Later, 
both 
within 
the 
narrative and 
in 
response 
to 
feedback 
contact, 
Elaine 
advises 
she 
is dealing 
with 
a number 
of 
issues 
and 
that the 
diary is 
proving 
central 
to this. 
Elaine 
perceives 
her body 
as 
`a 
failure', 
a perception 
framed by 
her 
`fortunate 
professional 
position and ability 
to 
control 
the 
direction 
I take 
... 
I did 
wonder 
at one point whether 
/ 
only wanted 
a 
baby 
so 
badly 
because 
apparently 
/ 
couldn't 
have 
one 
but, 
when 
I 
thought 
about 
it, it 
was 
a 
deeper 
need 
than 
that. 
Also, it's 
the 
first 
thing 
in 
my 
life I've 
encountered 
that 
I 
couldn't 
achieve 
through 
hard 
work 
and natural ability. 
My 
body failed 
me 
here. 
The 
frustration 
of 
infertility 
and 
bewilderment 
... 
is 
a new 
feeling for 
me. 
' 
a 
226 
Judith 
Judith, 30 
and 
her 
partner, 
39, both 
work 
full-time 
and 
have 
been 
trying 
to 
conceive 
for 
6 
years. 
Both 
struggle 
to 
co-ordinate 
long 
working 
hours 
with 
treatment 
requirements. 
Referred 
for investigation 
after 
two 
years, 
Judith 
has been 
undergoing 
active 
treatment 
for four 
years and 
has 
been 
allocated 
three 
funded 
1VF 
treatment 
cycles. 
Judith's 
first 
IVF 
cycle 
resulted 
in 
positive 
pregnancy 
but 
subsequent miscarriage. 
Judith 
maintains 
her diary 
through 
her 
second 
treatment 
cycle and 
for 
several 
weeks after confirmation of a positive pregnancy. 
Initial 
celebrations 
are 
dampened 
after 
doctors 
question 
the 
viability of 
the 
pregnancy 
and 
Judith 
experiences a suspected miscarriage. 
Despite 
early 
difficulties, 
Judith's 
pregnancy 
successfully proceeds. 
Tracing 
issues: 
Family 
and 
personal 
relations: 
Judith includes 
little information 
concerning 
her 
immediate 
family. 
Only her 
mother-in-law 
has 
been informed 
of 
their 
position, 
a 
situation 
Judith 
regrets. 
A 
younger 
relation 
is 
also 
(unexpectedly) 
pregnant, 
a 
situation 
Judith 
has 
difficulty 
dealing 
with: 
`She is 
pregnant, 
accidentally. 
She 
was 
just 
saying 
about 
her 
`throwing 
up', 
hearing babies 
heart beat, 
cot 
and 
high 
chair 
that 
she's 
been 
given 
and 
her 
scan 
in 2 
weeks 
... 
I 
can't 
really 
think 
of 
anything 
else 
to 
ask 
or 
say. 
Feel 
like 
I just 
want 
to 
disappear 
into 
my own 
world 
for 
a 
while 
- 
cannot 
seem 
to 
make 
conversation'. 
Judith 
describes 
her 
relationship 
with 
her 
partner 
as 
`crowded' 
during 
treatment, 
`infertility 
is 
always 
there'. 
Social 
relations: 
Social 
activities 
centre 
around 
Judith's 
church 
participation. 
While 
Judith 
has 
maintained 
a 
high 
level 
of 
secrecy surrounding 
her treatment 
within 
her 
close 
family, 
in 
contrast, 
a number of 
fellow 
church 
members 
have 
been 
informed. 
Judith's 
early 
diary 
narrative 
describes this 
as 
positive. 
227 
However, 
as 
Judith 
moves 
through 
treatment, 
Judith 
reflects 
on 
the difficulties 
of 
`too 
many 
people 
knowing 
now' 
Judith's 
increasing desire 
for 
secrecy 
is 
reflected 
in 
her 
increasing 
perception 
of 
isolation 
and gradual 
withdrawal 
from 
church activities: 
`Once 
I'm 
there 
I feel 
so 
lacking 
in 
confidence, 
feel 
scruffy 
(wearing 
baggy 
clothes 
- 
as 
stomach 
very 
uncomfortable). 
Don't 
really 
want 
to take 
part, so 
I just 
sit 
quietly 
at 
the back. 
Didn't feel 
like 
talking 
- 
shouldn't 
have 
gone'. 
Work 
and career: 
Judith's 
description 
of continuing 
work 
difficulties 
is 
constant 
through 
her 
narrative. 
Increasing 
tensions 
are 
described 
as 
the 
result 
of 
the 
difficulties 
combining 
treatment 
with work. 
Time 
off 
is 
required 
and 
Judith is informed 
she 
must work 
back 
the 
hours 
she uses 
to 
attend 
hospital. 
Work 
relationships 
are 
framed 
by her 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
(increasing) 
difficulty interacting 
with 
those 
either 
pregnant or 
with 
children. 
Control: 
Judith's 
commentary 
here 
mirrors a number of 
issues 
raised 
by 
diarists. Judith 
describes 
treatment 
as 
`a 
constant restraint, 
we 
just 
can't move 
on 
... 
/ hate 
not 
knowing the 
plan, need 
to 
book time 
off 
work 
... 
I just 
want 
to 
have 
some 
form 
of control 
to 
get my 
life 
in 
order 
again' 
Judith's `positive 
pregnancy' 
result 
and 
subsequent 
difficulties 
negotiating 
her 
transition through 
this 
period 
reveals 
an 
earlier 
experience of 
depression: 
`Spoke 
with 
my 
friend 
on 
the 
telephone 
today, 
explained 
that 
I 
am 
trying 
not 
to 
be 
too 
positive 
because 
of 
last 
result 
- 
took 
me 
two 
months 
to 
accept 
that 
it hadn't 
worked 
and move 
on, 
resulted 
in 
depression 
and 
me going 
back 
on 
Imipramine. 
228 
Time: 
Judith 
describes 
her 
experience 
as 
`limited to the 
present'. 
Towards 
the 
end 
of 
treatment, 
Judith 
underlines 
the 
difficulties 
of 
juggling 
her hope 
for 
the 
present, and 
treatment 
success, 
with 
the 
desire 
to 
both 
look 
to the 
future 
and 
achieve 
direction. 
The 
body: Judith's 
`body 
talk' 
can 
initially 
be described 
as a constant 
through 
her diary 
narrative. 
However, 
the 
layered 
readings 
undertaken reveal 
firstly 
a 
narration 
of 
the 
more overt 
physical symptoms 
of 
the 
treatment 
and 
drug 
protocol 
and, alongside 
this, 
a 
developing 
and more 
direct 
engagement 
with 
her 
expectation 
of 
her body 
and 
description 
of 
failure 
when 
difficulties 
are 
encountered. 
Louise 
Louise, 
32, 
is 
married 
to 
her 
partner, 
32. Louise 
began 
trying to 
conceive 
aged 
26 
became 
pregnant within 
a 
few 
months 
but 
subsequently 
miscarried. 
After two 
years 
dealing 
with related 
depression 
(`I 
was 
told 
not 
to be 
depressed 
as 
I 
wouldn't 
get pregnant 
and not 
to take 
anti- 
depressants 
as 
/ 
wouldn't 
get pregnant! 
) Louise 
was referred 
for 
investigation, 
her 
condition 
`diagnosed, treated 
and 
corrected' and 
Louise 
began 
a course 
of 
fertility 
drug treatment. 
After 
continuing 
failure, 
Louise 
began her 
first 1 VF 
cycle, 
resulting 
in 
a successful 
pregnancy 
test. Diaries 
are maintained 
for two 
and a 
half 
months, 
from 
the initial 
medical 
consultation 
meeting 
and 
for 
4 
weeks 
after 
the 
end 
of 
treatment. 
Tracing 
issues: 
Family 
and 
personal 
relations: 
Louise 
describes 
difficulties 
within 
both 
personal and 
family 
relationships. 
Firstly, 
Louise 
advises 
her 
partner 
does 
not 
share 
the 
same 
conviction 
towards 
having 
children. 
Louise 
again 
describes 
a 
more 
general 
secrecy 
surrounding 
her 
treatment, 
reinforced 
by 
a perceived 
lack 
of 
understanding. 
Alongside 
this, 
Louise 
relates 
a sense 
of 
expectation 
measured 
against 
others: 
`Oh 
but 
some 
good 
news 
today 
too 
- 
my younger 
229 
sister 
is 
getting 
married! 
In 
August. 
Terrible 
thing to 
say 
but 
I 
wonder 
if 
she'll 
get pg 
(pregnant) 
before 
me? 
' 
Social 
relations: 
Louise 
also 
describes 
a constriction 
within 
her 
social 
network and 
the 
difficulties 
of combining 
treatment 
with wider 
relationships. 
Related 
to 
perceived 
stigma 
and 
failure 
`to 
fit in', 
Louise describes 
her 
infertility 
as: 
`... 
It's like 
a 
slap 
in 
the 
face 
when someone else 
becomes 
pg 
(pregnant) by 
accident 
- 
it 
reminds 
me 
that 
I AM NOT 
NORMAL' (original 
emphasis). 
Louise 
offers 
lengthy 
commentary 
surrounding 
these 
issues, 
relating 
infertility 
to 
a number 
of perceived 
social 
taboos 
including 
miscarriage 
and mental 
health issues. Louise describes her 
experience of all 
three 
as 
increasing 
the 
burden 
of 
treatment 
itself. 
Work 
and 
career: 
Louise 
has 
recently commenced new employment and 
is 
encountering 
difficulties 
arranging 
time 
off 
for 
treatment. 
Control: 
A 
strong 
and 
dominant theme throughout 
the 
diary 
narrative. 
Perceptions 
of 
initially 
being 
`out 
of 
control' are related 
to 
Louise's 
concern 
regarding 
her 
lack 
of 
knowledge 
as 
her 
first IVF 
cycle commences, a 
perception underpinned 
by 
an 
increasing 
awareness 
of 
her body. 
The body: 
Linked to 
the 
issue 
of 
control: 
`Just 
wish 
I knew 
what 
was going 
on 
with my 
body. 
I 
feel 
so 
out 
of 
control where my 
hormones 
are concerned 
... 
am 
in 
a right 
state 
this 
week. 
Again, 
/ 
think it is feeling 
out of control 
and at 
the 
mercy 
of 
a) 
my 
body 
and 
b) 
doctors 
on 
a 
budget 
... 
can't wait 
for 
this 
week 
to 
230 
be 
over'. 
As 
Louise 
moves 
through treatment, 
diary 
narrative 
reflects 
both 
disappointment 
with 
her 
body, 
perceptions 
of a 
`failed 
body' 
and 
subsequently 
being 
at 
'the 
mercy 
of 
my 
body' 
and 
7 
can't 
tell 
my 
body 
what 
to do, I 
can't 
make 
it 
react 
the 
way 
that it 
should 
... 
I'm 
talking 
about my 
body 
as 
if 
it 
were 
a 
third 
party'. 
Time: 
Again 
related 
to 
a number of 
issues described 
above, 
Louise describes 
the 
difficulty 
of 
`being 
stuck 
in 
the 
present 
while 
my 
friends 
are moving on', 
a 
perception 
which 
continues 
despite 
a positive 
pregnancy 
test: 
7 
still 
feel 
the 
same, 
I 
still 
feel infertile 
... 
it 
sounds 
silly, 
but it 
still 
seems very 
surreal. 
I feel 
like 
a non-pregnant 
woman who 
is having 
a 
rough 
time'. 
231 
The 
narrative 
as 
function: 
living 
through 
experience 
The 
semi-biographic 
case 
summaries 
I have 
presented above 
present 
the 
early and 
developing 
themes 
within 
diary 
narratives. 
However, 
as 
I 
have 
outlined, 
an 
understanding 
of 
narrative content 
should not 
be 
developed 
out 
with an understanding 
of 
the 
context 
(of 
travelling through 
treatment, 
of 
wider 
structural/social/cultural 
influences 
and 
interactions 
with others), 
voice 
(the 
narrative voice and 
perceived 
changes 
in 
style) and 
form (the 
function 
of 
the 
narrative, 
the 
context, 
style and 
changes 
in diary 
recording). 
Before 
I 
move 
towards 
a more 
in-depth 
exploration 
of 
participant narratives, 
I discuss 
below 
two 
issues 
which 
further 
underline 
the 
importance 
of 
this 
strategy. 
Firstly, I have 
earlier 
suggested 
that 
women's experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
subsequent 
treatment 
options and choices, may 
be 
conceptualised 
as 
`confrontational' 
in 
relation 
to 
our 
understanding of 
the 
body. However, 
this 
is 
not 
to 
suggest 
either 
that 
access 
to 
the 
experience 
itself 
immediately 
`opens 
the 
door' 
to 
previously 
inaccessible 
understandings, 
or 
that 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
the treatment 
process may act as an 
inscription 
on a 
`blank' 
or 
`unfinished' 
understanding. 
I 
use 
the 
following 
quotation 
to 
illustrate 
this 
point: 
Elaine: 
The 
consultant 
asked 
me 
what 
drugs dose I'd been 
on 
when 
successful 
... 
he 
looked 
shocked when 
I didn't know. I 
couldn't 
remember 
the 
treatment 
protocol 
- 
they thought 
I 
was 
barking. 
Part 
of 
that 
was 
the 
NHS 
regime where 
there 
just 
wasn't 
time to 
ask and 
be 
told 
such 
niceties 
but I 
also recognise now 
that 
I deliberately 
didn't 
ask 
... 
I 
guess 
this 
is 
further 
evidence 
of my overall attempt at 
"denial" 
that 
all 
this 
has 
ever 
taken 
place 
... 
in 
some respects 
it is harder 
this time 
because 
I 
don't 
have 
so 
much 
work 
to 
bury 
my 
head in 
-I 
have 
more 
time 
to 
think 
about 
it. 
Part 
of 
me 
thinks it is 
unhealthy 
to 
dwell 
on 
it/analyse 
it 
too 
much, 
part of me 
thinks 
it 
is 
unhealthy 
to 
ignore/deny 
it. 
Can't 
win 
at 
the 
moment, 
just have 
to take 
things 
as 
they 
come. 
' 
232 
The 
importance 
of 
the 
series 
of reading 
I 
outline 
and 
direct 
focus 
on 
context 
and notions 
of emergence, 
reflection and 
becoming 
remains critical 
here. 
I 
suggest 
that 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
treatment 
choice, combined 
with 
research participation 
alongside 
sometime periodic reflection 
and encounters 
with 
`others' 
may 
contribute 
towards the 
act 
of meaning-making 
within 
this 
project. 
My field 
strategy 
embracing 
life 
story 
interviews 
and participant 
diaries 
allows me 
to 
explore not only 
what arises 
within 
these 
moments 
but 
also 
allows 
more 
direct 
access 
to the 
temporal 
nature of 
this 
experience 
and 
how 
and 
in 
what 
form 
these 
issues 
arise and emerge. 
This 
access, 
I 
suggest, may 
be 
out 
of 
reach 
of other 
less 
time-centred 
approaches. 
As 
further 
illustration, 
a 
number 
of 
diarists describe 
an 
inability 
to 
maintain a 
developed level 
of 
reflection 
in 
this 
field, 
linked, 
at 
times, 
to the 
need 
for distraction: 
Louise: 
Yesterday 
was 
such a crap 
day I 
couldn't 
even 
bring 
myself 
to 
write 
about 
it. ' Louise 
recounts 
the 
difficulties 
of meeting 
pregnant 
workmates 
and conflict 
at work 
arranging 
time 
off 
the 
previous 
day. Louise 
moves 
on 
to 
reflect 
on 
the 
day's 
events, a 
process 
which 
leads to 
more 
developed 
reflection 
concerning past 
failures 
and 
hopes 
and 
fears for 
the 
future. The diary 
entry ends 
abruptly, 
`Sorry 
can't 
write 
anymore 
tonight 
and 
feel incredibly 
sad' 
Louise 
resumes 
contact 
after 
several 
days. 
Joanne: 
Sorry 
I'm 
late 
with 
this. 
I've 
been 
trying 
not 
to think 
about 
it 
... 
I 
feel 
calmer 
today 
and 
will 
try 
and explain 
a 
bit 
more 
... 
' 
Joanne, 
explaining 
her 
lack 
of 
contact. 
After 
undergoing 
numerous 
treatment 
cycles, 
Joanne 
had 
become 
very concerned 
over 
the 
imminent 
physical 
and 
long-term 
(carcinogenic) 
effects 
of 
the 
drug 
protocol 
and 
continued 
treatment. 
Joanne 
explained 
that 
not 
only 
did 
she 
feel 
unable 
to 
imagine 
a 
future 
with 
children, 
she 
felt 
unable 
to 
imagine 
any 
future, 
a process 
resulting 
in 
temporary 
withdrawal 
from 
recording 
the 
diary. 
These 
issues 
may 
be 
a 
combination 
of other 
factors: 
the 
product 
of 
accustoming 
to 
diary 
format 
in 
the 
early 
stages of participation 
and 
the 
product 
of 
my 
own 
assumptions 
regarding 
diary 
entries and 
completion. 
The 
233 
importance 
of 
becoming 
aware 
of preconceived 
notions 
in 
the 
field 
must 
be 
underlined. 
Briefly, 
I 
had 
assumed 
diary 
entries 
would 
conform 
to 
my 
own 
prior expectations, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
how 
women 
would reflect 
upon 
their 
experiences 
within 
a 
diary format. However, 
moving away 
from 
my 
(mistaken) 
assumption 
that 
the 
diary 
method automatically 
produces 
continual 
reflection, 
my 
focus 
on 
`turning 
points' 
alongside 
my conceptualisation 
of 
emergence 
and 
becoming 
suggests 
other ways 
of reading 
the 
diary. This 
centres 
on my concern with not 
just 
what 
is being 
said 
but, 
critically, 
how 
the 
diary is 
written 
and 
used. 
It 
is 
through 
attention 
to these 
details 
that 
I 
am able 
to 
explore periods 
of reflection and 
withdrawal, 
issues 
arising within 
these 
periods 
and 
possible 
influencing 
factors. 
At 
times, 
the 
more reflective 
moments within 
the 
diary 
entries are 
followed 
by 
entries 
dominated 
by 
`incidental' 
daily 
commentary. 
These 
included, for 
example, 
shopping 
details, transport 
and 
travel 
issues, 
planned 
social events 
and 
television 
scheduling. 
Within 
several 
narratives 
impending 
treatment 
appeared, 
surprisingly, 
as 
situated 
in 
the 
background. 
In 
other 
narratives, 
more reflective 
periods 
were 
followed 
by 
periods 
of withdrawal 
from diary- 
keeping 
or 
a 
delay 
in 
the 
entries 
being 
forwarded. 
While it 
could 
be 
suggested 
that 
diarists 
may 
simply 
have 
nothing 
to 
say, 
or 
diarists' 
may 
be 
influenced 
by 
research-participation 
and 
the 
`expectation' 
to 
record 
diary 
entries, 
I 
suggest 
it 
is 
more 
than 
this 
and 
a 
point 
which 
may 
have 
wider 
epistemological 
implications. 
In 
particular, 
I 
suggest 
accessing 
these 
periods 
of reflection 
remains 
critical 
for 
understanding 
experience 
in 
this 
field. Early 
themes 
`can 
be 
distinguished 
by the 
space 
devoted 
to 
the theme 
in 
the text, 
its 
repetitive 
234 
nature 
and 
the 
number 
of 
details 
the teller 
provides 
about 
it' 
(Lieblich, 
1998: 
63). While 
this 
may 
be 
useful 
as an 
initial illustration 
of 
the 
dimensions 
of 
the 
field, 
this 
must 
be 
complemented 
by 
a 
more 
developed 
and 
temporal 
analytic 
strategy 
that 
may 
take 
account 
of periodic 
reflection 
in 
this 
field. 
I 
suggest 
here 
the 
notion 
of 
`reflective 
movement' 
- 
that the 
process 
of 
knowing 
and 
understanding may 
incorporate (critical) 
periods of 
reflection, 
particularly 
during 
the 
perceived 
`confrontational' 
encounter or experience. 
This 
is 
a position 
supported 
by 
participant 
feedback: 
Elaine: 
Keeping 
the 
diary helps 
a 
lot. 
I 
can work 
out 
how I 
feel 
and 
present 
a more 
balanced 
face 
to 
the 
world 
... 
I've 
never 
felt 
alone 
with 
a 
diary 
- 
getting 
it 
out of my 
head 
and onto 
paper 
has 
always 
been 
good 
for 
me 
... 
I 
know 
you're reading 
it 
at 
the 
other end 
but 
the 
anonymity 
of e-mail 
is 
very powerful 
and 
I 
can 
always 
delete 
bits that 
are 
too 
sensitive 
even 
for 
your 
ears! 
Secondly, 
periods 
of reflection 
and emergent 
themes 
within 
these 
periods 
may also 
be 
illuminated 
by 
paying 
close 
attention 
to 
diarists' 
descriptions 
of 
encounters 
and 
relations 
with 
`others', 
as 
my early 
biographical 
summaries 
have indicated. 
I have 
underlined 
the 
significance 
of 
this 
within 
my 
layered 
analytic 
strategy 
and 
I 
illustrate the 
point 
further 
below: 
Elaine: 
`Our 
child 
was 
finally 
born 
... 
This 
was 
a very 
happy 
period 
because 
at 
last 
we 
had 
joined the 
`normal' team. 
I 
think this 
was 
one 
reason 
I 
decided 
not 
to 
tell 
anyone 
what 
we'd 
had to 
go 
through 
before 
having 
a 
child. 
I just 
wanted 
to 
be 
`normal' 
and 
enjoy 
pushing 
a 
buggy 
around 
with 
all 
the 
other 
shadowy-eyed, 
shell-shocked 
women, 
complaining 
about 
sore nipples 
and 
hard 
to 
shift 
weight 
gain, 
comparing 
notes of cheap 
baby 
clothes 
and 
swapping 
videos 
for 
our 
toddlers' 
entertainment 
... 
we 
wanted 
to 
join 
this 
particular 
club. 
When 
we 
had 
our child 
that 
was 
exactly 
how 
we 
felt 
- 
at 
last 
I've 
been 
allowed 
to 
join 
the 
normal 
club 
and 
I'm 
normal 
like 
everyone 
else. 
It hasn't 
worked out 
so well 
since 
... 
When 
our 
friends 
started 
talking 
about 
having 
a 
second 
child, 
we 
thought 
all 
we 
had 
to 
do 
was return 
to 
hospital 
for 
our 
little 
frozen 
insurance 
policy 
... 
wrong again 
... 
meantime 
our 
friends 
continued 
to 
talk 
blithely 
about when 
to 
have 
another 
child. 
235 
Louise: 
Went 
to 
work 
... 
managed 
to 
smile sweetly 
while 
pg 
(pregnant) 
girl 
at 
work 
repeatedly rubbed and caressed 
her 
expanding 
belly 
... 
two 
of 
my closest 
friends 
came round and 
one 
announced 
she 
is 
3.5 
months pregnant. 
She 
said 
it 
just 
happened' 
and 
that 
she 
is `not 
even 
thinking 
about 
it 
at 
the 
moment' 
I know 
it 
shouldn't 
make 
a 
difference but 
they 
are 
not 
even 
married 
and 
weren't 
even 
trying. I had 
to 
smile and 
say 
congratulations, 
when 
all 
I 
could 
think 
about 
was 
how 
can she 
not 
be 
thinking 
about 
it 
-I 
think 
about 
being 
pregnant 
ALL 
THE TIME 
and 
I'm 
not even 
pregnant. 
I love 
my 
friend 
to 
bits 
... 
But 
there 
is 
no right 
way 
to 
tell 
me 
you are 
pregnant. 
I feel 
so 
tired 
and 
feel 
like 
giving 
up. 
It's like 
a slap 
in 
the 
face 
when 
someone 
else 
becomes 
pg 
by 
accident 
- 
it 
reminds me 
that 
I AM NOT NORMAL 
(original 
emphasis). 
Diary 
entries are at 
times 
characterised 
by 
more 
detailed 
self-appraisal 
in 
relation 
to 
others. 
For 
example, 
the 
difficulties 
of 
dealing 
with 
family 
expectation, 
work 
pressures, 
friends, 
social events 
and pregnancy 
encounters. 
These 
experiences 
may 
lead, 
at 
times, 
to 
either 
immediate 
reflection 
within 
the 
diary 
or 
to 
a 
`shut down' 
and 
described difficulty both 
dealing 
with 
and 
relating 
the 
encounter 
itself. In 
two 
cases, 
this 
process 
went 
further, 
resulting 
in 
negative 
self-appraisal 
in 
relation 
to 
others, enhanced 
perception 
of 
failure, 
voluntary 
isolation 
followed by 
at 
times 
secrecy and 
withdrawal 
from 
workmates, 
friends, 
family 
members 
and 
partners. 
To 
underline, 
encounters 
with 
others, 
at 
times, 
may 
bring 
to 
the 
surface 
and 
illuminate 
often 
neglected 
issues. 
The 
following 
sections 
present 
diarists 
narratives 
through 
treatment 
illustrating the 
emergence, 
movement 
and 
development 
of 
the 
early 
themes 
outlined: 
time, 
control 
and 
the 
body. 
As I discussed 
above, 
I 
explore 
thematic 
movement 
through 
the 
differing 
stages 
of 
treatment 
discussed 
by 
participants: 
pre-treatment, 
during 
treatment 
and 
post 
treatment. 
During the 
pre-treatment 
236 
period, 
I 
explore 
participant 
notions of control 
and 
time 
as central 
thematic 
axes. 
The 
general 
absence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
and 
its 
emergence 
and 
development 
during 
and 
beyond 
active 
treatment 
and results, 
is 
critical 
and 
an 
issue 
I 
will 
discuss 
through 
the 
final 
sections 
and 
following 
thematic 
summary chapter. 
Past, 
present and 
future 
time: 
setting 
the 
scene 
The 
notion 
of 
`time' 
is 
central 
to 
diarists' 
narration of 
their 
experiences 
approaching 
treatment. 
Diarists 
initially 
contextualise 
their 
early 
diary 
entries 
in 
relation 
to 
both 
the 
past and 
the 
future, 
underlining 
again 
the 
relevance of 
a 
temporal 
framework 
alongside 
the 
notion 
that 
understanding 
in 
this 
field 
cannot 
be developed 
without 
exploration of 
both 
the 
past 
(assumptions) 
and 
the 
future 
(expectations). In 
this 
respect, 
the 
`setting' 
is 
perceived 
by 
participants 
as wider 
than the 
experience of 
treatment 
itself. 
Some 
extensive 
biographical 
commentary 
is 
provided within 
early 
diary 
narratives, 
including 
developed 
histories 
of 
past 
treatment, 
reasons 
for 
continuance and 
the 
significance 
of 
the 
future. 
I 
include 
several 
narrative 
extracts as 
illustration 
here: 
Elaine: 
Well, 
what 
on earth 
to 
write 
after 
all 
these 
years? 
How 
long 
have 
we 
got? 
The 
consultant 
made 
it 
clear 
that 
at my 
age 
he 
thought 
5 
more 
minutes 
would 
be too 
much 
delay 
... 
at 
the 
ancient 
age 
of 
42 1 
should 
be 
clearly 
queuing 
for 
my 
bus 
pass, not 
contemplating 
pregnancy 
again 
... 
I 
had 
always 
assumed 
I 
would 
have 
children, 
when 
I 
wanted 
them. 
I 
realised 
I 
was 
willing 
to 
go 
through 
it 
all 
again 
for the 
chance 
of achieving 
future 
contentment. 
I'd 
hate to 
feel for 
the 
next 
40 
years 
`what if 
we'd 
tried 
and 
had 
succeeded? 
... 
I keep 
banging 
on 
about 
previous 
times 
of 
treatment 
... 
but 
I 
think 
that's 
relevant 
still, 
and 
besides 
it's 
all 
coming 
back 
to 
me 
in 
horrid 
technicolour, 
while 
waiting 
for 
this 
time. 
Joanne: 
/ 
feel 
overwhelmingly 
sad 
when 
I 
think 
about 
this 
and 
what 
might 
be 
ahead. 
/ 
feel 
guilt and 
blame 
... 
I 
guess 
we 
are 
always 
searching 
for 
reason, 
for 
some 
meaning, 
trying to 
make 
237 
sense 
of 
what's 
coming 
... 
I 
mostly 
try to 
live for 
now 
and 
have 
never 
thought 
too 
much 
about 
the 
future 
... 
I 
always 
felt 
I 
could 
not 
know 
what 
the future 
would 
hold 
... 
I just 
cannot see 
the 
point 
of 
the 
future 
at 
all 
any 
more. 
Louise: 
When 
I 
was 
younger 
/ 
always 
kind 
of assumed 
you 
could 
mostly plan 
life. 
/ 
also 
had 
an 
unconscious 
kind 
of confidence 
that 
bad 
things happen 
to 
other 
people. 
You 
would 
hear 
about 
these 
bad 
things happening 
(infertility 
was one of 
them! 
) 
and 
think 
how 
sad, 
how 
do 
these 
people 
cope? 
... 
it is 
a shock 
when 
you 
suddenly 
become 
one 
of 
these 
people 
.... 
So 
I 
guess 
/ have lost 
most of 
my natural 
optimism 
for 
the 
future 
- 
that 
`life is 
going 
to 
be 
alright' 
kind 
of 
feeling. 
/ feel 
I have 
lost 
a 
lost 
of confidence 
-/ 
am 
more afraid of 
what might 
be 
around 
the 
corner. 
The 
future 
is 
more 
frightening 
to 
me. 
And / don't 
tend to 
plan so much 
... 
sometimes my 
fear 
of 
the 
past 
... 
and of 
what 
lies 
ahead 
is 
so 
great 
that 
I 
can't relax 
now. 
Time is 
also perceived as 
`slowed 
down 
... 
even 
the kids in 
the 
neighbourhood 
seem 
to 
be 
growing 
up quicker' 
(Joanne), `stood 
still' 
(Louise), 
`in limbo' 
(Mary). 
Further, 
understanding 
time 
can 
be illustrated 
at a number 
of 
interrelated 
levels. 
6 
Firstly, 
my 
conceptualisation 
of 
`past 
time' 
refers 
to the 
described 
assumptions 
of 
the 
past and 
an understanding 
of 
the 
experience of 
infertility 
as 
socially 
located. 
More 
specifically, 
this 
refers 
to 
how 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
the 
approach 
to treatment 
begins 
to 
illuminate 
and challenge 
earlier 
hopes 
and assumptions. 
Secondly, 
`future time' 
again 
refers 
to the 
assumptions of 
the 
life 
plan where 
earlier 
implicit 
and 
explicit 
hopes 
and expectations 
for 
the 
future 
are 
brought 
into 
relief. 
In 
effect, 
the 
future 
steps 
back 
to the 
present. 
As Joanne 
narrates, 
`I 
never 
think 
too 
much 
about 
the 
future, 
but 
now 
that the 
future 
with 
no 
children 
might 
be 
a 
certainty, 
I 
have 
no choice 
to 
face 
it because 
it is 
nowy. 
238 
Finally, 
`present 
time' is 
described 
as an 
experience of 
being 
`in 
limbo' 
(Joanne), 
underlining 
a 
perception 
of 
the 
suspension 
of 
`their' 
time described 
by 
several 
diarists. 
Encounters 
with 
the 
assumptions of past and 
future 
time, 
the 
perceived 
and 
related 
stasis 
of present 
time 
and 
the 
interdependency 
of 
these 
times 
with my 
conceptualisation 
of notions 
of control and 
the 
body 
again 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of 
adopting 
a 
temporal 
perspective 
for 
a 
more 
developed 
understanding 
of 
women's 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
I 
explore 
this 
further 
below. 
Controlling 
time: 
coping 
strategies 
Outwardly, 
the 
issue 
of 
control manifests 
itself 
through 
narrated 
awareness 
of 
the 
impending 
disruption 
of 
lifestyles, daily 
norms and routines as 
the 
starting 
date for 
treatment 
approaches 
and 
is 
recounted 
by 
all 
diarists. However, 
at 
another 
level, 
the 
issue 
of control 
is 
related 
to 
and must 
be 
understood 
within 
a 
temporal 
dimension. 
More 
specifically, 
this 
can 
be 
seen 
through 
the 
importance 
attached 
to 
the 
ability 
to 
`plan life', 
negotiate 
the 
present 
and 
develop ideas 
for 
the 
future: 
Elaine: 
Also 
we've 
sort 
of put 
Life 
on 
hold 
again, pending 
treatment. 
I'm 
wondering 
whether 
to 
change 
career 
... 
apart 
from 
having 
to 
mull 
this 
over 
carefully anyway, 
it doesn't 
help having 
at 
the 
back 
of my 
mind 
`but if 
I'm 
successful 
in April I'll have 
a 
baby 
one year 
into 
my 
years 
training 
and really mess 
it 
up 
... 
it is 
galling 
to 
hear 
others 
"planning" 
the 
ideal 
time 
for 
their 
next 
progeny 
with 
confidence, 
and a 
lot 
of people 
think 
having 
1VF 
actually 
takes 
away 
that 
certainty and can 
be 
planned 
with 
accuracy 
- 
ha! 
ha! 
The 
difficulty 
of 
the 
perceived 
lack 
of control 
over 
both 
impending 
treatment 
and 
outcome 
is 
experienced 
at a 
day 
to 
day 
level, 
causing, 
at 
times, 
increasing 
anxiety, 
isolation 
and 
withdrawal: 
239 
Judith: 
Can't 
concentrate 
at work, 
so consumed 
with 
feelings. 
Want 
so 
badly 
to be 
pregnant 
- 
can't 
think 
of anvthina 
else 
... 
another 
month, 
another 
'failure 
... 
cannot 
really 
face 
talking 
to 
people, 
feel 
like 
on 
a short 
fuse 
... 
I just 
want 
to 
have 
some 
control 
and 
get 
my 
life in 
order again. 
Joanne: 
I 
will 
have 
to 
stop 
running, which will 
really 
depress 
me 
... 
I 
am not 
sure 
I 
can 
deal 
with 
this 
anymore 
... 
I do 
not really 
like 
who 
I have 
become 
and 
just 
hope 
when 
this 
is 
over 
this 
will 
change, 
regardless 
of 
the 
outcome. 
I 
find 
it difficult 
to 
find 
happiness 
in 
much 
and 
don't 
see 
the 
point of anything 
because 
don't know 
what 
will 
happen 
... 
I look 
forward 
to the 
weekends 
but 
then 
find I 
am not 
happy 
unless 
I 
am occupied 
... 
I feel 
like I 
am 
in 
limbo. 
Louise: / 
feel 
that 
I 
am constantly 
on 
the 
edge of 
that 
cliff 
in 
danger 
of going over. 
/ 
spend so much 
time 
on positive 
thinking, 
just to try to 
get me 
from 
day 
to 
day, but 
then 
a 
bit 
of 
the inner 
feeling 
forces its 
way out and 
I 
realise 
I 
am a complete 
mess 
inside. 
Then I hate 
myself 
for 
not 
being 
able 
to 
cope. 
A 
critical 
point 
can 
be 
raised 
here. Firstly, 
the 
emergence of 
the 
notion 
of 
control 
and 
particularly 
the 
suggestion concerning periods 
of 
being `out 
of 
control' 
suggest 
being 
`in 
control' prior 
to 
infertility 
and 
impending 
treatment. 
Secondly, 
this 
underlines 
the 
importance 
of exploring 
participants' movement 
in 
and 
out of 
control, 
the 
negotiation 
of and reflection upon 
these 
experiences 
and 
the 
issues 
that 
may 
arise within. 
For 
example: 
Louise: 
Being told 
to 
keep trying 
when 
you 
KNOW 
something 
is 
not 
right 
leads to 
a 
feeling 
of 
being 
out 
of control, which 
in 
turn 
leads to 
anxiety 
which 
in 
turn 
leads 
to 
depression. Now 
/ 
am 
starting 
IVF 
and 
I 
don't 
know 
how 
my 
body 
will 
react. 
Will it 
react 
to 
the 
drugs 
the 
way 
it 
should? 
Will it 
produce eggs? 
Too 
few? 
Too 
many? 
Good 
enough 
quality? 
Will it 
produce a 
lining 
for 
them 
to 
implant? 
Will 
it 
be 
able 
to 
keep 
them 
and nurture 
them 
in 
the 
way 
that 
it 
should 
... 
without 
me miscarrying 
them 
again? 
I 
can't 
tell 
my 
body 
what 
to 
do. 
/ 
can't make 
it 
react 
the 
way 
that 
it 
should. 
I 
can 
only 
hope that 
it 
will. 
I 
am 
talking 
about my 
body 
as 
if 
it 
were 
a 
third 
party. 
Joanne: 
Went 
for 
bloods 
yesterday and 
yes, 
I did 
ovulate. 
I 
told 
them 
I 
did, 
and 
at 
this 
point 
it 
seemed 
ridiculous 
to 
be 
tested. 
know 
my 
body 
too 
well. 
240 
Mary: 
I feel 
as 
if 
I 
have 
no control over 
not 
just 
my 
body 
but 
my 
whole 
life. 
Infertility 
affects so 
much. 
We have 
an 
important 
wedding 
anniversary, 
birthdays 
etc and 
I'm 
already 
thinking 
about 
treatment 
dates 
etc. 
I 
still 
feel 
disappointed 
every month 
when 
my 
period 
comes. 
My 
month 
is 
divided 
into 
two 
parts. 
One 
where 
I'm 
careful 
to 
watch 
what 
I 
eat 
- 
no peanuts, 
little if 
any 
alcohol 
etc 
and 
two 
weeks 
where 
I 
can 
lift heavy 
things 
etc 
... 
I have 
no 
control 
over 
my 
body. 
Nature 
appears 
to 
have little 
or 
no 
part 
- 
although 
I 
still 
hope 
... 
My future 
lies in 
the 
hands 
of others. 
Nurses, 
drug 
companies, 
Doctors, 
embryologists 
... 
so 
much 
of 
the treatment 
cycle 
is 
taken 
out of our 
hands 
yet our 
whole 
future 
is dependent 
on 
it. 
The 
perception 
of a 
lack 
of control 
and subsequent 
reflection 
begins 
to 
illuminate 
the 
beginnings 
of 
early 
`body 
talk' 
within 
diarists' 
narratives. 
The 
sections 
below 
and exploration 
of participants' 
movement 
through the 
(active) 
treatment 
period again 
focus 
on 
the 
thematic 
axes of 
time 
and control. 
Alongside 
these, 
I begin 
to 
illustrate 
the 
more explicit emergence of 
`body 
talk' 
and perceptions 
of 
the 
body, 
time 
and control 
as 
both 
co-dependent 
and 
interrelated. 
`Started At Last 
and 
Doing 
Something Active': 
public and private 
times 
Perceptions 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
`time' during 
treatment 
can again 
be 
viewed 
at a number 
of 
levels. 
Firstly, 
diarists 
describe 
more 
developed 
perceptions of 
time 
slowing 
down 
or 
standing 
still: 
Joanne: 
/ 
think 
the 
next 
month 
is 
going 
to 
drag by. I 
really 
hate 
the 
waiting 
... 
another 
gloomy 
day 
out 
there. 
Time 
for 
the 
weekend 
and 
more 
waiting. 
Anyway, 
/ 
am still 
in limbo. 
Elaine: 
I 
thought 
I 
was 
feeling 
a 
bit better having 
Started At Last 
and 
Doing 
Something 
Active 
but 
... 
I'm 
now sitting 
here 
waiting 
to 
explode 
or 
something. 
Wait 
till tomorrow 
when 
I 
start 
the 
drugs 
with 
the 
potential 
to 
be 
dangerous instead 
of 
just 
menopausal 
... 
meantime, 
I 
wait 
in 
suspense. 
Compared 
to 
the 
pre-treatment 
period, 
diarists' 
narratives 
now outline a 
reluctance 
to 
recount 
the 
past 
and 
the 
future, 
illustrating 
a 
`tightening' 
around 
241 
the 
present 
as 
participants 
experience 
treatment 
protocol. 
Again, 
this 
illustrates 
the importance 
of my 
focus 
on, and awareness 
of, 
silence 
and 
absence 
within 
the (temporal) 
narrative 
account. 
This 
focus 
illustrates 
temporality 
within 
diarists' 
narratives, 
moving 
from 
the 
inter-dependency 
of 
the 
past, present 
and 
the 
future 
to the 
constraints of 
time 
present. 
Further, 
thinking 
about 
both 
the 
future 
and 
the 
past 
is 
often seen 
as 
`obsessing' 
(Louise), 
underlining 
diarists' 
perceptions 
that these thoughts 
ought 
to 
be 
both 
restricted 
and controlled. 
Secondly, 
my 
identification 
of 
`public' 
and 
`private' 
times 
refers 
to 
diarists' 
recognition 
of 
two 
further 
and related 
understandings 
of 
time. 
First, 
a sense 
of 
`public' 
time 
or 
`impression 
management' and 
getting 
things 
done, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
wider 
expectations. 
Secondly, 
a 
`private' 
sense of 
time, 
incorporating 
more 
developed 
periods of reflection. 
Again, 
the 
diary 
remains 
central: 
Elaine: 
... 
sometimes 
things 
are 
better 
left 
unsaid 
on 
the 
outside. 
If 
you 
keep 
a 
diary 
they 
are 
sort of 
`said' 
yet 
still 
`unsaid', 
so 
you 
get 
the 
release 
without 
the 
fallout 
of someone 
else 
knowing 
your 
... 
thoughts! 
... 
I 
think 
it 
also 
helps 
that 
you 
can switch off 
the 
computer 
and 
what 
you've 
written 
disappears, 
whereas 
a paper 
diary 
- 
where 
do 
you 
put 
it? 
and 
then, 
Elaine: 
Will 
keep 
you 
posted. 
It's 
so 
hard 
to 
appear normal 
in 
the 
`outside 
world' 
when 
you've 
just been 
to 
a private moon and 
back 
over 
the 
weekend 
... 
Hospital 
is like 
a parallel 
planet 
but in 
a 
different 
time 
and 
place 
... 
especially weird and 
unrealistic. 
Diarists' 
narratives 
prove 
illuminating 
here, 
providing 
a 
window 
to 
reflection 
behind 
the 
`public 
mask', 
a 
process 
aided 
by 
the 
use of computer-mediated 
communication. 
For 
the 
purposes 
of my research, 
accessing 
and 
exploring 
242 
these differing 
temporal 
contexts 
and 
levels 
of management 
is 
critical 
for 
the 
development 
of 
an 
understanding 
of embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
This 
is 
a 
point 
I 
will 
again 
develop 
below 
in 
relation 
to 
notions 
of 
control 
and 
the 
subsequent 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
within 
diarists' 
narratives. 
Moving 
towards 
the 
end of 
the 
`active' 
treatment 
period, 
I 
underline 
temporal 
suspension 
within 
the 
diarists' 
narratives, 
a perception of 
limbo 
and 
time 
standing still. 
Diarists' 
narratives 
underline 
a reluctance 
to 
look 
to the 
past 
or 
the 
future 
and a narrative 
focus 
both 
explained 
and 
constrained 
by 
the 
difficulties 
of 
the 
present. 
At 
times, 
this 
results 
in 
withdrawal 
from 
the 
diary 
itself 
to, 
for 
example 
`get 
myself 
together 
again' 
(Elaine). 
Mary 
apologises 
for 
her 
diary 
entries 
being `restricted 
to thinking 
about 
treatment 
just 
now. 
I'm 
trying to 
concentrate 
on 
the 
day 
to 
day. I don't 
want 
to 
do 
anything out of 
the 
ordinary 
and 
I think 
my 
diary 
for 
this 
week 
might reflect 
this. 
The 
biographical 
narrative, 
the 
contextualisation 
of 
the 
self 
in 
relation 
to 
past 
assumptions 
and 
future 
expectations 
illustrated 
prior 
to 
active 
treatment 
is 
more noticeable 
by its 
absence 
or 
silence within 
diary 
narratives at 
this 
point. 
Again, 
this 
may 
arguably 
`say' 
nothing 
more 
than 
the 
result of participants 
both 
accustoming 
to 
and 
taking 
control of 
the 
diary format 
and 
experiencing 
the 
physical 
effects 
of 
treatment. 
However, I 
suggest 
the 
notion of 
`controlling 
time' 
may 
more 
effectively 
explain 
consistencies 
within 
diarists' 
narratives. 
To 
develop 
this 
further, 
the 
sometime 
reluctance 
to think 
out 
with 
the 
present 
can 
be described 
as 
a 
coping 
strategy 
during 
the 
period 
of active 
treatment. 
My 
initial 
understandings 
of 
the 
effect 
of 
this 
on 
diary 
entries suggested 
this 
took 
243 
two 
forms. 
Firstly 
several 
diarists' 
narratives 
during 
treatment 
are 
contracted, 
short 
and 
`staccato' 
and 
in 
marked contrast 
to 
entries 
during 
the 
pre-treatment 
period. 
Secondly, 
and 
again 
in 
contrast, remaining 
entries 
increase 
in 
content 
in 
relation 
to 
daily 
or 
incidental 
commentary. 
After 
my 
first 
reading, 
I 
had 
thought 
these 
effects 
negated 
each other. 
However, 
my 
layered 
analysis 
and 
more 
detailed 
attention 
to 
content/style/form and voice, 
showed 
these 
effects 
to 
be 
not contrasting 
but different facets 
of 
this 
same phenomenon. 
I 
use 
several 
extracts 
as 
illustration here: 
Louise: 
Although / 
find 
tx 
(treatment) incredibly 
stressful, 
/ 
am so 
glad 
to 
be having 
it 
as 
I feel 
that 
at 
least 
we 
are 
trying 
and we are 
getting 
somewhere, 
event 
if 
it 
ends up 
being 
closer 
to 
a 
decision 
to 
adopt, 
or 
at 
worse, 
the 
realisation 
that 
we 
will 
never 
have 
children 
... 
I 
must stop 
thinking 
like 
this, 
day by 
day just 
now. 
Approaching 
the 
end of 
`active' 
treatment, 
Louise's 
commentary 
suggests 
she 
occasionally 
permits 
herself 
to 
think to 
the 
future 
and 
to 
hope but 
subsequently 
draws 
herself 
back 
to the 
present. 
At 
times, 
these 
more 
reflective 
periods 
at 
this 
stager 
are 
followed 
by brief 
diary 
withdrawal. 
For 
example, 
the 
three 
extracts 
below 
are entered 
on 
consecutive 
days by 
Suzanne: 
Suzanne: 
I 
bit 
of 
a 
blank 
day, 
where 
1 
did 
nothing 
out of 
the 
ordinary, 
or 
remotely 
inspiring. 
I 
even 
forgot to 
do 
this 
diary. 
and 
then 
Please 
find 
attached 
this 
weeks 
diary. 
I 
feel I've 
not really 
mentioned 
much 
about 
the 
treatment 
this 
week 
but 
... 
I'm 
really 
trying 
not 
to 
think 
about 
it 
too 
much 
as 
last time 
round 
I 
obsessed 
a 
bit. 
Then 
in 
response 
to 
my 
general 
feedback 
contact, 
I'm 
finding 
the 
process 
of 
organising my 
thoughts 
into 
a 
diary 
quite 
therapeutic, 
as 
I'm taking 
some 
dedicated time 
out 
... 
to 
explore 
my 
feelings 
and 
reactions 
to 
events 
and 
other 
people 
... 
I 
am 
recording 
some 
things 
that 
I 
would not 
normally 
give 
voice 
to. 
244 
Although 
entered 
on 
consecutive 
days, 
the 
three 
extracts 
above 
appear 
conflicting. 
The 
first 
(whole 
day) 
extract 
is brief in 
comparison 
to 
Suzanne's 
general 
diary 
entries. 
The 
second 
extract 
almost apologises 
for 
her 
week's 
diary, 
advising 
she 
has 
been 
trying to 
avoid 
dwelling 
on 
things 
too 
much. 
The 
next 
day 
and, 
apparently 
in 
contrast, 
Suzanne 
underlines 
the 
therapeutic 
benefits 
of 
keeping 
the 
diary 
itself. 
On 
the 
one 
hand 
and 
to 
repeat, 
this 
type 
of peculiarity 
within 
the 
narratives 
may simply 
be 
a product 
of 
the 
perceived 
difficulties 
of 
research participation 
and 
both 
researcher/researched 
and 
researched/researcher 
assumptions. 
The 
act 
of asking 
even a general 
feed-back 
questions 
may cause 
`ripples 
in 
the 
pond'. 
Participants 
may 
wonder 
why 
a question 
is 
asked 
and 
what, 
perhaps, 
is `wrong' 
with 
their 
participation. 
However, 
at 
the 
start 
of 
this 
project, 
I 
agreed with 
diarists 
that 
I 
would make regular contact 
to 
offer 
the 
opportunity 
to 
discuss 
participation 
and any potential 
difficulties 
experienced. 
As diarists 
became 
more 
accustomed 
to 
my 
contacts, 
I hoped 
that this 
would 
dilute 
this 
impact 
as 
diary keeping 
progressed. 
However, 
taking 
a 
more 
holistic 
view 
I 
suggest 
that 
periods of 
diary 
contraction, 
expansion 
and 
withdrawal, 
alongside 
notions 
of 
temporal 
suspension, 
illustrate 
the 
effects 
of 
diarists' 
perception 
of movement 
in 
and 
out 
of control 
and, 
relatedly, 
more 
developed 
reflection. 
Diarists 
begin 
to 
`suspend' 
reflection 
as 
`active' 
treatment 
begins 
and 
perceptions of 
levels 
of 
control move 
or 
change. 
The 
above 
extracts 
illustrate 
that 
the 
diary itself 
becomes 
part 
of 
the 
strategy 
of 
control maintenance 
which 
I 
explore 
in 
more 
245 
detail 
below. 
However, 
paradoxically, 
this 
strategy 
itself 
provides 
a 
point 
of 
research 
access 
that 
would 
not 
be immediately 
available 
using 
more 
commonplace 
research 
approaches. 
Further below I 
will 
develop 
the 
significance 
of 
this 
strategy 
in 
relation 
to the 
emergence of 
`body 
talk' 
and 
understanding 
embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
Again, I 
use narrative 
extracts 
to 
illustrate 
the 
differing facets 
of 
the 
notion 
of 
control as 
diarists 
move 
from 
approaching 
treatment through to 
the 
end 
of 
the 
active 
treatment 
period. 
Commencing 
treatment, 
diarists 
again 
describe 
an 
initial loss 
of control: 
Joanne: / 
am 
feeling 
like I just 
can't 
deal 
with everything 
... 
1 just 
wish 
I had 
someone 
to talk to 
... 
/ 
am 
feeling 
very upset and 
angry 
right now, everything 
is 
out of my 
hands 
... 
this 
is 
never 
going 
to 
happen 
anyway and 
to 
go 
through 
this 
emotional 
turmoil 
and 
spend 
all 
this 
money 
for 
nothing 
... 
Judith: 
Received 
schedule 
from 
clinic, 
think they 
have filled 
the 
dates in 
wrong 
... 
I hate 
not 
knowing 
the 
plan 
... 
need 
to 
book 
time 
off work 
... 
I 
need 
my 
life in 
order. 
Elaine, however, 
appears 
to 
contradict, 
at 
first 
expressing 
delight 
starting 
treatment, 
`As 
always, 
I 
feel better 
for 
some positive 
action' and 
underlining 
a 
sense of 
part 
control 
over 
treatment 
procedures. 
Moving 
to the 
particular, 
Elaine's 
circumstances 
and 
treatment 
protocol 
had 
significantly altered 
since 
the 
previous 
cycle 
of 
treatment. 
This is initially 
perceived as 
positive: moving 
from funded to 
private 
treatment, 
related 
increase 
in 
control 
and choosing 
when 
to 
start 
treatment, 
more 
widespread 
changes 
in 
treatment 
protocol 
including 
self-administration 
of 
injections, 
less direct 
contact with 
the 
clinic 
and reduction 
of 
working 
hours. 
However, 
as 
treatment 
moves 
forward, 
Elaine's 
commentary 
changes: 
246 
For 
a 
start 
I 
didn't 
realise 
the 
solution phials were glass 
... 
tried 
to 
open 
it 
with 
scissors 
... 
and sprayed myself and 
the 
carpet 
with 
shards. 
Then 
the liquid 
was staggeringly 
difficult 
to 
get 
up 
the 
needle 
... 
and 
the GP 
saying 
"don't 
spill any" 
because 
of 
the 
costs 
and 
the 
clinic's 
instructions 
that the 
drugs have 
to 
be 
given 
accurately 
... 
I 
feel 
so 
utterly responsible 
... 
On 
top 
of 
all 
this is 
trying 
to keep 
(daughter) 
at 
bay 
... 
I don't 
want 
her 
sticking 
a 
needle 
into 
herself 
(what 
a good 
game, eh) 
and especially 
I 
don't 
want 
her 
telling 
everyone 
at school 
that 
`Mummy 
is 
shooting 
herself 
up 
in 
the 
mornings' 
then, 
I have been 
surprised 
at 
how 
on my 
own 
I feel 
... 
they don't 
want 
to 
see me at all 
until 
day 9 
... 
A friend 
who 
hasn't 
seen me since 
... 
rang and 
she 
kept 
saying 
I 
sounded 
world weary and 
tired 
- 
was actually 
making 
a supreme 
effort 
to 
sound 
bouncy 
and 
normal 
... 
This 
is 
a 
hell 
of a 
waiting game, 
isn't it? 
My 
dad 
used 
to 
define 
the 
army as 
`hurry 
up and 
wait' 
- 
got 
it in 
one 
for 
1 VF. 
We're 
only on 
day 6,3 
more 
days 
to 
go 
before 
a scan 
to 
say 
whether 
all 
these 
needles 
are 
doing 
anything 
in 
there 
... 
it's 
so out 
of my 
hands. 
Moving 
from 
a more positive and 
confident start 
to 
`active' 
treatment 
and 
underlining 
Elaine's initial 
perceptions of 
being `in 
control', 
Elaine's 
narrative 
subsequently recounts 
difficulties, leading 
to 
perceptions 
of 
both isolation 
and 
loss 
of control. 
Again, 
the 
importance 
of 
layered 
reading must 
be 
emphasised 
here. 
This 
section 
describes the 
`maintenance' 
of 
control, a strategy not explicitly 
referred 
to 
by 
diarists 
but 
revealed 
through the 
series of 
layered 
readings and 
attention 
to 
content, 
context, 
voice, 
style and 
form 
of 
diary 
entries. 
This 
again 
underlines 
my 
point 
that 
attention 
to 
narrative 
context 
alone 
is 
not sufficient 
to 
explore experience 
in this 
field. An 
exploration 
of content 
must 
also 
work 
alongside 
an 
exploration 
of 
how 
it is 
revealed 
and 
also 
what 
may 
be 
silent 
within 
the 
account. 
The 
significance 
of control 
maintenance 
here 
concerns 
participants' 
attempts 
at 
maintaining 
control, 
rather 
than 
its 
success: 
247 
Joanne: 
My 
head 
is 
pounding 
from 
Lupron 
and 
not enough 
food. 
know 
it 
is 
silly 
but 
I 
feel 
when 
I 
restrict 
my 
food 
intake 
... 
I have 
more 
control 
over 
all 
these 
things 
I 
do 
not. 
It is 
at 
least 
something 
I 
can 
focus 
on 
that 
makes 
me 
feel 
good. 
Then, 
the 
following 
day, 
This 
experience 
is 
overwhelming 
and 
all consuming. 
Even 
though 
/ 
work 
very 
hard, 
there is 
not much 
time 
goes 
by 
that 
/ 
am 
not 
thinking 
about 
this, 
even 
if it 
is 
at 
the 
back 
of my 
head. 
Joanne's 
narrative underlines 
the 
inability 
to 
maintain 
any 
degree 
of control, 
either 
physically or emotionally, 
describing 
her 
treatment 
as 
`all 
consuming' 
Joanne' 
entries 
describe 
this 
in 
more 
detail, including: 
the 
voluntary 
decision 
to 
work 
to 
excess, 
the 
reluctance 
to 
return 
home 
at 
the 
end 
of 
the 
day 
and 
preference 
to 
work 
at 
the 
weekend, 
`... 
anything 
to 
avoid 
thinking too 
much'. 
The 
restriction 
of 
food intake 
can 
be 
described 
as a 
`strategy 
of resistance' or 
alternative 
means 
of attempting 
to 
regain 
some 
form 
of 
`bodily 
control', 
mirroring 
recent 
work 
in 
a 
related 
field35 
Louise's diary 
entries 
are 
less 
explicit: 
Just 
a 
quick 
note 
to 
say 
hello 
and 
to 
say 
that the 
drugs 
are really 
affecting 
me now 
-I 
am 
tired, 
hormonal, 
stressed, 
low 
and 
anxious. 
Apart 
from 
that, 
I 
feel fine. 
I 
am 
trying to 
stay positive, 
after 
all 
its 
only 
a 
few 
weeks 
and 
then 
it 
will 
be 
over, 
but I have 
to 
say 
I 
am 
hating 
this 
part 
of 
tx 
(treatment). 
Then, 
the 
next 
day 
should 
be 
more 
positive, 
I 
know 
... 
I 
must 
concentrate 
on 
the 
thought 
it 
might 
work. 
Just 
so 
tired 
and 
fed 
up 
of 
it 
all 
but 
not 
for 
much 
longer. 
I 
will, 
/ 
must 
concentrate 
on 
the thought 
it 
might 
work. 
I'll 
stop 
now 
... 
write 
more 
soon 
(original 
emphasis). 
The 
extracts 
above 
more 
implicitly 
underline 
the 
notion 
of 
control 
maintenance. 
Despite 
more 
fully 
documenting 
the 
effects 
of 
high 
dosage 
(and 
potentially 
dangerous) 
hormonal 
drugs, Louise 
advises 
`apart 
from 
that, 
I feel 
35 
See 
MacSween's 
1995 
sociological 
and 
feminist 
perspective 
on anorexia. 
248 
fine', 
a 
comment 
which 
appears 
contradictory. 
Louise 
subsequently 
ceases 
recording 
diary 
entries 
for 
several 
days. 
Diarists' 
narrative 
illustrates 
the 
effects of 
the 
perceived 
loss 
of 
control 
and 
attempts 
at 
control 
maintenance. 
The 
significance of 
time 
as 
both 
a 
conceptual 
and analytical 
tool 
can 
be 
seen 
through the 
anaesthetising 
of 
past 
assumptions 
and 
future 
expectations, 
the 
related need 
to 
distract 
and, 
at 
times, 
withdrawal 
from 
the 
diary itself. 
This 
also 
links directly back 
to 
my 
previous notion of 
`reflective 
movement': 
diary 
narratives 
may open 
up, close 
down, be 
explicit about 
the 
negotiation 
of 
a problem, or, 
through 
layered 
and 
time-tracked 
readings, 
display 
withdrawal, 
inability 
to 
cope or 
reluctance 
to 
confront or 
face 
issues, 
a 
process which, 
ironically, 
may require researcher- 
exclusion. 
The 
notion 
of 
control and 
the 
differing 
facets I 
have 
explored 
above, can 
be 
used 
to 
make 
sense 
of 
illustrated 
consistencies within 
the 
data. The 
following 
section 
elaborates 
these 
notions 
more 
directly in 
relation 
to the thus 
far 
`absent body' 
within 
my analysis. 
Body 
narratives: 
emergent 
encounters 
As 
I have 
outlined, 
`body 
talk' 
during 
the 
approach 
to 
active 
treatment 
is 
more noticeable 
by its 
absence 
from diary 
narratives 
than 
its 
presence within. 
This `absence' 
has 
been 
exposed 
through 
my 
temporal 
approach 
to 
analysis, 
a 
point 
illustrated 
as 
I 
move 
backwards 
and 
forwards 
through 
identified 
narrative 
phases. 
Thus 
far, 
I have 
attributed 
this 
absence 
to 
notions 
of control 
249 
reduction and 
maintenance, 
temporal 
contraction 
and related 
notion 
of 
reflective movement 
as 
participants' 
journey 
through 
the 
experience 
of 
treatment. 
The following 
sections 
identify 
how, 
when 
and 
in 
what 
form 
`body 
talk' 
emerges 
through 
participants' 
narratives and 
the 
potential significance 
of 
this 
in 
relation 
to 
my research 
project as a 
whole. 
During 
the 
period of active 
treatment, 
`body 
talk' 
is 
noticeable 
by its 
emergent 
presence within 
diarists' 
narrative: 
the 
recounting of 
the 
effects of 
drugs, 
related 
concerns and 
the 
experience 
of physical symptoms. 
`Encountering' the 
body, in 
this 
respect, 
is 
not a continuous process 
but 
one 
that 
may 
occur 
during 
perceived periods 
of 
`confrontation' 
with 
the 
body, 
particularly 
during the 
(self) 
administration 
of 
treatment, 
waiting 
for 
a 
`reaction' 
and 
subsequently 
experiencing 
the 
effects: 
Judith: 
Have 
pain 
like 
period/cramp/wind 
feeling 
... 
tummy tender 
feel 
sick 
too 
... 
worry 
I 
might 
be 
over-stimulated, 
tummy 
is 
really 
aching. 
Took 
Temazepam 
and off 
to 
sleep. 
The 
next 
day, 
Took 
Temazepam 
and 
then 
left 
for 
clinic 
... 
later 
was 
sick again 
... 
very 
tired 
and 
aching 
abdomen 
... 
we 
had 26 
follicles, 21 
eggs 
... 
ovaries 
feel 
tender, 
like 
a 
stitch 
that 
doesn't 
go away. 
Feeling 
really 
tired. 
Just 
dug 
out 
last info 
on 
IVF. 
It has 
a small 
paragraph 
on 
OHSS36. 
Symptoms 
are nausea, 
enlarged 
ovaries causing 
pain 
and 
swelling 
... 
now 
I 
am 
starting 
to 
worry. 
Elaine: 
I 
woke 
early 
again 
today, 
coughing 
has 
restarted. 
I've 
started 
the 
headaches 
which 
again 
I 
understand 
are 
normal 
menopausal 
symptoms 
of 
Buserulin37. 
I 
feel 
bloated 
and 
I've 
had 
a 
`runny tummy' 
for 
a 
few days 
- 
now 
is 
this 
from 
the 
drugs 
or 
is it 
because 
I 
drank 
a 
litre 
of 
tomato 
juice? Do I 
have 
sinus pain 
and 
headaches 
because 
of 
the 
drugs 
or 
because I have 
a 
cold? 
Do I 
have 
mood 
swings 
all 
the 
time 
because 
of 
the 
drugs 
or 
because 
36 
Ovarian 
Hyper 
Stimulation 
Syndrome 
-a 
potentially 
dangerous 
reaction 
to 
the 
drug induced 
stimulation 
of 
the 
ovaries, 
used 
to 
produce 
enough eggs 
to 
use 
in 
the 
fertilisation 
process. 
Those 
experiencing 
this 
may 
have 
the 
current 
treatment 
cycle 
delayed 
or 
cancelled. 
3' 
Treatment 
drug 
250 
this 
is 
a 
stressful 
time 
and 
/ 
react 
to that 
by 
having 
mood 
swings? 
My 
stomach 
is 
sticking 
out 
horribly 
but 
then 
it has 
done 
for 
months 
- 
is 
it 
Full 
of 
Follicles 
or am 
/just 
eating more 
biscuits? 
The importance 
of asking 
questions 
of 
the 
data 
cannot 
be 
over-emphasised 
here. In 
particular, 
why 
this 
type 
of 
`body 
talk' 
within 
the 
narrative 
and 
at 
this 
point? 
Again, I 
could 
suggest 
that this 
is 
the 
result 
of 
the treatment 
protocol 
itself. 
Before 
treatment 
commenced, 
a number of 
diarists 
expressed 
their 
concern 
regarding 
the 
effects 
of 
drugs, 
a concern 
that 
soon 
passed 
with 
the 
anticipation 
of 
impending 
treatment. 
As 
the 
above extracts 
illustrate, 
during 
active 
treatment, 
this 
concern 
becomes 
increasingly 
prominent once more. 
However, I 
also suggest an alternative 
viewpoint. 
The 
emergence of 
this type 
of 
body 
narrative exposes a number of 
issues 
for 
consideration, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
developing 
temporal 
understanding 
in 
this 
field, 
the 
effect 
of 
the 
differing 
facets 
of 
the 
notion of control 
and reflective movement 
through the 
treatment 
journey, 
as 
I have 
described 
above. 
Before 
I develop 
this 
point 
further, I 
guide 
the 
reader 
to 
a number of 
narrative extracts, 
drawing 
particular 
attention 
to 
the 
narrative 
voice 
in 
relation 
to 
body 
narratives. 
Elaine: 
3 
more 
days to 
go 
before 
a 
scan 
to 
say whether 
all 
those 
needles 
are 
doing 
anything 
at all 
in there 
... 
I'm diligently 
stabbing 
myself 
each 
morning 
... 
I'm 
assuming 
nothing 
is happening in 
there 
so 
why 
spend 
all 
this 
money 
and 
do 
this to 
my 
aching 
system 
at 
all? 
I lay 
last 
night with 
my 
hands 
on 
my 
tummy, 
willing 
my 
eggs 
to 
develop. 
Louise: 
I 
think 
I 
told 
you 
before 
I 
feel like 
my 
body isn't 
mine. 
I 
am 
becoming 
increasingly 
nervous. 
It's 
very 
strange 
injecting 
yourself 
with 
loads 
of 
drugs 
and 
you 
can't see what 
effect 
they 
are 
actually 
having 
in there 
... 
anything 
could 
be happening inside 
and 
I 
wouldn't 
know. 
Going 
to 
go and stab my poor old 
body 
now with 
an 
injection 
full 
of 
something 
nasty 
that 
will 
keep 
shutting 
down 
what 
hormone 
producing 
functions I have 
... 
No 
wonder 
it doesn't 
seem 
to 
like 
me 
much! 
I 
haven't 
been 
very 
nice 
to 
it 
recently! 
251 
Suzanne: 
Getting 
a 
bit 
obsessive 
(on 
the 
quiet) 
about 
what's 
going 
on 
down 
there. 
Moving 
through 
the 
drug 
regime, 
subsequent 
egg 
collection, 
fertilisation 
and 
embryo 
transfer, 
diarists 
begin 
to 
underline 
an awareness 
that the 
success 
or 
failure 
of 
treatment has 
become 
less 
dependent 
on 
bodily 
regulation 
by 
drugs 
and 
monitoring. 
As Louise 
narrates, 
all 
is dependent 
on 
her body 
and 
its 
ability 
to 
`react 
the 
way 
that 
it 
should', 
to 
wait and see 
whether 
`it 
will 
produce 
a 
lining for 
them to 
implant 
... 
Will 
it be 
able 
to 
hold 
them 
and 
nurture 
them in 
the 
way 
that 
it 
should? 
' 
I 
outline 
here 
a sense 
of 
the 
`passive' 
or 
`abstracted' 
body, being 
set 
aside 
and 
being 
`treated' 
alongside 
an 
increasing 
sense of 
the 
separation 
or 
objectification 
of 
the 
self and 
the 
body. Again, 
attention 
to 
layered 
reading 
has 
proven critical, particular 
reading 
for 
voice, 
style 
and 
form 
changes 
alongside 
participant negotiation 
of 
the 
experience of 
treatment 
itself. I 
argue 
notions 
of 
control and 
time 
as central 
thematic 
axes 
begin 
to 
make sense of 
how 
the 
body 
is both 
perceived 
and 
`talked' 
about 
by 
diarists. I 
use 
the 
following 
thematic 
summary 
boxes 
(Table 4) 
as 
illustration 
prior 
to 
my exploration of 
diarists' 
experiences 
after 
the 
period 
of active 
treatment 
has been 
completed 
in 
the 
following 
sections. 
252 
Table 4: Thematic 
Summary 
Control: Keywords 
Pre-treatment 
" 
Control: A life 
on 
hold 
" 
In 
and 
out of control 
" 
Controlling 
reflection 
During 
Treatment 
" 
Control 
reduction 
" 
Control 
maintenance 
" 
Controlling 
reflection 
Time: Keywords 
Pre-treatment 
" 
Past, 
present, 
future 
" 
Setting 
the 
scene 
" 
Contextualisation 
" 
Confronting 
time 
During 
Treatment 
" 
Suspending 
time 
" 
Public 
and 
private 
time 
" 
Controlling 
time 
Afterwards: 
meaning 
making 
and moving on 
Body: Keywords 
Pre-treatment 
0 
The 
absent 
body 
During 
Treatment 
" 
Encountering 
the 
body 
" 
`Body 
talk' 
" 
The 
objectified 
body 
The 
aim of 
this 
final 
section 
is 
to 
explore 
diarists' 
narrative 
and 
experiences 
after 
active 
treatment 
has been 
completed. 
I 
raise 
points 
for 
consideration 
here 
which 
I 
will 
develop 
further in 
the 
following 
chapter, 
bringing together 
life 
story 
and 
diary 
analysis 
within 
the 
context of 
my 
thesis 
as 
a 
whole. 
At 
this 
point, 
all 
diarists 
are 
moving 
forward 
from 
active 
treatment. 
Five 
diarists 
experience 
`the 
roller-coaster 
two 
week 
wait' 
(Suzanne) 
post embryo 
transfer. 
Diarists 
must 
wait 
a 
minimum 
of 
fourteen 
days before 
testing 
for 
pregnancy. 
For 
Elaine, the 
treatment 
cycle was 
finally 
cancelled 
due 
to 
`failure 
to 
respond 
to 
the 
drugs, 
they 
told 
me'. 
It is 
important 
here to 
underline 
that the 
significance 
of 
infertility 
as 
a 
field 
of 
exploration 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
is 
not 
dependent 
upon 
and 
should 
not 
be 
explored 
in 
relation 
to 
either 
success 
or 
failure. 
A 
number 
of 
the 
issues 
I 
raise 
below 
represent 
commonalities 
across 
diary 
narratives, 
irrespective 
of 
whether 
diarists 
encounter 
the 
cancellation 
of 
treatment, 
success or 
final 
failure. 
253 
Further, 
until 
this 
point 
I have 
been 
able 
to 
explore 
the thematic 
axes 
of 
time, 
control 
and 
the body 
separately 
through 
diarists' 
narratives. 
However, 
during 
this 
period, 
these 
axes 
move closer 
together, 
illustrating 
both 
their 
interrelatedness 
and 
interdependency. 
I 
outline a 
number of 
issues 
below, 
again using narrative 
extract 
as 
illustration 
and also exploring 
the 
experience 
through the 
three 
stages 
underlined 
by diarists 
themselves: 
`waiting', 
`outcome' 
and 
`moving 
on'. 
Approaching 
the 
future: 
confronting 
time 
Awaiting 
the 
outcome of 
treatment, diarists' 
conceptualisation 
of 
time 
becomes less 
restrained. 
The future, 
if briefly, is 
perceived as moving 
within 
reach once 
more. 
In 
particular, 
diarists 
narrative 
illustrates 
the 
conflict 
between 
needing 
`to know 
the 
future' 
(Joanne) 
and 
inability 
to 
resist 
looking 
forward 
yet 
being 
`unable 
to 
think 
it 
through 
properly' 
(Joanne): 
Louise: 
So 
now 
I have 
gone 
through the 
symbolic rainbow/magpie 
phase, 
I 
am 
now onto 
the 
`every-physical-symptom-going-is-a- 
sign-that-l-am 
pregnant' 
phase. 
So 
I 
get a cramp and 
think that 
something 
must 
be 
happening down 
there 
(turns 
out 
it's 
a 
bit 
of 
trapped 
wind 
I 
think! 
). Are 
my 
boobs 
more 
tender than 
normal? 
(Only 
when 
I 
keep 
grabbing 
them to 
find 
out). 
Do I 
feel 
a 
bit 
sick? 
(yes it's 
called 
nerves). 
In 
actual 
fact, 
I 
feel 
completely 
normal, 
the 
same 
as 
I 
feel 
every 
other month 
... 
I 
need 
to 
stop 
doing 
this 
... 
one 
day 
at a 
time. 
The 
difficulties 
of 
this 
waiting 
period are 
further 
expressed 
in 
relation 
to 
advancing age. 
A 
number 
of 
diarists 
are approaching 
what 
is 
perceived as 
`the 
end 
of 
my 
time 
to 
conceive' 
(Elaine), 
where 
the 
decision 
to 
`move 
on' and 
out 
of 
treatment 
is 
perceived 
as 
both 
enforced and 
out 
with 
their 
control. 
The 
remaining 
diarists 
are 
at 
comparatively 
earlier 
stages 
of 
treatment 
yet 
these 
perceptions 
remain 
strongly 
in 
evidence: 
254 
Louise: 
Just 
remember 
- 
40-something, 
no womb, 
40-something, 
no 
womb. 
It 
will 
be 
my 
new chant 
(Sorry 
to 
all women 
who 
are 
40- 
something 
with 
no 
womb, 
I 
am not 
picking 
on you especially). 
Elaine: 
I 
feel 
I 
cheated 
the 
age 
barrier 
by 
succeeding 
at 
1VF 
last 
time 
... 
but 
now 
I feel 
time is 
not on my side 
... 
Infertility isn't 
just 
one 
big 
failure, 
it's 
a steady 
drip 
of 
little 
failures 
every single month. 
Judith: Time 
is 
running 
through 
my 
hands 
and running out. 
I feel 
like 
one of 
those 
egg 
timers 
with sand 
- 
no matter 
how 
tightly 
I 
shut 
my 
fingers, 
some 
always seeps 
through. 
Although 
the 
future 
still remains 
unclear and uncertain, 
this 
further 
illustrates 
the 
importance 
of a 
temporal 
and 
layered 
analytic strategy 
to 
contextualise 
the 
content of 
diarists' 
reflection. 
Again, 
this 
is 
a point 
I 
will 
develop 
further 
below 
in 
relation 
to 
diarists' `body 
talk' 
during 
this 
period. 
The 
time 
post-embryo 
transfer 
is described 
as 
`an 
emotionally and 
physically 
traumatic 
roller-coaster 
ride' 
(Elaine). Facing 
the 
result 
is, 
not 
surprisingly, 
a 
difficult 
process: 
Mary: 
We both 
knew 
what 
the 
result 
was going 
to 
be but 
are 
still 
disappointed. 
Feel like 
you 
have 
lost 
control 
of your 
life 
again 
... 
I 
just 
cannot 
be bothered 
with 
any 
kind 
of 
change. 
I 
want 
control of 
my 
life 
again 
to 
see 
what 
might 
be 
ahead 
... 
I 
feel 
resentful 
that 
choices 
have 
been taken 
away 
from 
me. 
My life, in 
the 
past 
ten 
years, 
has 
not 
gone 
the 
way 
I 
expected 
... 
my 
future lies in 
the 
hands 
of 
others 
-I 
can't 
plan 
the 
next 
stage of 
my 
life 
until 
complete 
this 
mission!!! 
I don't think 
I have 
ever 
been 
as 
honest 
about 
how 
I 
feel 
about 
infertility. 
Keeping this 
diary 
... 
has 
made 
me 
confront 
some 
of 
the 
emotions 
which 
have 
been 
stifled 
for 
so 
long. 
It 
has 
forced 
me 
to take 
a 
long 
hard look 
at 
my 
life 
and 
understand 
the 
impact 
infertility 
has 
had 
on 
it 
... 
I 
find I 
want 
to 
complete 
the 
diary 
as a way 
of releasing 
the tensions 
that 
have 
built 
up. 
Suzanne: 
Went 
for 
a 
long 
walk 
with 
(partner) 
and 
didn't 
really 
talk 
about 
it 
at 
all. 
He 
reckons 
I'm 
daft for 
testing 
so 
early, 
but 
suppose 
I'm 
cowardly 
at 
heart 
and 
just 
can't 
face 
up 
to 
my period 
starting 
with 
no 
warning. 
We 
went 
to the 
garden centre 
to 
get 
compost 
and 
somehow 
ended up 
buying 
yet another 
variety 
of 
tomato 
seeds 
... 
I 
feel 
quite 
numb and 
totally 
unready 
to 
face 
the 
future, 
whatever 
it 
holds 
for 
us. 
255 
The 
above 
extracts 
characterise 
the 
four 
diarists 
experiencing 
unsuccessful 
treatment, 
either 
through 
a 
cancelled 
treatment 
cycle, early menstruation 
or 
negative 
pregnancy 
test. 
The 
difficulty 
moving 
from 
the 
present 
is 
again 
compounded 
by 
the 
perceived 
inability 
to 
plan 
the 
future. 
Subsequently, 
Elaine, 
Joanne 
and 
Suzanne 
advised 
they 
were withdrawing 
from 
diary- 
keeping: 
Elaine: / 
need 
a rest 
from 
it 
all at 
the 
moment 
... 
we'll 
just have 
to 
retreat 
to 
lick 
our 
wounds 
again 
for 
a 
while until 
we 
bounce 
back 
... 
will write again 
when 
have 
something 
to 
report. 
Chin 
up 
time! 
Joanne: I 
am 
trying 
not 
to think 
too 
much, 
/ 
can't 
write 
just 
now 
... 
am not 
feeling 
equipped 
to 
deal 
with 
this, 
I don't 
want 
to 
go 
on 
and 
never 
have 
a child 
but I don't 
have 
a say 
in 
that 
... 
I 
can't 
sleep very much. 
Well, 
I 
guess 
this is 
the 
end of 
the journal 
as 
the 
journey has 
now ended. 
Judith 
and 
Louise both 
receive a positive 
pregnancy result. 
After initial 
celebrations, 
the 
above extracts 
also 
characterise 
their 
experiences. 
Both 
express a sense 
of 
disbelief, 
compounded 
by immediate 
reflection 
on past 
failures, 
miscarriages 
and uncertainty 
surrounding 
what 
the 
future 
might 
hold. 
They 
are 
both 
aware 
- 
`and / have been 
warned 
by 
the 
clinic' 
(Louise) 
- 
that 
an 
early 
pregnancy 
may 
be 
a non-viable 
`chemical 
pregnancy' 
and 
the 
result 
of 
high 
level hormone-inducing 
drugs 
affecting subsequent pregnancy 
testing 
and 
inducing 
a positive 
result. 
Judith 
and 
Louise 
also experience early and 
severe 
bleeding. 
Both 
withdraw 
from diary 
keeping 
for brief 
periods. 
Perhaps 
critically, 
the 
diary 
becomes 
an 
integral 
part of 
the 
experience 
itself. 
256 
The 
body: 
experience 
and 
context 
However, 
prior 
to 
periods 
of 
withdrawal, 
more explicit 
`body 
talk' 
emerges 
once more 
within 
diarists 
narratives. 
Through 
my analysis, 
I have 
set 
the 
scene 
for 
the 
movement 
and 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
within 
diary 
narratives. 
I 
have 
illustrated 
the 
absence 
of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
emergence and subsequent 
abstraction 
or 
objectification 
of 
the 
body 
through the 
narratives 
(See 
box 
three 
above). 
In 
this 
section, 
I 
outline 
further 
changes 
in body 
narrative. 
Early 
narration 
during 
this 
period again 
underlines 
my previous notion of 
the 
`abstracted' 
or 
`objectified' body, 
more 
specifically 
in 
relation 
to 
perceptions of 
failure: 
Elaine: 
Infertility has 
had 
a 
huge impact 
on 
my perception of my 
body 
... 
the 
first 
time 
I've 
run 
into 
a 
brick 
wall with 
something 
by 
body 
has 
failed in. 
Mary: 
I 
feel 
a 
failure 
... 
for 
two 
years 
I'd forgotten 
or repressed 
those 
feelings 
and 
now 
for 
me 
I have 
an overwhelming sense 
of 
failure back 
again. 
I've been 
failed by 
my 
body, I've 
failed 
as a 
woman, 
failed 
as a wife 
and 
now 
failed 
as a mother 
to 
give 
a 
sibling. 
Suzanne: 
/ 
feel 
mocked 
by 
my 
own 
body. Don't 
know if 1 
can 
face 
another 
treatment. 
Right 
now 
just 
want 
control 
of my 
life 
and 
my 
body 
back 
again. 
However, 
attention 
to 
my 
layered 
and 
temporal 
analytic 
strategy 
and 
in 
particular 
focusing 
on 
the 
voice 
and 
style 
of 
diarists' 
narration, 
a change 
is 
perceived 
through 
several 
narratives. 
This 
movement 
also mirrors 
Lindemann's 
(1997) 
identification 
of 
three 
levels 
of 
the 
body: 
the 
objectified 
body, 
the 
experiencing 
body 
and 
the 
experienced 
body. For 
example 
and 
using 
Elaine's 
narrative 
as 
illustration 
and paying 
attention 
to 
how 
diarists 
speak 
about 
themselves 
through 
change 
in 
voice and 
the 
use 
of personal 
257 
pronoun 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998), Elaine's 
early 
diary 
narrative 
describes 
her 
body 
through 
the 
treatment 
passage as 
the 
object 
of 
treatment: 
I 
wonder 
if 
anything 
is 
going 
on 
in 
there' 
and 
then 
`it hasn't 
reacted 
yet' 
(my 
emphasis). 
After 
the 
subsequent 
cancellation 
of 
treatment, 
the 
voice 
of 
Elaine's 
narrative 
changes 
to: 
I 
wasn't responding 
properly 
... 
doctors 
think 
that this 
may 
be 
a 
sign 
that 
my 
FSH 
36 
is not so 
healthy 
after all. 
I 
raised 
the 
subject 
yet again of 
my peculiar 
periods. 
Now 
he 
says 
the 
`drip 
drip' 
start 
to 
my periods 
is 
a 
sign 
of 
decreasing 
progesterone. 
That 
sounds 
like I'm 
going 
menopausal 
more 
than 
anyone 
has 
ever said 
before 
(my 
emphasis). 
Attention 
to the 
functional 
properties 
of 
the 
narrative and changes 
to 
the 
style 
and voice 
of 
diarists' 
narrative 
illuminates 
movement 
from 
the 
`objectified' 
body, 
outlined 
above, 
through the 
experiencing 
body 
and 
finally, 
towards 
a 
form 
of 
convergence 
and 
sense 
of 
`claiming' 
the 
body. 
However, 
my notion 
of convergence 
here 
cannot 
be 
understood as 
isolated 
from 
the 
influence 
of 
context and 
social 
location. 
Mary: 
Went to 
swing park 
today. 
Saw 
numerous women 
pushing 
double-buggies. 
Their 
first 
child 
did 
not 
look 
any older 
than 
mine. 
cannot 
help 
but 
feel 
a sense 
of 
failure 
on my part 
... 
I just feel 
slightly 
out 
of 
it. 
Louise: 
/ 
still 
don't 
feel 
pg 
... 
I 
still 
feel like 
an 
infertile 
person. 
My 
body 
still 
feels 
the 
same 
... 
was 
I 
supposed 
to 
feel 
any 
different? 
don't 
know. 
When 
/ 
hear 
other 
people's 
pg or 
birth 
announcements, 
it 
still 
makes 
me 
feel 
sad. 
I 
thought 
when 
/ 
was 
pregnant 
I 
wouldn't 
care 
anymore and 
that 
my 
body 
would 
feel 
different 
but 
my 
body 
still 
feels 
the 
same. 
(partner) is 
going 
to 
see 
his 
cousin, 
nephew 
and 
his 
cousin's 
8 
month pregnant wide 
today 
but 
/just 
couldn't 
face 
it 
... 
Sometimes / 
pretend 
to 
myself 
that 
don't 
really 
want 
this 
as 
much 
as 
/ 
think 
1 
do. I 
tell 
myself 
that 
have 
just 
become 
a 
bit 
obsessed and 
that 
it's 
not 
that 
great 
having 
children 
really. 
Then 
I 
see a woman 
with a new-born 
baby 
and 
everybody 
smiling 
and 
I know it's 
not 
true. 
38 
Follicle 
Stimulating 
Hormone 
258 
I have 
earlier 
suggested 
emergent 
themes 
within 
diarists' 
reflection 
may 
also 
be illuminated 
by 
paying 
close 
attention 
to the 
location 
of 
diarists' 
narrative 
within a wider 
context, 
a point 
useful 
to 
revisit 
in 
relation 
to 
emergent 
`body 
talk'. 
The 
periods 
of silence 
(from 
a 
few 
days 
to 
several 
weeks) 
I have 
illustrated 
within 
diary 
narratives 
suggest 
a 
period 
of stepping 
back, 
adjustment, 
taking 
control and moving 
forward 
again. 
Diarists' 
employ a number 
of strategies 
for 
moving on and, 
in 
this 
last 
section, 
I 
return 
to 
each 
individual 
diarist. 
Elaine 
After initially 
advising 
this 
was 
her last 
attempt 
and voicing concerns 
over 
long-term 
drug 
effects and advancing age, 
Elaine 
reconsiders and 
decides 
to 
undergo 
`one 
final 
course of 
treatment. 
We 
will 
keep 
going 
through 
the 
summer 
until 
we 
come 
to 
our senses and 
decide 
to 
spend some 
money 
on 
another good 
holiday instead 
of 
chasing 
rainbows' 
For 
Elaine, 
the 
`failure' 
of 
treatment 
paves 
the 
way 
not 
just 
for 
an exploration 
of 
the 
future 
but 
also 
the 
narration of 
a growing 
awareness 
of 
the 
significance of widespread cultural 
assumptions 
embedded 
in 
expectations 
of 
the 
future 
and particularly 
in 
relation 
to the 
social 
location 
and 
expectation 
of parenthood: 
It 
struck 
me 
yesterday 
how 
widespread 
is 
the 
cultural 
assumption 
that 
we 
will 
be 
able 
to 
have kids. I 
was watching 
something 
on 
TV 
with 
come 
kids 
of about 
9 
or 
10 
- 
one 
of 
them 
said 
`when I have 
children 
I'm 
going 
to 
call 
them 
after 
Sclub7. 
Note 
`when' 
not 
`if' I 
suppose 
it 
would 
be 
a sign 
of an 
unusually premature 
knowledge 
of 
how 
difficulty 
parenting 
is if 
a child 
that 
age 
had decided 
not 
to 
have 
kids 
of 
their 
own 
voluntarily, 
but 
there 
was no question 
at all 
in 
her 
mind, 
not 
only 
that 
she 
would 
have 
kids but 
she could. 
That's 
exactly 
the 
same 
as 
I 
was, and 
presumably 
99.9% 
of 
everybody 
else. 
Hence 
the 
huge 
shock 
when 
it 
doesn't 
happen. 
259 
Joanne 
A 
negative 
result, 
perceived 
concurrent 
pressures 
and a 
heightened 
awareness 
that 
`time 
is 
running 
out' 
expose, 
for 
Joanne, 
the 
level 
of 
expectation 
and 
norm 
which 
affects 
her 
view of 
the 
future: 
The 
other 
recipient 
was successful39. 
This has 
hit 
me so 
hard 
... 
could 
I have 
let 
there be 
any 
variables? 
If it's 
not 
the 
progesterone 
then 
it's 
me 
-I 
can't 
face 
another 
treatment. I just 
want 
to 
disappear 
... 
Went 
to 
dinner 
... 
was 
inundated 
with 
people 
asking 
me 
if 
we were planning 
to 
have 
children. 
They 
would not stop 
until 
they 
were satisfied. 
SO, 
I 
told 
them 
that 
it did 
not seem 
to 
be 
a 
possibility. 
And 
yes, 
they 
could not 
stop 
there, 
they 
had 
to 
ask me 
if I 
thought 
about 
IVF. So, 
I 
said, 
well 
I have 
tried that 
about 
8 
times. 
Why 
are people 
such 
idiots. 
After initial disagreement, Joanne 
and 
her 
partner agree 
to 
move 
forward 
with 
adoption: 
He 
said 
lets 
get 
going on 
the 
Chinese 
adoption. 
I 
was 
floored 
... 
but 
I have 
taken 
action 
because I 
want 
to 
move on, 
I don't 
want 
any more 
time to 
be 
wasted. 
I 
can get 
started 
on 
the 
home 
study 
and 
other 
documentation 
... 
It 
seems 
like 
such a 
long 
time but 
finally I have 
some 
hope 
for 
the 
future. I didn't 
realise 
how badly 
this 
was 
affecting 
me until we 
made 
the 
decision 
to 
stop and 
move 
forward. 
Joanne's 
entry 
represents 
a 
dramatic 
change 
in both 
the 
voice 
and style 
of 
narration as 
compared 
to 
both 
pre-treatment 
and 
during 
treatment 
narratives. 
While 
previously 
causing 
me some 
concern, 
Joanne's 
narrative voice appears 
more positive 
and 
in 
control. 
The 
above extract 
also 
became 
the 
final 
diary 
entry 
for Joanne. 
Joanne 
subsequently 
advised 
that the 
journal 
had been 
helpful 
and 
she 
no 
longer 
felt 
the 
need 
to 
maintain a 
journal: 
'It's 
acted 
as a 
stream of 
consciousness 
for 
me. 
I have 
put 
the 
past 
behind 
me now and 
move 
forward. 
' 
Joanne 
periodically 
kept 
me 
up 
to 
date 
with 
adoption 
Joanne 
participated 
in 
an 
`egg 
share' 
plan, where 
she 
is 
the 
recipient of 
`spare' 
donor 
eggs. 
In 
usual 
circumstances, 
the 
donor 
is 
then 
charged 
a reduced 
fee. 
260 
proceedings. 
After 
a 
silence 
of 
3 
months, 
Joanne 
e-mailed 
me 
to inform 
she 
had decided 
on 
one 
last 
course 
of 
treatment 
and 
was now 
pregnant 
with 
twins. 
Suzanne 
For 
Suzanne, 
diary 
withdrawal 
after 
treatment 
failure 
is 
prolonged. 
When 
contact 
finally 
resumes, 
the 
format 
of 
the 
diary 
itself has 
dramatically 
changed 
and 
is 
presented 
as a 
series of 
`chapters', 
using enhanced 
formatting, 
texture 
and 
font 
styles. 
Suzanne 
provides 
a 
`flash 
back' 
summary of 
events 
under 
the 
titles: 
The Infertility Thing: 
advising 
their 
will await 
their 
final funded 
cycle 
but, 
despite 
a perception of 
their 
lives 
remaining 
`on hold', 
life 
will also 
move on. 
The House 
Thing: 
Suzanne's 
strategy of 
`moving 
on' also 
incorporates 
a 
change 
in 
residence. 
Suzanne has 
witnessed 
her 
estate 
changed as 
older 
tenant 
have died 
and 
been 
replaced with younger 
families 
and 
is 
reluctant 
to 
stay 
to 
witness 
these 
families 
grow up. 
The Career Thing: 
Related 
to this, 
Suzanne 
takes 
advantage of 
the 
break 
in 
treatment to 
move away 
from her 
current position and 
into 
a seconded post. 
New 
Friends: 
Again 
related 
to 
the 
above, 
Suzanne 
describes 
relief 
moving 
to 
a 
new post 
`with 
no 
history'. 
Alongside, Suzanne 
increases her interaction 
within online 
support 
forums. 
Finally, 
Suzanne 
advises: 
261 
Strangely, 
I 
don't 
know 
that 
I 
want 
to 
continue 
with 
the 
structure 
of 
the 
diary, 
although 
it 
was a great 
tool 
to 
help 
me 
focus 
and 
reflect 
... 
you 
might 
think 
I'm 
weird, 
but it helped 
me 
sleep 
as 
I 
got 
the 
day 
thrashed 
out 
before 
going 
to 
bed 
and 
I 
could 
relax 
much 
easier 
than 
during 
the 
`diary free' 
treatment. 
I'm 
trying 
to 
stay 
focused 
on 
the 
future 
... 
and 
we need 
to 
move on. 
In 
a 
way, 
I'm 
closing 
the book. 
I 
can't 
change 
anything else 
but I 
can 
move 
forward. 
Mary 
Mary 
contemplates 
a return 
to 
work 
after choosing, 
several 
years previously, 
to 
stop work 
in 
an attempt 
to 
reduce 
treatment 
stress. 
After 
all of 
this I 
need 
to 
move on somehow. 
My friend 
told 
me 
about some 
part 
time 
work 
which would 
fit 
in 
with nursery. 
It's 
been 
a 
long 
time 
but 
I 
need 
to take 
my mind away 
from 
things. 
Judith 
Judith 
continued 
to 
maintain 
her diary for 
several 
weeks after 
the 
positive 
result. 
Judith 
remained very 
active 
within 
the 
infertility 
support 
forum, 
joining 
a 
`sister' 
support 
group40 
once early pregnancy 
difficulties 
had been 
resolved. 
At 
this 
point, 
Judith 
advised she would 
discontinue her diary 
as she 
was 
`no 
longer 
sure what 
to 
write 
about' 
Linked 
to this, 
Judith 
outlines 
her 
perception 
of 
the 
move 
to 
the 
`sister' 
group 
as a 
`graduation' 
- 
both 
a step 
upwards and a 
step 
away 
from 
previous 
infertility 
treatment: 
I'm 
glad 
I have 
finally 
graduated 
to this 
group 
- 
but it's 
a shame 
for 
them, 
isn't 
it? 
Louise 
After initially 
struggling 
with 
the 
idea 
of 
leaving 
the 
infertility 
support 
forum, 
Louise 
subsequently 
advises 
an 
end 
to 
her diary 
keeping: 
It's 
almost 
as 
if 
I 
feel 
I have 
moved 
on and 
some 
part 
of my 
brain 
can't 
understand 
why 
they 
(forum 
members) 
haven't 
moved 
on with me 
... 
in 
40 
For 
those 
pregnant 
after 
treatment 
262 
some 
ways, 
in 
my 
mind 
now 
it 
seems worse 
now 
than 
it 
ever 
was 
when 
was 
there. 
and 
then, 
I do feel 
that 
I 
am 
finding 
it 
increasingly 
difficulty 
to 
keep 
up entries. 
This is 
partly 
because 
of 
feeling 
tired 
all 
the time 
but 
also 
partly 
because 
I 
think 
part 
of me 
want 
to 
leave 
all 
that 
part of my 
life 
behind 
and 
to 
move 
on. 
I'm 
not sure 
how 
much 
I 
realised 
that 
until recently. 
Making 
Meaning: 
the 
body 
Participants' travels through 
the treatment 
encounter alongside 
the 
continuing 
experience 
of 
infertility 
underlines my conception 
of 
the 
relationship 
between 
experience, understanding and 
time. 
As I 
have 
previously argued, 
this 
again underlines 
the 
importance 
of a 
temporal 
and 
layered 
analytical 
approach. 
I 
raise 
two 
critical points 
here 
which 
I 
will 
also explore 
in 
the 
following 
thematic 
summary 
chapter. 
Firstly, 
the 
relationship 
between 
experience, understanding 
and 
time 
bears 
a 
direct 
relationship 
to 
understanding 
the 
body 
in 
this 
field. This 
experience 
exposes, 
for diarists, the 
assumption 
of a 
`controllable 
reality' 
(Adam, 
1995). 
Diarists, if 
momentarily, 
appear 
to 
reassemble 
their 
reality, moving 
from 
`disembodied, 
passive 
observers. 
Disembedded 
from 
the temporalities 
and 
chronologies 
of 
being 
and 
separated 
from 
past, 
present and 
future' (Adam, 
1995: 149-163) 
towards 
embodied 
and 
timely 
aware 
participants. 
Secondly, 
my 
analysis 
has 
explored not 
just 
the 
dominant 
themes 
and 
patterns 
emerging 
from the 
data 
but 
also, critically, 
the 
movement 
of 
these 
patterns 
and 
themes 
through 
the 
data, 
an analytic process 
involving 
constant 
comparison 
and 
movement 
backwards 
and 
forwards 
through 
the 
narratives. 
263 
This 
also 
suggests 
an 
epistemological 
challenge 
which 
perhaps 
begins 
to 
ask 
questions 
of 
more 
conventional 
research 
approaches 
in 
this 
field. 
I 
explore 
both 
these 
point 
in 
more 
detail 
in 
the 
following 
thematic 
summary chapter. 
264 
1? 
Together 
again: 
the 
history 
and 
the 
moment 
My 
analysis 
has 
purposefully 
maintained a 
detailed 
and 
lengthy focus 
on 
both 
participant 
life 
story 
interviews 
and 
diary 
narratives. 
If 
attention 
is 
not 
paid 
to the 
complexity 
of 
individual 
experience and 
we 
do 
not 
take 
the 
time 
and 
trouble to 
listen 
to 
participants, 
we risk confirming what we already 
know 
(Mauthner 
and 
Doucet, 
1998). As I have 
outlined, 
`listening' 
necessarily 
required 
a 
temporal 
and 
layered 
analytical 
strategy as 
participants negotiated, 
reflected upon 
and recounted 
the 
experience 
itself. The 
final 
level 
of my 
analytic strategy 
is 
to 
use 
the 
substantive elements 
identified in 
the 
preceding 
chapters 
to 
begin to 
move away 
from 
anchorage 
in 
the 
narrative alone. 
As 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet 
(1998) 
suggest, 
this 
final 
move must 
incorporate 
the 
breaking 
up 
of 
narrative 
accounts 
as a way of 
linking individual 
narratives with 
the 
stories 
told 
by 
the 
data 
set as 
a 
whole 
and an engagement with 
`formal 
ideas 
at 
a more 
general 
level' 
(Coffey 
and 
Atkinson, 1996: 141). My 
developed 
analytical, 
temporal 
and 
biographical 
frameworks 
within 
life 
story 
and 
diary 
narratives 
act as 
points 
of comparison, 
illustrating 
common 
thematic 
elements and 
dimensions. 
Through 
this 
chapter, 
I draw 
further 
on 
these 
thematic 
elements 
and 
dimensions to 
illuminate 
my revised 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
female 
body 
and 
women's 
experiences 
in 
this 
field. 
Producing 
narratives: 
researcher 
and participant 
However, 
prior 
to 
further 
explication 
here, 
I 
return 
to 
a perceived 
persistent 
and obdurate 
problem 
within 
the 
research 
process: 
the 
place of 
the 
265 
researcher 
within 
the 
analysed 
views of 
the 
researched and 
the 
question 
of 
the 
degree 
to 
which 
analysis 
reflects 
or 
depicts 
what 
the 
researcher 
is 
looking 
at. 
My 
analytic 
strategy 
has 
already 
highlighted 
my prolonged 
immersion 
within 
the 
complexities 
of 
individual 
narratives. 
In 
this 
section, 
I 
consider 
further 
the 
relationship 
between 
my approach 
to 
research 
and 
my 
presentation 
of 
participants' 
narratives 
and 
experiences. 
In 
particular, 
I 
consider 
the 
epistemological 
status 
of 
my 
work 
in 
relation 
to 
reflexivity 
and 
representation. 
Adopting 
a relational 
strategy 
towards 
analysis, 
my aim 
has 
not 
been 
the 
attainment of a 
`pure' 
story 
but 
an 
awareness 
and 
understanding 
that 
the 
factors 
and processes 
that 
influence 
accounts 
reflect 
world 
views 
that 
`draw 
both 
on a shared 
fund 
of 
ideas 
... 
and on 
the 
individual 
teller's life 
experiences' 
(Bowes 
et al, 
1997: 116). Understanding 
participant 
narratives, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied experiences, 
requires 
engagement, 
a 
position 
influenced, in 
this 
research, 
by feminist 
and 
hermeneutic 
perspectives 
and my 
related 
aim 
to 
clarify 
the 
conditions 
within which 
both 
meaning-making 
and 
understanding 
takes 
place. 
More 
specifically 
and as 
Bell (1998: 
82) 
argues, 
participant 
narratives need 
to 
be 
acknowledged as constructed 
by 
both 
the 
story-teller 
and, 
through 
the 
process of research and analysis, 
by 
the 
soliciting 
researcher. 
Further, 
these 
perceived 
difficulties 
are not problems 
to 
be 
overcome 
but, 
on 
the 
contrary, must 
be 
embraced as 
part of authentic 
social 
interaction 
in itself. 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet (1998) 
rightly argue 
that 
little 
has 
been 
written 
regarding 
issues 
of reflexivity, 
power, 
voice and 
authority 
in 
the data 
analysis 
stages. 
This 
echoes my 
initial 
concerns 
and 
`uncomfortable' 
266 
feelings 
being 
confronted 
with 
the 
temporal, 
subjective and 
interpretive 
nature 
of analysis, 
illustrated 
by 
my 
in-depth 
and critical appraisal 
of 
the 
predominance 
of 
grounded 
theory 
as an analytic strategy. 
While 
Morley 
(1997: 
140 
cited 
in 
Letherby, 
2002) 
argues 
grounded 
theory 
was earlier 
seen 
as 
compatible 
with 
feminism, 
Morley 
also 
adds 
that 
`no 
feminist 
study 
can 
be 
politically neutral, 
completely 
inductive 
or 
solely 
based 
on grounded 
theory, 
as 
all work 
is 
theoretically 
grounded'. 
While 
I 
agree 
with 
this 
position, 
I 
have 
also 
problematised 
the 
use 
of 
grounded 
theory 
as an ontologically 
silent analytic 
strategy which problematises 
the 
exploration of 
women's embodied 
experience 
in 
this 
field, 
particularly 
within 
data 
analysis. 
As Miller (2000: 
129) 
suggests, while 
situation 
and structure 
may affect an 
individuals 
experience, 
they 
do 
not ultimately 
determine it. I 
again 
underline 
my earlier point 
that there 
may 
be 
some 
aspects of experience 
which 
are not 
linguistically 
constituted 
in 
the 
first instance, 
which may 
emerge over 
time 
and 
which 
may 
be illustrated 
through 
the 
dialogic 
and 
interpretive 
encounters within 
the 
research 
process 
itself. As I have 
discussed, 
this 
is 
a position particularly relevant 
to the 
female 
body 
and women's 
embodied 
experiences 
in 
this 
field. 
In 
response 
to 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet 
(1998), 
through 
my earlier chapters 
I 
argued 
that 
the 
point 
is 
not 
to 
free 
ourselves 
from 
preconceptions 
but 
to 
examine 
them 
within 
the 
dialogic 
encounter, 
a reflective 
and reflexive 
practice 
that 
impacts 
upon 
power 
relations 
inherent 
in 
the 
research 
process 
and one 
which makes 
the 
researcher, 
as well 
as 
the 
researched, 
the 
focus 
of critical 
appraisal. 
As 
I 
have 
discussed, 
the 
`self' 
- 
and 
I include 
here 
both 
the 
researcher 
and 
participant 
`self' 
- 
is 
not 
necessarily 
a 
problem 
to 
be 
267 
eradicated 
but, 
rather, 
may 
be 
seen as a set of resources 
(Olesen, 
2000; 
Schwandt, 
2000). 
As 
Charmaz 
(2002) 
argues, 
the 
narrator's 
trust 
in 
the 
interpreter 
or 
interviewer 
permits 
an 
exchange or 
flow 
of 
ideas 
to 
emerge. 
Further, `the 
person 
reaffirms 
self and 
moral status 
through 
forming 
the 
story 
and articulating 
the 
moral 
message 
within 
it. The 
presence of 
the 
responsive 
interviewer further 
affirms 
the 
view 
of 
the 
self 
in 
the 
story' 
(Charmaz, 
2002: 
317). However, 
as 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet (1998) 
argue, 
there 
is 
a 
need 
to 
clarify 
the 
sometimes 
blurred distinction 
between 
the 
narrative 
itself 
and 
its 
interpretation. By 
exploring 
the 
development 
of my 
analytic process 
and 
the 
practice of reflexivity within, 
I 
place myself 
directly 
within 
my 
analysis. 
The 
notion 
of reflexivity 
- 
the 
reflection 
upon and 
understanding of our own 
personal, political 
and 
intellectual 
autobiographies and making explicit 
our 
location in 
relation 
to 
respondents 
- 
has 
remained a central concern 
throughout 
my 
analysis. 
The 
narratives 
I 
presented 
in 
the 
preceding chapters 
are 
necessarily 
compositional, 
reflecting 
both 
the 
viewer and 
the 
viewed. 
In 
agreement with 
Schwandt 
(2000), 
the traditions 
of understanding 
which 
constrain 
thought 
are 
not powerful 
enough 
to 
place a 
limit 
on 
interpretation 
or 
the 
ability 
to 
decide 
normatively 
between interpretations 
and 
it 
is 
within 
this 
normative 
dimension that 
I 
am situated 
as 
co-producer of participant 
narratives 
and 
dialogue. 
While 
we 
can never 
decisively 
determine 
the 
correctness 
of an 
interpretation, 
what 
counts 
and 
is justified 
as a 
better 
interpretation 
is 
one 
which 
justifies 
a 
move 
to 
another 
interpretation by 
exposing 
the 
weaknesses 
of 
a previous 
interpretation. Reflexivity 
and 
the 
debate 
on 
matters 
ontological 
remains 
central 
here 
and, 
as 
I 
will 
discuss, 
my 
approach 
distances 
my 
research 
from 
the 
limitations 
of 
a 
broadly 
social 
268 
constructionist 
perspective 
in 
relation 
to 
understanding 
and 
exploring 
embodied 
experience. 
In 
the 
preceding 
chapters 
I 
made an 
illustrative 
decision 
to 
give 
primacy 
to 
participants' 
voices. 
Somewhat 
ironically, 
this 
process 
itself 
may 
arguably 
suggest 
the 
power 
of my 
own 
voice 
is 
more 
noticeable 
by its 
very absence. 
However, 
remaining 
sensitive 
to issues 
of voice, 
power and 
authority 
throughout the 
research 
process, 
alongside 
recognition 
of my 
role as 
co- 
producer of 
the 
narratives, 
goes some 
way 
towards 
responding 
to 
this 
difficulty. 
In 
this 
respect, 
I developed 
my 
data 
through 
a number 
of 
levels. 
Throughout 
my 
research, 
I 
documented 
and reflected 
upon my 
role as 
researcher and 
interpreter 
through 
my research 
journal. At 
a 
fieldwork 
level, 
this 
also 
included 
regular 
feedback 
sessions 
with participants 
where 
we 
summarised 
and reflected upon 
issues 
raised, 
both 
clarifying and 
developing 
our 
interpretations 
and, where 
necessary, 
incorporating 
these 
changes 
into 
my ongoing analysis. 
In 
this 
respect and 
in 
agreement 
with 
Reinharz (1987), 
my 
ability 
to 
interpret 
was 
also strengthened 
by 
my personal experience 
and 
familiarity 
with 
both 
process 
and procedures. 
Further, 
my aim 
has been 
not 
to 
neutralise 
the 
social 
nature 
of 
interpretation 
but, 
on 
the 
contrary, 
to 
admit 
this 
into 
my analysis 
as 
a positive, 
reflexive 
and 
temporal 
tool. 
In 
this 
respect, my 
analytic strategy 
comprises 
both 
participants 
and my self as 
researcher, as 
reflexive 
individuals, 
reflecting 
backwards 
and 
forwards 
throughout the 
research encounter. 
Further, 
this 
is 
a position 
which 
illustrates 
the 
advantages 
of 
both 
a 
feminist 
and 
hermeneutic 
approach 
to 
both 
analysis 
and 
269 
interpretation. 
Without 
this level 
of reflexivity, 
the 
potential 
for 
considering 
the 
benefits 
of 
this 
position 
remains 
limited. 
To 
underline, 
I 
embraced 
this 
approach not 
to 
solve 
the 
problems 
of 
understanding 
(as 
this 
would 
be 
contrary 
to the 
central 
tenets 
of 
this 
approach) 
but 
to, 
firstly, 
clarify 
the 
conditions 
in 
which understanding 
takes 
place 
and particularly 
in 
relation 
to the 
female 
and experiential 
body. 
Secondly, 
meaning 
may 
be 
uncovered 
but 
this 
meaning 
is 
necessarily 
a 
product 
of 
the 
interpretive 
act 
/dialogic 
encounter 
itself. Further, 
the 
interpretive 
act/dialogic encounter 
is 
one 
that 
is 
also 
temporally 
situated 
on 
three 
levels: 
firstly, 
my own 
researcher reflections 
throughout the 
research 
process; 
secondly, participants' 
ongoing reflection of 
the 
experience of 
infertility itself 
and, 
finally, 
recognition of our roles as co-producers of 
the 
narratives 
and 
stories within 
this 
research. 
However, 
any criticism 
that 
this 
meaning 
is 
relative and contextual surely 
rests on 
the 
proposition 
that there 
is 
another 
`more 
truthful' 
or external 
meaning, which, 
as 
Schwandt 
(2000) 
suggests, 
is invalid. While 
this 
issue is 
far 
from 
resolved, 
in 
agreement 
with 
Humphries 
(1997) 
the 
way 
forward 
must 
involve 
the 
interrogation 
of our 
own position 
within 
the 
research 
process, 
turning 
back 
on 
ourselves, 
as researchers, 
the 
very 
lenses 
with which we 
scrutinise 
the 
lives 
of 
women 
and, 
in 
particular, 
looking 
for 
tensions, 
contradictions 
and 
complicities. 
However, 
within 
this 
research, 
this 
has 
been 
far 
more 
than 
simply 
a 
`confessional' 
or 
distancing 
exercise. 
This 
reflective 
practice 
impacts 
upon 
the 
power 
relations at 
times 
inherent 
in 
the 
research 
270 
process 
and 
makes 
the 
researcher, 
as 
well 
as 
the 
researched, 
the 
focus 
of 
critical appraisal 
and, 
in 
this 
sense, 
goes 
beyond 
mere 
reflection 
and 
confession. 
In 
response 
to 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's 
(1998) 
critique, 
acknowledgement 
of my 
reflexivity 
within 
the 
research relationship, 
alongside 
my role as co-producer 
of 
participants' 
narratives, goes some 
way 
towards 
both 
equalising power 
relations 
within 
the 
research 
process and 
developing 
my conceptualisation of gendered 
embodiment 
in 
this 
field. Further, 
while 
I 
acknowledge 
both 
myself 
and participants 
as co-producers of 
the 
narratives, 
underlining 
the 
need 
to 
remain 
critical 
towards 
and account 
for 
the 
researchers' 
power 
within 
the 
research 
process, 
I 
also echo 
Letherby's (2002: 
4.5) 
position 
that 
`we 
should not characterise respondents as uniformly 
passive or 
powerless'. 
Indeed, 
many of 
the 
participants welcomed 
- 
and 
found 
therapeutic 
- 
the 
chance 
to 
participate. 
Acknowledging the 
significance 
of my past 
experience, 
Dorothy 
advised 
she 
would 
`take 
part 
because it's 
a 
sort 
of 
therapy 
for 
me and you'll 
tell 
it how 
it is. I don't have 
to 
explain every 
little 
thing 
because 
you've 
been there' 
Alongside 
this, 
during 
participation 
and 
through 
the 
process 
of reflection, 
participants 
described 
making sense of 
their 
experiences, 
making 
choices 
as 
to 
what 
to 
include in 
their 
story or 
their 
diary. Participants, 
as 
I 
did, 
revisited 
and 
refined 
these 
choices and stories 
told 
in 
response 
to 
either 
continued 
reflection 
or research 
interaction 
and 
feedback. It 
is 
precisely 
this 
acknowledgment 
of my 
situatedness 
as co- 
producer 
of 
participant 
dialogues 
and narratives and 
the 
temporally-situated 
nature of 
these 
narratives, 
which 
again effectively 
distances 
my research 
from 
the 
weaknesses 
of 
broadly 
social 
constructionist 
approaches 
towards 
understanding 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
Through 
my 
constant 
and 
temporal 
271 
comparison 
between 
these 
stories, 
I have 
identified 
common 
thematic 
elements 
under 
the 
umbrella 
themes 
of 
time, 
control 
and 
the 
body 
in 
relation 
to 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
to 
aid my move away 
from 
the 
more 
holistic 
understanding of 
individual 
stories 
towards tackling the 
data 
set as 
a 
whole. 
Within 
the 
following 
sections, 
I 
firstly 
revisit 
and summarise my 
identification 
of 
the 
related weaknesses 
and 
limitations 
of existing 
theoretical 
positions 
raised within 
my early chapters. 
As I 
have discussed, 
up until 
now 
one of 
the 
effects 
of 
the 
more popularised 
and organicist philosophies 
has 
been 
resistance 
to the 
notion of a 
`reflexive 
self' as a sociological alternative 
to 
the 
exploration 
of subjectivity 
previously grounded 
in 
the 
psychoanalytic 
tradition 
(Jackson, 2000: 
99). 
This is 
a notion 
that 
is 
resisted on 
the 
grounds 
that 
it 
presupposes 
a pre-social 
`I' 
and, as 
I have 
argued, 
suggests a misplaced 
ontological 
anxiety. 
Moving 
through 
this 
chapter, 
I 
aim 
to 
further 
problematise 
this 
misplaced 
ontological 
anxiety 
in 
relation 
to the 
female body 
and women's 
experience 
in this 
field. To 
move 
beyond 
these 
limitations, 
I 
then 
summarise 
the 
key 
themes 
developed 
from 
my analysis. 
Subsequently, I 
move 
between 
life 
story and 
diary 
narratives, 
developing these 
themes 
further 
and 
in 
relation 
to the 
limitations 
identified. 
Finally, 
I 
make 
further 
use 
of my 
identified 
temporal 
frameworks 
to 
explore 
the 
conceptual 
space 
I have 
identified 
between 
more 
contemporary 
yet 
static 
and 
generic 
notions 
of 
the term 
`embodied', the 
temporal 
dimensions 
within 
the 
notion 
of 
embodiment 
itself 
and 
its 
relation 
to 
exploring, 
understanding and 
illustrating 
women's 
experience 
in this 
field 
272 
Social 
theory 
and 
the body: 
a 
review 
My 
early 
chapters 
explored 
how 
attempts 
to 
move 
beyond 
the 
restrictions 
of 
Enlightenment 
thought 
in 
relation 
to the 
body 
revealed 
the 
strong 
influence 
of 
epistemological 
and 
ontological 
constraints 
(Soper, 
1986; Archer, 
2000). 
In 
relation 
to 
more 
contemporary 
theorising, I 
explored 
more 
recent 
developments 
by 
employing 
a 
framework 
of 
`body 
dimensions'. 
In 
brief, 
my 
early chapters 
identified 
and 
illustrated 
the 
(still 
persistent) 
notion 
of 
the 
social 
actor 
as a 
disembodied 
agent. 
Exploring 
this 
difficulty further, 
this 
reflected 
a 
resistance 
to 
moving 
beyond 
the 
`exteriority' 
of 
the 
human 
body. Through 
these 
chapters, 
I 
acknowledged 
recent 
developments 
within 
the 
field 
of 
the 
sociology of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
arguable recuperation 
of 
the 
body 
within 
sociology. 
However, 
while promising moves 
have been 
made, a 
truly 
embodied conceptual 
framework 
remained elusive. 
Remarkably little 
theory 
has 
entered 
the 
body 
and considered 
the 
body in 
terms 
of 
its 
own 
inner 
processes, 
a positioning 
I described, 
coining 
Braidotti 
(1989) 
as 
`exteriority 
without 
depth'. This 
has been 
the 
result 
of a persistent ontological 
queasiness 
concerning 
bodily interiority 
- 
bodies 
appeared 
significant 
only 
in 
response 
to 
external problems 
when 
society 
is 
brought into 
the 
equation. 
Until 
recently, 
there 
has been 
little 
suggestion 
of 
the 
body 
as 
an 
integral 
rather 
than 
reactive 
component of 
human 
agency. 
In 
particular, 
the 
exclusion of 
the 
interior 
of 
the 
body 
problematises 
any 
integration 
between 
not 
just 
what 
bodies 
mean 
but 
also 
what 
they 
can 
do 
(Budgeon, 2003). A 
truly 
embodied 
theoretical 
framework 
must 
include 
and 
explore 
the 
differing 
experiences 
of male 
and 
female 
bodies. 
To 
move 
beyond these 
difficulties, 
the 
need 
to 
continually 
problematise 
conceptual 
foundations 
and 
explore 
the 
potentiality 
and capacity 
273 
of 
the 
female 
body 
has 
lost 
currency. 
Before developing 
my conceptualisation 
further, 
I 
acknowledge 
a 
number 
of 
more recent 
influences: Crossley's 
(2001) 
conceptualisation 
of 
embodied 
consciousness 
in 
the 
form 
of 
a 
relational, 
reflective 
and 
comparative 
ontology; 
Witz's 
(2000: 
2001) 
recent 
commentary 
directing 
attention 
to the 
gendered 
fabric 
of social 
becoming 
and 
recent 
(Crossley, 
1995; 
1996; 
2001; 
Nettleton 
and 
Watson, 
1998) 
phenomenologically-inflected 
use of 
the 
term 
embodiment 
and 
the 
location 
of 
the 
body 
within 
networks 
of social, 
moral 
and 
cultural 
orders. 
Further, 
I 
employed 
revised 
biological 
and 
temporal 
frameworks 
throughout 
my 
research 
to 
develop 
a 
theoretical 
account 
of 
the 
process 
of embodiment 
itself 
in 
relation 
to 
women's experience 
in 
this 
field. 
I 
expand 
these 
points 
below. 
Locating 
the 
field 
Thus 
the 
central concerns of 
this thesis 
have, firstly, 
focused 
upon 
the 
development 
of 
my conceptualisation of 
the 
body 
as an 
integral 
component 
of 
human 
agency. 
Secondly, 
as a 
field 
of exploration and 
building 
on my 
earlier 
research 
(Illingworth, 2000; 2001), 
my 
focus has 
rested upon 
how 
the 
process 
of reproduction 
and 
women's 
experience of 
infertility 
could 
be both 
theorised 
and 
explored 
without 
succumbing 
to 
a negatively 
defined, 
ahistorical 
state of 
being 
in 
nature 
or abstracting 
to the 
point of material 
insignificance 
and 
invisibility. Thirdly 
and 
acknowledging 
more recent 
moves, 
this thesis 
has 
called 
for 
the 
necessary 
recuperation 
of 
the 
female 
body 
within an embodied 
and gendered 
analytic. 
This 
recuperation must 
not 
rest on 
the 
exteriority of 
the 
female 
body 
alone 
and 
must necessarily 
include 
recognition 
of 
the 
interiority, 
capacity 
and 
potentiality 
of 
the 
female 
body. 
274 
Thus 
I 
have 
problematised 
the 
generic 
assumption 
within 
the 
notion 
that 
sociology 
has 
now 
moved 
to 
a more 
embodied perspective. 
This 
perspective 
must now 
move 
away 
from 
the 
singular 
focus 
on 
the 
surface 
of 
the body, 
on 
the 
social 
components 
of 
the 
body 
in isolation 
to 
one 
that 
explores 
the 
gendered 
body, 
including 
its 
varying 
capacity 
and 
potentiality, 
in 
interaction. 
This 
must 
also rightly 
include 
a 
power 
dimension 
and 
lead 
to 
an 
inevitable 
and 
developed 
engagement 
with 
both 
feminist 
theorising 
and 
gender 
work. 
Further, 
the 
misappropriation 
of 
(variable) 
feminist 
scholarship 
and resultant 
suggestion 
of a 
`generic' 
body 
combined 
with 
the 
influence 
of postmodernist 
notions of multiple 
voices, 
has 
increasingly 
made problematic 
attempts 
to 
explore 
the 
particularlity of 
women's embodied 
experiences. 
More 
specifically, 
the 
perceived 
dangers 
and move away 
from 
notions of 
an essential 
or 
`foundational' 
body has 
resulted 
in 
a 
failure 
to 
effectively explore 
the 
female 
and gendered 
body. As I have discussed, 
many of 
the 
`new' body 
theorists 
seemed reluctant 
to 
draw 
upon 
the 
feminist 
scholarship 
of 
the 
body. 
While 
recent collections 
have 
begun 
to 
explore 
the 
lived 
experience 
of embodiment 
(for 
example, 
Backett-Milburn 
and 
McKie, 2001; 
Watson 
and 
Cunningham- 
Burley, 
2001) 
the 
difficulty 
`naming' 
and 
exploring 
the 
female 
body 
remain and 
further 
reflect 
continuing 
debate 
concerning 
the 
nature of 
the 
relationship 
between 
biology, 
gender 
and 
sexuality. 
Further, 
this 
also 
reflected 
the 
lengthy 
conceptual grappling 
with 
the 
status 
of 
the 
body 
within 
feminist 
theorising 
itself. 
275 
In 
relation 
to 
these 
difficulties, 
these 
misassumptions 
have 
had 
critical 
consequences 
and 
I 
summarise 
these 
briefly 
here. Firstly, 
a 
losing 
sight 
of 
the 
capability 
of 
the 
female 
body 
itself, 
combined with 
the 
mistaken 
assumption 
that the 
body 
cannot 
be 
calculated 
or represented 
in 
any 
way. 
The 
lack 
of 
engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship, 
combined 
with 
attempts 
to 
devalorise 
the 
body 
within 
feminist 
theorising 
itself (Witz, 
2000), 
results 
in 
a 
premature 
disengagement 
with 
both 
the 
female 
body 
and 
the 
concept 
and process 
of 
embodiment 
itself. However, 
bringing 
the biological body 
into 
our 
sociological 
theorising 
need 
not entail 
a slide 
into former 
reductionist 
traps. 
Relatedly, 
current 
thought 
has failed 
to 
both 
extricate and 
explore 
the 
concept 
of 
embodiment 
(the 
exploration of 
how 
we experience 
the 
body in 
everyday 
life) 
from 
a sociology 
of 
the 
body 
more 
concerned 
with 
theorising the 
body. 
Secondly, 
this 
has 
contributed 
to 
a resistance 
to 
exploration 
beyond 
perceived 
biological boundaries. 
The 
sense of 
inevitable 
progression 
into 
this 
field 
promoted 
by 
Shilling 
(1993; 2001) 
further 
strengthens 
these 
boundaries. As 
Birke 
(2000) 
argues, 
what 
goes 
on 
inside 
the 
body has 
remained a mystery. 
If 
the 
body has 
any 
interiority 
at 
all, 
it is 
explained 
through 
psychoanalysis. 
In 
response 
to these 
difficulties, 
I have 
used 
more 
contemporary 
thinking 
(Adam, 
1989; 
1990; 
1995; 
Rose, 
1997; Birke, 
2000) 
to 
transgress 
biological, 
temporal 
and 
theoretical 
boundaries 
which 
restrict 
development 
in 
this 
field 
and 
the 
recuperation 
of 
the 
female 
body 
within 
an 
embodied 
and gendered 
framework. As 
my 
fieldwork 
has 
illustrated, 
and 
I draw 
further 
on 
this 
in 
the 
following 
sections, 
existing 
conceptual 
positions 
remain 
premised 
upon 
and 
reinforce existing 
barriers 
between the 
body 
and 
the 
social, 
a 
positioning 
that 
remains 
influenced 
by the 
misplaced 
assumptions 
of 
foundational 
facticity. 
276 
As 
I 
will 
illustrate, 
my 
approach 
to 
the 
field, 
subsequent 
analytic 
strategy 
and 
women's 
narratives 
within succeeds 
in 
deconstructing 
the body 
as 
the 
bedrock 
of 
difference. 
The 
conceptual 
foundations 
of my 
methodological 
and 
analytical strategy 
have 
rested 
on a move 
beyond 
persistent 
biological 
and 
temporal 
assumptions. 
In 
making 
this 
move, participant narratives 
within 
this 
research 
illustrate 
- 
and 
also 
take 
issue 
with 
- 
embedded 
biological 
assumptions 
and 
temporal 
constraints. 
In 
this 
respect, and 
through 
the 
following 
sections, 
I draw 
on alternative 
tales to 
embrace 
the 
interiority 
of 
the 
female body, 
narratives which also validate 
difference 
to 
do justice 
to the 
particularity 
of women's 
embodied experiences. 
Thinking through 
the 
body: 
key 
themes 
In 
this 
section 
I, 
firstly, 
summarise 
themes 
from life 
story narratives 
and, 
secondly, 
diary 
narratives. 
Finally, 
and 
in keeping 
with 
my analytic 
strategy, 
I 
expand 
these 
themes 
further 
by drawing 
across participant 
narratives, 
focusing 
on 
the 
three 
thematic 
axes 
central 
to 
participants' 
stories 
and 
encounters: 
time, 
control 
and 
the 
body. 
Through 
life 
story 
narratives, 
participants 
contextualised 
narratives 
and, 
using 
a range 
of 
`voice', 
illustrated the 
differing, 
yet 
interrelated, 
layers 
of 
understanding 
and 
experience: 
the 
expectant 
voice, 
the 
experiential 
voice 
and 
the 
meaning 
voice. 
Exploring 
this 
further, I illustrated the 
importance 
of 
considering 
narratives 
as 
functional 
and 
illuminated 
a 
common 
link 
between 
differing 
voices: 
both 
the 
control 
and 
the 
negotiation 
of experience, 
the 
process 
of 
reflection 
(including 
researcher-participant 
interaction) 
and 
the 
277 
advantages 
of 
a 
temporal 
perspective 
in 
this 
field. Critically, 
recognition 
of 
the 
location 
of 
the body 
both 
in 
time 
and 
in 
space overcomes 
the 
ontological 
silence 
inherent 
within 
a purely 
constructionist approach 
and 
the difficulty 
dealing 
with 
the 
subjective 
experience of 
embodiment 
itself. 
In 
particular, 
participant narratives 
illustrated 
the temporal 
process of meaning 
making 
and 
emergence of embodied 
becoming 
through 
participant conceptualisation 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
as a 
reflective 
`turning 
point'. 
In 
particular, 
participants 
began 
to 
make sense 
of 
their 
embodied 
experiences 
both 
through 
confrontation, 
in 
relation 
to 
wider social relations, 
and 
over 
time. 
Through 
diary 
narratives, 
I 
explored and compared 
this 
conceptualisation 
within 
participant 
negotiation of 
the 
experience and moment 
itself, 
adapting 
Oakley's 
(2000) 
understanding 
that 
we 
live 
through 
an experience and 
not 
in 
it. Again, 
I 
resisted 
a 
content-only perspective, 
exploring narrative content, 
function 
and 
movement 
as 
illustrative 
of 
differing 
facets 
of 
the 
same 
phenomenon. 
Early 
diary 
analysis 
highlighted `umbrella' 
themes 
within 
the 
narratives 
- 
control, 
time 
and 
the 
body 
- 
and mirroring 
issues 
emerging 
within 
life 
story 
narratives. 
The important 
of my analytic 
strategy and 
direct 
focus 
on 
context, emergence, 
reflection 
and 
becoming 
remained 
critical. 
I 
suggested 
that the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
treatment 
choice, 
combined with 
research 
participation 
alongside 
periodic 
reflection and 
encounters with 
`others' 
contributed 
to 
the 
act 
of 
meaning 
making 
itself. Again, 
notions 
of 
time 
and 
control emerged 
as 
central 
axes 
to 
a revised 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
and women's 
experience 
in 
this 
field. 
In 
particular, 
my 
analytic 
strategy 
illuminated 
how, 
when 
and 
in 
what 
form 
`body 
talk' 
emerged 
through 
278 
participant 
narratives. 
Through 
the 
following 
sections, 
I 
develop 
these 
thematic 
elements 
across 
both 
life 
story 
and 
diary 
narratives. 
Control, 
time 
and 
the 
body: 
moving across 
narratives 
I 
focus 
first 
on 
the 
thematic 
axes of control and 
time 
emerging early 
within 
participant 
narratives. 
The 
absence and subsequent 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk' 
within 
the 
narratives must also 
be 
viewed 
as related 
to these 
issues. 
The 
summary 
analysis 
I 
present 
further illustrates 
the 
sense 
and process of 
meaning-making, 
embodied 
becoming 
and 
interdependency 
with 
notions 
of 
control 
and 
time. 
Negotiating 
dimensions 
of control 
The 
notion 
of control 
manifests 
itself 
through 
participant 
encounters with, 
negotiation 
of 
and 
reflection 
upon 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
treatment. 
Figure 
6 
below 
illustrates 
related 
facets 
within 
the 
notion 
of control: 
Figure 
6: 
Elements 
of 
control 
279 
Within 
participants' 
life 
story 
narratives, 
the 
significance 
of either 
explicit 
or 
implicit 
early 
assumptions 
alongside 
developing 
`life 
plans' 
(Dorothy) 
remained 
central 
to 
early 
reflection. 
For 
some 
participants, 
`life 
plans' 
had 
been 
formulated from 
an early 
age. 
For 
others, 
this 
process 
was more 
gradual 
and 
developed 
through 
participants' 
encounters with 
and movement 
through 
perceived 
`role 
transitions' 
(Clausen, 
1998). 
These 
transitions 
included, 
for 
example, 
partnership/marriage/divorce, new 
encounters or relationships 
and 
perceived 
life 
threatening 
or 
life 
changing experiences. 
Reflecting 
on 
the 
experience 
of 
diagnoses 
and 
treatment, 
participants 
described 
an 
initial 
sense 
of 
`losing 
control', 
at 
two 
levels. Firstly, 
the 
lack 
of 
personal control 
over 
the 
treatment 
regime 
and secondly, 
a related 
perceived 
lack 
of control 
over 
future 
direction 
and 
life 
planning. 
It 
is 
within 
this 
movement 
from 
the 
initial 
sense 
of 
losing 
control, 
to the 
descriptions 
of 
life `limbo' 
(Mary), 
to the 
importance 
of 
regaining 
control 
that 
a 
number 
of significant 
issues 
emerged within 
participant 
narratives, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
notions 
of 
time 
and 
body 
narratives, 
which 
I 
will 
explore 
further below. 
Diary 
narratives 
illustrate 
a similar 
process. 
Approaching 
treatment, 
the 
issue 
of 
control 
manifested 
itself 
at a 
superficial 
level 
and 
through 
the 
perceived 
impending 
disruption 
of 
lifestyles, 
daily 
norms 
and 
routines. 
At 
a 
deeper level, 
the 
difficulty 
of 
the 
perceived 
lack 
of control 
over 
both 
outcome 
and 
the 
future 
is 
experienced, 
causing 
at 
times 
increasing 
anxiety, 
isolation 
and 
withdrawal. 
Again, 
the 
emergence 
of 
the 
notion of control 
and 
participant 
reflection 
during 
periods 
described 
as 
being 
`out 
of 
control', 
suggests 
perceptions 
of 
having 
been 
`in 
control' 
prior 
to 
diagnosis. 
Further, this 
280 
suggests 
participant 
movements 
in 
and out 
of control, underlining 
my 
critical 
focus 
on 
participant 
negotiation 
of and 
reflection upon 
these 
moments 
and 
the 
issues 
that 
may 
arise 
within. 
Diarists' 
narratives 
through 
treatment 
revealed 
at 
times, 
narrative 
contraction, 
or 
the 
`anaesthetising' 
of past assumptions 
and 
future 
expectations, 
an 
experience 
related 
to the 
need 
for 
distraction 
and, 
at 
times, 
reflected 
in 
withdrawal 
from 
recording 
the 
diary itself. 
The 
notion 
of control and 
the 
differing 
yet related 
dimensions 
highlighted 
can 
be 
used 
to 
partially make sense of 
illustrated 
consistencies across 
the 
data 
and particularly 
the 
later 
emergence 
of 
`body 
talk'. 
Within 
diarists 
narratives, 
perceptions 
of a 
lack 
of control 
during 
the 
period of 
treatment 
itself 
and 
subsequent 
reflection 
began 
to 
illuminate 
the 
beginnings 
of early 
`body 
talk'. 
Likewise, 
within 
life 
story 
narratives, recounting 
the 
period of 
diagnosis 
and 
treatment 
moved 
narratives 
away 
from 
initial 
descriptions 
of assumptions 
and 
expectation. 
Narratives 
described the 
effects 
of a 
developing 
awareness 
and 
loss 
of 
control, 
a 
revisiting 
of past 
expectations 
and subsequent 
questioning 
of 
long-held 
and 
past assumptions. 
It is 
here 
that the 
relationship 
between 
experience, 
understanding 
and 
time 
bears 
a 
direct 
relationship 
to 
my 
understanding 
of 
the 
female 
body 
in 
this 
field. For 
a number 
of 
participants, 
it 
is during 
the 
period 
of 
treatment 
itself, 
or 
reflection 
upon 
this 
period, 
that the 
`body 
narratives' 
I 
described 
began 
to 
emerge, 
suggesting 
a relationship 
between 
perceived 
lack 
of 
control 
and emerging 
body 
awareness. 
However, 
a 
further 
temporal 
dimension 
also 
illuminates 
participants' 
`body 
narratives'. 
281 
Temporality: 
reflecting 
narrative 
lives 
Participants' 
developing 
temporal 
awareness 
must 
be 
understood 
as 
co- 
dependent 
and 
mutually 
related 
to 
notions 
of control, 
described 
above 
and 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
descriptions 
of a 
loss 
of 
control and attempts 
to 
regain 
and maintain 
control. 
The 
findings 
I 
summarise, 
illustrated by Figure 
7 
(below), 
reflect 
the 
related and 
temporal 
process 
of meaning making 
and 
embodied 
becoming 
through 
participant conceptualisation 
of 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and subsequent 
treatment 
options as a 
`turning 
point'. 
Past Time 
Waiting 
Time 
Public/Private 
Time 
The 
present 
time 
of 
infertility 
Controlling 
Time 
Suspending 
Time 
Future 
Time 
Figure: 
7 
Elements 
of 
time 
Life 
story 
narratives 
illustrated 
the 
differing 
`voices' 
of participants, 
the 
movement, 
negotiation 
and 
transition 
between 
them 
and 
subsequent 
processes 
of 
reflection. 
Narratives 
illustrate 
the 
transition 
between 
losing 
control 
and 
attempts 
to 
regain 
and 
maintain control, again 
underlining 
the 
significance 
of 
a 
temporal 
dimension 
within participants' 
stories. 
As 
I have 
282 
discussed, 
this 
temporal 
dimension 
must 
be 
recognised 
at 
two 
levels: 
the 
time 
of 
the 
interview 
itself, 
research 
participation 
and 
the 
process 
of researcher- 
participant 
interaction 
and 
the 
`time' 
of 
participants' 
lives. Participants, 
on 
the 
one 
hand, 
recount 
their 
understanding of perceived 
wider 
expectations 
within 
a social context. 
However, 
participation 
within 
the 
interview 
alongside 
the 
process 
of reflection 
and researcher-participant 
interaction 
at 
times 
raised 
issues 
for 
consideration 
that 
participants 
had 
not previously encountered 
or 
fully 
considered, underlining my earlier suggestion 
that the 
process 
of 
participation 
and reflection may contribute 
to the 
act of meaning-making 
itself 
(Rosenthal, 1993). 
Within 
diarists' 
narratives, 
this temporal 
dimension 
is 
again 
both 
mirrored 
and 
magnified. 
Diarists 
initially 
presented 
and contextualised 
their 
early 
diary 
entries 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
past, 
the 
present and 
the 
future. 
Again, 
this 
underlined 
the 
relevance 
of a 
temporal 
framework 
alongside 
the 
notion 
that 
understanding 
experience 
cannot 
be developed 
out with 
the 
exploration 
of 
both 
past 
(assumptions) 
and 
future 
(expectations). 
The 
subsequently 
narrated 
difficulties 
of 
the 
perceived 
`confrontation' 
(Dorothy) 
with 
treatment, 
the 
desire 
to 
`suspend' 
and 
`control' 
present 
time 
by 
`neither looking 
backwards 
nor 
looking 
forwards' 
(Lisa) 
accompanied 
by 
perceptions 
of 
time 
`standing 
still' 
(Pearl) 
during 
active 
treatment 
underlines 
the 
inter-dependency 
of 
past, 
present 
and 
future time. 
The 
contextualisation of 
the 
self 
in 
relation 
to 
past assumptions 
and 
future 
expectations, 
illustrated 
prior 
to 
active 
treatment, 
is 
noticeable 
by 
its 
absence 
or 
silence within 
diary 
narratives at 
this 
point. 
This 
283 
again 
underlines 
my 
methodological 
and analytical 
position 
that 
attention 
must 
also 
be 
paid 
to 
what 
remains 
absent 
from 
narrative content. 
I 
also 
suggest 
that 
this 
temporal 
suspension 
is directly 
related 
to 
diarists' 
perceptions 
of 
movements 
in 
and out 
of control 
and, relatedly, 
movement 
in 
and out of 
periods 
of 
more 
developed 
reflection. 
As 
active 
treatment 
began, 
perceptions 
of 
the 
level 
of 
control 
moved 
and 
changed. 
Diarists', 
at 
times, 
suspended 
timely 
reflection, 
emphasising 
the 
diary 
itself 
as 
also 
part 
of 
a 
strategy of control 
maintenance. 
To 
underline, 
focusing 
on researcher-participant 
interaction 
as co-producers 
of narratives, participants' 
illustration 
and 
negotiation 
of 
the 
differing facets 
of 
the 
notion of control, alongside 
the 
temporal 
dimensions 
of narrative 
accounts 
emphasises 
the 
significance of 
these 
concepts 
as a 
framework 
for 
understanding 
women's 
experiences of 
infertility, 
the 
treatment 
process 
and 
emergent 
body 
narratives. 
This includes 
the 
significance 
of earlier 
assumptions, negotiation 
of current 
experiences, 
future 
expectation and 
how 
these 
influence the 
interpretation 
of 
the 
meaning of 
both 
their 
experiences 
within 
this 
field 
and 
their 
bodies, 
as 
I 
discuss 
through 
the 
following 
sections. 
Body 
narratives: 
emergent 
encounters 
During 
the 
early 
stages 
of research participation, 
participants 
made, 
by 
comparison, 
limited 
bodily 
reference. 
Within 
the 
life 
story 
interviews, 
participants 
narration 
of 
their 
early 
experiences 
suggested 
an 
`assumed' 
or at 
least 
an 
`unquestioned' 
body 
and 
one 
also 
framed 
within 
both 
personal 
and 
284 
wider 
expectations 
and 
influences. 
Again, 
my comparison 
between 
diarists' 
early 
and 
later 
narratives 
suggests 
`body 
talk' 
as more 
noticeable 
by 
its 
absence 
from 
narratives 
than its 
presence 
within. 
Much 
of 
this 
absence 
or 
silence 
is illuminated 
by 
a 
temporal 
approach 
to 
analysis 
and 
related 
focus 
on 
facets 
of 
control 
described 
above. 
What 
is 
of 
interest 
here 
is 
how, 
when 
and 
why 
the 
body 
or 
`body 
talk' 
emerges 
through 
participant 
narratives. 
Through 
the 
following 
sections, 
I 
explore 
further 
the 
significance 
of 
women's 
experiences 
in 
this 
field 
for 
a revised 
embodied 
theoretical framework, 
illustrating 
how 
this 
contributes 
towards 
a move 
beyond 
the 
earlier 
limitations 
identified in 
relation 
to 
understanding 
the 
body 
within sociology. 
The 
passive 
body 
Within life 
story narratives, 
initial 
perceptions of 
the 
body 
were 
described 
in 
relation 
to the 
perceived 
inability 
to 
fulfil 
the 
`expected' 
potential 
of 
the 
female 
body 
and subsequent 
and related perceptions of a 
loss 
of control. 
Understandings 
of 
the 
female 
body 
are 
first 
narrated 
by 
recounting 
the 
expectations of 
others, 
for 
example, partners, 
family, 
friends 
and 
work 
colleagues. 
A 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body 
as socially 
located 
and 
constructed would 
appear 
fruitful here. However, 
these 
early 
descriptions 
began 
to 
change 
as participants 
moved 
through 
their 
focused life 
story, 
describing 
and 
reflecting 
upon 
the 
lasting 
effects of 
their 
experiences 
and 
outlining a 
developing 
awareness 
of 
their 
bodies described 
at 
two 
levels. 
Firstly, 
this 
may 
be 
in 
physical 
terms 
and 
linked 
to the 
effects of 
a 
long 
term 
and 
heightened 
focus 
on 
treatment 
protocol 
or, secondly, 
in 
a more 
experiential 
sense 
and 
description 
of 
the 
perceived 
failure 
of 
the 
body 
as 
a 
285 
central 
turning 
point 
in 
their 
lives. 
Participants 
narration 
of and reflection 
upon 
their 
earlier 
experience 
suggests, 
at 
first, 
an assumed 
or passive 
body 
and 
one 
critically 
framed 
within 
wider expectations 
and 
influences. 
This 
highlights 
the 
continued 
relevance 
of 
a gendered 
dimension 
within 
my analysis, 
resisting 
disengagement 
with 
the 
effects 
of power 
dimensions 
and 
perceived 
structural 
influences 
and constraints. 
However, 
reflecting 
back 
upon 
the 
period 
where 
conception 
difficulties 
were 
discovered 
moved participant narratives 
from 
this 
initial 
passivity 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
body, 
towards 
the 
recounting of a 
developing 
awareness, a revisiting of 
past expectation 
and 
subsequent 
questioning 
of 
long-held 
assumptions 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
female body. This highlights 
the 
female body 
as an 
interactive 
site within 
the 
negotiation 
of confrontational 
or critical 
moments. 
It is during 
this 
period 
or 
`confrontation' that 
participants 
more 
specifically referred 
to the 
`failed' 
(Margaret) 
and 
`female' 
(Dorothy) body, 
the 
effects 
of a 
lack 
of control 
over 
the 
reproductive 
process 
and 
an 
increasing 
awareness 
of 
day 
to 
day 
bodily interiority, 
experience 
and change. 
Within 
diarists' 
narratives, 
`body talk' 
is 
again 
emergent 
and more 
specifically 
during the 
period 
of 
active 
treatment, 
recounting 
the 
effects 
of 
high-dosage 
drugs, 
related 
concerns 
and experience 
of physical 
symptoms. 
The importance 
of 
asking 
questions 
of narrative 
content 
again 
cannot 
be 
overemphasised. 
In 
particular, 
why 
this type 
of 
`body 
talk' 
and 
at 
this 
point? 
As I 
suggested, 
this 
may 
partially 
be 
the 
effect 
of 
a powerful 
treatment 
protocol. 
However, 
narratives 
illustrate 
an 
alternative 
viewpoint. 
The 
286 
emergence 
of 
this 
type 
of 
body 
narrative must 
be 
seen 
directly 
in 
relation 
to 
a 
developing 
and 
temporal 
understanding, 
influenced by 
the 
differing 
dimensions 
of 
the 
notion 
of 
control 
I have identified 
and 
concurrent 
with 
reflective movement 
through 
the 
experience of 
treatment. 
Attention 
to 
the 
more 
functional 
properties 
of participant 
narratives and 
changes 
to 
both 
style 
and voice 
further 
illuminated 
narrative movement 
and 
identification 
of 
first 
the 
`passive' 
or silent, objectified 
body being 
`treated' 
to 
the 
`experiencing' 
body 
through 
treatment 
and, 
finally, 
towards 
a 
form 
of 
convergence 
and 
sense 
of 
the 
`experienced' body. 
The 
experienced 
body 
Through 
this 
summary analysis, 
I have 
set 
the 
scene 
for 
the 
movement 
and 
emergence 
of 
body 
narratives, 
illustrating 
first 
the 
absence 
of 
the 
body 
and 
the 
emergence 
and subsequent 
abstraction of 
the 
body 
within 
both life 
story 
and 
diary 
narratives. 
I 
underline 
the 
notion 
that 
women's 
embodied 
experience 
must 
be 
understood 
as 
inter-dependent 
with, relational 
to 
and 
embedded within 
a 
complex web 
of 
both 
personal and wider social relations. 
In 
this 
respect, 
the 
use 
of 
life 
story 
and 
diary 
methods 
of approach can 
be 
considered as 
both 
complementary 
and 
effective 
forms 
of 
investigation 
and 
exploration and 
ones 
that 
situate 
both 
researcher 
and participants 
as 
co- 
producers 
of 
meaning 
narratives. 
Attention 
to the 
layered 
analysis 
I 
have 
documented throughout 
underlines 
the 
critical 
change and 
movement 
of 
`body 
talk' through 
the 
narratives, 
suggesting 
during later 
narratives 
an 
experiential 
body 
and 
subsequently 
a 
form 
of 
convergence and 
sense 
of 
the 
experienced 
body. 
287 
Within 
life 
story 
narratives, 
this 
is illustrated 
through 
participant 
narration 
of 
the 
importance 
of 
`regaining 
control' 
(Dorothy), irrespective 
of 
treatment 
success or 
decisions 
to 
end/continue 
with 
treatment. 
Participants 
describe 
attempting 
to 
regain 
or 
maintain 
control 
by `bracketing' 
their 
encounter 
from 
the 
flow 
of 
their 
everyday 
experiences. 
Yet, 
again, 
unexpected 
episodes, 
encounters and 
experiences 
may 
reawaken 
uncertainty, 
leading 
to 
further 
reappraisal 
and 
reflection. 
Alongside, 
participants 
describe 
an 
overwhelming 
sense 
of 
personal 
failure 
alongside 
a growing 
bodily 
awareness 
that, 
significantly, 
fails 
to 
diminish 
through time. 
Likewise, 
within 
diary 
narratives and 
reflecting after 
treatment 
has 
ended, 
participants 
describe: 
a growing awareness 
of 
the 
significance 
of widespread 
cultural assumptions 
and norms embedded 
in 
expectations of 
the 
future 
and 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
social 
location 
of parenthood; a 
heightened 
awareness 
that 
`time is 
running out' 
(Joanne), 
illustrating 
the 
difficulties 
of 
reconciling 
the 
past, present 
and 
the 
future; 
a 
heightened bodily 
awareness 
and related reflection 
upon 
success 
or 
failure 
and 
the 
continuation 
or 
end of 
treatment. 
The 
history 
and 
the 
moment: 
the 
body 
within 
sociology 
I 
again underline 
the 
importance 
of exploring 
the 
female body 
and women's 
experience 
of 
infertility 
not 
simply 
as a 
linear 
and 
directional `process' 
with 
a 
start and 
a 
finish 
but 
within 
a 
biographical 
and 
temporal 
context. 
The 
problem 
of 
the 
body 
in 
sociology 
has 
been, 
critically, 
also part 
of wider 
debate 
concerning 
how 
we 
can 
know 
and 
how 
we can 
specify 
the 
links 
between 
288 
ideas, 
experience 
and 
reality. 
The limitations 
within past 
and 
contemporary 
theoretical 
and 
methodological 
frameworks 
reflect 
this 
difficulty, 
alongside 
the 
failure 
to 
retrace 
steps, 
explore 
fully 
the 
differing frameworks 
of 
understanding 
that 
underpin 
qualitative 
research 
and 
the 
potential 
relevance 
of 
this 
to 
the 
exploration 
and 
understanding 
of 
embodied 
experiences. 
By 
moving 
away 
from 
the 
restrictive 
notion 
of 
the `atomised' 
and 
`isolated' 
individual 
(Miller, 
2000; Burkitt, 1991) 
and 
the 
perceived 
limitations 
of 
the 
reflexive 
self 
identified 
through 
my 
early chapters, 
my approach 
embraced 
alternative 
tools for 
the 
development 
of understanding 
in 
this 
field. 
This 
incorporates 
both 
the 
`internal' 
and 
subjective 
point of 
view 
while 
simultaneously 
appreciating 
that 
such 
activity 
takes 
place 
in 
the 
context 
of wider 
social 
settings and 
contextual 
resources 
(Layder, 
1998: 3). 
In 
relation 
to 
understanding 
the 
female 
body 
and 
embodied experience 
in 
this 
field, 
my aim 
has been 
to 
access 
this 
understanding 
not 
through the 
exploration 
of 
solitary 
instances 
or momentary 
thought 
but 
to 
illuminate 
changing or 
developing 
experiences 
as 
they 
occur. 
Thus, 
what 
cannot 
be 
said or experienced 
in 
one moment 
may emerge, 
or 
become 
clear, 
over 
time. 
As illustrated 
above, 
both 
life 
story and 
diary 
participant 
narratives 
reveal 
key 
themes 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility: 
control, 
time 
and 
the 
body. 
In 
particular, participants 
began 
to 
make 
sense of 
their 
embodied 
experiences 
both 
through 
confrontation 
and over 
time. 
Participants' 
reflection 
upon 
and continuing experience of 
infertility 
underlines my 
identification 
of 
the 
significance of 
the 
relationship 
between 
experience, understanding 
and 
time. 
I 
briefly 
revisit my 
earlier 
points 
here. 
Firstly, 
the 
relationship 
between 
experience, 
understanding and 
time 
bears 
a 
direct 
relationship 
to 
understanding 
the 
body 
in 
this 
field. The 
experience 
289 
exposes 
the 
assumption 
of 
a 
`controllable 
reality' 
(Adam, 
1995). 
Participants, 
through the 
experience 
itself, 
through 
research participation and 
interaction, 
reassemble 
their 
reality, 
moving 
from 
`disembodied, 
passive 
observers. 
Disembodied 
from 
the 
temporalities 
and 
chronologies 
of 
being 
and 
separated 
from 
past, 
present 
and 
future' 
(Adam, 
1995: 
149-163) 
towards becoming 
embodied and 
timely 
aware 
participants. 
Secondly, 
my 
analysis 
has 
explored 
not 
just 
the 
dominant 
themes 
and 
patterns 
emerging 
from 
the 
data 
but 
also, 
critically, 
the 
movement 
of 
these 
patterns 
and 
themes through 
participant 
narratives, 
an analytic process 
involving 
constant 
comparison, 
researcher- 
participant 
interaction 
and movement 
backwards 
and 
forwards 
through 
the 
narratives. 
This 
suggests an epistemological 
challenge 
which 
begins 
to 
ask questions 
of 
both 
past and current understandings 
of 
the 
body 
within sociology 
and 
identified 
through 
my early chapters. 
That 
there 
are 
implications 
for 
sociology 
as 
a 
discipline 
of 
how it 
thinks 
about 
the 
body is 
without 
doubt. Jackson 
and 
Scott's 
(2002) 
suggestion 
that 
the 
point of access 
begins 
with 
thinking 
through 
the 
body 
and 
our experiences' using 
reflexively 
constructed 
biographies 
is 
a 
move 
forward, 
one which 
rightly encourages 
the 
move 
back 
to 
practice 
and 
with embodied 
actualities 
in 
a sociologically grounded manner and 
one 
both 
reflected 
and 
strengthened 
here. Both 
through 
my earlier chapters and 
further 
elaborated above, 
I 
have 
outlined 
the 
advantages 
of 
a 
biographical 
and 
narrative approach 
and 
focus 
on 
the 
process 
of 
meaning 
making 
itself 
within 
the 
research 
encounter. 
My 
development 
of 
the 
conceptualisation 
of 
infertility 
as 
a 
`turning 
point' 
(Charmaz, 
1994) 
acts 
as 
a 
further 
critical component 
to 
290 
this 
revised 
conceptual 
and 
analytical 
bridge. 
I 
adapted 
Mauthner 
and 
Doucet's (1998) 
relational 
analytic 
strategy 
to 
effectively 
access 
these `turning 
points', 
translating 
the 
notion 
of a 
relational 
ontology 
into 
a 
methodology 
and 
concrete method 
of 
data 
analysis. 
This 
involved 
tracing 
both 
my 
own 
and 
participants 
voices 
through 
a 
series 
of 
readings and at a 
number 
of 
levels. 
Here, 
analysis rested 
on 
three dimensions. 
Firstly, 
a 
temporal 
dimension, 
exploring research 
(both 
researcher 
and 
participant) 
narratives 
through 
a 
temporal 
lens. This 
included 
both 
the 
present 
time 
of 
infertility 
and 
past 
and 
future 
reflections. 
Secondly, 
an 
individual 
dimension, 
emphasising 
the 
subjective 
and reflective 
interpretation 
of 
events, experiences 
and emergent 
awareness 
of 
bodily interiority. Finally, 
a contextual 
dimension, 
emphasising 
participants' 
location 
within 
both 
personal 
and wider social networks 
and 
negotiation of 
differing 
yet related 
temporal 
markers. 
It is 
through this 
revised 
conceptualisation of 
the 
female 
body 
and women's embodied 
experience 
as 
temporally, 
socially, experientially 
located 
and 
transformative, 
rather 
than 
as 
a 
fixed, 
independent 
and static entity, 
that 
we may 
finally 
lay 
to 
rest 
the 
unease 
and 
confusion 
which 
has 
long 
persisted as a constraint 
in 
this 
field. 
Further, 
and 
in 
relation 
to theoretical 
elaboration 
developed 
through 
my early chapters, 
it is 
this 
conceptualisation 
which 
finally 
moves 
beyond 
the 
difficulties 
of 
developing 
a non-reductionist 
material ontology of 
the 
female 
body 
and 
the 
continued 
imposition 
of 
dualistic 
frameworks 
which 
have long 
troubled 
thinking 
in this 
field. 
Through the 
following 
sections, 
I illustrate how 
this 
position 
contributes 
to 
more 
recent 
developments 
and moves 
debate beyond 
the 
restrictive 
impasse 
I 
identified. 
Central 
to 
this 
has 
been 
the 
emergence 
of 
291 
`body 
talk' 
across 
both 
life 
story and 
diary 
narratives 
and 
the 
centrality 
of 
notions of 
time 
and 
control 
as 
factors 
that 
make 
sense 
of 
this. 
Functional 
narratives: 
meaning 
as participative 
Both 
recognising and exploring 
the 
differing 
contexts and 
levels 
of narrative 
management, 
reflection and meaning-making 
is 
critical 
for 
the 
development 
of 
an understanding 
of embodiment 
in 
this 
field. My 
point 
that 
women might 
share 
some 
aspects 
of 
biological knowing 
and understanding 
thus 
becomes 
neither 
a constructed 
nor 
reductionist position 
but 
one 
of 
becoming 
and 
meaning-making. 
In 
particular, conceptualising 
the 
female body 
in 
relation 
to 
`meaning-making' 
resists 
the 
persistent 
notion of 
the 
social 
actor as 
both 
a 
disembodied 
and 
ontologically 
silent 
agent, 
a point 
I have 
identified 
in 
relation 
to the 
weaknesses 
and 
limitations 
of 
both 
past 
and more 
contemporary 
theorising 
in 
this 
field. Further, 
by 
arguing 
an understanding 
of 
the 
female 
body 
must 
be 
one 
both 
developed 
and 
explored 
through 
experience, 
context 
and 
time, 
a position 
which 
includes 
recognition 
of researcher/participant 
co- 
production 
of 
narratives 
and 
both 
bodily 
interiority 
and 
exteriority, 
my 
theoretical 
development 
here 
is 
one 
`truly 
embodied', 
as 
Davis 
(1997) 
has 
long 
since 
called 
for. 
This 
is 
also 
reflected 
in 
my 
resistance 
to 
honing 
in 
on 
participants 
`body talk' 
too 
early, 
an 
erroneous 
route 
that 
suggests 
an 
elusive 
body 
awaiting 
capture. 
I 
develop 
these 
points 
in 
the 
following 
section. 
Exposing 
silences: 
bodily 
interiority 
and 
the 
process 
of 
becoming 
My 
argument 
that 
the 
female 
body 
is 
not 
`there' 
and may 
only 
be 
explored 
in 
a relational 
sense 
is 
precisely 
the 
point. 
Through 
my 
early 
chapters, 
I 
have 
292 
outlined 
and 
problematised 
attempts 
to 
move 
beyond 
restrictive 
epistemological, 
ontological 
and analytical 
frameworks 
in 
relation 
to 
the 
body 
and particularly 
notions 
of essentialism 
and 
foundationalism. The 
demand 
for 
both 
a 
theoretically 
defined 
and empirically 
driven 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
body has been 
long 
overdue. 
Turner's (1996) 
more recent 
work 
does 
propose a series 
of steps 
to 
develop 
a 
more 
theoretically 
defined 
and 
empirically 
driven `treatment' 
of 
the 
body. 
Firstly, 
a 
more sophisticated 
theoretical 
framework 
must 
be incorporated 
to 
overcome 
tensions 
between 
subjective and objective understandings, 
incorporating 
an exploration of 
the 
lived 
or phenomenological 
experience 
of 
embodiment 
alongside 
the 
`facticity' 
of our place 
in 
the 
world 
(Turner, 
1996: 
33). 
Secondly, 
a 
more 
developed 
understanding 
must 
incorporate 
a 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
embodied social 
actor 
in 
social space and, more 
specifically, 
in 
relation 
to 
interaction 
with 
others. 
Thirdly, 
this 
must also 
include 
appreciation 
of 
the 
reciprocity 
of 
social 
bodies 
over 
time. 
Finally, 
these 
steps 
must 
include 
and 
work 
alongside 
a 
historical 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
cultural 
formation 
of 
the 
body. 
I 
acknowledge 
a critical 
move 
forward 
here 
yet 
one which 
also 
remains 
limited 
by 
Turner's 
(1996: 
34) 
deliberate 
use 
of 
the 
philosophical 
expression 
and argument 
that 
`we 
are 
... 
always 
and 
already embodied'. 
This 
supports 
his 
position 
that 
the 
physicality 
of 
the 
body 
needs 
little 
sociological 
development 
`since 
the 
natural 
body is 
always and already 
injected 
with 
cultural 
understanding 
and 
social 
history'. 
While 
it is 
perfectly 
admissible 
to 
293 
`admit' 
there 
are 
biological 
differences between 
men 
and 
women, 
Turner 
argues, 
these 
are 
culturally 
mediated and 
historical 
characteristics 
that 
can 
be 
radically changed 
by 
social 
and political 
intervention 
- 
the 
body, 
therefore, 
can 
only ever 
be `known' 
as another 
level 
of 
social construct. 
Borrowing 
from 
Marxist 
ontology, 
Turner 
(1996: 
225) 
suggests 
that 
human 
essence 
does 
not 
reside 
in biology 
and 
is 
about capacity 
and 
potentiality. 
Further, 
humans 
realise 
their 
potentiality as sensuous, 
practice and creative agents 
historically. 
Thus, 
much research 
in 
the 
field 
of 
the 
sociology of 
the 
body 
may 
lead 
to 
a 
critique 
of 
those 
features 
of 
human 
control, constraint 
and 
domination 
that 
constrain 
human 
potentiality. 
While I 
applaud 
these 
directions, 
participants' 
narratives within 
this 
project also 
demand 
movement 
away 
from 
a generic 
understanding 
of 
the 
body 
through 
signification alone 
to 
an understanding of 
gendered 
embodiment 
as a process of 
becoming 
and meaning-making, 
one 
that 
includes 
both 
bodily 
interiority 
and exteriority 
and 
the 
differing 
capacity 
of 
both 
male and 
female bodies. 
As 
I have demonstrated, 
by 
failing 
to 
admit 
biology 
into 
their 
analyses, 
combined 
with 
the 
misplaced assumptions 
and 
perceived 
dangers 
of 
suggesting 
an 
`essential' 
or 
`foundational' body, 
more 
contemporary 
commentators 
critically 
miss 
the 
opportunity 
to 
develop 
and 
move 
beyond the 
exterior 
of 
the 
body. 
As Birke 
(2000) 
argues, what 
goes on 
inside 
the 
body 
has 
remained 
a mystery. 
Referring 
to 
Davis' 
(1997) 
commentary, 
the 
lack 
of an engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship 
and 
particularly 
the 
issue 
of 
the 
female body 
in 
relation 
to 
gender 
has 
been 
problematic 
and, ultimately, 
assumes 
a 
generic 
body. 
For 
example, 
while 
Shilling's 
earlier 
(1993) 
work provides 
a 
(limited) 
appraisal 
of 
294 
feminist 
scholarship 
in 
this field, 
his 
subsequent 
(2001) 
identification 
and 
critique 
of 
the 
use 
of 
`marginalised 
resources', particularly 
feminist, 
Foucauldian 
and 
phenomenological 
approaches, arguably moves 
sideways 
and 
misses 
the 
opportunity 
to 
explore 
the 
wealth of 
feminist 
thought in 
more 
depth. 
Instead, Shilling 
(2001) 
suggests a return 
to the 
writings and 
directions 
of 
`classical 
sociology' 
(2001: 
41), 
a 
difficulty 
within 
this 
arena 
that 
I have 
problematised 
through 
my early 
chapters. 
However, I do 
not suggest 
feminist 
thought 
in 
this 
field 
offers 
an 
immediate 
corrective. 
Indeed, 
as 
Moi 
(1999: 
120) 
argues and 
as my 
earlier 
chapters 
illustrate, 
the tensions 
within 
feminist 
theorising 
in 
this 
field illustrate further 
the 
metaphysical pictures 
that 
hold 
us 
captive. 
Further, 
these 
pictures 
illuminate 
a 
number of critical areas awaiting examination 
and which 
this 
thesis 
has 
explored. 
These include illustration 
of 
the 
difficulties 
and 
contradictions 
within 
the 
assumption 
that 
sociology 
has 
moved 
to 
a more 
`embodied' 
perspective. 
Somewhat ironically, 
the 
body 
- 
and particularly 
the 
female 
body 
- 
has, 
thus 
far, 
remained elusive 
if 
not absent. 
Difficulties 
conceptualising 
the 
body 
within 
a 
theoretically 
defined 
and 
empirically 
driven 
framework 
confirms 
the 
body 
within sociology 
as a site of 
tension. 
Yet, if 
feminist 
sociological 
thought 
has been 
concerned with 
how 
we 
can 
`know', 
that this 
is 
not 
separated 
from 
context, 
biography, 
belief 
and values 
(Adam, 
1989), 
then 
it 
is 
to 
this 
arena 
that 
our sociological gaze 
must 
turn. 
My 
re- 
engagement 
with 
feminist 
scholarship, more recent gender 
work, 
revised 
biological 
understandings 
and 
a 
focus 
on 
time 
as 
a 
theoretical, 
conceptual 
and 
analytical 
tool 
contributes 
to the 
development 
of 
a 
truly 
embodied 
295 
theoretical 
framework. 
As 
I have 
discussed, 
a 
truly 
embodied 
conceptual 
framework 
has 
remained 
elusive 
because little 
theory 
enters 
the body 
and 
considers 
the body 
in 
terms 
of 
its 
own 
inner 
processes. 
The 
body 
has 
remained 
experienced 
and 
still 
both 
constructed 
and acted 
upon. 
Yet, 
from 
within 
a 
temporal framework, 
recourse 
to the 
biological does 
not 
have 
to 
be 
considered 
a constraint. 
While 
the 
female 
body 
may 
be 
partially 
signified, 
as 
participant narratives 
illustrate, 
it is 
also 
much more 
than 
this 
and 
more 
than 
another 
level 
of 
social construct, 
enclosed 
within 
an entirely 
symbolic 
universe. 
To 
the 
(restrictive) 
dimensions 
of 
the 
body 
I illustrated 
in 
chapter 
one, 
I 
add a 
final 
and 
`becoming' 
body. 
More 
specifically, 
the 
foundation 
for 
this 
move rests 
within 
the 
space 
I 
have 
identified between 
the 
static and ontologically 
silent assumption 
that 
`we 
are 
always and already 
embodied' 
(Turner, 
1996: 34) 
and 
the 
conceptual 
and 
reflexive space 
offered 
by 
my 
temporal 
account 
of women's embodied 
experience 
in 
the 
field 
of 
infertility. 
Throughout 
my 
research, 
women 
have 
talked 
about 
the 
capacity 
and potentiality of 
their 
bodies, 
a process 
of 
reflexivity and 
meaning 
making 
that 
has 
remained central 
to 
my 
revised 
conceptual 
framework. Further, 
participants came 
to 
terms 
with 
bodily 
interiority 
over 
time. 
To 
underline, 
moving 
biology back 
into 
our 
framework 
of 
analysis 
is 
neither 
a 
limiting 
nor restrictive 
position and 
is 
one which 
finally 
overcomes 
the 
difficulty 
of naming 
the 
female 
and 
biological body. Further, 
this 
is 
a position 
which 
aids 
my revised conceptualisation 
of 
the 
gendered 
body by breaking 
down the 
barriers 
between 
sex, gender 
and 
the 
body. The 
issue 
is 
not 
that 
there 
are 
no 
constraints 
at 
all 
but 
to 
problematise 
the 
296 
assumptions 
embedded 
in 
notions 
of 
the 
dominant 
preconceived 
constraints 
which 
have 
contributed 
to 
sociology's 
flight 
from 
the 
body 
and 
the 
persistence 
of an embodied 
view 
which 
has, 
until now, 
remained 
disembodied. 
Gendered 
embodiment 
and 
the time 
of 
infertility 
My 
conceptualisation 
of gendered 
embodiment as a process of 
becoming 
is 
one 
that 
has become 
steadily 
illuminated 
through 
my 
research. 
This 
conceptualisation 
is best 
described 
as an emergent 
bodily 
awareness 
and 
understanding, 
narrated and reflected 
upon 
by 
participants and 
illuminated 
through 
time, 
through 
space, 
through 
encounters with 
others and 
through 
research 
interaction 
itself. I 
again use 
Adam's 
(1990: 161) holographic 
metaphor 
as a 
conceptual 
device 
that 
recognises 
the 
potential 
of 
the 
notion 
of 
`mutual 
implication' 
in 
relation 
to this 
conceptualisation 
of women's embodied 
experience 
- 
everything 
is 
connected 
without 
being 
totalising 
or presenting a 
new 
metanarrative. 
Participant 
narratives 
illustrate that 
an understanding 
of 
the 
female 
body 
cannot 
be 
understood 
as 
separate 
from 
the 
multitude 
of 
relationships, 
connections 
and 
continuum 
of phenomena 
that 
make up 
the 
complexity 
of 
women's 
everyday 
experiences. 
In 
this 
respect, 
my research 
has 
re-engaged 
with 
the 
female 
body 
and 
the 
concept 
and 
process 
of 
embodiment 
itself. 
Participants' 
conceptualisation 
and negotiation 
of 
both 
their 
experiences, 
and 
the 
female 
body, 
as 
both 
biologically 
and 
temporally 
contextual, 
emergent 
and 
transformative 
illuminates 
an understanding 
of 
the 
female body 
that 
moves 
beyond the 
limitations 
of exteriority. 
Further, 
the 
variety 
of 
ways 
participants 
came 
to terms 
with 
both 
their 
female 
biology 
and 
expectations 
of 
bodily 
interiority 
- 
irrespective 
of 
whether 
confronting 
success 
297 
or 
failure 
- 
underlines 
the 
relevance of a 
revised 
and alternative 
biological 
conceptualisation 
of 
the body 
as 
transformative 
and 
in 
process 
(Birke, 
2000). 
There 
are 
no 
`final' 
body 
narratives 
within 
this 
project. 
Instead, 
my 
analysis 
has 
revealed 
narratives 
of 
transition, 
becoming 
and meaning 
making. 
Participants 
neither 
moved 
`beyond' 
their 
bodies 
yet 
nor were 
they 
finally 
limited 
by 
them. 
The 
notion 
of 
bodily interiority 
and 
the 
process of 
becoming 
beg 
further 
exploration 
in 
this 
field, 
as 
I 
will 
discuss 
in 
my 
final 
postscript. 
Meantime, 
the 
significance 
of my research 
must 
be 
viewed 
from 
two 
levels. 
Firstly, I 
have 
succeeded 
in 
returning 
the 
female body 
to 
a gender analytic 
through 
the 
development 
of 
the 
concept of gendered 
embodiment 
as a 
process 
of 
becoming 
and meaning-making. 
My 
conceptualisation 
is 
temporally 
situated, 
exploring 
the 
materiality and 
physicality of 
the 
female 
body 
and 
its 
emergent 
meaning 
through 
confrontation, context 
and 
time. 
Further, 
my 
conceptualisation 
embraces 
both 
exteriority 
and 
interiority 
and 
acknowledges 
the 
differing 
capacity 
and 
potentiality 
of 
the 
female body. Yet 
this 
is 
neither 
a permeable 
(Haraway, 
1991) 
nor a 
hollow 
body. 
Secondly, by 
overcoming 
the 
difficulties 
of 
admitting 
the 
female body 
into 
my analyses, 
and 
illuminating the 
process 
of embodiment 
itself 
within 
this 
field, 
my research 
has 
contributed 
to the 
development 
of an 
empirically 
driven 
embodied 
theoretical 
framework 
which 
finally, 
puts 
the 
body's 
feet 
- 
and 
particularly 
the 
female 
body 
- 
on 
the 
ground 
(Jackson 
and 
Scott, 
2001). 
Somewhat 
paradoxically, 
it 
has been the 
female 
body 
and women's 
narrated 
understandings 
and 
experiences 
within 
one 
of 
the 
most 
contentious 
arena of 
all 
that 
has 
given 
298 
clarity 
to 
my 
revised 
conceptual 
framework 
and 
which 
also 
offers 
directions 
for 
future 
research 
in 
this 
field. 
299 
?oli 
Postscript 
The 
notion 
of 
the body 
as 
an 
`absent 
presence' 
(Shilling, 1993), 
subsequent 
acknowledgements 
of 
a 
`recuperated' 
body 
and 
the 
difficulties 
identified 
in 
relation 
to 
a 
now 
presumed 
embodied 
framework 
within 
sociology 
has 
remained 
central 
to 
my 
research. 
Many 
bodies 
now 
roam 
the 
sociological 
landscape 
yet 
the 
body is 
both 
everywhere 
and nowhere 
- 
echoing 
the 
old 
adage 
that the 
more 
closely 
we approach 
things, 
the 
less 
clear 
they 
become 
(Williams, 
2003). By 
illustrating 
the 
dimensions from 
within 
which 
contemporary 
debate 
surrounding 
the 
body 
has 
evolved, and 
further 
troubling 
academic 
investment in 
the 
body 
within 
sociology over 
the 
last 
two 
decades, 
my research 
has 
underlined 
these 
early presumptions as premature. 
However, 
as 
Williams 
(2003: 
3) 
argues, 
`the deafening 
chorus of cries 
to 
bring 
the 
body back 
in is 
now giving way 
to 
a new, more 
critical call which seeks 
to 
`question' 
the 
current 
state of play, reopen 
debates 
about 
the 
role of 
biology, 
and 
move 
towards 
a more 
`integrative' 
phase of 
theorising". 
As 
part 
of 
this 
more 
questioning 
phase, 
my research 
has 
contributed 
towards the 
return of 
the 
female body 
to 
this 
field. Further, through 
my 
development 
of a revised 
conceptual 
framework 
and one 
that 
embraces 
the 
materiality, physicality and 
temporality 
of 
the 
female body, this 
research 
illuminates 
the 
process of 
embodiment 
itself, through 
the 
co-production 
of researcher-participant 
narratives, 
in the 
development 
of a now 
truly 
embodied 
conceptual 
framework. In 
so 
doing, the 
limits 
of 
both biological 
reductionism 
and 
social 
constructionism 
have 
been 
overcome. 
It is 
this 
revised 
conceptual 
framework 
which offers 
directions 
for 
future 
research 
in 
this 
and related 
fields. 
300 
Throughout 
this 
research, 
the 
shadow of another 
body 
has 
been 
present 
- 
and 
somewhat 
paradoxically, 
the 
male 
body. In 
the 
words 
of 
Judith 
writing 
towards 
the 
end 
of 
her 
diary-keeping, 
I'm 
writing 
this 
now 
as 
he's 
reading 
it 
over my 
shoulder'. 
It 
is 
in 
this direction 
that 
my 
future 
research 
will 
first 
turn, 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
male 
experiences 
of 
infertility. 
The 
challenge 
I 
foresee 
will 
be 
in finally 
bringing 
these 
narratives 
together. 
Relatedly, I 
also 
identify 
the 
experiences 
of 
the 
voluntary 
childless 
as 
a 
direction 
for future 
research. 
Only 
limited 
research 
has 
been 
undertaken 
in 
this 
field 
and yet 
has 
raised 
a number 
of 
issues: for 
example, 
in 
terms 
of 
health 
education, 
the 
effective 
monitoring 
of 
trends 
and providing 
well- 
informed 
information 
concerning 
declining 
rates of 
conception 
(for 
example, 
McAllister 
and 
Clarke, 
1998) 
and 
the 
challenge 
to the 
caricature 
of 
the 
childless 
woman as 
`bereft' 
(Letherby, 
2002). While 
these 
studies 
raise 
a 
number 
of 
pertinent 
issues, 
there 
is 
room 
for 
development 
here 
and 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied experiences within 
this 
field. 
From 
a social 
policy perspective, more recent commentary 
(Ellis 
and 
Dean, 
2000; Lewis, Dean 
and 
Saraga, 2000) highlights how 
social 
policy as a 
discipline has been 
relative 
late 
engaging with, and 
has devoted 
very 
little 
attention 
to the 
body 
and 
its 
theoretical 
significance 
- 
despite 
the 
fact 
that the 
body has 
stood, 
invisibly, 
at 
the 
heart 
of social policy practice. 
Yet, 
as 
this 
research 
has 
illustrated, 
the 
body 
cannot 
stand and 
be 
understood 
as solely 
discursively 
constructed. 
Through 
my 
conceptualisation 
of 
the 
relational 
body 
and 
understanding 
of 
embodied experience 
as relational 
and 
both 
301 
contextually 
and 
temporally 
situated, 
future 
research 
directions 
may 
contribute 
to 
an emancipatory 
approach 
to 
social 
policy 
which 
also 
begins 
to 
look 
at 
the 
ways 
in 
which 
the 
body 
can 
assert 
itself 
as 
the 
subject of 
welfare 
discourse 
(Ellis 
and 
Dean, 
2000). 
In both 
challenging 
and 
contributing 
towards 
the 
reopening 
of 
debates 
about 
the 
role of 
biology, future 
research 
directions 
may 
also prove 
effective 
at an 
interdisciplinary level, 
developing further 
the 
notion of 
temporality 
as 
a 
measure of understanding 
and experience 
and 
particularly 
in 
relation 
to 
issues 
surrounding 
health 
and 
illness, disease 
and 
disability. Relatedly, 
my 
use 
of 
the 
internet 
and 
the 
virtual realm as a 
medium 
of 
communication 
and 
information 
exchange 
has 
remained central 
to this 
research 
- 
and a means 
of 
communication 
welcomed 
by 
participants. 
The 
computer/user 
relationship 
has 
been described 
as 
the 
apotheosis 
of post-enlightenment separation 
of 
the 
body 
from 
the 
mind, 
`a 
supremely 
post-modernist position, 
which 
denies 
any 
`reality' 
to 
fleshy bodies that 
are not 
constructed 
through 
culture' 
(Lupton, 
1995: 10). 
Somewhat 
ironically, 
it has 
been 
this 
medium which again opened 
the 
door 
to 
a 
previously 
hidden 
world 
of experience 
(Illingworth, 2001) 
and 
I 
aim 
to 
further 
develop 
and explore 
the 
possibilities 
of computer mediated 
communication 
as 
a qualitative 
research 
medium. 
302 
List 
of 
Figures 
Figure 1: The 
components 
of 
the 
life 
story 
interview 
p166 
Figure 2: The 
time 
of 
infertility: 
components 
of 
the 
life 
story 
p189 
Figure 
3: The 
Expectant 
voice: 
influences 
p192 
Figure 
4: The Experiential 
voice: 
negotiating experience 
p194 
Figure 5: 
The Meaning 
voice: 
dimensions 
of 
experience p200 
Figure 6: 
Elements 
of 
Control 
p279 
Figure 7: 
Elements 
of 
Time 
p282 
303 
List 
of 
Tables 
Table 
1: Layered Readings: 
the 
process 
of 
analysis 
Table 
2: Diary 
Preparation 
Table 
3: 
Diary 
Readings 
Table 
4: Thematic 
Summary 
304 
Appendix 
I 
Access 
First 
contacts 
Four 
potential 
online 
support 
groups 
were 
identified. 
Two 
of 
these 
groups 
were 
known 
to 
me 
previously 
(G1 
and 
G2) 
and 
a 
further 
two 
groups 
(G3 
and 
G4) 
were 
identified 
by 
members 
of 
G1 
and 
G2 
either 
passing 
my 
details 
on 
or 
advising me of 
an active 
group 
to 
contact. 
Gaining 
access 
Group 1 (UK 
site) 
was 
initially 
contacted 
August, 2001.1 forwarded 
details 
concerning 
the 
nature of 
my current 
research 
and previous 
experience/research 
in 
this 
field. Research 
access 
was 
confirmed 
via 
the 
site 
moderator. 
Following Rosenthal (1975), 
1 
posted 
a series of 
repeat calls 
for 
research participants 
via 
the 
site 
Bulletin 
Board. These 
messages 
were 
posted 
December 
2001, January 
2002 
and 
February 2002. 
Group 
2 
(International 
site) confirmed 
research access via 
the 
site moderator 
February 2002. 
Again, 
I 
posted a 
series of messages via 
the 
site 
Bulletin 
Board 
and specialised 
discussion 
groups. 
I had 
used 
this 
site previously 
(Illingworth, 
2000; 
2001) 
yet 
attracted 
far less 
response 
than 
I had 
anticipated 
(5 
responses). 
However, 
a search of 
the 
related 
discussion 
sites revealed 
several negative 
comments 
towards 
more recent research 
conducted using 
the 
site, which 
I 
attributed 
as a contributing 
factor. 
305 
Group 
3 
(UK 
discussion 
forum) 
was 
accessed 
February 
2002.1 
had 
been 
advised 
of 
this 
group 
by 
several 
members 
of 
Group 
1. My 
detailed 
request 
for 
access 
was 
forwarded 
to 
the 
discussion 
moderator. 
I 
received 
a 
response 
from 
the discussion 
moderator 
two 
weeks 
later, 
confirming 
access, 
requesting 
to 
participate 
and 
requesting 
consent 
to 
pass 
my 
research 
call 
on 
to 
another 
active 
discussion 
site 
- 
Group 
4.1 
posted 
research 
calls 
to 
the discussion 
site 
over a 
period 
of 
two 
weeks. 
Group 
4 (UK 
discussion 
forum) 
was 
initially 
informed 
of 
my research 
via 
the 
moderator 
of 
Group 
3. This 
forum 
is 
related 
to 
Group 
3 in 
the 
form 
of 
a 
`progression' 
site 
(termed 
`graduation' 
by 
a number 
of 
site 
members). 
Members 
of 
the 
site 
comprise 
those having 
experience 
`successful' 
infertility 
treatment 
- 
either 
in 
the 
past, or 
currently. 
I 
posted 
research 
calls 
to the 
discussion 
site over a period of 
two 
weeks. 
Responses 
I 
received 
the 
largest 
response 
from Group 
3. Although 
Group 
4 
comprised 
a 
similar sized 
group and related 
discussion forum, 
the 
comparative 
lack 
of 
response 
from 
this 
group may 
highlight 
the 
importance 
of 
the 
notion 
of 
`graduation' 
described 
by 
a number of 
Group 3 
and 
Group 4 
members. 
Initial 
explorations suggested 
`moving 
on' as a process was central 
to 
this 
group. 
By 
comparison, my 
exploration 
suggested 
both infertility 
and related 
treatment 
processes 
remained 
in 
the 
background. This discussion 
group 
maintains a 
direct 
focus 
on 
pregnancy 
and 
early 
parenthood, 
accompanying 
worries 
and 
with very 
little 
reference 
back 
to 
treatment itself. 
306 
Reponses: 
36 
responses 
were 
received resulting 
from 
my 
research 
calls. 
Research Communications 
The importance 
of 
prolonged 
introductory 
contact should not 
be 
understated, 
a point particularly 
applicable 
within 
the 
virtual 
field. 
Providing 
a mass 
of 
early 
information 
may contribute 
to 
`information 
overload' 
and potentially 
a 
lack 
of 
consideration 
of 
the 
full 
extent 
of participation. 
A 
stage 
by 
stage 
and 
gradual 
introduction 
process allows 
time 
for 
a more 
considered response, 
a 
point 
relevant 
given 
the 
nature and 
sensitivity of my research and 
methods 
employed. 
My 
stages 
of contact can 
be described in 
sequence as 
follows: 
" 
Discussion board/Bulletin Board 
postings, 
outlining research, 
brief 
details 
and advising contact points. 
" 
First Response 
Reply: 
Once 
contact 
was 
received, 
I issued 
replies 
introducing 
myself 
further, 
outlining 
my research 
area 
in 
more 
detail, 
types 
of participation 
(life 
story 
interviews/participant 
diaries), 
information 
regarding 
anonymity/confidentiality 
(and 
in 
relation 
to the 
use 
of 
the 
internet 
itself 
and alternative 
secure 
server access) 
and 
approximate 
time 
commitments. 
At 
this 
point, 
I 
also requested 
confirmation 
of 
interest 
in life 
story or 
diary 
participation. 
" 
Confirmation 
Responses: 
once 
received, 
I 
forwarded 
more 
detailed 
information 
(see 
below) 
regarding 
either 
diary 
or 
life 
story 
interview 
participation, 
including 
mutually agreed 
start-dates 
and 
background 
details. 
Participant 
diaries: 
information: 
307 
Introduction 
Many 
thanks 
again 
for 
deciding 
to 
take 
part 
in 
this 
research. 
The 
purpose 
of 
these 
notes 
is 
to 
provide 
you with 
as much 
information 
as 
possible 
before 
you start recording 
your 
diary. 
If 
you 
have 
any queries at all 
after reading 
this, 
please 
do 
not 
hesitate 
to 
contact 
me 
and 
I 
will 
help 
where 
I 
can. 
In 
your 
diary, 
I 
would 
like 
you 
to 
keep 
a 
full 
and 
detailed 
record 
of 
your 
thoughts, feelings 
and experiences 
during 
the 
treatment 
process. 
This 
may also 
include 
feelings 
which 
relate 
to 
periods 
both before 
and 
after 
treatment. 
By 
requesting 
volunteers 
to 
keep 
diaries, 
I 
hope 
to 
capture 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and 
subsequent 
treatment 
as 
the 
process 
unfolds 
and also 
use a method 
through 
which women undergoing 
treatment 
may 
feel 
more 
able 
to 
voice 
their 
own 
personal experiences. 
With 
this 
in 
mind, 
I'd like 
to 
emphasise 
that 
there 
can 
be 
no right or 
wrong, 
diary 
entry. 
All information 
given will 
be invaluable 
in 
uncovering 
how 
women 
experience 
infertility 
and 
issues 
arising 
within, 
the 
reasoning 
behind 
the 
decision-making 
process and 
the 
subsequent 
impact 
of 
treatment 
itself. 
Please include 
as much 
detail 
as 
you 
can. 
There 
may 
be 
experiences or events 
that 
you 
do 
not 
feel 
are 
relevant at 
the time 
of writing 
but 
may 
feel 
important to 
you 
later. You 
may 
feel 
that 
some 
days 
you 
have 
nothing much 
to 
say 
- 
but 
please 
keep 
writing. 
If 
you 
do find 
that 
you 
have 
missed 
several 
days, 
please 
do 
not give up 
the 
whole 
week's 
diary. Just 
start 
again 
on 
the 
next 
day 
that 
you 
are able 
to 
fill 
it in. 
Completing 
and returning 
the 
diary 
have tried to 
keep 
the 
procedure as 
straightforward 
as possible. 
Your 
diary 
can 
be 
maintained 
in 
any 
Word 
format 
and returned 
to 
me as an 
e-mail 
attachment. 
Please 
contact 
me 
if 
you 
need 
further 
technical 
advice. 
The 
only 
point 
to 
remember 
is 
to 
write 
the 
day 
and 
the 
date 
at 
the 
beginning 
of each 
diary 
entry. 
At 
the 
end of each 
week, please 
forward the 
full 
diary 
entry 
back 
to 
me. 
You 
may want 
to 
return your 
entries 
to 
me on a 
daily 
basis. 
This is 
not a 
problem, 
just let 
me 
know. 
If 
you 
would 
prefer 
to 
maintain 
your 
diary 
in 
a written 
format, 
these 
details 
will 
be 
forwarded to 
you 
by 
post, 
including 
a 
prepaid 
envelope 
for 
the 
return of 
diary 
entries each 
week. 
What 
do I 
record 
in 
the 
diary? 
All information 
is invaluable. 
Simply 
write 
using 
your 
normal 
language/usual 
procedures 
and 
be 
assured 
that 
there 
are 
no 
`right' 
or 
`wrong' 
ways 
to 
complete 
the 
diary 
and 
there 
is 
no 
`right' 
or 
'wrong' 
information 
to 
include. 
This 
may 
be 
an 
initial 
problem 
that 
may 
disappear 
as 
you 
become 
more 
used 
to 
keeping 
a 
diary. 
I 
offer 
some 
advice 
below, 
although 
I 
stress 
this 
must 
not 
be 
used 
as a 
definitive 
list. 
This is 
your 
diary 
and other 
questions 
and 
issues 
may 
arise 
which 
I have 
not 
mentioned 
here: 
Main 
activities 
of 
the 
day; 
other 
activities 
out 
with your 
normal 
routine; 
type 
of 
treatment 
received 
or 
current 
medical 
position; 
thoughts 
immediately 
prior 
to, 
during 
and 
post 
treatment 
and 
over 
the 
ensuing 
days/weeks; 
thoughts 
and 
concerns 
if 
treatment 
has 
been 
successful, 
or upon 
failure; 
partner's 
perceptions; 
expectations 
of 
treatment; 
physical 
experiences 
and 
surrounding 
issues 
If 
you 
are 
still 
unsure, 
please 
contact 
me either 
by 
e-mail 
or 
telephone. 
Time 
commitment 
There 
is 
no 
set 
limit 
on 
how 
much 
time 
you 
should spend 
completing 
diary 
entries 
- 
only 
as 
much 
time 
as 
you 
are 
able 
to 
dedicate. 
Some days 
you 
may 
find 
yourself 
writing 
brief 
comments, 
other 
days 
more 
lengthy 
entries. 
Again, 
this 
is 
not a problem. 
Write 
as 
much 
as you 
feel 
you 
want 
to. 
308 
Diary 
contact 
I 
will contact 
you 
periodically 
by 
e-mail 
to 
acknowledge 
safe receipt 
of 
your 
diary 
entries 
and 
provide 
further 
opportunity 
for feedback. 
Confidentiality 
I 
am aware 
of 
the 
sensitive 
nature 
of researching 
this 
field, 
both from 
my 
own 
experience 
and 
from 
my 
previous 
research. 
If 
at any 
point 
during 
your participation 
you 
would 
like 
to 
withdraw, 
this is 
not 
a problem 
-just 
let 
me 
know. 
All information 
will 
be 
treated 
as strictly 
confidential. 
All diary 
entries 
will 
be 
saved 
in 
a 
different format, 
all 
identifying 
features 
removes 
and any 
references 
to 
particular 
entries 
will 
be 
entirely anonymous. 
All 
names 
and contact 
information/details 
will 
be 
stored 
safely 
and 
kept 
entirely 
separate 
from 
any 
data 
received. 
The 
data 
received 
will 
be 
used 
to 
inform 
my 
doctoral 
research 
and 
subsequent 
journal/periodical/book 
articles. 
Again, 
all 
identifying features 
will 
be 
removed 
and 
specific 
online support 
forums 
accessed 
will not 
be 
referred 
to. 
Please 
contact me 
if 
you 
have 
any 
further 
queries 
regarding 
this 
or any 
other 
questions 
you might 
like 
to 
ask. 
Many 
thanks 
in 
advance, 
Nicola 
Illingworth 
University 
of 
Stirling 
Department 
of 
Applied 
Social Science 
Stirling 
01786 
466308 
<na. 
illin 
gwo rth 
@sti 
r. 
ac. 
u 
k> 
8 
participants 
initially 
commenced 
diary-keeping, 
2 
participants 
ceased 
after 
first 
entries. 
The 
remaining 
6 
participants 
maintained 
diaries 
for 
periods 
ranging 
from 7- 28 
weeks. 
309 
Participant 
Life 
Story 
Interviews: 
information 
Dear 
Just 
to 
confirm 
the 
interview 
will 
be 
starting 
on: 
I had 
originally 
planned 
the 
interview 
to 
take 
place 
over 
a 
four 
week 
period. 
On 
reflection, 
this 
makes 
the 
interview 
subject 
to 
changes 
in 
individual 
time 
and 
work 
commitments, 
something 
which 
isn't 
easy 
to 
avoid. 
Shortening 
the 
interview 
period 
to 
approximately 
7- 
10 days 
(although 
there 
is 
room 
for 
manoeuvre 
here) 
may 
help 
overcome 
this 
problem 
but 
may 
also 
mean 
some 
quite 
intensive 
e-mailing 
back 
and 
forth 
- 
so 
let 
me 
know 
if 
you 
think 
this 
might 
be 
a 
problem? 
Also, 
could 
you 
advise 
me 
if 
there 
are 
any 
specific 
days/times 
that 
you 
would 
prefer 
not 
to 
be 
contacted. 
The 
interview 
will 
be focused 
around 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility 
and, 
in 
particular, 
how 
it 
may affect 
us as 
women. 
As 
well as 
exploring 
the 
experience 
of 
treatment 
itself, 
I 
also 
hope 
to 
look 
at 
the importance 
of 
past 
influences, 
the 
choices 
we make, 
future 
hopes 
and 
aspirations 
as 
we move 
through 
our 
lives 
and 
how 
these 
may 
relate 
to 
the 
experience 
of 
infertility. 
Pre-interview 
preparation 
The interviews 
will 
not 
be 
structured 
as a 
set 
question 
and 
answer 
format. 
I'm 
hoping 
the 
interview 
will progress 
more 
as 
a conversation 
and 
be 
guided 
by 
what 
is 
relevant 
to 
you, 
and 
the 
issues 
you 
might 
raise. 
I 
will either 
be 
asking 
new 
questions, 
exploring 
issues 
raised and 
may ask 
you 
to 
expand 
on 
some 
areas. 
A 
number of 
women participating 
have 
asked 
how long 
comments 
should 
be. My 
advice 
here is 
that 
there 
is 
no 
need 
to 
be 
brief 
- 
include 
as much 
information 
and 
commentary 
as 
you 
like. 
If 
there 
are any 
issues 
or 
areas raised 
which 
you 
feel 
are 
too 
sensitive 
or 
you 
feel 
unable 
to 
discuss, 
please 
don't 
feel 
obliged 
to 
continue. 
Just 
let 
me 
know 
and 
we can 
arrange 
to 
move 
on or continue 
later. 
In 
taking 
part 
in 
interviews 
of 
this 
nature, 
it is 
sometimes 
helpful 
to draw 
a 
'time line' 
diagram 
prior 
to the 
interview 
commencing. 
By 
`time line' 
I 
mean 
plotting, 
for 
example, 
every 
5 
years 
of 
your 
life (from 
as early as 
you can remember) 
and 
highlighting 
the 
significant 
periods/experiences/events or 
influences 
within each slot. 
Another 
way of 
looking 
at 
this 
is 
to 
describe 
your 
life 
as a series of 
chapters. 
What 
would you call 
the 
chapters 
and what might 
be 
in 
them? 
When 
the 
interview 
commences, 
I'll 
ask 
you 
to 
forward 
me 
this 
information 
and 
I'll 
pick 
up 
on 
some of 
these 
issues 
and 
areas as 
we 
move 
through the 
interview. 
Again, if 
you 
have 
any 
further 
queries or questions 
you 
might 
like 
to 
ask, please 
contact 
me. 
Many 
thanks 
in 
advance, 
Nicola Illingworth 
Department 
of 
Applied 
Social Science 
University 
of 
Stirling 
Stirling 
FK94LA 
Tel: 
01786 466308 
<n. 
a. 
illingworth@stir. 
ac. uk> 
310 
Appendix 
11 
Example 
Time Line 
311 
Age 
0-5 
First 
born 
child 
for 
my 
parents 
aged 
37 
and 
38. My 
sister was 
born 
when 
I 
was 
three 
and 
a 
half. My father 
spent 
six 
months 
in 
hospital. 
I just have 
really 
fond 
memories 
of 
this 
time 
Age 
6-10 
Really 
shy 
person 
at 
school. 
Wear 
glasses 
and 
hate 
it. My friend 
was 
killed. 
Like 
school, 
but 
not really 
the 
children! 
Glasses, 
curly 
hair 
and overweight 
is 
not a good 
combination 
at 
school! 
Age 
11-15 
Start 
to 
have 
outside 
friendships 
and see 
friends 
out 
of school 
which 
I'd 
never 
really 
done 
before. 
Liberation! Contact 
lens 
and 
spent all 
my 
lunch 
money 
on cigarettes, 
so got 
thinner 
too! 
Rebellious 
punk within 
the 
confines 
of still 
doing 
what my mum and 
dad 
wanted me 
to! 
First 
boyfriend 
at 
14, 
went on 
the 
pill. 
Age 
16-20 
Met 
my 
husband 
to 
be 
at 
16, he 
was 
28 
and 
just 
split 
with wife. 
Left 
school and got 
job 
on 
government 
training 
scheme. 
Left 
that 
at 
17 to 
work with 
husband to be. 
Got 
married at 
the 
age of 
20. 
Age 21-25 
Working 
with 
own 
business, 
enjoying 
it 
far 
too 
much 
to 
think 
about 
children 
in 
any real 
context. 
Working long 
hours, 
things 
were 
not going 
well. 
Drinking too 
much, not eating 
enough 
and making 
myself 
sick when 
I did. 
(I 
know, but 
you aren't 
going 
to tell the 
world are 
you? 
). 
The 
"plan" had been to 
have 
a 
baby in 
"year 
5" 
which would 
have been 
when 
I 
was 
25. 
Age 26-30 
Stopped 
taking 
the 
pill 
at 
the 
age of 
26, 
not 
because 
I 
wanted 
a 
baby 
really, 
just 
thought 
it 
was 
time 
in the 
grand 
scheme. 
Still 
not going well 
at work, 
but 
struggling 
along. 
Still 
making 
myself 
sick on 
and off, 
but 
knew I 
was 
hardly 
in 
a 
fit 
state 
to 
look 
after 
myself never mind 
a 
baby. 
Went 
to 
GP 
and was 
referred 
to 
fertility 
specialist 
around 
28/29. 
Things 
going 
reasonable 
at 
work. 
Age 30-35 
My 
sister went 
to 
live 
in Bermuda. 
I 
did 
my 
few 
month 
stint 
on 
Prozac 
because 
everything 
was 
making me 
cry! 
Moving through 
fertility 
tests 
and 
investigations. 
"Woke 
up" 
one 
day 
and 
realised 
I didn't 
need 
prozac, 
it 
wasn't 
changing 
the 
underlying 
problem. 
Age 31 
referred 
for IVF 
Age 33 IVF twins 
born 
Age 34 
first internet 
access 
at 
home! 
Got involved 
with 
online 
infertility 
discussion 
and 
support 
group. 
Conceived 
naturally 
at 
35, 
mum 
diagnosed 
with 
terminal 
cancer 
at 
almost 
the 
same 
time 
which 
was 
not 
particularly 
easy. 
Now 37. 
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Appendix 
IV 
Life 
Story 
Interviews: 
Thematic 
Schema 
Pre-interview 
Prior 
to 
commencing 
the interview, 
participants 
were 
requested 
to 
forward 
brief 
life 
summaries 
(Atkinson, 
1998) 
or 
`time 
line' 
diagrams 
(drawing 
a 
time 
line 
of 
the 
individual 
life 
span 
and 
identifying 
key 
events). 
This 
also 
served 
as 
a means 
of 
increasing 
rapport 
and 
communication 
with participants 
prior 
to 
the 
interview. 
Thematic 
schema: 
areas 
and rationale 
My (loose) 
thematic 
schema 
is 
adapted 
from 
Atkinson's 
(1998) 
conceptualisation 
of 
transition 
periods 
or 
potential 
turning 
points 
within 
the 
individual life 
course, 
the 
`time 
line' 
summaries 
initially 
provided 
by 
participants 
and my earlier 
(Illingworth, 
2000) 
research 
and participant 
feedback. 
Area 
1: 
Origins, heritage 
and 
family 
life 
As 
Atkinson 
(1998: 43) 
suggests, who we are, 
the 
situation 
we are 
born 
into 
may 
have 
much 
to 
do 
with 
determining 
our expectations and subsequently 
how 
we may 
adapt 
to 
change. 
Families 
remain an 
important 
feature 
of 
modern 
life 
(Bertuax-Wiame, 
1993; 
Thompson, 
1997) 
and 
`may be 
considered 
an 
important 
link 
between 
individuals 
and 
the 
wider 
social structure 
in 
which 
they 
are 
embedded' 
(Miller, 
2000: 42). The 
rationale 
behind 
this 
area 
is 
to 
explore 
wider 
spheres 
of 
influence, 
from 
family 
to 
social 
networks, 
the 
effect 
314 
of 
heritage, 
`family 
values' 
and 
perceptions 
of 
family 
experience. 
Critically, 
the 
stories 
people 
tell 
about 
other 
people, 
experience 
and 
about 
their 
moral 
and 
social 
universe 
may 
also 
serve 
to 
reveal 
aspects 
of 
their 
selves 
(McRae, 
1994). 
For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
the 
negotiation 
and 
understanding 
of 
what may 
be 
considered 
as 
a 
turning 
point 
(infertility) 
may 
be 
brought 
into 
sharper 
relief 
by 
considering 
the 
circumstances 
of 
development 
and 
perceptions 
of prior 
experiences, 
influences 
and 
expectations. 
Area 2: 
Dreams 
and ambitions 
By 
focusing 
on 
dreams 
and 
ambitions, 
I 
explore 
the 
potential 
significance 
and 
impact 
of 
future 
expectations 
within 
the 
decision-making 
processes 
and 
choices 
of 
the 
past 
and present. 
Area 
3: Love, 
marriage and partnership 
Atkinson (1998: 
47) 
argues, 
`by 
mid-adolescence, 
we may 
begin 
to 
get some 
sense 
that 
our 
lives 
have 
some reason or purpose 
beyond 
being 
taken 
care of 
by 
our parents. 
We 
really need 
to 
explore 
who we are at our essence 
so 
we 
know 
what we 
can 
do 
with 
our 
lives 
... 
' Referring 
to 
my 
earlier research 
(Illingworth, 
2000), 
the 
process of union, of partnership and 
the 
influence 
of 
time 
played an 
important 
role 
in decisions 
to 
have 
children and 
is 
an 
area 
requiring 
more 
detailed 
exploration 
in 
relation 
to 
embodied experience 
in 
this 
field. 
315 
Area 
4: 
Transitions 
The 
rational 
for 
this 
thematic 
focus 
is 
the 
exploration of 
participant-identified 
transition 
periods 
or 
turning 
points 
in 
more 
detail 
and 
in 
direct 
relation 
to 
the 
issues 
raised 
through 
areas 
1-3 
above. 
Area 
5: 
Closure 
questions: 
Life 
themes 
and 
future 
visions 
The 
interview 
moves 
towards 
closure 
by 
ending 
the 
interview 
with 
a 
few 
questions 
concerning participation 
within 
the 
life-story 
interview 
alongside 
reflection 
over 
interview 
content, 
issues 
within and possible 
omissions. 
Adapting 
Atkinson 
(1998) 
this 
helps 
participants reflect 
back 
over 
their 
lives, 
giving 
a 
better 
understanding 
of what 
the 
major 
themes 
and 
influences 
have 
been. For 
the 
purposes 
of 
this 
research, 
encouraging 
dialogue 
concerning 
life 
themes 
and 
future 
visions 
(reflection 
and 
projection) also allows 
the 
cross- 
referencing 
of 
information 
and 
the 
exploration 
of potential 
`emergence' 
or 
changing 
narratives 
within 
the 
life 
story 
as 
the 
interview 
progresses. 
316 
References 
Adam 
B 
1989 
`Feminist 
social 
theory 
needs 
time. Reflections 
on 
the 
relation 
between 
feminist 
thought, 
social 
theory 
and 
time 
as an 
important 
parameter 
in 
social 
analysis' 
in 
The 
Sociological 
Review, 
37, 
pp458 
- 
473 
Adam 
B 1990 
Time 
and 
Social 
Theory 
Oxford, 
Blackwell 
Publishers 
Adam 
B 
1992 
`Time 
and 
Health 
Implicated: 
a conceptual 
critique 
` 
in 
Frankenberg 
R (Ed) 
Time, 
Health 
and 
Medicine 
London, 
Sage 
Adam 
B 1995 
Timewatch. 
The 
Social 
Analysis 
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Time 
Cambridge, 
Polity 
Press 
Anderson 
L 
and 
Jack 
DC 
1991 
`Learning 
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Listen: 
Interview 
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in Gluck 
SB 
and 
Patai 
D (Eds) 
1991 
Women's 
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oral 
history 
London, 
Routledge 
Annandale 
E 1998 
The 
Sociology 
of 
Health 
and 
Medicine: 
A Critical 
Introduction 
Cambridge, 
Polity 
Press 
Annandale 
E 
and 
Clark 
J 
1996 
`What 
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Feminist 
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